What Does a “True” Sex Education Look Like?

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Last week, while I was on vacation, several of my Catholic Patheosi colleagues were engaged in vigorous discussions on abstinence education that were precipitated by Elizabeth Smart’s negative comments on the, frankly, unhealthy approaches some abstinence programs take to promote their message.

The conversation is continuing among Catholic Patheos bloggers, and earlier today, it was proposed that we all reflect a bit on what a “true” sex education would entail giving lists on what we think that should look like.   My book,  Beyond the Birds and the Bees:  Raising Sexually Whole and Holy Kids addresses that exact question in depth, so I thought I’d briefly throw in my .02.

Sex Ed:  What Does the Church Say?

First, I would encourage every parent to read the Pontifical Council for the Family’s document, The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality.  I think any reflection on this subject that doesn’t take the Council’s recommendations into account would be seriously lacking.   It is very accessible.  It contains a lot of practical wisdom on what the Church actually expects of parents when it comes to the sexual and characterological formation of our children.   That text forms the framework of a lot of what my wife and I included in Beyond the Birds and the Bees.

I’ll probably end up doing several posts on this so I want to keep this short.  I’ll save citations to Church docs and studies for future posts if necessary.   That said, I need to begin by defining what sexuality is.  Here is how the Catechism defines it.

“Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others”    (For more, go here.)

In other words, sex, and sex education, has to be about more than doing the deed, as it were.  It has to be about the formation of the whole person.  That’s why I would argue that a proper, healthy and comprehensive sexual education actually has very little to do with the sex act itself.  Obviously, at some point, information about the sexual act and its physical and spiritual significance has to be addressed, but that’s the tip of the iceberg.  As you know 90% of the proverbial iceberg is actually below the water.  THAT’s the part that really counts, especially when it comes to the sexual education of persons.  If you don’t have that element (what the Church calls “remote preparation” i.e., character/relationship /spiritual formation) then nothing you say to a person about the dignity of sex and the importance of saving sex for marriage will make a hill of beans worth of difference.  They might learn some interesting concepts, but they’ll end up doing what their gonads tell them to do–or they’ll end up  hopelessly repressed trying to run away from what their gonads are telling them.

Sex Ed Requires Forming the Person First and Most

The most important part of sexual education is training in what it means to be a loving, prayerful, joyful, healthy person.  When parents model and teach their children how to live as loving and prayerful people, they are engaging in the sexual education of their children.  The Church teaches that sex is the one person communicates the intimate core of their personhood to another person.  In other words, to have healthy sexual attitudes, I have to be a healthy, virtuous person capable of intimacy with both God and the people he has placed in my life.   To that end, in Beyond the Birds and the Bees, my wife/co-author and I describe 8 virtues that impact our ability to have healthy sexual attitudes and behaviors.  The more parents help their children cultivate these virtues in family life from birth through young adulthood, in all the interaction with brothers, sisters, parents, friends, authority figures, etc.  the more complete, comprehensive, and healthy their children’s sexual formation will be.

8 Virtues that Constitute a Healthy Sexuality (and a healthy person)

Here are the virtues with a brief description of how they relate to sex (I have an entire chapter dedicated to this in Beyond the Birds and the Bees so please realize this is the briefest of summaries).   As you read these virtues, don’t just think of them in the abstract or as they relate to sex alone.  My point in listing these virtues is to show that when parents actively work to teach the behaviors associated with these virtues in any context in their day to day interactions as a family they are actually, albeit unknowingly, engaging in the sexual education of their children.

1.  A capacity for Self-Donative love– i.e., the ability to look for opportunities to work for the good of the people in my life and to actively seek out ways to use my time, treasure, talent, and physical abilities (i.e., body) to make the lives of those around me easier, better, and more enjoyable.  Relates to sex in that it helps me see sex as another way to work for the good of another person as opposed to viewing sex as mere recreation.

2. A capacity for Responsibility–i.e.  the ability to delay gratification, to set worthy goals and meet them, and to understand how to set priorities so that everything I have and do asserts the value of people and relationship over things.   Relates to sex in that I must be able to see that sex is a good that deserves to be saved for marriage, and that the things I have–including my body–are not ends in themselves, but given to me as a gift from God to be used to work for my well-being and the good of others.

3.  A personal and prayerful Faith life–i.e., the ability to see that there is more to life than meets the eye.  That God loves me and has a plan for my life and relationships and that I know how to understand that plan through intimate communication with God in prayer.  Relates to sex in that it is impossible to see that sex is about more than pleasure if I cannot see the spiritual significance of every day life and that God has a plan for every part of me including my sexuality.

4.  A healthy sense of Respect for myself and others–i.e., the ability to know what I and others are worth in the eyes of God.  The ability to demonstrate respect for myself and others communicates a gut-level sense of my awareness of my dignity and yours.  Relates to sex in that in order to have a healthy sexual relationship with my spouse, I must be able to see myself and my partner as a son and daughter of God.  I practice this attitude by being respectful in all my interactions with others.

5. A capacity for Intimacy— i.e., intimacy is the deepest call of the Christian life which is ultimately about spousal union with God and participation in the communion of saints.  My ability to make myself vulnerable in a healthy way to another person, to share my needs, feelings, fears, hopes and dreams  AND to receive the gift of the other’s needs, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams will largely decide whether I am capable of living out the Christian vision of sex or if I will be tempted to compulsively engage in a series of pleasurable acts of friction that may or may not have anything to do with relationship.

6.  A capacity for Cooperation–i.e, the ability to work for the common good.  To know how to meet my needs in a way that is considerate of the other person’s needs as well.  Relates to sex in that a healthy sexual relationship largely depends upon my ability to know how to express my needs honestly and receive other’s needs willingly so that we can work together to create something beautiful, intimate, and fulfilling.

7.  A capacity for Joy–i.e., the ability to celebrate life to the full.  To be–in a healthy way–playful, fun, spontaneous and open to new experiences.  Relates to sex in that sex should be a joyful, celebratory experience.  Not a duty or chore.

8. A healthy sense of Personhood–i.e., a sense of the goodness of the body combined with a healthy sense what it means to be a godly man or woman.   Relates to sex in that to have a healthy sexuality a person can’t hate, or be disgusted, or be cavalier about his or her body.  Likewise, a person needs to be secure in his or her identity as a man or woman.

Beyond the Birds and the Bees offers  hundreds of practical suggestions for teaching these virtues in the daily interactions of family life from birth through young adulthood.

Giving Kids a Healthy Moral Mindset

Teaching these virtues in family life produces children who have a moral ethos as opposed to a moral ethic.  What’s the difference?   If I have a moral ethic, I always want to know how far I can push the limit before its sinful.  I’m concerned with “where’s the line?”  With a moral ethos,  I want to do what’s right because it is good for me and for you.  The man with a moral ethic doesn’t cheat on his wife because he doesn’t want the hassle.  The man with a moral ethos doesn’t cheat on his wife because he loves his wife.   The teen with a moral ethic doesn’t have sex before marriage because it’s “wrong” in some vague way or “dirty” or “dangerous.”  The teen with a moral ethos doesn’t have sex before marriage because he doesn’t want to degrade himself or use someone else that way.  Sound pie in the sky?  It’s not.  When you raise kids according to the points I’m laying out here, this is the exactly kind of kid you are more likely to see.    A “True” sexual education needs to communicate a moral ethos as opposed to a moral ethic.  Anything less will fail given enough pressure and time.

And Finally, “The Talk.”

Finally, of course, at some point, parents will need to convey information about the sexual act.  We talk about how to do that in Beyond the Birds and the Bees as well, but as I’ve already said, this is the least important part of the process.  It’s important, but if it doesn’t stand on everything else I’ve put forward above, you’re wasting your breath.  When it comes to conveying information about body parts and intercourse, be straightforward, honest, and simple.  Ask questions to assess what your son or daughter knows and help them fill in blanks.  Be a mentor not a scold.   Assume that you will have multiple conversations about these topics over the course of many years, not just one conversation and then done.

Well, 1800 words is too much already.  Obviously I could say a lot more.  Feel free to ask questions.  Or, just read the book.  The bottom line is that, as far as my reading of the Church is concerned, a “true” sexual education has much less to do with talking about body parts and intercourse, and everything to do with the formation of a whole, faithful, respectful, virtuous person who knows how to properly share him or herself with another whole, faithful, respectful, virtuous person.  The better we do that as parents, the more likely our kids will be sexually whole and holy as well.

 

Coming Thurs on More2Life Radio: Overcoming Resentment —PLUS WIN A FREE BOOK. DETAILS BELOW!

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Coming Thurs on More2Life– Overcoming Resentment: When others hurt us or fail to live up to our expectations, we often feel resentful.  But resentment undermines the intimacy the theology of the body calls us to cultivate in our relationships.  Today on M2L,  we’ll look at the things that cause resentments in our life and how to overcome those challenges.

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions about dealing with your own resentment or the resentment of others.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
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WIN A FREE BOOK!  (Details below).

Thurs Q of the D:  (Two-Fer.  Answer one or both).

1.   What things tend to cause you to feel resentful?

2.   People respond differently when they feel resentful (e.g., some pout, some shut down, some become irritable, etc).  When you feel resentful toward someone, how do you tend to act?

*Win a free book!  Every day you respond to the question of the day your name will be entered in a drawing to win a free book from the Popcak Catholic Living Library (over 10 titles in all)!  Again, each day that you respond you will get another chance at winning a free book in the drawing held every Friday.    This is a great way to get that title you haven’t read yet, or get a book for a friend who really needs it!  Enter every day to win.

This week’s featured title is:  The Life God Wants You to Have:  Discovering the Divine Plan When Human Plans Fail. 

Winners will be contacted by FB message following the drawing Friday afternoon.

Why Don’t Christians Blame God When Bad Things Happen?

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When terrible things happen, such as the tragic events in Moore, Oklahoma, non-believers often challenge Christians by saying, “You Christians are so quick to thank God for every little good thing that happens, as if God is personally causing the sun to rise on your rear end.  But you never blame God when bad things happen.  Why the double standard?  If God is responsible for every little good thing, why isn’t he responsible for the messes too?”

This is a truly important question, and one that trips a lot of Christians up.  It really doesn’t have to.

The easy answer to this challenge is that we Christians believe that, because of  sin, the world is so hopelessly screwed up that nothing at all should, could, or would ever go right unless God intervened.  The Christian is genuinely and happily surprised that the world isn’t filled even more death, chaos, and destruction than it already is.  We thank God for every little blessing because we understand how hopelessly out of order the world is.

Christians know that people and the world are hopelessly lost without God.    It is true that, at the beginning of time, the world existed in perfect balance.  But Christians are all too aware that sin destroyed that balance.  As a result, if anything bad happens, Christians know that’s just a normal day on planet Earth.  The fact that it works at all is a miracle.

Let’s try a metaphor that could make this clearer.

The Broken Clock That Still Works

Throughout history, people have often referred to God as a clockmaker.  There are certain problems with this view of God from a Christian point of view, but there is nothing really problematic about comparing the world to this proverbial clock.  Imagine then, that the world was created to be a beautiful, complicated, grandfather clock.    It keeps time perfectly.  It works just as it should.  One day, two kids end up wrestling near the clock.  They’ve been warned not to play too close to the clock, but they get carried away and do it anyway.  In their high spirits, they knock the clock over.  It shatters.  Glass and gears are scattered all over the floor.  Now, let me ask you a few questions…

Would you ever expect the clock to tell time in its shattered state?

Would you consider it a miracle if, somehow, sometimes, even with the gears scattered all over the floor, it did tell the correct time anyway (more than twice a day, of course), even to the point of chiming correctly?

Would anyone accuse you of being crazy for being happily surprised to hear this broken clock chime perfectly and report that it was  1:15 or 2:30 or 3:45 when, in fact, it actually was 1:15, or 2:30, or 3:45?

You would be right to be surprised to hear the clock work correctly ever because you KNOW the clock is hopelessly broken.  You assume that it isn’t going to work.  There is nothing surprising about all the times the clock doesn’t chime or doesn’t keep time because it isn’t supposed to work anymore.  What is tremendously surprising is the fact that, for some reason–a reason that opposes all logic to the contrary–the crazy thing still works sometimes.  In fact, it even works more often than not!

And that is why Christians praise God for blessings but “let him off the hook” for the troubles.  He didn’t break the world.  We did.  Yet somehow, despite all logic to the contrary, God finds ways to make the world work for us.  It doesn’t happen all the time.  It can’t.  We have hopelessly broken it.  And yet, it does work sometimes, even often.  Aware of the miracle that this is, we praise God for it.

The Atheist Delusion

The problem is that for all their purported realism atheists are too optimistic.  They see the chaos, pain, and insanity around them and still manage to think that the world’s normal state of affairs ought to be order, peace, and serenity.  What utter nonsense!  That opinion defies all logic and represents one more example of the insanity of atheism.  It takes a truly deranged person to look at a hopelessly broken world filled with hopelessly broken people and, as atheists do, still expect it to work —to the point of being deeply, personally offended when it doesn’t.   How could you possibly stare at a broken clock and be offended that it doesn’t tell time?   It makes no sense!

It takes a Christian to see the world for what it is and, as a result, rejoice with heartfelt gratitude when it doesn’t function the way it looks like it ought to (i.e., not at all).

That’s why we praise God for the blessings.  Destruction, death, disease, and misery is the normal state of affairs for the fallen world but the blessings aren’t possible without him.  He deserves our praise for that.

 

 

Be Not Afraid: A Christian Response to Anxiety

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            In any given year about 20% of adults in the US experience one type or another of anxiety disorder so if you do have an anxiety disorder, you’re in good company.  The good news is that up to 80% of people who seek treatment for anxiety disorders get better.  Anxiety disorders are highly treatable and new, more effective ways to help people are being developed every day.    If you are suffering with an anxiety disorder, the best thing to do is to seek help today.

Do God’s People get Anxiety Disorders?

People of faith often feel guilty for being anxious.  They wonder if perhaps they are not praying hard enough or not trusting God enough.  The truth is, Christians get anxiety disorders at roughly the same rate as everyone else.  This should not be a surprise.  After all, Christians catch cold as often as everyone else and get cancer or heart disease or high blood pressure at the same rate as everyone else.  No one thinks of these things as spiritual failings.   Anxiety disorders are what happen to a person when the brain’s fire-alarm center—the amygdala—gets a “chemical burn” from bathing too long in stress chemicals, making it hypersensitive and over-reactive to new problems.  Anxiety Disorders are not a failure of character or spiritual maturity.  They are what happen when the brain’s stress-warning systems become overwhelmed and hyper-activated.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Research shows that the treatments that work best for anxiety disorders are psychotherapy and/or medication.  Most studies indicate that, especially for more serious anxiety disorders, recovery is quickest and strongest for those who receive both medication and psychotherapy.  Let’s take a brief look at each.

-Psychotherapy

            Many people are confused about psychotherapy.  How is it different than “just talking?”  Even more importantly, if anxiety is caused by the wearing out and overstimulation  of the body’s stress-warning systems, how can talking about your feelings help heal the body?

The truth is, just talking about your problems in any old way won’t necessarily help anything.  In fact, studies show that there are some ways of talking about your problems that can make them infinitely worse.  But mental health professionals have learned special ways to talk about problems–and teach clients techniques to work through problems–that have been shown to actually change the way the brain physically processes stress.  Recent studies employing electro-encephalogram (EEG) technology shows that in as little as 12 weeks, psychotherapy alone changed the electrical patterns in the brains of anxious patients and enabling their brains to process stress more like people who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.

Well trained mental health professionals do not only encourage you to talk about your problems, they teach you to deal with stress in new ways and use techniques that can improve functioning in the stress-management and problem-solving parts of your brain.

Just like going to physical therapy after an injury can teach you exercises that can restore physical functioning, psychotherapy teaches you mental exercises that can restore functioning to the stress-management and problem-solving areas of the brain that have been affected by anxiety.  In a very real sense, psychotherapy may be thought of as physical therapy for the brain.

There are many types of psychotherapy, but research has identified two types of therapy that are most effective in helping your brain recover from the wear and tear of anxiety; Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Therapy (also known as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you identify the unhealthy thinking patterns that make your brain work harder than it has to when faced with problems and stress.  The therapist will also recommend changes in the way you act in stressful situations (and around stressful people) so that your brain can bounce back from these situations quickly and efficiently.  Research shows that learning these mental and behavioral techniques may help both heal the damage stress has done to your brain and make your more stress-resistant in the future.

A second research-based therapy for anxiety disorders that is called Mindfulness-Based Therapy—MBT  (or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy–ACT).  Unlike Cognitive Behavior Therapy which teaches you techniques to take control of the anxiety and reduce it, MBT/ACT teaches you techniques that enable you to, essentially, step outside of the anxiety and consciously redirect your emotional energy into productive activities.  Where CBT is like boxing, in that it tries to confront and defeat anxious thoughts, ACT is more like Judo, which uses anxiety’s energy against itself, causing it to evaporate.  Both types of therapy have much clinical and brain-based research supporting their effectiveness at both decreasing anxiety and changing the way the brain processes stress.

Whichever type of therapy is best for you, psychotherapy is much more than “just talking” with someone about your problems.  It is a highly sophisticated process facilitated by a licensed professional that acts, in a sense, as physical therapy for the brain, restoring the brain’s ability to manage-stress, problem-solve, create emotional balance and a community of supportive relationships.

Medication    

In addition to psychotherapy, medication is another common way of responding to anxiety disorders.  In fact, most studies indicate that medication combined with psychotherapy is the most effective treatment.   You should think of anxiety medication in a similar way as you might think about medication for high blood pressure. Medication can control high blood pressure, but in most cases, only lifestyle changes can cure it.  In the same way, medication for anxiety disorders can control depressive symptoms, but in most cases, if not all, a person will also need to make lifestyle changes to heal from anxiety and keep it away.    There are several different types of medication for anxiety disorders including,  Anti-Anxieties (Benzodiazepines and Buspirone), and Anti-Depressants (SSRI’S and SNRI’s).

Anti-Anxiety Drugs come in two basic varieties; Benzodiazepines and Buspirone.  Benzodiazepines are fast-acting drugs (about 30 min from ingestion to effect) that boost the effectiveness of the body’s calm-down chemical, GABA.  Benzodiazepines supercharge GABA’s ability to soothe the irritated amygdala (sort of like applying numbing cream to that metaphorical chemical burn we discussed earlier).    The downside is that these drugs have side-effects that include tiredness, fuzzy thinking, dizziness, slurred speech and other similar problems.  You shouldn’t drive a car or operate machinery while on them. They can be habit forming.

By contrast, Buspirone, functions as a slower-acting anti-anxiety drug.  It is thought to work by decreasing the amount of brain-agitating chemicals produced under stress.  It can be about 2 weeks before the person taking Buspirone begins to feel better, and though it does have side effects like nausea, dry mouth, and dizziness,  it does not cause drowsiness or impaired thinking.  There is much less of a risk of dependency or withdrawal symptoms than with benzodiazepines.

Some Anti-Depressants are also used treat anxiety disorders, but it can take 4-6 weeks before the patient will notice any change.  These drugs (SSRI’s and SNRI’s like Paxil, Celexa, and Lexapro) are thought to work by boosting the level of the body’s stress-management and feel-good chemicals.  These drugs are not habit forming, but there can be serious withdrawal symptoms for people who quit cold-turkey.  Never stop taking any medication without consulting with your physician.

If you are struggling with anxiety, it is important to talk to a mental health professional to evaluate all your treatment options and design the best course of treatment for you.

Can prayer and the sacraments help?

                Taking advantage of psychotherapy or medication does not mean that a person should neglect spiritual remedies.  Our rich spiritual tradition as Catholics can be a great source of both comfort and healing.  Don’t ever hesitate to ask for the intercession of pastors and other mature Christians.  Dive into scripture, drawing encouragement from those versus that remind us of God’s providence and constant care (e.g., Mt 6:31-32; Phil 4:6-7; Phi 4:19, etc.).

Another source of great strength and healing are the Sacraments of Healing; Confession and Anointing of the Sick.  Some people might be surprised by the encouragement to us confession.  After all, anxiety is not a sin, nor are anxious people sinning by being anxious!  But when we are anxious it is easy to give into things that are sins such as bad habits related to self-comforting, lashing out at others, or becoming too self-focused.  As we receive the grace of confession to overcome anxiety’s negative influence in our lives and relationships, we can feel stronger and more confident in our ability to cooperate with God’s grace and achieve healing of body, mind and spirit.

Second, although anxiety disorders are an illness, most people don’t think of taking advantage of Anointing of the Sick to assist them in the healing process.  Receiving this sacrament as a person struggling with an anxiety disorder is an important way to encounter God’s healing grace in action.  A person may receive Anointing of the Sick as often as he or she feels the need for it.  Through all the sacraments, we encounter the saving and healing actions of Christ.  Let our Lord be a partner in your recovery.

Can’t I Just Talk to My Priest?

It is always good when a person suffering with anxiety receives support from his or her pastor, but people should never confuse talking with their priest with psychotherapy.  Both can be helpful, but they are not the same.  Remember, psychotherapy is, in essence, physical therapy for the brain.  Unless your pastor has been trained in those techniques that actually change the way your brain functions under stress, then you are not getting therapy by talking to your priest about your anxiety any more than you would be taking medicine by talking to your pastor about your flu.  Anxiety disorder sufferers should avail themselves of all the remedies available–including the spiritual remedies–but he or she should always be sure to speak to a mental health professional for treatment.

Who should I turn to? (What professionals do what?)

Many professionals treat anxiety, including General Practitioners, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Clinical Social Workers, and Mental Health Counselors.  People are often confused about who can help best with their anxiety.  The following can help you decide where to start.

General Practitioners—General Practioners/Family Doctors are often the first responders to anxiety disorders. While your family doctor can be a first stop on your road to recovery, he or she should not usually be the person primarily responsible for treating your anxiety because they simply don’t have all the tools and training necessary to offer you the fullest array of treatment options.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who use medication almost exclusively to treat mental health problems.  Psychiatrists, as a general rule do not do psychotherapy, nor do most have training in psychotherapy but they do refer patients to therapists.  After an initial consultation, most appointments with a psychiatrist consist of monthly medication checks to assess the effectiveness of what’s been prescribed and make any necessary adjustments to prescriptions.

Psychologists are Ph.D-level clinicians with state licenses to offer counseling and psychotherapy.  Generally speaking, they do not prescribe refer to physicians when medication is necessary.  While many other professionals provide psychotherapy to clients, psychologists are particularly known for their training in psychological testing and evaluation.

Clinical Social Workers, Mental Health Counselors, Marriage &Family Therapists—May be either Ph.D. or master’s level clinicians with state licenses to offer counseling and psychotherapy.  They do not prescribe medication but will refer to physicians if medication is necessary.  Each of these professionals may have slightly different specializations but for the most part, all are qualified to treat anxiety and related disorders.

Should I seek Christian Counseling?

Many Catholics wonder if they should seek Christian counseling/counselors for help.  The answer is, “it depends.”

While research shows that clients are generally more satisfied and treatment progresses more rapidly when the mental health professional and client share values, clients should be aware that many “Christian counselors” have no training or license to do psychotherapy, but merely give “biblically-based” advice of one sort or another.  In fact, many so-called Christian Counselors are hostile to psychotherapy and psychology in general.

That said, Pastoral Counselors are a type of Christian counselor who are licensed professionals and, in additional to their clinical training, have degrees or other specialized training in theology.  Ideally, a Catholic person suffering with anxiety might benefit most from counseling with a Catholic Pastoral Counselor, a licensed mental health professional who was also trained in Catholic theology/spirituality, but these can be difficult to find. (see Resources for options).

The bottom line is, when seeking treatment for anxiety, identify  the most competent professionals you can find.  From that short list, choose the one you believe will be most supportive of your faith and values.

Peace Be with You!

If you or something you love is dealing with an anxiety disorder, get help today.  God has great plans for your life. Bl. Pope John Paul II was fond of reminding us to “become what you are.”  You are God’s child.  You are loved.  You are precious in his eyes.  Don’t let anything, not even your own feelings, stand in the way of experiencing how much God cherishes you and wants to bless you with his healing, peace, and all the qualities that enable you to live life as a gift.

Resources

Books:

God Help Me!  This Stress is Driving Me Crazy!—Dr. Gregory Popcak offers practical techniques and insights from our Catholic faith for dealing more effectively with stress and the emotional struggles that result.

When Panic Attacks (David Burns)—A secular book that represents the gold standard for treating anxiety.  Extremely practical & research-based.  A great complement to treatment.

 

Counseling Resources:

CatholicTherapists.com—A national referral source for therapists whose values are consistent with the Catholic faith.

The Pastoral Solutions Institute  (www.CatholicCounselors.com ) –An organization dedicated to providing Catholic-integrated psychotherapy services to Catholics around the world via the telephone.  All pastoral counselors are licensed therapists with additional training in Catholic theology/spirituality.  Call for information 740-266-6461 (Disclosure:  Author is the clinical director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute.)

 

Dr. Gregory Popcak, author of over a dozen books integrating Catholic spirituality and psychology is the Executive Director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, an organization dedicated to helping Catholics find faith-filled answers to life’s difficult questions.

Coming Wed on More2Life: Be Not Afraid.

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Coming Wed on More2Life–Be Not Afraid: Scripture reminds us that Christians have no need to fear, and Pope John Paul II often reminded us of the bible’s exhortation to, “Be not afraid.”  Despite all this, it is easy, when difficulties strike, to give into fear.

Today on M2L, we’ll look at fear and anxiety; where it comes from and how we can conquer it.

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions about overcoming the fears and anxieties that make life more difficult.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

Gone Fishin’

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Hi All,   Fear not.   I haven’t been eaten by the Patheos-wide DisQus install–not yet anyway.  I’ll be on blog-hiatus until May 20th at which time Faith on the Couch will return to its usual high standard of quality posting (which, depending upon your POV, might not be that high at all).  In the meantime, please do visit all the other awesome blogs on the Patheos Catholic Channel.

I’ll look forward to rejoining you upon my triumphant return in glorious splendor.  (Or, you know, when I get back.)

See you soon.

Coming Wed on More2Life: Hope for Our Children

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Coming Wed on More2Life Radio:  Hope for Our Children–We all have a vision of what we want for our children.  We all have hopes and dreams for them, and while our children will have to make their own choices, our hopes for them represent the gifts we want to prepare them to receive from God.

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1pm Eastern (11am-Noon Central) to share your hopes for your children and discuss ways to make those dreams a reality in their lives.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!

~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!)

~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net

~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

One More Reason to Bring Your Babies to Church…

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Remember our discussion on the importance of bringing your babies to Church?   Remember all the people who argued that you should wait until they’re older?   Here’s one more reason to follow my advice.  It turns out that if you do what my opponents suggested and wait until your kids are 7, they can steal a car and drive themselves home.

Babies can’t drive.  See?  I win.

 

Coming Tues 5/7 on More2Life Radio: SERENITY NOW! The Quest for Peace.

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COMING TUES ON More2Life–SERENITY NOW!  We all want peace in our hearts and in our relationships.  But peace is hard to find and we often settle for quiet.  There’s an important difference between the two, however, and mere quiet can never satisfy our hunger for true peace.

 

Today on More2Life we’ll look at the quest for peace.   We’ll explore what peace really is and what it takes to create it in our hearts and in our lives.

 

M2L FB Q of the D:  Where would you like to have more peace in your life and what is keeping it from you?

Call in from Noon-1pm Eastern (11am-Noon C) at 877-573-7825 with your questions about creating a more peaceful life.

 

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

Can I Trust You?

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It can be difficult to know whether you can trust someone in the first place.  It can be especially difficult to know how to trust someone again if they have hurt you.

Some people respond to the question by trusting people almost completely and backing off only when they get hurt.   Others do the opposite, witholding trust until someone has jumped through enough hoops to prove themselves.    Obviously, neither approach works.

In dealing with the question of trust, the most important thing to remember is that trust is not an all or nothing proposition.  It is possible to trust a person in some areas or with some responsibilities but not in other areas.  So how do you know what those areas are and to what degree you can trust a person in any context?  It comes down to three factors.

3 Trust Factors:  Ability, Integrity, Benevolence.

Research shows that trust is made up of three different components; ability, integrity and benevolence.

Ability–refers to a person’s capacity for doing what they say they are going to do.  To what degree does a person only promise what they are actually capable of doing?  Does that person actually follow through on promises or does that person say all the right thing in the moment but then fail to show up later?   The answer to questions like these will either support or undermine trust that is related to ability.

Integrity–means that a person has a sufficiently well-developed value system that they tend not to give offense in the first place, tend to self-correct when they do or are at least willing to generously hear and respond proactively when they are told they have been offensive.  A person with impaired integrity doesn’t tend to care that he has given offense and becomes automatically defensive if told he has been hurtful in some way.  A person who has impaired integrity only gives apologies grudgingly and rarely displays the humility necessary to learn from missteps.  That’s because they don’t have enough of an internalized value system to check their own behavior against.  Such a person does what they want until they meet some force that stops them.   Obviously, it is harder to trust a person who operates this way.

Benevolence–refers to the degree to which the person you want to trust has shown you that he or she is willing to work for your good especially when it has required some sacrifice or inconvenience on his or her part.   A person who is willing to put themselves out for your sake is more worth of your trust than someone who isn’t.

Evaluating a person’s ability, integrity, and benevolence enables you to have a clearer sense of how much you can trust someone, in what contexts, and to what degree.  It can also give you a guide for dealing with those you have a hard time trusting by helping you highlight why and what might be done to resolve those obstacles to trust.

If you would like help cultivating greater trust in your marriage, family, or personal life, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn about working with a faithful, professional Catholic counselor through our Catholic tele-counseling practice.  Visit us online or call 740-266-6461 to make an appointment.