Feeling Stuck? Try These Simple Steps to Make a Positive Change in Your Life

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If you’ve ever felt stuck—spiritually, emotionally, or relationally—you’re not alone. Consider these real-life situations described by callers to the More2Life radio show hosted by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak:

  • Mary is a mother of four young kids whose husband checks out every evening to watch TV. She feels unseen, overworked, and alone—but he still expects emotional and physical closeness at the end of the day. “I have no idea where to begin,” she said.
  • Desiree is the mom of an 18-year-old who’s angry, withdrawn, and has completely rejected his faith. After years of therapy and support, he refuses to get help. “We really feel like we’ve exhausted our resources,” she admitted.
  • Diane is a caregiver for her adult autistic son. She fights every week just to make sure support staff do their jobs. “I just want to wake up and know that everything is in place,” she said. “But I feel like I have to micromanage everything.”

While each of these situations is very different from the others, the Popcaks offer five basic principles when things absolutely, positively need to change. Here is what they advised callers on two recent episodes of the More2Life show.

1. Pray with Poverty of Spirit

The first step is learning to bring your challenge to God—not with the attitude that you already know what needs to happen, but with the humility of a child.

“When responding to a frustrating situation,” Lisa Popcak said, “we have to cultivate the mindset that we don’t know anything, especially when we think we do. Instead, we need to ask God to teach us as if we were children who were experiencing this situation for the very first time. That’s the poverty of spirit that allows God to lead us to the changes he wants to make in our lives.”

When you feel like you’re not getting traction no matter what you do, try praying in words similar to these: Lord, show me how to see this through your eyes. Teach me what to do next.

God’s grace is abundant, but we only experience it fully when we stop trying to control everything and start asking to be led.

2. Name What You Do Want

Often, we spend more time complaining about what we don’t want than identifying what we’re actually aiming for. But clarity is essential.

Dr. Popcak put it like this: “Making good change begins with having an idea of what you really want to have come out of a situation—not just what you don’t want.”

Mary knew she didn’t want to keep going like this—doing everything herself while her husband tuned out. But what did she want instead? A partnership. Shared parenting. Time to connect emotionally and spiritually. Once she could name those desires, she was ready to have a calm, constructive conversation about what needed to change.

Whether you’re struggling with your marriage, your parenting, or your own inner critic, identifying your desired outcome is a powerful way to begin.

3. Make a Plan—Even a Small One

God can do miracles, but most change happens step-by-step. Once you know what you’re aiming for, make a simple, specific plan to move in that direction.

In Mary’s case, the Popcaks recommended creating rituals for working, playing, talking, and praying together as a couple and family. That might mean planning one family game night a week, praying a decade of the Rosary together before bed, or setting aside 10 minutes to talk after dinner.

Diane, meanwhile, was facing an overwhelming system. But even then, she could take note of small successes.

“Start tracking times when things do work,” Dr. Popcak advised. By identifying times when her son’s care staff successfully followed through, she could work with them to figure out what factors need to be in place to replicate that success elsewhere. “You’re looking for the little changes that make the difference and trying to identify what are the things that happen to make it possible.”

These small patterns could become the basis for new routines and better advocacy.

4. Accept Support

You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, you shouldn’t.

God often answers our prayers through the people he places in our lives: spouses, counselors, friends, pastors. As the Popcaks often remind callers, asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to invite grace into your life.

Desiree and her husband had walked through years of pain with their daughter’s addiction, and now their son’s spiral. But they were still trying to hold it all together on their own. “Even if your son won’t get help,” Dr. Popcak said, “you and your husband need to be seeking that help to figure out how to set appropriate boundaries with him.”

The Church reminds us that God chose to save us not as individuals, but as part of a community. What is true of our eternal salvation can also be true of the challenges we face along the way.

5. Wait Actively

When you’re trying to change, it’s easy to feel discouraged when things don’t happen quickly. But grace often works slowly—and invisibly.

Bill Donaghy, a senior lecturer at the Theology of the Body Institute and a frequent guest on More2Life, points to the words of St. John Paul II regarding change: “If an ear is to grow or a flower blossom, there are times which cannot be forced. For the birth of a human being, nine months are required. To write a book or a worthy piece of music, years must often be spent in patient searching. This is also the law of the Spirit. To encounter the mystery takes patience, purification, silence, waiting.”

This kind of waiting isn’t passive. It’s “active receptivity,” Donaghy explained—continuing to water the soil, even if you don’t yet see the fruit.

Whether you’re navigating your child’s crisis, a long-suffering marriage, or a broken system, don’t confuse silence with absence. Keep praying. Keep working. Keep showing up. God is not done yet.

Real Change Is Possible

Real change is possible—but it doesn’t start with a dramatic leap. It starts with a small, prayerful step in a new direction.

If you’re not sure what to do next, begin with these questions:

  • Have I invited God into this situation today?
  • Can I name what I do want—not just what I want to stop?
  • What small plan can I make this week?
  • Who might help me take the next step?
  • Can I be patient while God works behind the scenes?

For more one-on-one help making a positive change in your life, reach out to one of the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com, or tune in to the More2Life show on your favorite radio station or streaming platform.

Let’s Talk: How to Start Family Conversations That Matter

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You share meals. You shuttle kids to activities. You say “good night” and “have a good day.” But when was the last time your family really talked—not just about logistics or the weather, but about your hearts, your hopes, and how God is working in your lives?

In the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, talk rituals are intentional moments of conversation that help families grow closer emotionally and spiritually. But many parents find themselves asking how to even start.

Here’s how to begin building meaningful talk rituals in your home, even if your kids don’t naturally open up. The following advice is summarized from Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s HŌM Builder videos and Episode 82 of the CatholicHŌM podcast, “Let’s Talk,” all of which are available on the CatholicHŌM app.

Why Family Conversations Matter

Research shows that only 7% of Catholic families have meaningful conversations about faith. But faith isn’t the only thing we need to talk about. Relationships, teamwork, struggles, joys—these are the topics that knit us together.

When we create space for deeper conversations, we foster emotional connection, strengthen teamwork and mutual support, and create opportunities for faith-sharing and spiritual growth.

And there’s an added bonus: Research shows that kids who develop strong communication skills early in life tend to have healthier adult relationships, better mental and physical well-being, and more professional success. Besides helping kids acquire the skills needed for meaningful, emotionally rich conversations, family talk rituals help model for kids what good conversations look like in the light of Christian faith.

So, talk rituals are more than just “checking in.” They’re opportunities to discover one another, grow as a team, and keep your family rooted in love—God’s love and each other’s.

When to Have Talk Rituals

These conversations don’t just “happen.” You have to plan for them. That means setting aside regular times where meaningful connection can take place.

Here are some ideal opportunities:

  • Family meals: Ask each person to share a high and low from their day. Where did they see God?
  • Evening check-ins: After the chaos of homework and dinner, take 15 minutes to talk about how everyone’s doing and what’s coming up tomorrow.
  • Weekly family meetings: Use this time to discuss family needs, upcoming events, or how you can better support one another. (See the Family Meeting Planner on the CatholicHŌM app for help on this one.)
  • Car rides: Make it the expectation that devices are turned off during car rides so that family members can decompress and reconnect. (You can allow limited device use on longer trips, with parental permission.)
  • One-on-one time: Individual chats help children (especially teens) open up without feeling on the spot. Sometimes, having a shared activity can help teens open up: cooking together, taking a walk, playing basketball, and so on.

Start with one simple practice and build from there. And here’s a tip to make those moments count: Keep a running list of topics you’d like to bring up. That way, when talk time rolls around, you’re not scrambling to think of what to say.

Start with What Your Kids Care About

If your child isn’t eager to talk, you’re not alone. Many parents worry their kids “just don’t like to talk.” But here’s a secret: most kids love to talk when the topic is something they care about—and they feel truly listened to.

Start by entering their world:

  • Ask them to teach you about their favorite game, sport, or YouTuber.
  • Even if it’s not your thing, listen with interest. Ask follow-up questions.
  • Keep the conversation going over time—don’t make it a one-time “project.”
  • Find an article or video related to their hobby and ask them to explain it to you.

These practices model good listening skills and establish rapport with your child, showing that you value them and their ideas. And that, in turn, lays the foundation for deeper conversation.

How Conversations Grow: The 7 Levels of Intimacy

Meaningful conversations don’t start at the deep end. Catholic author Matthew Kelly, in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy, outlines seven levels of intimacy in relationships. In general, people grow through these levels one step at a time. Think about the level of your family conversations most of the time:

  1. Clichés & Pleasantries: “How are you?” “Fine.”
  2. Facts & Events: “I have math homework.” “We’re going to Grandma’s this weekend.”
  3. Opinions: Likes, dislikes, values, and what matters to each person.
  4. Hopes & Dreams: “I wish we could go to Hawaii.” “Someday I want to be an artist.”
  5. Feelings: “I felt left out today.” “I’m really excited for the sleepover!”
  6. Fears, Faults, and Failures: Moments of vulnerability and requests for help.
  7. Deepest Needs & Goals: Conversations about values, faith, purpose, and spirituality.

It’s tempting to jump straight to level seven—especially when you want to talk about faith or serious issues—but that often backfires, the Popcaks say. Instead, figure out where your family usually operates, and aim to grow just one level deeper. Keep building trust and comfort, and soon those deeper conversations will come naturally.

Establishing Talk Rituals Takes Time and Practice

Be patient with the process. It can take weeks—or even months—of consistently showing up, listening well, and building trust before your child feels ready to engage in deeper conversations. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally if a talk falls flat or your child seems disinterested. Just try again later, when the timing feels right.

When difficult topics arise—such as conflicts, disrespect, or emotional struggles—don’t focus on figuring out who is to blame or how the problem arose; people rarely agree on those facts. Besides, the most important thing is that you both agree that you want to resolve the problem and do better next time. Model a solution-focused approach: “How could we handle that better next time?” or “What could we do differently so we both feel heard?” This kind of problem-solving mindset helps children feel safe and empowered, rather than criticized.

Finally, make your expectations clear but welcoming. Let your family know when talk times will happen and what you hope to talk about, but keep the tone relaxed. The goal isn’t to “have the perfect conversation”—it’s to grow in connection, one step at a time.

Pick one talk ritual—maybe tonight’s dinner or tomorrow’s drive home—and start the habit of really talking. Your family doesn’t need to be perfect. They just need you, your love, and your willingness to connect.

If you need help along the way, remember that you can find more support on the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support and real-time coaching to help your family grow closer every day.

Let’s Talk: How to Start Family Conversations That Matter

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You share meals. You shuttle kids to activities. You say “good night” and “have a good day.” But when was the last time your family really talked—not just about logistics or the weather, but about your hearts, your hopes, and how God is working in your lives?

In the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, talk rituals are intentional moments of conversation that help families grow closer emotionally and spiritually. But many parents find themselves asking how to even start.

Here’s how to begin building meaningful talk rituals in your home, even if your kids don’t naturally open up. The following advice is summarized from Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s HŌM Builder videos and Episode 82 of the CatholicHŌM podcast, “Let’s Talk,” all of which are available on the CatholicHŌM app.

Why Family Conversations Matter

Research shows that only 7% of Catholic families have meaningful conversations about faith. But faith isn’t the only thing we need to talk about. Relationships, teamwork, struggles, joys—these are the topics that knit us together.

When we create space for deeper conversations, we foster emotional connection, strengthen teamwork and mutual support, and create opportunities for faith-sharing and spiritual growth.

And there’s an added bonus: Research shows that kids who develop strong communication skills early in life tend to have healthier adult relationships, better mental and physical well-being, and more professional success. Besides helping kids acquire the skills needed for meaningful, emotionally rich conversations, family talk rituals help model for kids what good conversations look like in the light of Christian faith.

So, talk rituals are more than just “checking in.” They’re opportunities to discover one another, grow as a team, and keep your family rooted in love—God’s love and each other’s.

When to Have Talk Rituals

These conversations don’t just “happen.” You have to plan for them. That means setting aside regular times where meaningful connection can take place.

Here are some ideal opportunities:

  • Family meals: Ask each person to share a high and low from their day. Where did they see God?
  • Evening check-ins: After the chaos of homework and dinner, take 15 minutes to talk about how everyone’s doing and what’s coming up tomorrow.
  • Weekly family meetings: Use this time to discuss family needs, upcoming events, or how you can better support one another. (See the Family Meeting Planner on the CatholicHŌM app for help on this one.)
  • Car rides: Make it the expectation that devices are turned off during car rides so that family members can decompress and reconnect. (You can allow limited device use on longer trips, with parental permission.)
  • One-on-one time: Individual chats help children (especially teens) open up without feeling on the spot. Sometimes, having a shared activity can help teens open up: cooking together, taking a walk, playing basketball, and so on.

Start with one simple practice and build from there. And here’s a tip to make those moments count: Keep a running list of topics you’d like to bring up. That way, when talk time rolls around, you’re not scrambling to think of what to say.

Start with What Your Kids Care About

If your child isn’t eager to talk, you’re not alone. Many parents worry their kids “just don’t like to talk.” But here’s a secret: most kids love to talk when the topic is something they care about—and they feel truly listened to.

Start by entering their world:

  • Ask them to teach you about their favorite game, sport, or YouTuber.
  • Even if it’s not your thing, listen with interest. Ask follow-up questions.
  • Keep the conversation going over time—don’t make it a one-time “project.”
  • Find an article or video related to their hobby and ask them to explain it to you.

These practices model good listening skills and establish rapport with your child, showing that you value them and their ideas. And that, in turn, lays the foundation for deeper conversation.

How Conversations Grow: The 7 Levels of Intimacy

Meaningful conversations don’t start at the deep end. Catholic author Matthew Kelly, in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy, outlines seven levels of intimacy in relationships. In general, people grow through these levels one step at a time. Think about the level of your family conversations most of the time:

  1. Clichés & Pleasantries: “How are you?” “Fine.”
  2. Facts & Events: “I have math homework.” “We’re going to Grandma’s this weekend.”
  3. Opinions: Likes, dislikes, values, and what matters to each person.
  4. Hopes & Dreams: “I wish we could go to Hawaii.” “Someday I want to be an artist.”
  5. Feelings: “I felt left out today.” “I’m really excited for the sleepover!”
  6. Fears, Faults, and Failures: Moments of vulnerability and requests for help.
  7. Deepest Needs & Goals: Conversations about values, faith, purpose, and spirituality.

It’s tempting to jump straight to level seven—especially when you want to talk about faith or serious issues—but that often backfires, the Popcaks say. Instead, figure out where your family usually operates, and aim to grow just one level deeper. Keep building trust and comfort, and soon those deeper conversations will come naturally.

Establishing Talk Rituals Takes Time and Practice

Be patient with the process. It can take weeks—or even months—of consistently showing up, listening well, and building trust before your child feels ready to engage in deeper conversations. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally if a talk falls flat or your child seems disinterested. Just try again later, when the timing feels right.

When difficult topics arise—such as conflicts, disrespect, or emotional struggles—don’t focus on figuring out who is to blame or how the problem arose; people rarely agree on those facts. Besides, the most important thing is that you both agree that you want to resolve the problem and do better next time. Model a solution-focused approach: “How could we handle that better next time?” or “What could we do differently so we both feel heard?” This kind of problem-solving mindset helps children feel safe and empowered, rather than criticized.

Finally, make your expectations clear but welcoming. Let your family know when talk times will happen and what you hope to talk about, but keep the tone relaxed. The goal isn’t to “have the perfect conversation”—it’s to grow in connection, one step at a time.

Pick one talk ritual—maybe tonight’s dinner or tomorrow’s drive home—and start the habit of really talking. Your family doesn’t need to be perfect. They just need you, your love, and your willingness to connect.

If you need help along the way, remember that you can find more support on the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support and real-time coaching to help your family grow closer every day.

How to Defuse Conflict by Asking the Right Questions

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Conflict is inevitable, but hurtful conflict is not. As Dr. Greg Popcak explains in God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts!, there are ways to handle conflict effectively—and compassionately.

If you read our last post on this topic, then you probably already know the first step in compassionate conflict resolution. Instead of writing someone off as toxic or irrational, ask, “What are they really trying to do?” That small act of curiosity can be a powerful way to break the cycle of conflict and begin to understand difficult people in your life.

But what if the answer isn’t obvious? What if someone’s behavior is hurtful, irrational, or even aggressive—and you genuinely can’t figure out what they’re hoping to accomplish?

In God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts!, Dr. Popcak offers two ways of uncovering the hidden, often positive intention behind someone’s obnoxious behavior—tools that can transform frustration into empathy, opening the door to healing.

The Direct Approach: Just Ask

The first approach is pretty simple: if you want to know why someone is acting a certain way, try asking them.

But in practice, most of us don’t ask—we accuse. Think about the last time someone rubbed you the wrong way. Your internal dialogue probably sounded something like:

  •  “Why are you always such a jerk?”
  •  “I can’t believe you said that to me!”
  •  “What is wrong with you?”

These reactions are natural—but not helpful. They shut down the possibility of connection and push the other person into a defensive crouch.

Instead, Dr. Popcak suggests a three-part clarifying question:

  1. Describe the behavior factually. Say what happened without judgment or exaggeration. For example:
     “When you slammed the door…”
  2. Share how it affected you. Let them know what you felt or how you interpreted the behavior:
     “…I felt like you were angry that I asked for your help.”
  3. Give the benefit of the doubt—and ask. This is the turning point:
     “…but I don’t think that’s what you meant to do. Can you tell me what was really going on?”

This kind of question is disarming because it’s respectful and assumes good intent—even when the behavior is hard to take. It’s a firm but gentle way of saying, “This didn’t sit right with me, but I’m willing to believe there’s more to the story.”

The Indirect Approach: Follow the Money

Of course, not everyone can clearly articulate what they’re trying to accomplish. Some people lack the self-awareness to explain their motives. Others—children, teens, emotionally immature adults—may not even recognize them. That’s where the indirect approach comes in.

Dr. Popcak calls it “following the money.” In other words, observe what benefit a person gains from their behavior. If that’s not obvious, look at what happens immediately afterward.

For example:

  • A child throws a tantrum. The goal might not be to get a toy—it could be a bid for attention, closeness, or even space.
  • A teen keeps getting grounded. Maybe that’s their way of avoiding risky social situations while saving face with peers—or a cry for more time with distracted parents.
  • A boss who yells might be trying—ineffectively—to inspire urgency and motivation.

Dr. Popcak shares how one of his clients, Anna, worked for a doctor known for his temper. His shouting stressed out the staff, but Popcak helped Anna recognize that the doctor’s real goal was to get people to respond quickly and correctly. Instead of reacting with fear, Anna calmly said, “Doctor, I’d be happy to help you, but I’d appreciate it if you’d ask me respectfully. ‘Please’ usually works.” To her surprise, he listened—and their relationship began to shift.

By recognizing the intention, Anna was able to respond not to the outburst but to the need behind it—and offer a healthier alternative.

When You See the Intention, You Can Make a Change

Once you’ve identified the underlying motive—whether through a clarifying question or by “following the money”—you’re in a better position to create change. In the book, Popcak introduces the P-E-A-C-E process, which are five steps for transforming toxic interactions into more respectful, healing relationships.

We’ll explore that process more fully in a future post, but the first step is always the same: stop treating the other person like an enemy, and start treating them like a fellow struggler—someone who, like you, is doing their best to get their needs met, even if they’re doing it badly.

Conflict Is a Doorway

It takes courage to stop reacting and start listening. But when we learn to ask better questions and seek deeper understanding, conflict can become a doorway—not to defeat, but to healing.

As Dr. Popcak writes, “The person is never the problem. The problem is the problem.” Learning to see the difference is what love looks like in the real world.

For more practical tools like the P-E-A-C-E process and real-life stories of transformation, pick up a copy of God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts! by Dr. Greg Popcak. Or, if you’re looking for personalized support, connect with a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.