Cultivating Joy

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thess 5:16-18).    That’s a tall order St Paul lays on us.  It can be hard to remain joyful even when times are good, but it’s especially challenging when life becomes complicated or downright difficult.  The first thing to remember is that while joy and happiness are related, they aren’t the same thing.  Happiness is more fleeting and dependent upon our environment, while joy is a state of being that allows us to hold on to a sense of rightness, connectedness and peace even through difficult times.  Here are a few tips to help you cultivate joy in challenging times.

1.  Don’t Pretend.

Many believe that being joyful means pretending that things are better than they are, but true joy can only flourish in a spirit of authenticity.  It’s ok to admit you have problems.  Dealing with problems joyfully means reminding yourself of all the times you’ve made it through difficulties before, all the times God has delivered you from previous challenges, and then making a plan–in graceful confidence–to overcome the challenges you are facing in the here and now.  To hold on to joy through trials, praise God for his past providence and make a plan for the future.

2.  Pray

Research consistently shows that prayer improves well-being.  The more we pray the more resilient we are and the more peaceful we will be.  Cultivating an active prayer life is key to maintaining the attitudes (and grace) that makes joy possible.

3.  Reflect on Past Successes.

We can have a tendency to dwell on the hard bits of past experience and de-emphasize the fact that we made it through in one piece (or even with flying colors).  The more we can focus on the ways God has come through for us in the past and the times we have successfully overcome hardship the more we are able to draw meaning from past struggles and the more we can do that, the more hopeful we can be that our present trials will be meaningful too.

4.  Maintain Rituals and Routines.

A large part of cultivating joy is maintaining our connection with others.  The best way to do that is creating and keeping up rituals and routines like family meals, prayer times, game nights, family fun days, etc.  Having regular, scheduled, expected times to connect with others is critical.  When hard times hit, we tend to jettison our rituals and routines first.  That’s a tragic mistake.  A nice family meal in the middle of a crisis can be a port in the storm.  A game night can be the eye of the hurricane.   To keep up your joy, maintain the rituals that keep up your connection with others and the routines that give order to your life.

5.  Be a Blessing.

Another big part of joy is feeling that your life is making a difference to others.  Even if you’re going through a tough time, ask yourself everyday, “What is one small thing I can do to make someone’s life a little easier or more pleasant?”   It takes a little effort on the front end–especially if you’re having a bad day/week/month/year yourself–but it gets you out of your head and helps you see that you really do have the power to change things for the better.  Being generous to others gives you the hope you need to apply your resources more effectively in your own life.

6.  Laugh, Dammit!

We tend to think that humor has to surprise us to count.   That’s not true.  Especially when you’re going  through a rough patch, you need to  intentionally seek out opportunities to laugh.  Go out with that friend who always helps you put things in perspective.  Go to that funny movie.  Watch that commedian you like or those silly videos on YouTube.   Make yourself seek out laughable moments.  There is a lot of science behind the notion that intentionally seeking out laughter is tremendously healing and focuses your mind in a way that puts problems in perspective and enables you to become more aware of resources you have previously overlooked.   There is a reason that psychologists consider humor one of the most effective and sophisticated defense mechanisms.  Cultivating joy obviously involves more than trying to turn your life into a laugh riot, but turing to laughter, especially when you’re going through hardships, stops you from ruminating about all the negative stuff in your life and enables you to find the little blessing that make life worthwhile.

 

The goods news is, you can become a more joyful person regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.  Joy enables us to find meaning, confidence, and peace even through the most imperfect of days.  You don’t have to wait for it to happen to you.  You can go out and find it.

 

Coming Fri 4/19 to More2Life Radio: Hanging on to Joy

COMING FRI on M2L–Hanging on to Joy.   In light of the events of this week, we’re looking at the challenge of holding on to joy through difficult times.  We’ll look at what joy is and what it takes to experience joy even when things aren’t as they should be. If you’d like more joy in your life, call in to discuss what’s holding you back at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1pm Eastern (11am-Noon C)

Don’t forget to respond to our M2L FB Q of the D:  (Two-fer.  Answer one or both) 1.  When, in the course of your week, are you most joyful?   2.  What do you think it takes to be a joyful person?

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

Why Do Catholics Bother?

Reflecting on Russel Shaw’s new book about reclaiming our Catholic identity, especially in light of the controversy caused by Bishop Vasa’s attempts to assert the Catholic identity of his diocesan schools, I thought it might be good to look at all the good things the Church tries to do and ask, “Why?”

Why do Catholics run schools, hospitals, charity organizations and the like?  Are we just terminal do-gooder busy-bodies who can’t just leave well-enough alone?

Well, of course the answer to that is “no.” But I wonder how many Catholics ever ask themselves why we do all these things.   The answer is important and it may not be what most people think.

CST:  DEFENDING THE DIGNITY OF THE PERSON

The Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church begins in a curious place.  It doesn’t start, as you might expect, with talk about the preferential option for the poor or even a fundamental right to life.  It begins with a reflection on the Trinity and how we are made in God’s image and likeness.  Why?  Because the entire point of the social doctrine of the Church is to stand up for the God-given dignity of the person as it is revealed to and understood by the Catholic Church.   So what?  Well, that statement really highlights a profound difference between social work and Catholic social justice work.

For instance, a secular social worker is interested in solving a person’s problems in the most efficient, legal way.  Is it legal?  Does it get the job done?  Good.  Problem solved.    But Catholic social justice work is not primarily concerned with solving the problem.  It is concerned, first and foremost, with upholding the dignity of the person as it has been revealed to and is understood by the Catholic Church.  We solve temporal problems like ignorance and illness and hunger and loneliness as a means of standing up for the dignity of the person as we understand it, not because we see these things as ends in themselves.

WITNESS MUST NOT UNDERMINE ACTION 

As a  Catholic social justice worker (as every Catholic is a “Catholic social justice worker” whether or not you are an “official, degreed helping professional (TM)”  ) I must do what I can to meet your needs, but I cannot meet your needs in a way that undermines my dignity as a person– or yours.  If I do, the entire point is lost.  Everything I do for you, and the way I do it, has to be mindful of our mutual dignity as persons made in the image and likeness of God.  If my actions communicate any other message, I am doing you, me, and the Kingdom of God a disservice.

Everyone gets their wimple in a knot when a bishop or pastor tries to “crack the whip” about the personal morality of his teachers or makes a fuss about how closely his hospitals and charitble organizations keep to the mission and doctrine of the Church.  “Why all this fuss about morality and doctrine?!?  There are poor people out there, children , the sick and hungry.  Aren’t we about meeting their needs?”

Well, not really.  We’re about saving their souls, and because we are embodied souls, we also attend to their needs as a way of saving their souls and witnessing to their dignity as sons and daughters of God.  But if we neglect our mission and become merely secular social workers, or doctors, or teachers, or whatever, then the gospel goes unheard in the charitable work we do.  We become clanging gongs.  Indeed, what does it profit us to meet their needs but lose their souls.  What does it profit us to do good works and lose ours?

By all means, dedicate yourself to living out all the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.  Be a fully-engaged Catholic social justice worker in every aspect of your life regardless of your state in life, but never forget that the point is not meeting needs, but meeting needs as a means of standing for the dignity of the person and proclaiming the gospel with our actions.  No matter what superficial good we might be doing, it counts for nothing if our life, mission, or methods are at odds with with the gospel our actions are called to proclaim.

 

 

Notes Like This Make It All Worthwhile

I got an email today that really touched my heart.  I’ve removed any identifying information, but I wanted to share it in the hopes that, perhaps, even more lives could be touched.

Dr. Popcak,

 I just wanted to say thanks for writing the “holy sex” book. My husband and I have had some difficulties, and it was so comforting to find out we weren’t crazy. One of the most painful things was this idea that if you’re generally faithful to Church teaching on sexuality, you won’t have problems. Contraception causes misogyny, poor communication, and dissatisfying sex; premarital promiscuity causes an inability to bond with your spouse, etc. Then, Catholic sex is holy sex and it’s way more amazing than anything else.

But we got married the “Catholic” way – abstaining before, reading Casti Connubii during engagement, taking lifelong commitment seriously, being open to children, coming from great families, etc. It seemed like we shouldn’t have problems, but we did, and I felt lied to. Where was this great Catholic sex everyone is talking about? I desperately wanted to be a nun.

It took us several months to actually buy your book, because, honestly, the cover reminded us of those goofy “try-really-hard-to-make-Catholicism-cool-and-trendy-for-teens” materials, a la Jesuspalooza. We finally bought it, and I cried my eyes out reading it. I know now that this “great Catholic sex” does exist, and it’s attainable, and that you don’t have to be a bad Catholic to need to see a doctor or counselor.

Also, just reading the book helped me have a healthier view of sex. All this trash on TV makes me think sex is bad (because all the sex on TV is bad), and all this religious stuff about why celibate vocations are better and marriage is around for those who have trouble keeping their pants on… that also made me feel like sex is bad (and guilty for not being a nun). Your book was a refreshing counter to all of that.

We haven’t gotten everything taken care of yet, but we know that it’s okay to need help, and we know how to find help. I think I’m going to make some dust covers, but we’re planning to buy copies of your book as wedding gifts for all our friends.

God Bless, M.

I was so grateful to receive this note today.  Thank you for taking the time to write, M.

In light of M’s comments, if you or someone you care about is struggling to live the Catholic vision of love, perhaps Holy Sex! can help you.  Or contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to talk with a faithful Catholic counselor via our Catholic Tele-Counseling Service.   God holds much in store for those who love him.  Don’t let anything stand between you and all the love God and passion God longs to share with you.

Coming Wed on More2Life Radio: Everyday Heroes

COMING WED on MORE2LIFE–EVERYDAY HEROES:  Today on M2L we celebrate the little ways we can make a difference in the lives of others and the little (and sometimes not so little) ways other people have made a difference in our life. Call in at 877-573-7825 with your stories of the everyday heroes (e.g., your spouse, mom and dad, a teacher, a pastor who cared, a friend who was there for you)  who have made your life better.

Need a lift in your day?  Join us from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon Central) to hear  and share stories of the little ways that we inspire and encourage each other.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast

Ignorance is…Just Plain Ignorance (Or, Why Catholics Need to Stop Promoting Scientology’s Stigmas About Mental Health)

Earlier today, I posted a video that offered a cautionary view of medication.  The point of the video was that while medication can sometimes be helpful, it can also be problematic if it used to mask other relationship or personal problems that are actually causing the depression. In these cases, medication can actually keep a person depressed longer because the person may experience just enough relief to lose the motivation to solve their underlying problems.  They may get better, but never be well.

Sadly, two people took the opportunity to demonstrate their ignorance by making the following comments in response to the Facebook post I linked to the video.

“G”  wrote:  Not sure how a Catholic offering help to other Catholics can even suggest the anti-faith solution of drugging people with dangerous psychotropic meds. That makes no sense.   The psychiatric profession, with their drugs, is based on the assumption that there is no soul, only a biological entity, and all the thoughts, emotions, and beliefs of that biological entity are the sum total of brain chemicals. This stands in direct contradiction to the beliefs of the faith. How does one enter the diametric opposite of the faith into pastoral counseling and consider it okay?   Do we invite a little bit of the demonic into the Mass to make sure we are integrating all views? No. And we should not do so when we are counseling from a faith-based view.

and “E” wrote:  How about 3 Prayers of Humility, taken daily.  Add to that a large dose of the Grace of God.

First of all, both of these folks entirely missed the point of the post.   There was nothing about the post or the video that promoted “drugging people”  and nothing about the post the prevents someone from seeking God’s grace. Quite the contrary.  If anything, the was a way of asking people to think carefully before using psychiatric drugs. They can be helpful, but they are not the panacea some people view them as.

That said, even if the post was about passing out antidepressants like they were candy, these comments are still incredibly ignorant, off base, and completely inconsistent with the Catholic view of medicine in general and psychiatry in particular.  Worse, these are exactly the kind of comments that cause people who are suffering to refuse to seek treatment.  These are exactly the kind of comments that make people prefer suicide to seeking help.

What is the Catholic View of Psychiatry?

The problem with comments like these is that they are more consistent with a Christian Science (which believes that all illness, much less mental illness is purely a spiritual problem) or even Scientologist (which profits by offering its own phony “treatment.”) view of medicine than they are a Catholic view.  Catholics recognize that good can be found even in ritually impure places.  What did St. Paul say to the early Christians who wondered if it was OK to eat meat sacrificed to pagan gods?  In 1 Cor 8:4-6 he says, “So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that “An idol is nothing at all in the world” and that “There is no God but one.” For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.”   In other words, God alone is God, what have we to fear of pagan sacrifices to nonexistent gods.  How can meat–which was made by the One True God–be defiled by ignorant people making pretent gestures to gods who don’t exist?

Catholics recognize that  truth and goodness remains true and good even when it is hiding in “ritually impure” (so to speak) places.   It remains so, because it was made–or at least made possible–by God.  If something is helpful, or true, or good (as evidenced by the fruit it bears) then it comes from God.  When Jesus was accused of using demonic power to cast out demons, he challenged his accuser by pointing out that actions, such as healing, can only come from a power stronger than that which caused the illness (c.f., Lk 11: 14-28).

In 1993, Pope John Paul II addressed a gathering of psychiatrists saying, “This meeting affords me a welcome opportunity to express the church’s esteem of the many physicians and health care professionals involved in the important and delicate area of psychiatric medicine…. By its very nature your work often brings you to the threshold of human mystery. It involves sensitivity to the tangled workings of the human mind and heart, and openness to the ultimate concerns that give meaning to people’s lives. These areas are of the utmost importance to the church, and they call to mind the urgent need for a constructive dialogue between science and religion for the sake of shedding greater light on the mystery of man in his fullness.”

In light of such comments by Pope JPII, every Catholic should have big problems with comments like those from G and E above.

No Catholic should ever feel afraid or ashamed of seeking professional mental health treatment of any sort. No Catholic should ever try to discourage a brother or sister in Christ from seeking such help.  And if some erstwhile Catholic does ever do anything to stop someone from getting the help they need, that person will have much to account to God for.

For more information on Catholic-integrated approaches to marriage, family, and emotional problems, visit the Pastoral Solutions Institute’s website or call 740-266-6461 to make an appointment with a professional, Catholic counselor.

What Dose of Antidepressant Do You Need to Tolerate a Miserable Marriage?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0yGPEzGSoU[/youtube]

Antidepressants can be an important part of treatment, but people forget that there are many causes of depression.   If a depression is caused largely by relationship problems, for example, an antidepressant may not work, or may even cause more serious problems as the person is lulled into the position of accepting destructive relationships as “normal.”  This two minute video offers an important illustration of both the benefits and limitations of meds.

For information on Catholic-integrated counseling services, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about working with a Catholic counselor to resolve your marriage, family, or personal issues.  Visit our website or call 740-266-6461.

 

 

When Tragedy Strikes, Remember Who You Are

Whether we are reacting to the headlines out of Boston or dealing with personal tragedies, it is easy to forget who we are when we go through difficult times. Instead of thinking and acting like the sons and daughters of God that we are, we can become petty, spiteful, isolating, self-pitying and even vengeful.

It was this impulse Pope Francis was challenging when he reminded all of us in his message to the people of Boston to “resolve to not be overcome by evil, but to combat evil by doing good.”

I’d like us all to reflect on that message today.  What good can you do for the people around you?  I would like to ask that, as a way of honoring the victims and families affected by the Boston bombings, that we offer up acts of charity and kindness in their honor.  These acts don’t have to be epic.  Hold the door for someone carrying a load of packages.  Let someone else take the parking space closer to the grocery store entrance.  Call up a friend to say you were thinking of them.  Take over a chore that isn’t usually yours.  As you do these things and more, offer up a brief prayer, perhaps something like, “I offer up this act of charity as my way of combatting evil by doing good.  Lord, please multiply my efforts as you multiplied the loaves and fishes that your peace may reign.”

Channel the anger, pain, and anguish you feel into works that rob Satan of the victory.  Remember who you are and proclaim God’s grace through the choices you make today and everyday.

COMING TUES on More2Life Radio–Out of Control

COMING TUES:  Out of Control–Whether we’re reacting to the headlines or unpleasant personal news, life is filled with challenges that make us feel anxious, confused, and out-of-control. Today on M2L, we’ll look at ways to regain our equil…ibrium as well as our sense of purpose and direction when life takes us off guard.
Call in from Noon-1pm at 877-573-7825 with your questions!
Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast

God Wants to Change the World through your Marriage…

Rebecca Hamilton posted the full text of Pope Francis’ homily from this past Sunday.  It is a terrific homily.  Very accessible and worth the read.

The key theme of his message is the sentence, “Let us all remember this: one cannot proclaim the Gospel of Jesus without the tangible witness of one’s life.”

I’d like to unpack what this means for Catholic couples and families.  As Catholics, we recognize that marriage and family life is an important ministry of Church.  Most of us don’t think of ministry that way.  We think of ministry as reading at mass, or doing charity work in our community and it is true, those activities are ministries.  But the Church recognizes that marriage and family life is one of two vocations, and vocations are the primary ways we live out the witness of our baptism and build the kingdom of God–which is really the definition of ministry.

God want to change the world through your marriage.  Do you know how hard it is to find a couple who works well together?  Who truly loves each other?  Who really works hard to take care of each other?  Do you know how hard it is to find a couple who doesn’t eat each other alive when they are disappointed in each other or life?  Do you know how hard it is these days to find a couple who, though far from perfect, doesn’t threaten to throw in the towel in every argument or in the presence of every hardship?  Do you know how hard it is to find a couple who, after 5, 10, 15, 20+ years together really enjoys each other’s company?  Who prays together?  Who really takes care of each other’s hearts even more than their things?

What’s my point?  Well, imagine the couple who is working hard to master all of the above.  Maybe they’re not doing it perfectly, but imagine a couple striving to live this way.  Isn’t that example inspiring?  Doesn’t that example make you want to try a little harder?  Doesn’t that example give you maybe a little clearer picture of what love really looks like–a love that doesn’t fail?

I think that example is world-changing.  I think if we had more couples like this then we wouldn’t be in the middle of the fight we’re having about the redefinition of marriage.  We wouldn’t have children being raised in homes without mothers or fathers.  Chrisitianity would become the light to the world it was meant to be.  Tertullian once said, “the pagans all say, ‘look at those Christians.  See how they love one another!'”   That is the witness of the New Evangelization.  Couples and families participate in the new evangelization just by loving each other in a way that stands out in its mutuality, generosity, kindness, passion and joy.

So many couples feel guilty working on their marriage.  They feel like, with so many other serious problems and worthy causes in the world, working on your marriage can’t be all that important!  But how important is it to know that love really exists—and that it is possible for you.  Do you know how many addictions are caused because people don’t believe that love is really possible for them?  Do you know how much depression and anxiety  is rooted in the fact that people don’t know that they are loved, or don’t believe they will ever find real love, or don’t think that its even possible to imagine it much less acquire it.

We live in a world that desperately needs an example of love; a healthy love.  A love that is free, total, faithful and fruitful.  A love that never fails.

Yesterday, Pope Francis asked us to not merely preach the gospel but to bear witness to it.  By working to live the Catholic vision of love in your home, you can become exactly the kind of evangelist the world needs.