Terry had been married to his wife for fifty-two years when she passed away, leaving him feeling hollow, empty, and spiritually disconnected.
“I just don’t feel the presence of my faith,” he said during an episode of More to Life with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. Although he didn’t blame God for his loss, he struggled deeply with the silence and emptiness. “I feel dead inside,” he told the Popcaks.
Terry’s experience isn’t unique. In fact, the Popcaks say it is normal to feel dead and disconnected from God in the wake of profound loss.
“The natural human response to suffering and grief is just to dig a hole and lie down in it and to wish we would never come back up again,” Dr. Popcak said.
But the good news is that as much as we might feel abandoned by God, in reality, he accompanies us in our pain. Here are five tips for how to reconnect with God in the midst of profound grief.
1. Listen for Whispers of Hope
Intense grief changes the way we view the world, and even the way we interact with others—including God. The pain of loss can make it difficult to “tune in” to God’s presence the way we used to.
Often, though, we can still find God in the occasional “whispers of hope” that break through the fog of pain.
“If there’s any part of you that says there’s something more, and I should want that,” Dr. Popcak said. “If there’s any part of you that thinks there could be an end to the suffering in some good way, then that’s God speaking to you and walking with you through this.”
Look for those glimmers of hope and lean into them, the Popcaks advised.
2. Keep Praying and Practicing
One of the most important things you can do is to continue praying to God and practicing your faith, even when it feels like “eating sawdust,” as Dr. Popcak put it. Continuing your usual spiritual habits will keep you connected to God and the Church, allowing you to experience the grace that you need to get through this time.
Keep talking to God, too. Anytime you are struggling with faith, approach God honestly and authentically, sharing your doubts, frustrations, and heartache openly. God desires your genuine emotions and will meet you there, the Popcaks said.
Dr. Popcak offered Terry an example of what that looks like: “Say, ‘Lord, I’m in so much pain, I can’t feel anything but grief and loss and despair. But the fact that I know that there’s something more, the fact that I somehow got out of bed this morning, the fact that somehow I think that you’re still there, even if I can’t feel you—I thank you for that, and I love you. Please hold me close and guide me step by step through this.”
3. Seek Faithful Support
Even the greatest of the saints surrounded themselves with people who could lift them up, just like Mary went to Elizabeth.
“God really wants for us to walk with a companion along the way,” Lisa Popcak said. “We need people to help us in our spiritual walk, to get some questions answered, to get extra prayer support when we feel too weak to pray, and we are unsure of ourselves.”
As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, God chose to save us not as individuals, but as the People of God. In his plan, each of us helps the others along the way—especially in times of darkness, suffering, and doubt.
4. Stay Connected to Your Loved One
“Grief is not the process of letting go,” Dr. Popcak told Terry. “It’s the process of finding ways to stay connected to the person that we’ve lost.”
As Catholics, we believe that death does not sever our relationship with our loved ones, even if it changes that relationship. As Lisa Popcak pointed out, our loved ones are part of the communion of saints, which means that they can intercede with God for us.
“She is alive in Christ,” Lisa told Terry. “Talk to her as you would when she was in your kitchen and walking around the house with you and doing things with you: ‘Honey, this is awful, and I’m not feeling close to God…. I need you to be praying for me. I need you to help me see God in things.’”
As you grieve, find other tangible ways to stay connected to your loved one. What did your loved one mean to you? What did she or he bring into your life? What blessings did they bring you? Name those and find ways to hold onto them.
Shaken Faith Invites Us to Deeper Faith
Experiencing shaken faith in the wake of profound loss is not a sign of spiritual weakness, but an invitation to a deeper, richer relationship with God—one big enough to encompass the “crosses” that come to us in life.
“Having struggles in your faith does not show weakness,” Lisa Popcak said. “It’s part of growth and development in our lives….
“When we struggle—when we’re scared, when we’re angry, when we’re experiencing doubt in any way: in God, in the Church, in who we are in that relationship, in his love for us—it’s something that even the greatest of saints have gone through, and yet come out the other side, because they held on to God as they walked that path of questioning.”
For additional support in navigating grief and reconnecting with your faith, you can always reach out to the team of professional pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.