Surprising Secrets Reading “50 Shades” Reveals About You.

Posted on August 21, 2014 by GREG

If you’re a fan of the 50 Shades of Grey series of erotic fiction, a new study says that you might be more of an open book than you think.

Young adult women who read “Fifty Shades of Grey” are more likely than nonreaders to exhibit signs of eating disorders and have a verbally abusive partner, finds a new study led by a Michigan State University researcher.

Further, women who read all three books in the blockbuster “Fifty Shades” erotic romance series are at increased risk of engaging in binge drinking and having multiple sex partners.

The researchers studied more than 650 women aged 18-24, a prime period for exploring greater sexual intimacy in relationships, Bonomi said. Compared to participants who didn’t read the book, those who read the first “Fifty Shades” novel were 25 percent more likely to have a partner who yelled or swore at them; 34 percent more likely to have a partner who demonstrated stalking tendencies; and more than 75 percent more likely to have used diet aids or fasted for more than 24 hours.

Those who read all three books in the series were 65 percent more likely than nonreaders to binge drink — or drink five or more drinks on a single occasion on six or more days per month — and 63 percent more likely to have five or more intercourse partners during their lifetime. READ MORE

Caring for the Wrong Reasons is Hazardous to Your Health

Posted on August 21, 2014 by GREG

Caring for people for the wrong reasons can cause burnout or worse. A new study found that nurses who gravitate to the profession out of a desire to help people tend to burn out and experience other mental health problems at a higher rate than those who become nurses because they enjoy the work or the lifestyle afforded by the profession. The study doesn’t just apply to nurses, but anyone in a relationship.

Caring for the Right Reasons

We’re all called to be caring toward others, but the reasons we care matter. Looking more closely at the study, the reasons some people are more susceptible to relationship burnout and compassion fatigue boil down to what psychologists call an “internal versus external locus of control.”

Internal Locus of Control

People with an internal locus of control do things because of the personal satisfaction they get either from a job well done or from the benefits that come from doing a particular activity. People who are helpful because they enjoy sharing their gifts with others can be said to have an “internal locus of control” because they are motivated by personal or internal reasons f0r doing what they do.

External Locus of Control

People with an external locus of control do things because they are seeking approval and affirmation from others. This is a more problematic motivation for helping others because other people don’t necessarily respond well to being helped. Sometimes they’re not grateful. Sometimes they’re even mean and disapproving. Sometimes they take you for granted. People with an external locus of control–despite themselves–tend to constantly be asking the people they’re serving (implicitly if not outright) “Am I doing it right? How about now? How about now?” For them, helping is a test they are constantly failing because unless the person they are caring for gives them exactly the right kind of feedback, they can never be sure of themselves. This just makes them work harder and harder all the while feeling like they are getting less and less for their efforts. Ultimately, having this attitude toward a career or a relationship can be the kiss of death.

As Christians, we know that doing the right thing isn’t enough, we have to do it from the right place in our hearts (c.f., Matt 5:17-47). If you are feeling burned out in your work or relationships, take a moment to consider not just how you are, but why.

The Next Step…

If you’d like to discover how to stop feeling so frustrated, burned-out, or fed up in your relationships, check out, God Help Me, These People are Driving Me Nuts! or call 740-266-6461 to make an appointment to speak with a Catholic therapist from the Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Catholic Tele-Counseling Services. You might be surprised to find out how even the most obnoxious people can be tamed!

Feeling Loved Increases Sexual Pleasure

Posted on August 20, 2014 by GREG

I get a lot of questions from men wondering how they can please their wives in the bedroom. A new study confirms my usual advice, “Make her feel loved outside of the bedroom.” That said, it turns out that feelings of love don’t just improve the psychological experience of sex. It also improves the physiological experience of sex.

Love and commitment can make sex physically more satisfying for many women, according to a Penn State Abington sociologist. In a series of interviews, heterosexual women between the ages of 20 and 68 and from a range of backgrounds said that they believed love was necessary for maximum satisfaction in both sexual relationships and marriage. The benefits of being in love with a sexual partner are more than just emotional. Most of the women in the study said that love made sex physically more pleasurable.

“Women said that they connected love with sex and that love actually enhanced the physical experience of sex,” said Beth Montemurro, associate professor of sociology.

Women who loved their sexual partners also said they felt less inhibited and more willing to explore their sexuality.

“When women feel love, they may feel greater sexual agency because they not only trust their partners but because they feel that it is OK to have sex when love is present,” Montemurro said. READ MORE

Want more ideas on how to have a more passionate marriage? Check out Holy Sex! The Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving

Parenting Wisdom in Shorthand

Posted on August 19, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Judith Costello

A posted meme says: “‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’–NOT TRUE! Words hurt, scar and leave deep wounds all the way down to the soul.” On the surface this meme sounds right. And it has been shared almost 200,000 times!

But when I saw it, a red flag started waving. My reaction was, “Don’t invalidate the parenting wisdom that is ages old.”

An incident came immediately to mind. My son was in first grade. He had been riding the bus to school for a few days when he came home with tears in his eyes. Another boy had been taunting him. The boy’s words were hurtful and mean. And yes, it made my son feel “wounded.” So how is a parent to react?

My husband and I took him in hand and talked for quite awhile sitting on the side of his bed. After about 30 minutes he was calm; within an hour he was laughing about it. The next day he walked past that boy, looked him in the eye and smiled.

And do you know what our first words were? You guessed it—“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

We explained what that saying means of course. It doesn’t mean that words are never hurtful. It means–we can choose how we react! We can choose what we allow to settle into our hearts.

There are four important lessons here: 1) Bullies will always be with us. 2) Bullies are sad people. Their words come out of their troubles, their desire to control others and their ignorance. 3) It’s important to stay strong in yourself and let the mean words wash away like water going down the drain. 4) St. Paul said, “We do not wage war with human resources” (2Cor. 10). We must pray and stay focused on God’s words of love and mercy.

The message of this maxim is Biblical. We are called to help our children learn ways to cope with mean-spirited people. If we don’t teach them that they have resources for dealing with hurtful words, then our children will feel their identity is determined by mean people. And they will think that the government, or someone outside themselves, has to punish others to make things right.

So my response to the meme is two-fold:

1) There is history and wisdom in maxims like “sticks and stones…” That particular expression can be attributed to around 1862, published in a Christian magazine, but is probably much older. And the point of the “sticks and stones” saying is to teach children they can rise above whatever meanness they experience. Jesus said we will be persecuted and reviled, and we can actually celebrate it! We can unite our hurts or troubles with the suffering of Jesus and offer it up for our prayer intentions!

The tools of our battle against the meanness and lies of the world are in our faith. St. Paul dealt with his detractors by saying this…”they only demonstrate their ignorance”…”we arm ourselves with the shield of faith.” 2 Cor. 10:12 and Eph. 6:16.

2) The first part of the meme has to do with how we respond to the meanness of others. That is what I have been addressing here. The second part of the meme has to do with what we say to others. That too is covered by an old bit of parenting wisdom: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Again this is a maxim…a shorthand way of saying important things. Jesus frequently talked about how we should avoid gossip and speak with charity. We should consider every word before we speak.

Words can definitely be used as weapons and that too is in the Bible. Our goal as Christians is to use words to be a light in the darkness, rather than as knives that cut.

So as far as this meme goes, here’s another maxim….”Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” It’s great to come up with new ways to say that “words hurt, so watch what you say.” But don’t throw out the teachings of our ancestors in order to say that.

Credit to Judith Costello of CatholicExchange.

Dealing with Depression: Getting the Help that Matters

Posted on August 19, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Dr. Gregory Popcak

The news of Robin Williams’ suicide has brought the insidious nature of depression front and center.

I know too many Christians who believe that they should be immune from depression because they are Christian. While research shows that some believers can be more resistant to depression and have a somewhat easier time bouncing back when they do get depression, it is also true that some approaches to religion can be associated with higher rates of depression and emotional problems. When evaluating the power of belief to protect against emotional problems, the research seems to show that the question isn’t “do you believe?” but rather what do you believe, how, and why?

The bottom line is that, by and large, Christians experience depression at rates that are similar to the general population. Twenty-Six percent of adults in the US have depression. The World Health Organization estimates that by 2020 depression will be the second leading cause of disability after heart disease.

Does Treatment Work?

The good news is that depression is very treatable. Sadly, many comments I am reading on the internet seem to suggest that seeking help must be pointless because if Robin Williams, who arguably had every resource in the world available to him, couldn’t get adequate care who can? First, we don’t know all the details of Robin Williams situations and we never will. Secondly, what we do know points to a much more complicated clinical picture than what most people experience. Robin Williams’ history was not with depression but with Bi-Polar Disorder, which can be characterized by dramatic mood swings and is somewhat more difficult to treat than depression. This, combined with his long struggle with substance abuse and the unique pressure a person in his position faces, should remind everyone to resist the temptation to draw broader conclusions about the effectiveness of depression treatment based on the tragic outcome of William’s particular story.

What’s the Best Treatment?

As I mentioned, depression is very treatable. 80% of people who seek help report that they experience significant or even total relief from their depressive symptoms. That’s a tremendous success rate.

What is the best treatment for depression? Studies of evidenced-based approaches to treatment show that psychotherapy alone should be the primary method of treatment. This approach has the highest success rate, the longest-term recovery rates, the lowest negative effects and the lowest drop-out rate. For patients who need additional support, adding medication to psychotherapy is the best approach.

Interestingly, despite what all the TV commercials tell you, research seems to show that the least effective approach is medication alone because of the relatively lower rate of effectiveness (about 50%), lower rate of symptom relief (about 30%), higher side-effect profile, greater likelihood of post-treatment relapse, and greater treatment drop-out rate. Bottom line? If you have been diagnosed with depression and are not in ongoing psychotherapy, you are not undergoing the best course of treatment. Period.

How Do You Know If It’s Time to Seek Help?

Everyone experiences sadness, but its important not to dismiss depression as mere sadness. If you are experiencing a period of sustained sadness that lasts for at least 2 weeks and is accompanied by any of the following: a change in eating habits (either eating more or less), sleeping habits (either more or less), withdrawing from social engagements, decreased enjoyment of previously enjoyable activities, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, or especially, thoughts of dying, death, or harming oneself, it’s time to seek help.

How Do We Cope?

Our ability to resist depression or recover efficiently from it tends to depend a great deal on the coping strategies we use to deal with stress in general. For now, just know that if you or a loved one is struggling with feelings of sadness or despair that you think might be depression, getting help early is key. If you aren’t sure if it’s depression, that’s a good enough reason to get an evaluation (i.e., If you have to ask…). Talk to your doctor or contact a licensed psychotherapist who can help you clarify the nature of the problem you are facing and the best means of resolving it. Getting help early is the best way to increase both the likelihood of a full recovery and your ability to experience the life God has given you as the gift that it is—even when that gift gets complicated.

For more information on faithful approaches to treating depression and other emotional problems, check out the Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Catholic Tele-Counseling Practice by visiting us online or calling 866-724-1196 to make an appointment to speak with a professional Catholic counselor. Let us help you integrate the wisdom of our faith with contemporary insights from counseling psychology to help you develop the most comprehensive response to the challenges in your life.

Friendship with Jesus

Posted on August 19, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Fr. Ed Broom, OMV

When I arrived in Buenos Aires, Argentina in 1986 shortly after my ordination at the hands of St. Pope John Paul II, I was contemplating a compelling portrait of Jesus. It was an image of His Sacred Heart, with flames of fire radiating from His Heart. However, what seemed to really captivate me most in the moment, were six words in Spanish that have been almost a motto of my life as Catholic, Religious and priest, and follower of Christ. These words were: “Jesus, el Amigo que nunca falla.” Translation: “Jesus, the Friend that never fails!”

Christological names are many: The Good Shepherd, the Bread of Life, The Way, Truth, and Life, the Alpha and Omega, Lord, God, Savior, Redeemer, as well as Lamb of God, Son of man and Son of God. Each of these names, like a precious diamond exposed to the sun through a process called refraction, reflects a different glimmer of the majesty, greatness and beauty of Jesus the Son of the living God.

However, there is still another title that has captivated me for many years and hopefully will captivate your heart and it is Jesus, the Friend.

On Holy Thursday, as Jesus sat at the Last Supper, about to give to all of humanity until the end of time two extraordinary gifts–we call them Sacraments–Holy Orders and the Most Holy Eucharist, He also called the Apostles and us by a special name: I call you friends! In this most important moment in His life, shortly before being crucified for love of you and me He called the Apostles and us His intimate Friends.

Our Christian-Catholic religion has rules, precepts, orders, prohibitions, decrees and commands, this we cannot deny. The Ten Commandments are part and parcel of our deposit of faith. Nonetheless, if we limit our Catholic faith to nothing more than a series of rules, precepts, and mere Commandments to obey, then we have missed the boat, missed the mark, and focused on something very important but not most important and essential.

The essence of Catholicism is a love-affair. It is a deep, dynamic, and growing relationship with three Divine Persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The second Person of the most Blessed Trinity is Jesus, the Son of God become man. He came into the world to save us. But also, Jesus came into the world to establish a deep, dynamic, and permanent Friendship with us.

The Bible says that to find a true friend indeed is a treasure. We might even call it the pearl of infinite price that we should be willing to give everything else up to acquire. Of all the friends that could exist in this world, friendship with Jesus is by far the best! He is the Friend, in the painting of the Sacred Heart, that will never fail us in time and for all eternity. Even the best of friends are destined to fail each other sooner or later. But Jesus will never fail us. We indeed fail Him, but he will never fail us, never….

For this reason one of the best motivations for us to strive energetically to observe the Ten Commandments is for the simple reason of desiring to establish, cultivate and grow in the dynamism of Friendship with Jesus.

For this reason Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen coined one of the best definitions of sin on the market: “Sin is hurting the one you love.” True, sin is breaking one of the Commandments. However, above and beyond the mere breaking of the one of the Ten Commandments, by sinning seriously we are breaking the Heart of God, a God that loved and stills loves us so much that He died on the cross to prove His love and Friendship for all of humanity, but for you and me.

If you were the only person in the created universe, your Faithful Friend Jesus would have come into the world, preached, taught, exorcised and especially this: he would have suffered all of the torments of His Passion, from the Agony in the Garden, through His crucifixion, up to the shedding of His last drop of Blood when the lance pierced His Sacred Heart. All of this Jesus, your best Friend, willingly suffered for love of you and me and so that He would be your Best Friend in time and for all eternity.

Therefore, when we examine our conscience going through the Ten Commandments, why don’t we take a fresh and new approach in preparation for Confession. And it is simply this! Recognize that your sins, in addition to the breaking of the Commandments, is especially the hurting of the one that loves you and the hurting of the one who wants to be loved by you!

Sin is saying “no” to the love of a God who is madly in love with you and has a burning desire for you to correspond to that love. Still more by sinning I am breaking the Heart of my Best Friend. By making a good confession, I am healing that wounded Sacred Heart and restoring the best of Friendships which will not end at the graveside but will last forever in eternity in heaven.

Therefore, by saying “no” to sin, I am really saying “yes” to the love of God and “yes” to a deep and growing Friendship with Jesus.

Face it, if sinning is simply breaking a series of cold and impersonal set of rules, then chances are we will go back to sinning. However, if we see sin in a personal light of hurting my best friend, wounding His Heart, then I will stop and think and renounce this temptation to sin.

May Our Lady and good Saint Joseph pray for us.

Credit to Fr. Ed Broom, OMV of CatholicExchange.