Parents: Want Kids to Get Better Grades? Teach Virtue

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According to a new study, the virtue of conscientiousness is the only personality trait out of the five building blocks of personality (i.e., openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism)  that is positively correlated with academic success.  The higher a person’s score on tests of conscientiousness, the higher that person’s GPA is likely to be.

It isn’t enough to just sit on kids to make them do their homework.  The Church teaches that families are schools of love and virtue that enable us to learn all the lessons that help us live life as a gift.  Conscientiousness is one of those virtues that parents need to cultivate in their kids if they want to encourage good study habits and better grades.  Conscientiousness is defined as the ability to plan ahead, be attentive, and pay attention to details.

In addition to focusing on study habits, encouraging kids to follow through on chores, to do a good job with whatever task they’re given, and to think and plan ahead (for example, by asking them to walk you through their plans for getting things done instead of just telling them what to do) are great ways to help your kids do better in school because all of these–and activities like them–tend to cultivate conscientiousness.

–For more tips on raising great Catholic kids, check out

 

 

Coming Wednesday on More2Life Radio: When Love is Not Enough

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Today on More2Life Radio:   When Love is not Enough–We’ll look at what it really takes to have a great marriage.  It may not be what you think!   We’ll explore some of the lies people believe about love, discuss what love really involves, and identify the habits couples need to cultivate to keep love going strong.  Call in with your questions about love and marriage from Noon-1pm E/11am-Noon C at 877-573-7825.

Don’t forget to respond to our M2L Facebook Question of the Day– What lessons have you learned about love since you’ve been married? 

Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C). Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip-of-the Day for Tues 3/19: Celebrate St. Joseph’s Feast

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Today is the feast of St Joseph who, among other things, is the Patron of Workers.  Today celebrate his feast in your marriage by surprising your spouse and doing one of the jobs around the house you usually leave for your spouse.  Change that lightbulb.  Clean up the kitchen.  Bathe the baby.   Give the gift of service to your spouse by doing something you wouldn’t usually consider “your job.”  It’s a great way to both serve each other a little better and understand each other a little better too!

For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

Pope Francis, “Keep watch over your emotions!”

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In his homily for his installation, Pope Francis reflected on the “vocation of protector”  so ably modelled by St. Joseph, who’s feast we celebrate today.  In his comments, Pope Francis made some surprising and important comments on the importance of developing emotional control and how our ability to be good stewards of our emotions directly affects our ability to be the protectors of one another God calls us to be.

But to be “protectors”, we also have to keep watch over ourselves! Let us not forget that hatred, envy and pride defile our lives! Being protectors, then, also means keeping watch over our emotions, over our hearts, because they are the seat of good and evil intentions: intentions that build up and tear down!   (Read more)

Pope Francis makes a powerful point about the obligation for Christians to master their emotions.  But what does that mean?  As we discussed on the show today, “emotional control” doesn’t mean stuffing your feelings, denying your feelings, or refusing to recognize your feelings.  It means being aware of your feelings and being able to choose to make the healthiest response in the presence of those feelings. 

On More2Life Radio today–which was all about heeding Pope Francis’ call to emotional control–Lisa used a great analogy.  She said that emotions are like a grade school fire alarm and that learning emotional control is like a fire drill.  In the presence of that fire alarm, some kids want to naturally run around like chickens with their heads cut off (the “effusers” in our metaphor).  Other kids just sit there and stare at the wall (i.e., the emotional “stuffers”).  But both groups of kids need to learn to line up behind the teacher promptly, and proceed calmly to the nearest exit.  That’s really true.    Whether our initial emotional reaction is to effuse or stuff, the path to emotional control is learning to recognize your emotions and still be able to choose the healthiest response to the circumstance in the presence of your emotions.  When the emotional fire alarm rings, we need to line up behind our master, Jesus Christ, and follow him wherever he leads.

—When you need faithful, Catholic marriage, family, or personal counseling, the Pastoral Solutions Institute Tele-Counseling Practice can help.  Visit our website or call 740-266-6461 to make an appointment to speak with a professional Catholic counselor.

Post-Partum Depression: More Common than Previously Thought

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A new study finds that 1 in 7 moms experience post-partum depression, many of whom are not identified with traditional screening.  Being a new mom is a tough job.  If you aren’t feeling what you think you think you should toward your baby, yourself, or your life, don’t hide it.  Talk to your doctor or a counselor.  Seeking help doesn’t mean you’re crazy or a bad mom.  Transitions to new states in life are always difficult–especially transitions that involve wildly fluctuating hormonal states.  It’s the good mom who recognizes that she shouldn’t have to do it all alone and gets the help she needs to make the transition as smooth as possible.  Even Jesus allowed Simon of Cyrene to help him.  Let us, or another counselor you trust, be your Simon.

And if you’re pregnant or post-partum, even if you don’t think you’re depressed, take a brief depression test to make sure that you and your baby will be as healthy as possible.  Check out this study…

A surprisingly high number of women (fully 1 in 7)  have symptoms of postpartum depression, according to a new study by a Northwestern Medicine researcher.   The study included a depression screening of 10,000 women and a full psychiatric assessment of the women who screened positive for depression.

“In the U.S., the vast majority of postpartum women with depression are not identified or treated, even though they are at higher risk for psychiatric disorders,” said Dr. Katherine Wisner, director of Northwestern’s Asher Center for the Study and Treatment of Depressive Disorders.

“It’s a huge public health problem. A woman’s mental health has a profound effect on fetal development, as well as her child’s physical and emotional development.”

A lot of women do not understand what is happening to them, according to Wisner.

“They think they’re just stressed or they believe it is how having a baby is supposed to feel,” she said.

In the study, 14 percent of the women screened positive for depression.

Coming Tues on More2Life Radio: When Feelings Attack!

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Coming Tues on M2L: When Feelings Attack!– Our emotions are a natural part of us and therefore a gift from the Lord, but when our feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, and frustration run away with us (as they often do) emotions easily become the gift we’d like to return.  Today on M2L, we’ll talk about developing a healthy attitude toward our emotions and what it takes to control your feelings instead of letting them control you.

Don’t forget to answer our M2L Facebook Q of the D:  (A Two-fer:  Answer one or both)  1. When are your feelings most likely to get the best of you? 2. What feelings are the hardest to deal with in others (and why)?

Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C). Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!

(“Phew! The Coast is Clear!”) Er, I mean, “Yeah! Pope Francis!”

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Amy Welborn is spot on in identifying what she calls the weird sense of “relief” expressed by many on the election of Pope Francis.    To be honest, I’ve been getting the impression that in certain quarters, people aren’t so much rejoicing that Pope Francis was elected as much as they are rejoicing at what they imagine to be the end of the papal era of JPII and BXVI with their shared focus on personal responsibility, the authentic nature of love, and the importance of the Church’s moral teaching.  Maybe I’m just looking for trouble, but it seems to me that some folks are genuinely relieved that we’re “finally” going to get off that old “love and responsibility” grind and get back to doing what the Church is “supposed” to be about–tending to the poor and downtrodden–as if we’ve been ignoring this work for the last 33-odd years under JPII and Benedict.  This, of course, is utter nonsense.

My fear is that a lot of what, superficially,  looks like joy at Pope Francis’ humility and message of compassion for the least is really a potentially serious case of what I like to call, “White, Middle-Class Suburban Parish Syndrome”  (WMCSPSP)>  WMCSPS is the condition that affects Catholics who believe, “WE’RE just fine the way we are, thank you very much.  LOOK at US.  After all, WE’RE the UPSTANDING people.  WE are at mass EVERY SUNDAY.   WE DONATE MONEY to the poor.  WE READ at Mass.  WE VOLUNTEER once a year at the soup kitchen.    WE don’t need CONVERSION.   OUR job is to make THOSE PEOPLE (i.e., the poor, the less fortunate, etc.) look more like US.”

WMCSPS is a very common spiritual disease and without proper treatment–ongoing, internal conversion–the condition is, sadly, terminal.

I’ve always felt that Pope JPII and Pope Benedict were especially good at reminding everyone that poverty is not just a economic condition that applies to certain people who struggle to have even their most basic needs met.  There is also a spiritual poverty that exists and is, in some cases, even more dangerous.  Spiritual poverty  is the tendency to ignore the call to ongoing personal conversation and conforming one’s life to the Gospel regardless of one’s circumstances.

Pope JPII and Benedict were terrific at forcing all people–rich and poor alike–to confront their personal selfishness and turn to God.  They were true social justice Catholics because they understood that social justice isn’t an economic project or a day of volunteering at the soup kitchen,  it is a means of converting the hearts of all men by empowering us to conquer both selfishness and the use of others wherever these negative traits are found–whether in our bedrooms, our homes, our communities, our institutions, our governments, or our world.

I, frankly, believe that Pope Francis has a similar gift. I think he could challenge all of us even more if we let him. But I am concerned that it will be very tempting to feel that as long as we are attending to the needs of “those people” over there, that we will finally all get a pass on all the more personal sins that go on inside of us right here.  Pope Francis’ personal example of humility and service is, it seems to me, rooted in a very deep, authentic, ongoing process of personal conversion.  We would do well to follow not just his external external example of caring for the poor, but his internal example of addressing our own sickness and poverty–especially when it comes to our struggle with the very personal sins of contraception, abortion, divorce, and the like, that cause us to objectify the people we encounter.  The corporal and spiritual works of mercy, to be authentic, must be the fruit of our efforts to love God more and live his truth more authentically in our hearts and with the people who are our closest neighbors–our spouse and children.  Focusing on the corporal and spiritual works of mercy without converting our own hearts is the equivalent of making ourselves into those “whited sepulchres” Jesus was, ahem, so fond of.

Granted, keeping up the hard work of personal conversion in our hearts and home isn’t as romantic as just being able to think of Pope Francis as a light that makes us all look better in his glow, but it is how we stop merely looking at Christ and start looking like Christ.

Just sayin’

 

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day for Mon 3/18: Forgive Your Spouse

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In Sunday’s gospel, we’re reminded that only “he without sin” may cast the first stone.  Clearly forgiveness is important to the Christian walk.   On the show today, we reminded listeners of St. Augustine’s definition of forgiveness; specifically, that it involves surrendering our desire to hurt someone for having hurt us.  It doesn’t mean pretending that everything is OK when its not, or letting someone off the hook.  It means surrendering the anger that makes you want to lash out so that you can approach the other person and heal the relationship in love.

How does your spouse irritate or upset you?  Today, surrender your tendency to lash out.  If you can let it go, let it go.  If you have to say something, say it in love.  Practice an attitude of forgiveness.

For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

Can Celibacy Be Healthy?

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With the conclave and election of the new Pope, celibacy was front and center in the news.  Will it change?  What’s it all about?  Can it be healthy?

Why is it so hard for the world to “get” what Catholics are trying to say through the witness of celibacy.  Dr. Wanda Poltawska of the Pontifical Academy of Krakow argues that the world struggles with the possibility of a healthy celibacy because for the lay person, celibacy is usually imposed but for the priest or religious, celibacy is chosen.  Choosing something freely certainly doesn’t make it easy, but it does make it desireable and worthwhile.  Since most laypersons–especially non-believing laypersons– can’t imagine a situation in which they would choose celibacy, they constantly struggle to understand how it could possibly be healthy or desireable.

That points, of course, to a missed opportunity for evangelism.  It would be good if we, and especially the priests who live celibacy, would do more to communicate why celibacy is a worthwhile gift to the world.  The celibate doesn’t give up connection with others.  The celibate must strive to make a more radical connection to others.  If marriage witnesses to the spousal union God desires with us, celibacy points to the spousal union God already enjoys with the whole communion of saints.  The gift of celibacy isn’t just that it allows a priest to do more stuff for the Church. The more important point of the gift of celibacy is that it points to the spousal union enjoyed by the whole communion of saints–the total union hinted at by earthly marriage but that supersedes marriage in Heaven.

Of course, all this fails to address the question, “Is it possible for celibacy to be healthy?”

Clinical Psychologist and psychology professor Fr. Sonny Manuel, S.J., has a book called Living Celibacy:  Healthy Pathways for Priests .   In it, he decribes interviews he has done with priests that identify 5 key factors that enable celibacy to be healthy.

1.  Live Close to God and the Celibate’s “Deepest Longings”

Rev. Dr. Manuel asserts that to be a healthy celibate requires an active, personal prayer life and an active effort to remain mindful of the deepest longings for intimacy with God that prompted the decision to live a celibate life to begin with.  Much like a married couple must recall what made them fall in love with each other so that they can remember what all the sacrifice of marriage is for, a priest must intentionally recall the longing that drew him to seek God first above all else and translate all other desires through that first and deepest longing.

2.  Develop Broad and Deep Relationships and Communities of Support.

The short version is that healthy priests don’t isolate.  They are involved with their parishioners, and have vibrant relationships with their brother priests.  Celibacy can’t be a means of hiding from connection from people.  It has to be a catalyst for pursuing even deeper engagement with people.

3.  Ask for Love, Nurture Others, and Negotiate Separation

Healthy celibacy requirest that priest or religious be capable to being a generous servant to others,  be comfortable receiving and even asking for loving care from others in return and having the maturity to keep these two drives of generativity and receptivity in balance.  If one is only a servant to others, one will burn out and become resentful.  If one only takes from others, one become narcissistic.  Finding the balance between these two extremes allows a priest to achieve a healthy and appropriate intimacy with others that enables him to be a minster and a human being.

4.  Cope with Stress and Recognize Destructive Patterns of Behavior

It is easy, under stress, to lean too heavily on the feelings one gets from being in relationship with others to give me the illusion of health and well-being without actually doing the work of taking care fo my own stuff.  That can turn a minister into a user or even a predator.   Having healthy ways to cope with stress and problems prevents this from happening.  Fr. Manuel suggests many ways to accomplish this in his book.

5.  Celebrate the Holy in the Company of Jesus.

Fr. Manuel argues that a healthy celibacy is rooted in ongoing spiritual discipline and development.  Just like a married couple must continue to work on their marriage every day in order for that marriage to be great and lifegiving, a priest must commit to daily spiritual exercises to keep his relationship with God and his commitment to his ministry in a good and lifegiving place.

 

What I find refreshing about Fr. Manuel’s work is that it presents a positive, healthy, and realistic view of the challenges and strategies for living a healthy celibacy.  Hopefully, this little summary gives FaithontheCouch readers a clearer sense of what a healthy celibacy looks like.