Playing for Glory: How Theology of the Body Transforms the Way Athletes Compete

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For athletes, the body isn’t just a tool — it’s the means through which we experience challenge, growth, and joy. But for many, the world of sports can become a place of striving, comparison, and pressure to perform.
The Theology of the Body invites us to see something far deeper: that our bodies — our strength, our discipline, our drive — are not just for competition, but for communion.

St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body reminds us that the human person is a unity of body and soul, created to reveal God’s love through self-giving. That means every practice, every game, every sprint or swing or shot is an opportunity to glorify God not just through what we do, but how we do it.

The Body Reveals the Person

When JPII said “the body, in fact, and only the body, is capable of making visible what is invisible,” he was talking about the deepest truths of our humanity — and that includes sports.
Athletes know their bodies in a unique way. Every motion, every breath, every ounce of endurance expresses something interior — determination, courage, teamwork, and purpose.

When an athlete gives their all, they’re not just revealing skill. They’re revealing spirit.
In this way, the Theology of the Body transforms sports into a living prayer — a way to glorify God by using the body to express truth, beauty, and love.

Virtue in Motion

The virtues that make great athletes — discipline, perseverance, humility, teamwork — are the same virtues that form saints.
Sports become a school of virtue, where we learn to unite effort and grace. Every athlete knows what it’s like to struggle, to fail, to rise again. In those moments, we’re not just training our bodies — we’re training our souls.

When an athlete chooses integrity over ego, effort over excuses, and teamwork over pride, they’re living the Theology of the Body — because they’re using their freedom not for self-glorification, but for love.

St. Paul understood this deeply when he wrote, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run so as to win.” (1 Corinthians 9:24). The goal isn’t just victory on the field, but holiness — to “win” the crown that lasts forever.

True Confidence: Competing as a Gift

The world tells athletes that confidence comes from achievement, performance, or winning. But TOB reveals a different truth: our worth is not earned — it’s received.
Every skill, every ability, every victory is a gift meant to be given back in love.

When athletes root their confidence in their identity in who God uniquely created them to be, they compete with freedom. Mistakes don’t define them, and success doesn’t consume them. They can play for something bigger than themselves — the glory of God — and in doing so, they become fully alive.

That’s what it means to compete as a gift. To say, “Lord, this body, this breath, this game — it’s all Yours.”

Teamwork and Communion

The Theology of the Body teaches that we are made for communion — for relationships that mirror the love of the Trinity. Sports give us a chance to live that truth in real time.
When a team moves as one, when teammates sacrifice for each other, when an athlete encourages rather than criticizes — they reveal the heart of communion.

This is what it means to “play for each other” — not as a cliché, but as a lived theology. It’s learning to see your teammates as gifts, not competitors, and your opponents as people deserving respect and dignity.

Worship Through Movement

Sports can become a form of worship when we bring intention to it. Whether you’re stepping onto the field, lacing up your shoes, or taking a deep breath before competition, invite God into the moment:

“Lord, help me use my body today to glorify You.
Help me compete with integrity, lead with love,
and find joy in the gift of this game.”

When you approach your sport this way, you discover that training the body trains the soul. You learn discipline that spills into prayer, patience that flows into relationships, and gratitude that transforms ordinary moments into worship.

Theology of the Body in Action

For athletes, living out TOB means recognizing that your sport is not separate from your faith — it’s one more place where you live your faith.

  • You glorify God through how you train.

  • You reveal God through how you treat others.

  • You encounter God through how you rise after defeat.

That’s what makes sports holy. Not the scoreboard, but the surrender — using your body to make visible the invisible love of God.

So the next time you step on the field, the court, the track, or the stage — remember this:
Your body is not just an instrument for success. It’s a gift that reveals your Creator.
Play like it. Train like it. Love like it.

Because in the end, the greatest victory is not the one that happens on the field,
but the one that happens in your heart.

If you would like to learn more about how to become the athlete–the person–the God created you to be and to live that out with confidence and faith, learn more about our Faith Based Success and Performance Coaching at CatholicCounselors.com.

The Blueprint for Joy: Lessons from St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body

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The Theology of the Body reminds us that we were created for joy. St. John Paul II taught that God designed our bodies—and our very humanity—to reveal His love. When we live according to that design, joy naturally flows from our hearts. But it’s important to understand that joy and happiness, while related, aren’t the same thing.

Happiness is a feeling. It depends on circumstances—on whether life is comfortable or things seem to be going our way. It’s that temporary state of satisfaction that says, “Things feel good right now.” Joy, on the other hand, is something deeper and more enduring. It’s a Fruit of the Spirit that gives us the inner assurance that, no matter what is happening, God is present and working for our good. As the Christian mystic Julian of Norwich beautifully wrote, “All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Dr. Greg explains it this way: “Happiness depends on what’s happening to us. Joy depends on what’s happening in us. Joy is rooted in knowing that, in good times and bad, God is working for our good.” The more we can look at our life and say, “I see what God’s brought me out of. I see where God’s brought me now, and I see what God is bringing me next,” the more joyful we become.
So how do we cultivate that kind of joy—the kind that lasts through good times and bad? Theology of the Body offers a roadmap: a life rooted in meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue.

Meaningfulness—what St. John Paul called “the law of the gift”—is the commitment to use everything we’ve been given to make a positive difference in our circumstances and in the lives of those around us. In Gaudium et Spes, he wrote that “man… cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.” In other words, when we stop living just for comfort and start living for love, joy takes root.

Intimacy is about building what John Paul described as a “community of love.” It means cooperating with God’s grace to make all our relationships healthy, honest, and holy—from our marriages and families to our friendships and workplaces. Joy grows wherever genuine connection and self-giving love flourish.

Finally, virtue is our commitment to use everything that happens to us—good and bad—as an opportunity to become the whole, healed, godly, grace-filled person God sees when He looks at us. St. John Paul called virtue “the power to love rightly.” It’s what enables us to meet every challenge with the confidence that God’s grace can transform it into an opportunity for growth.
“Joy,” Dr. Greg says, “isn’t something we chase directly. It’s the natural result of daily asking, ‘Lord, how are you calling me to pursue meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue right now?’” That simple question allows us to discover the divine blueprint for joy that God has written into every human heart.

Modern research beautifully supports this Catholic vision of joy. A Harvard study on adult development found that strong, loving relationships—not wealth or success—are the single greatest predictor of long-term happiness and joy. Similarly, a Pew Research report shows that people who describe their lives as “meaningful” through faith and service score far higher on emotional well-being than those focused primarily on pleasure. And a Psychology Today feature notes that cultivating gratitude and purpose literally rewires our brains, strengthening the neural pathways that sustain joy even in hardship.

The world tells us to chase happiness. The Gospel—and the Theology of the Body—invite us to live for joy: a joy that endures, that deepens with love, and that reflects the very life of God within us.

When we root our days in meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue, we don’t just find fleeting pleasure. We discover the steady, unshakable joy of knowing that, truly, “All shall be well.”

If you would like to discover more meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue in your life and relationships, reach out to a Pastoral Counselor today at CatholicCounselors.com.

To Raise Healthy, Happy, Holy Kids, Start with a Game of Catch

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In our last post, we talked about various discipline strategies, and why authoritative discipline—and Discipleship Discipline, in particular—produces the best outcomes for kids and parents alike. Now, we’re going to look at the foundation for the success of Discipleship Discipline (or any discipline strategy, for that matter): a strong, secure relationship between parent and child. Without this foundation, the best discipline strategies in the world will fall flat, because kids learn best from people they are securely bonded to.

(By the way, much of this post is adapted from Parenting Your Kids with Grace: Birth to Age 10 and Parenting Your Teens and Tweens with Grace: Ages 11 to 18.)

Playing Catch: The Back-and-Forth of Parenting

Have you ever played catch with your kids? When you toss the ball, your goal isn’t to make it hard for them to succeed. You throw it in a way that helps them catch it, and when they throw it back, you do your best to keep the game going.

Parenting works the same way. “Discipleship Parenting is a lot like teaching your kids to play catch,” Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak write. “You try to help each other get better at sending the ball back and forth… and you try to keep the ball in play no matter how it’s thrown to you.” The back-and-forth of daily interactions is how kids learn to trust us, listen to us, and eventually, follow us in faith.

Parent-Child Relationships: Good Soil for Growing Healthy, Holy Adults

Long before kids are ready to be taught about God or virtue, the foundation for those lessons is already being laid.

“Babies and toddlers can’t learn faith facts, but they can learn how much they’re worth in God’s eyes when their parents take time to gaze at them, comfort them, and meet their needs as generously as they’re able,” the Popcaks write.

These early, nonverbal experiences literally become part of a child’s brain architecture. They form the neurological foundation for self-control, empathy, and even moral reasoning. As kids grow, the same principle applies: their confidence that Mom or Dad will “catch the ball” whenever they throw it—whether it’s a problem, a worry, or a mistake—determines how open they’ll be to guidance and how resilient they’ll be in the face of peer or cultural pressures.

At this point, you may wonder whether we’re talking about attachment parenting—a style of parenting that often emphasizes practices like babywearing, extended breastfeeding, or co-sleeping. These techniques can certainly support secure attachment, but they are not the same thing as attachment.

Attachment itself isn’t a set of practices. It’s a relationship—a child’s inner confidence that their parents are there for them, consistently, generously, and lovingly. Some parents may use attachment parenting methods but still foster insecure attachment if they are resentful, inconsistent, or emotionally unavailable. Likewise, parents who don’t use those methods can still raise securely attached kids if they cultivate habits of warm, responsive, and reliable caregiving.

And importantly, attachment isn’t just something babies need. It matters through every stage of a child’s life. For example, imagine your teen comes home from school looking withdrawn. They slam their backpack down and retreat to their room.

A parent who is focused only on correcting behavior might scold: “Don’t you dare slam things around this house!” But a parent practicing attachment-based discipleship would start by “collecting” their child—that is, making a personal connection that signals that Mom or Dad is on their team. The parent might start by gently knocking on the door and asking, “You seem upset—want to talk about it?”

Even if the teen doesn’t open up right away, that consistent, nonjudgmental presence communicates: You can turn to me. I’m here for you. Over time, this creates the trust that makes real correction and discipleship possible.

As we discussed in our earlier article, discipline that is grounded in a warm, secure relationship is not the same as “permissive parenting,” a parenting style in which parents provide their kids with little or no structure to support their growth. Authoritative discipline styles provide kids with rules, boundaries, and expectations, all supported by warm, secure parent-child attachment.

Secure vs. Insecure Relationships

Let’s go back to our “game of catch” analogy. What happens if the game of catch breaks down? The Popcaks point out that children who don’t experience consistent responsiveness often stop wanting to “play.” This can take a couple of forms:

  • Anxious attachment develops when parents respond inconsistently. Kids may achieve a lot, but inside they never feel good enough. “This child comes to believe that the game doesn’t go well because there’s something wrong with them.”
  • Avoidant attachment grows when parents are disengaged or dismissive. These kids learn not to bother throwing the ball at all. They avoid intimacy, become suspicious of closeness, and may even look down on those who seek connection.

Neither pattern sets a child up for healthy relationships—or for a living, vibrant faith. In fact, research shows that our attachment style to parents strongly predicts how we will relate to God, the Popcaks say. Anxiously attached people may see God as harsh and impossible to please, while avoidantly attached people may keep God at a distance.

Nurturing Attachment with the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life

How, then, can Catholic families intentionally cultivate secure attachment? One powerful framework is the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, a model developed by the Popcaks that highlights everyday practices that build faith and family bonds.

The “rites” in this framework include practices proven to strengthen healthy parent-child attachment. Some of these practices include:

  • Extravagant affection and affirmation. Kids who receive extravagant affection and affirmation from their parents thrive in all areas of life, from academic achievement to peer relationships and more. This might take the form of (appropriate) physical contact such as hugs as well as words of genuine encouragement and acknowledgement. Even when parents provide a child with healthy boundaries or help them correct their behavior, the overall vibe is one of teamwork, not opposition.
  • Prompt, generous, cheerful, and consistent attention to needs. When parents respond promptly, consistently, and generously to their needs, kids feel safe and secure. And when kids learn that they can rely on their parents to “be there for them” as children, they continue to turn to their parents as tweens, teens, and young adults. And there’s a bonus: parents who model and teach their children this way of relating benefit from kids who want to do the same for them.
  • Intentionally making time to be together. It’s hard to have a relationship without shared, common experiences—and in today’s world, that means intentionally making time to work, play, talk, and pray together.

These and other simple but intentional habits help children form strong relationships with their parents, siblings—and God. That’s because the parent-child relationship provides a template for the child’s relationship with God.

The Heart of Discipleship Parenting

The bottom line: secure attachment—the confidence that your child can always turn to you—makes all the difference. “Fostering strong attachment with your children through every age and stage is the key to creating a discipleship relationship with your child,” the Popcaks say.

This doesn’t mean being perfect. Parents will “drop the ball” sometimes. What matters most is consistency: showing up, listening, responding generously, and making repairs when things go wrong. Over time, these habits create the kind of bond that makes children resilient, open to their parents’ guidance, and ready to follow Christ.

For more on how to foster secure, faith-filled relationships with your kids, check out Parenting Your Kids with Grace (Birth to Age 10) and Parenting Your Teens and Tweens with Grace (Ages 11 to 18) by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. And for ongoing support building stronger bonds with your children, join the community of Catholic parents and pastoral counselors over at CatholicHŌM.

Less Stress, More Joy: The Power of Family Fun

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Soccer practice, piano lessons, theater rehearsals, youth group…many parents today feel like their family life happens in the car. We’re constantly running from one activity to the next, hoping that the time we invest in our kids’ activities will pay off.

Instead, 65% of American parents say they are just “getting through the day” rather than actually enjoying it, according to a 2024 Harris Poll.

What’s worse, overbooked kids often experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and anger, child health experts say.

If all of this sounds familiar, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak have a simple suggestion: make more time for family fun.

Regularly playing together as a family reduces stress and increases joy, they explained on a recent episode of the CatholicHŌM podcast. Even better, family play rituals strengthen relationships and fortify a healthy, holy lifestyle.

Fun is the Glue That Holds Families Together

A wealth of research shows that kids who have strong family relationships tend to thrive during childhood and adolescence—and even later on, as young adults. Family fun time plays a big role in developing strong, rich relationships between children and their parents.

“When we have fun with our children, when we make time to play…we become the people that they know they can trust and enjoy,” Lisa said.

The trust that develops between children and parents when they have fun together lasts into adolescence and beyond. Children who regularly play with their parents know who to turn to when life gets hard. On the other hand, over scheduled children may learn to turn elsewhere for connection.

“The people that your children have fun with are the people that your children trust,” Lisa continued. “So if your children are only having fun with other kids their age…who are they going to turn to when they have a broken heart or a difficult question…? Their friends.”

But not all time spent around our kids strengthens our bond with them. Parents often assume that showing up for their children’s activities is the same thing as spending time together. But kids don’t see it that way, the Popcaks said. They cited research that found that kids view their parents’ attendance at sports and rehearsals not as an investment in them, but as an opportunity for parents to socialize with other parents.

Attending games and rehearsals matters, but it’s not the same as shared, face-to-face fun, Dr. Greg explained: “They’re not interacting with us, and we’re not communicating to them how Christians enjoy each other and enjoy life.”

The temptation to over schedule comes from good intentions. We want to give our kids opportunities, build their skills, and support their passions. But when the family calendar is too packed, something vital is lost. Spontaneous fun disappears; relationships become transactional (“Did you finish your homework? What time is practice?”), and stress replaces joy.

Holy People Have More Fun!

Family play has another important function: it’s one of the ways we disciple kids into a healthy, holy Catholic vision of life.

When families have fun together, they teach their kids that Christianity isn’t just something for church, but for all areas of life. More than that, they teach kids that Christian values can actually enhance fun and recreation.

“The fact is, if we aren’t teaching our kids how to enjoy life and how to enjoy each other in healthy ways, the world is more than happy to suggest a million ways for our kids to enjoy themselves in sinful and destructive ways,” he said. 

Reclaiming Time to Play

So how can families reclaim time for play in a world that rewards busyness?

First, start by making family fun time a priority—and that means being intentional about scheduling time for it.

“Play rituals don’t just happen on their own,” Dr. Greg emphasized. “We need to treat family time in general, and play rituals in particular, as things that are on the schedule that we plan other stuff around.”

You can set aside routine times for family play, like after dinner and before prayers, or you can schedule family fun time as you meet to plan out your week.

Prioritizing family play rituals doesn’t mean pulling your children out of sports, theater, or youth group activities, the Popcaks emphasized. But it may mean cutting down on the time they spend on those activities so that there is time available for your family to connect.

Second, don’t be afraid to start small. Family fun time doesn’t need to involve a major, Monopoly-level time commitment. You might begin with as little as 15 minutes, Lisa said: “Just begin by asking, can we get 15 minutes today? What would we like to do with that time?”

If even that feels challenging, look for ways to spark little moments of joy during the day. Lisa described how her mother asked her father to come home from work with a joke for the family every day.

“He would run around the office toward the end of the day saying, ‘I need a joke. My wife won’t let me in the door without a joke,’” Lisa said. “And we can do that with our kids: bring a joke to the table for dinner time and start everybody laughing. Just having a moment of joy together is better than not having joy together.”

Just Do It!

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all model for how to have fun together as a family, the Popcaks emphasized. Talk about it together and experiment to find a rhythm of play and fun that works for your particular family. Be prepared for family play time to evolve as your kids get older, too: the ten minutes you spend tickling and roughhousing on the living room floor might become ten minutes of throwing a football around in the yard.

Above all, don’t be afraid to dive in, Lisa said.

“So often, we over schedule ourselves because we’re afraid to just have fun with our family. What if they don’t see me as an authority figure? What if they think I’m silly? What if it messes up the house? What if I can never get them settled down to go to bed? We have a million fears about just enjoying our children and our family time together in a fun way.

“I promise you, if you start making fun part of your family rituals, they will look at you with more respect, more love. They will trust you more. The emotional temperature in the house will come down over time because you’re not always being punitive. Play has a million wonderful fruits (that come) with it.”

When families reclaim time to laugh, play, and enjoy each other, they rediscover the joy of being a domestic church.

To learn more about weaving play and other rituals into daily life, explore the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support, downloadable resources for family fun, and videos and podcasts addressing common challenges that arise around family time. Plus, you can listen to CatholicHŌM podcast Episode 88: “The Family That Plays Together Prays Together.”

Created for Joy

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One of the most powerful insights St. John Paul II offers us in his Theology of the Body (TOB) is this: God created us for joy.

Not the fleeting kind of happiness we get when life feels easy, comfortable, or conflict-free—but a deeper, lasting joy. Happiness depends on circumstances. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It’s a state of being that flows from living a meaningful, intimate, and virtuous life.

So how do we cultivate this kind of joy? TOB gives us three key paths: meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue.

Joy through Meaningfulness

John Paul II described meaningfulness as self-giving. It’s the choice to use our gifts, talents, and even our struggles to make a positive difference in our world.

Every day presents us with opportunities to give ourselves away in love—whether that’s in the way we show up at work, the way we care for our families, or how we serve in our communities. Joy grows when we step into the truth that our lives matter, and that our contribution—big or small—has eternal weight.

Joy through Intimacy

The Theology of the Body also reminds us that joy flows from intimacy, which is at the heart of building what John Paul II called “communities of love.”

This means choosing to invest intentionally in authentic relationships: our spouse, our children, our friendships, and even our broader communities. When we are rooted in belonging, we are steadied—even in hardship. Genuine intimacy teaches us that we don’t walk alone, and that our lives are interwoven with others in God’s plan.

Joy through Virtue

Finally, joy grows through virtue. TOB calls us to spend our lives growing into the people God created us to be. Virtue is not about perfection—it’s about cooperating with God’s grace to let every circumstance, both the blessings and the challenges, shape us into stronger, holier, healthier people.

Every choice we make to pursue goodness, patience, courage, or compassion is a step toward becoming who God designed us to be. And in that process, joy takes deeper root in our hearts.

Living the Call to Joy

When we pursue meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue, we cultivate a joy that doesn’t disappear when life gets hard. This kind of joy is steady and resilient, because it rests on the knowledge that where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going all make sense in God’s plan.

If you’re wondering where to begin, here are a few questions to pray with today:

  • How can I use my gifts to make a difference right now?

  • How can I invest more intentionally in my relationships?

  • How can I cooperate with grace to grow through the challenges I face?

Living this way won’t always make you “happy.” But it will fill your life with the joy you were created for—a joy that lasts, because it’s rooted in the heart of God.

If you would like support in cultivating joy through greater meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue in your life and relationships, reach out to one of our pastoral counselors today.

Instead of Settling, Become Who You Are

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“That’s just not me.” How many times have you said—or thought—that phrase?

We humans have a natural tendency to define ourselves by our limitations. We create identity statements that box us in: “I’m just not an affectionate person,” “I don’t like praying out loud in a group,” or “I’m not comfortable with emotional vulnerability.”

We all have limits, preferences, and patterns we fall back on. Maybe you’ve even named your particular set of strengths and weaknesses with the help of a personality inventory.

But as Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak explained in a recent episode of the CatholicHOM podcast, these identity statements are only a starting point, not our final destination. They are helpful to the extent that they point us in the direction of growth.

And that means stepping out of the comfort of our self-defined identity to become the people God calls us to be.

‘Become Who You Are’

“Become who you are.” This simple four-word exhortation of St. John Paul II may seem cryptic at first. How do we “become” who we “are”? A seed might “become” a tree, but a tree doesn’t “become” a tree, after all. But, Dr. Popcak says, St. John Paul II is hinting at a deeper reality.

Whatever we may think of ourselves right now, we are called to become saints—that is, people fully caught up in the love of the Holy Trinity.

“The fact is, we already are those (saints) that we’re trying to become. Theologians like to talk about God as the ‘ground of our being,’” Dr. Popcak explains. “What that phrase means is that the closer we draw to God, the more we become who we really are, because the saints that we are destined to be already exist in God. And the more we draw closer to him, the more that true self, who we really are, is revealed.”

So, while personality inventories or self-reflection might help us understand our identity right now, we are called to move beyond our present selves to claim our true identity, which is already present in God’s heart.

“Our job is to stop settling for what we see when we look in the mirror and instead lean into the person God sees when he looks at us, because that’s who we really are,” Dr. Popcak says.

Everyday Opportunities for Growth

Many of our self-defined limitations stem from past experiences, the Popcaks suggest, often rooted in spiritual or emotional injury. These don’t have to be major traumas—they might be as simple as how we were raised, experiences in school, or even a lack of certain experiences that makes something feel foreign or “not me.”

When we recognize that our limitations often come from wounds or gaps rather than our true nature, we can approach them with greater compassion and curiosity. Instead of defending them as immutable aspects of our identity, we can ask: “What might be possible if I were willing to grow beyond this boundary?”

It is our closest relationships—with spouses, children, siblings, friends—that often present the most powerful invitations to grow beyond our limits, the Popcaks say.

God put these people in our lives, Lisa Popcak says, and it is by responding to their needs that we grow into our true identity. “It is about everything in the household, all of the people trying their best to meet the needs of the other, even when it causes us to stretch and grow,” she says.

She points to the example of St. Joseph, a godly man who listened to God even in his sleep and responded with courage to the needs of the people entrusted to his care. We might not be called to marry an already-pregnant woman, raise the Son of God, or flee to another country to protect our family. But like Joseph, responding to the needs of the people in our life with generosity and good cheer may take us well outside our comfort zone. It might mean being more physically affectionate (even though we weren’t raised that way), drawing healthy boundaries instead of giving in to a friend’s self-destructive behavior, or spending less time at work to spend more time with our family. It might mean trying a support group despite our deep discomfort or working hard to curb our habit of starting the day with a negative attitude. The possibilities are boundless!

It’s a Mutual Thing

The concept of mutuality plays an important role here, the Popcaks say. Within a family, for instance, each person is called to give their whole selves to the others, but at the same time, the other members of the family are called to give their whole selves to that person.

While “mutual self-donation” is the goal, the Popcaks are careful to distinguish between healthy growth and unhealthy accommodation. They offer two important qualifiers.

First, this approach doesn’t apply to requests that are immoral or demeaning. Authentic growth never requires compromising your values or dignity.

And second, responding to others’ needs doesn’t mean abandoning your own. The goal is mutual thriving, not one-sided sacrifice. The key is distinguishing between needs (what enables a person to thrive) and wants (preferences about how and when those needs are met). While we should be open to meeting others’ legitimate needs, we can negotiate the specifics in ways that respect our own needs too.

A Balanced Approach

In the end, becoming who we are isn’t about denying our present limitations; rather, we can acknowledge our current limitations while also being open to growth.

Let’s say, for instance, that your spouse asks whether you could curb your habit of sighing and rolling your eyes when family needs call you away from your favorite pastime. Lisa Popcak suggests that it is perfectly appropriate to say, “That doesn’t come naturally to me, and it will be challenging. I’ll need your patience. But because I love you and want to be the person I’m called to be, I’m going to work on stretching in that way.”

This approach acknowledges both your current limitations and your commitment to growth beyond them. It invites partnership in the process rather than pretending change is easy or instantaneous.

Becoming the saints we were created to be is not about trying harder on our own but growing in relationship. “God wants us to learn to love each other more than we love our comfort zones,” Greg says.

And in that stretching, in that mutual gift of self, we discover the people we were meant to be all along.

You can hear the entire podcast episode (Episode 83, “Become Who You Are”) exclusively on the CatholicHOM app, where you can also discuss family life issues with trained pastoral counselors. And for more individualized help with personal growth, reach out to a pastoral counselor at catholiccounselors.com.