Creative Discipline that Works! Kathleen Basi Reviews a Great Idea for Raising More Virtuous Kids.

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Kathleen Basi interviewed Lisa and I for an upcoming issue of Family Foundations.  Here’s what she had to say about one of the discipline ideas we recommend in Parenting with Grace that we discussed in our interview.

We did this exercise on Easter night, and we have already had three occasions to refer to these “shields.” I have hung them in the kitchen, where people are constantly walking by and where they are in plain view from the table. I really love this idea of giving children the chance to think forward in their lives, to be intentional about who they want to be. I love it for their sake, and I love it for mine, because it helps keep me focused on the end game instead of the chaotic minutiae. And I love it especially because the long-term can seem so overwhelming and nebulous, and this cuts through all that and gives us a trajectory to follow.   Popcaks for the win.

What was Kathleen so excited about?  Read her post here  (and check out the adorable family photos)!

Is Your Spouse Making YOU Sick?

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Image Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Image Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Previous research has demonstrated a strong link between marital quality and physical health.  This most recent study examined to what degree a spouse’s stress indirectly impact his or her mate’s health.

Researchers discovered stress and relationship quality have both direct and indirect effects on the cardiovascular system, confirming previous research. They also discovered that it is important to consider the couple as a whole rather than the individual when examining marriage and health.

Overall, some of the findings were surprising.

In particular, this study revealed that wives’ stress has important implications for husbands’ blood pressure, particularly in more negative relationships.

Specifically looking at the effects of negative relationship quality, researchers found that effects weren’t recognized when examining individuals but there were when examining interactions between both members of couple.

“We were particularly excited about these findings because they show that the effects of stress and negative relationship quality are truly dyadic in nature,” said lead author Kira S. Birditt, Ph.D.

“An individuals’ physiology is closely linked with not only his or her own experiences but the experiences and perceptions of their spouses. We were particularly fascinated that husbands were more sensitive to wives’ stress than the revers, especially given all of the work indicating that wives are more affected by the marital tie.”

In our marital counseling work my associates and I often talk to people who feel like they’ve lost the motivation to work on their troubled marriages.  In those times, it can be important to remember that how we relate to our spouse has profound consequences for our physical health, not just our emotional well-being.  To discover the healthy marriage habits that can lead to a healthier relationship and a healthier life, check out When Divorce is Not An Option:  How to Heal Your Marriage and Nurture Lasting Love. 

4 Ways Good Relationships Can Save Your Life

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Researchers estimate that 40% of Americans feel lonely.  That’s remarkable, considering that we’re more connected than ever.  Unfortunately, there is some evidence suggesting that the kinds of connections we’re seeking are not the kinds of connections we need.  Most of us are actively engaged in some form or another of social media, but researches have recently discovered that the more time a person spends on social media, the more likely it is they will also experience a depressed mood.

Pope St John Paul the Great’s Theology of the Body reminds us of Genesis’ exhortation, “It is not good for man to be alone”  (Gen 2:18).  Time and again, modern research shows us how true that statement  is.  Work by Harvard primatologist, Robert Sapolsky, in his book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, reveals that if we neglect our need for real, meaningful, intimate connection with others, the resulting loneliness can compromise our health (and ultimately, even kill us) via a 4 step process.   1.  Poor social support causes chronic psycho-social stress.  2.  Chronic psycho-social stress causes the chronic activation of our bodily stress responses.  3.  This causes the suppression of the immune system and the activation of the body’s inflammatory response.  4.  Thus we become more vulnerable to both infectious disease and inflammatory illnesses.

Of course, the reverse is also true.  The more we intentionally cultivate healthy, intimate connections with others the stronger our social supports become resulting in lower psycho-social stress levels, which leads to increased immunity and lower inflammatory responses in the body which ultimately makes us more resistant to infections and inflammatory illnesses.

Sure, we’re all busy, but some time today be sure to take some time to turn off the computer, step away from your work, and connect with the people you love and who love you in return.  It could be the best thing you do for your health all day.

For more information on creating the kinds of relationships that help you be healthier in your body, mind and spirit, check out God Help Me, These People Are Driving Me Nuts!  Making Peace with Difficult People.