Is “Lay People Suck” the New Teaching of the Church?–UPDATE

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UPDATE:  (Errata) I had copied and pasted Deacon Dietewig’s byline from his blog page where, at the end of his piece,  he identifies himself as “Professor of Theology, and former Executive Director, USCCB Secretariat for the Diaconate and Interim Executive Director, USCCB Secretariat for Evangelization”  I just received word from an informed source that,  “Deacon Ditewig was a former interim director over ten years ago in the former Evangelization Secretariat. He hasn’t worked at the Conference for a while.”   Also the person who contacted me asked that I clarify that, “Fr. Weinandy was most recently a consultant to the Committee on Doctrine–he finished as exec director in 2013.”  

I sincerely apologize for any confusion caused by my republishing Deacon Bill’s byline.

———

I’ve grown more than a little weary of the progressive trope that any confusion caused by chapter 8 of Amoris Laetitia is simply a matter of conflict between people who want an “adult church…a mature people of God” versus those who are childish, rigid, and “afraid of the unknown.”

Puh–lease.

Let me just lay my cards on the table.  I’m sure there are at least a few people in the church who spend more time in the trenches actually thinking about what it means to actually “be pastoral” than I do, but I think it would be fair to say that it’s a fairly small club.

Since 1999, I have directed a pastoral counseling agency that conducts over 12,000 of pastoral counseling per year.  That means that, over the last 18 years, I have either personally conducted, or been directly responsible for, over 216,000 hours of pastoral counseling, which is all about asking how one can apply the teachings of our Catholic faith to some of the most complex situations one could encounter in life.  Our agency’s services are delivered in English and Spanish to Catholic couples, families, and individuals across North and South America, Europe, Asia (primarily Hong Kong and India), Australia, and Africa, which has given me a uniquely multi-cultural lens through which to view this question of pastoral practice.  I am a Fellow of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors, and I serve as the Chair of the Education Committee for the Catholic Psychotherapy Association, which is responsible for the professional  development of the next generation of pastoral psychotherapists.  I also direct a graduate program in pastoral studies which is forming the next generation of pastoral ministers.  I have written over 20 books and programs on a host of serious, practical, faith-based topics that have been translated into at least 7 languages.

“Bully, for you, Popcak. Whoopee.” (slow clap).

I know.  None of that means anything.  It certainly doesn’t mean I’m right about anything.  And it definitely doesn’t mean that anyone needs to agree with me…about anything. I mean that.  But I don’t think I’m out of line for suggesting that my experience at least means that I have thought enough about the question of what “being pastoral” means that I ought to be considered an adult Christian who is not afraid of complexity of human suffering and–maybe, just maybe–has one or two valid things to contribute to the conversation.

That is, unless you are  among the spiritually exalted ranks of good folks like, Deacon Bill Ditewig, PH.D., who is, “Professor of Theology, and former Executive Director, USCCB Secretariat for the Diaconate and Interim Executive Director, USCCB Secretariat for Evangelization.”  (NOTE UPDATE ABOVE:  Deacon Bill’s byline, copied here from his post, is a misrepresentation.  He has not worked with the USCCB in over 10 years.)  No, apparently Deacon Bill thinks that lay people, like me, who are genuinely confused as to how some of Chapter 8 of Amoris Laetitia squares with the previous teaching of the Church are not worth considering.  We wouldn’t know pastoral practice if it hit us in the face because, apparently, we are just children who have never put out into the deep, who cower in our cave of rules and rigorism.

He argues that people who claim to be “confused” about what Pope Francis’ writings mean and how they square with the historical teaching of the Church are really pretending to be confused when they simply just disagree.   Now, it is absolutely true that “I’m confused” is often a cover for “I disagree.” After all, progressives have practiced this dodge in all the years since Humanae Vitae and especially through all the years of St. John Paul’s pontificate. Indeed, as we saw in the Synod for Families, progressives can barely be bothered to read the Theology of the Body much less claim to understand the practical significance of it.  But when there is a specific question being asked and ignored–namely, how these recent teachings exhibit continuity with previous teaching (and no, simply ignoring the question or responding, ” ‘Cause he said so” isn’t an explanation)–it is harder to accept that this claim of confusion is just a conservative dodge.

Four Questions

For those like Deacon Bill who like to profess confusion about all this confusion, I propose four simple questions.

1) How, exactly, do the recommendations in chapter 8 of Amoris Laetitia square with the historical teaching of the church, particularly that of St. John Paul in Veritatis Splendor? And if it is a development, how does this development square with Newman’s rules (so to speak) for the development of doctrine?

2) Who is right? Those bishops in Malta and Germany who are admitting those who are divorced and remarried without an annulment to communion or those bishops, almost everywhere else in the world who aren’t? Why?

3) What would you say about the client who, after AL was first published, came to me and asked, “Are you a JPII Catholic or a Pope Francis Catholic?”  Was he confused?  Why or why not?

4) And, finally, if you agree with Pope Francis’ approach to handling this crisis, where among the Spiritual Works of Mercy do we find that we can simply, “Ignore the annoying?”

Oh, and one more bonus question of a slightly more personal nature.  What do you call it–if not “confusion” or even “chaos”–when the USCCB’s Interim Director of the Secretariat for Evangelization turns to the internet to publicly take to task the Chief of Staff (well, until yesterday) of the USCCB’s Bishop’s Committee on Doctrine?

Lay People Suck
While you’re chewing on that, let me suggest a different dichotomy than the “Grown Up Progressive” vs. “Infantile Rigorist Conservative” trope folks like Deacon Bill proclaim. I would propose that this debate is really between those who believe in the Universal Call to Holiness and those who believe that “heroism is not for the average Christian” (as Cardinal Kasper proclaimed in an interview with Commonweal explaining his support for a new approach to communion for those who are remarried without the benefit of an annulment)

The idea that the laity are doomed to be spiritual also-rans strikes me as a particularly pernicious failure of pastoral practice.  I am, frankly, appalled that what appears to be driving the progressive advocacy of an interpretation of Chapter 8 of AL that supports communion for Catholics who are remarried without the benefit of annulment is that lay people are just too weak to live holy lives.  It seems to me that some 50 years after Vatican II, lay people deserve a little better than “we think we have to lower the bar because, well, you suck.”

When it comes right down to it, progressives, like Deacon Bill, appear to have drunk the Kool-Aid of clericalism that says that lay people just can’t cut it.  Moreover, he appears to believe that we don’t even deserve the benefit of an explanation as to why Pope John Paul II, whose entire pontificate (and especially whose TOB) was about defining the practical ramifications of the universal call to holiness, believed that lay people could be faithful intentional disciples and saints–even in the face of real hardship and sacrifice–but so many supporters a liberal interpretation of AL chapter 8 seem to think that all lay people are good for is being patted on the head while their spiritual betters do the heavy lifting.

A Challenge

What progressives fail to acknowledge is that any proposed changes to the doctrine on the indissolubility of marriage and how it relates to the marriage supper of the  Lamb (i.e., Communion) is a de facto denial of the universal call to holiness and the dignity that marriage holds in the divine plan.   That is a question that deserves to be addressed, not for the sake of some ivory tower rigorist navel-gazing, but because I happen to work with an awful lot of people who have been heroically bearing the cross of living faithfully in their irregular marriages for years and who are a testament both to the fact that  the current teaching bears real personal and relational fruit AND the fact that heroism is for the average Christian (thank you very much).  On their behalf, I can only say, “How dare you.” to anyone, who out of their misguided approach to pastoral practice would seek to demean the witness of such faithful, courageous, godly, and yes, heroic people.

Deacon Bill, I have no doubt you are a good and faithful man.  I am also quite sure you mean well, but I call you to repent of the incipient clericalism that infects your position that the only possible explanation for asking Pope Francis for clarification of chapter 8 of AL is childish obstinacy. I challenge you, and others like you, to repent of the idea that the voices of the thousands of people gracefully striving to live the gospel in their difficult marital circumstances should be discounted.  I challenge you to respond with a more authentic approach to both pastoral ministry and evangelization; namely, one that listens to the lived experience of those who are faithfully striving to live the teachings of the Church instead of one that patronizes the laity with the soft clericalism of low expectations.

Finally, I respectfully challenge you, and others like you, to reject your advocacy of a Church that believes that heroism is not for the average Christian and instead, to proclaim the message of Christ, who invites all who are willing to both take up the cross and to experience the resurrection that attends the faithful embrace of the same.

 

 

Become A Certified Catholic Counselor or Life Coach–Holy Apostles College & Seminary Offers 2 New Programs

Pastoral Counseling

Would you like to discover how to apply the timeless wisdom of our Catholic faith and cutting-edge insights from contemporary psychology to help the faithful lead more graceful and abundant lives?

According to an American Association of Pastoral Counselors/Greenberg Survey, 34% of Catholics in the US would prefer to receive counseling from a therapist who was knowledgeable about their faith and knew how to employ faith-based techniques in their clinical work.  That’s almost 25 million potential consumers of mental health services in the US alone whose needs are not being met by available community and church-based mental health resources!

Holy Apostles College and Seminary offers two new, online programs to help you meet Catholics’ needs for faithful guidance in facing life’s challenges.

The Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies with a concentration in  Catholic Pastoral Counseling

and

the Graduate Professional Certificate in Catholic Pastoral Counseling for Licensed Mental Health Professionals  (scroll down on page past Youth Ministry Cert)

Developed and directed by Dr. Greg Popcak, both distance-learning programs are intended to give learners the skills they need to help people lead more fulfilling, healthy, and godly lives and relationships. Students will acquire the skills necessary for fostering the emotional, spiritual, and relational development of people-of-faith, in addition to being able to develop ethical and effective psycho-spiritual interventions to assist people in crisis.

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These programs are an excellent fit for…

people in church ministry who would like to sharpen their psycho-spiritual/pastoral intervention skills and be more effective, first-line responders to people needing emotional and relational support.

any person who wishes to become a Christian Life Coach and/or Board Certified Professional Life Coach.

licensed mental health counselors who wish to engage in ethical and effective faith-integrated approaches to professional counseling.

Although this program is not intended to prepare learners to practice as state-licensed mental health professionals, all graduates (whether or not they are currently licensed mental health providers) will have advanced standing to become a Board Certified Coach through the Center for Credentialing and Education.

To learn more about how you could become a Catholic Pastoral Counselor or Pastoral Life Coach, visit  Holy Apostles College and Seminary.  We are currently accepting applications for these programs which begin in the Fall of 2017.

Here’s Why Abortion Remains THE Fundamental (and Non-Negotiable) Social Justice Issue of Our Time

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

It has become popular, as of late, to assert that abortion is just one of many important social-justice issues.  Many people correctly note that a host of other issues–from education, to immigration, to healthcare–are also extraordinarily important pro-life issues. Pope Francis, himself, has noted “all values are non-negotiable.”  And of course, he’s absolutely right. All truths are true–absolutely.  All needs are needs. All values are undeniably valuable. But if this is the case, does this mean that it is somehow wrong to assert that the right to life remains the single most important social justice issue of our day, instead of merely one “pro-life” issue among many in the seamless garment?  No.  Of course not.  Here’s why.

Building Blocks

While all truths are absolutely, non-negotiably true, some truths are more foundational, in the sense that we need to accept those truths before we can begin to wrap our heads around more complicated truths.  For instance; the belief that “there is a God: is more foundational than the fact that “God is Father and  has a son who is Jesus, the Christ.”  Both of these truths are non-negotiably true, the belief in the existence of God is necessary before you can believe that this God had a son named Jesus.  Claiming the latter without accepting the former is just absurd.  That Jesus is God’s son is not somehow “less true” than the existence of God, but believing in the existence of God is a more foundational truth.

This concept is called the “hierarchy of truths.”  And though many people take that phrase to mean that some truths are more true than others, that is not at all the case.  It just means that some truths require understanding of more foundational concepts in order to “get” them.  This principle applies to Catholic Social Teaching (CST) as well.  So, what does this have to do with the question of where fighting for the unborn baby’s right to life fits in the grand scheme of social justice advocacy?

Life: The Fundamental Truth

I teach several college courses on Catholic Social Teaching.  I begin each of those classes by proposing a simple question to my students.

Question: What is the easiest way to solve any social problem?

I let students struggle with the answer for a bit, but in all my years of teaching this course, no one has ever hit on the diabolical–and all to common–answer.

Answer: Kill the people responsible for the problem.

As shocking as this answer is, it is, in fact, society’s go-to response to many social problems.  In fact, the less the individuals seen to be responsible for a particular social problem are able to speak up for themselves and the more the killing can be done relatively quietly,  the more likely it is a society will resort to this particular “final solution.”

For instance:

~Q: What should we do about violent crime?  A: Use the death penalty to kill the criminal.  Problem solved.

~Q: What should we do to solve soaring medical care costs?  A: Euthanize people who are either terminal or are at least willing to be killed “for the sake of mercy.” Problem solved.

~Q: Throughout the 20th century, when various societies faced serious economic crises what was the convenient solution they settled on?  A: They rounded up the people who were seen–rightly or wrongly–to be taking all the jobs or hoarding all the resources and killed them in a host of creatively evil and horrible ways.  Problem solved.

~Q: What can we do about the problem of unwanted pregnancy?  A: Kill the child in the womb who is responsible for so much grief.  Problem solved.

In each of these cases, death for the party seen to be “responsible” for the particular social ill is the easy answer because it is usually done quietly (so the rest of us don’t have to know about it) and the people being eliminated are in no position to make enough noise to do anything about it.   Killing the “responsible” party remains a tremendously popular, efficient, and economical way to solve virtually any social problem.  What’s not to love?

Furthermore, as long as killing the people who are responsible remains a socially acceptable and legal option, it is impossible to truly change hearts on the matter.  When push comes to shove, if people feel they have a serious enough reason, no matter what they may personally feel is wrong in their heart of hearts, if an option remains legal,  available, and easy, it will be the option that is most often chosen.  By and large, a suffering person will always choose what is easy over what feels moral unless there are appropriate supports for doing what is right and costs for doing what is wrong.  Don’t take my work for it. See Kohlberg’s work on moral development.  That is why overturning unjust laws that make it killing people an acceptable means of solving social problems is so important.

But, Why Abortion?

But if all of these issues violate the principle of the right to life, why is the plight of the unborn even more fundamental a truth than the criminal’s right to life, or the immigrant’s or any of the other pro-life issues I mentioned above, all of which are absolutely true, inviolable, and in their own way, non-negotiable?

To answer that, we turn to another principle of Catholic social teaching; the Universal Destination of Goods.  This is the idea that everything God has given to us is to be shared, in particular, with those in need.  Our ownership is not absolute.  God is the only absolute owner of every blessing he has entrusted to our care.  We are merely stewards.  If we are to be good stewards, we are responsible for sharing what God has given us with those in need.

And how do we distribute those blessings?   A corollary of the principle of the universal destination of goods is that those who have the greatest need and the least ability to advocate for themselves have the most legitimate claim on the available resources.  While the criminal, the poor, the immigrant, and the sick are all in need, and have a God-given, absolute right to have those needs attended to, no one has a greater claim to our time, energy, and effort than the unborn, who, in fact, have both the greatest needs and the least ability to advocate for themselves of any other underprivileged group.  They are the neediest in every imaginable manner of speaking.  Therefore, they have a right–according to CST–to be given priority. The fundamental option for the poor begins with championing those who have less than nothing and are largely thought by our society to have not even earned the right to breath their first breath.

Again, returning to the idea of the hierarchy of truths, it becomes obvious that accepting and advocating for the unborn’s right to life is foundational.  It is extraordinarily difficult to accept the violent criminal’s God-given right to life if we cannot accept that the innocent, unborn child has that right.  It is extraordinarily difficult–if possible at all–to accept that the poor and the immigrant have a right to a quality of life if they, and more foundationally, their unborn children, do not have a right to exist in the first place.  It is terrifically difficult to accept that the sick and infirm–those who can no longer contribute economically to society and, in fact, are thought to be a drain on our resources by many–have a right to life, if we cannot first accept that even a healthy unborn child has a right to life; not because of anything he or she has done, or even because he or is necessarily wanted, but because he or she is.  

All truths are true, all needs must be met, and yes, immigration, healthcare, education, housing, and all the rest are truly pro-life issues.  This is an undeniable fact of CST.  Nevertheless, overturning abortion remains the single most important, most non-negotiable, social justice problem of our day because it is the most foundational way to assert that everyone has at least a basic, God-given right to life and, by extension a right to some kind of quality of life.

Protecting the unborn, first and foremost, is the only way to assert that just because a person or groups needs are somehow inconvenient for the rest of society to deal with they it is not acceptable to kill them off so the rest of us don’t have to deal with them.  That is why Mother Theresa, who spent her life as the pre-eminent social justice warrior, used every opportunity she had to condemn abortion in no uncertain terms.  In fact, I would argue that it was social justice icon Dorothy Day’s own abortion that eventually drove her to be such an advocate for all the marginalized. She knew, in the most personal, intimate way anyone could, how important it was to stand for life.  A passionate commitment to the right to life is what makes authentic, wholistic, effective, and intellectually coherent social justice work possible.

The Seamless Garment.

None of this neglects the truth of the seamless garment principle. All social justice issues are inextricably linked to one another, and any person who seeks to be authentically pro-life cannot work to save the babies but turn a blind eye to the poor, the sick, the needy, the stranger, or even the criminal.  But while the rights of all of these groups covered by the seamless garment are non-negotiable and God-given, the right to life is foundational and necessary for understanding these other, dependent rights.   Even a thread that runs through a seamless garment has a beginning, and if the beginning of that thread is allowed to fray, the rest of the garment will come undone.  Any attempt to emphasize other rights or needs over the right to life is the equivalent of trying to sew patches on the seamless garment while it unravels from the loose thread dangling before us.  It ends up being a fool’s errand.

That is not to say that all other social justice issues are less important.  It is also not to say that everybody else has to wait in line to get their needs met until abortion is overturned. But it us to say that unless we are willing to prioritize the needs of the most needy and most vulnerable–namely, the unborn–any larger effort to work for a just and godly civilization of love is, ultimately, for not.

“I’m Just Mad About Saffron. And Saffron’s Mad About…Treating Depression.” New Study Says.

saffronI’m just mad about saffron and saffron’s mad about me.  –Mellow Yellow by Donovan

A new review of 6 randomized, controlled trials found that the spice, saffron, was as effective for treating depression as Prozac and Tofranil.  The sample sizes of the studies are small but the results are tremendously promising insofar as study participants using  saffron as an anti-depressant do not appear to suffer from the side effects that are common to pharmaceuticals, such as sleepiness, constipation and sexual problems.  According to Dr. Adrian Lopresti, the lead author of the study, “Saffron has had a number of really well designed, robust studies investigating its antidepressant properties and pretty much all the studies have been positive.”

Why does saffron work?  According to Lopresti, “What’s been found in the literature over the last ten years is that people with depression have high levels of inflammation and free radical damage associated with oxidative stress. That led to interesting work looking into antioxidants and anti-inflammatories as antidepressants”  It turns, saffron has both strong anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant properties which enables it to have a potentially powerful impact on the physiological symptoms of depression; the aches, the lethargy, the feelings of sluggishness.

According to the study, the effective dose appears to be 15mg twice daily and results are usually apparent wishing 6-8 weeks.  There needs to be much more research done with much larger sample sizes before we can say whether saffron could be a consistently effective treatment for depression but early results are very encouraging.

 

5 Tips For Avoiding Family Holiday Drama

Ah, Christmas. A solemn, joyful time of year for Christians, where silent and holy nights are de rigueur and Norman Rockwell springs eternal in the collective unconscious of the American mind.  And then it happens…. You try–contrary to what conventional wisdom says about the subject–to go home again.

Now, let me state right up front that this article is not for those of you who can’t wait to fly home and reenact your own Currier and Ives Christmas in all your old haunts with all your cherished friends and relations. If this is you, then I wish you a Merry Christmas, a happy New Year, tons of figgy pudding in your stocking, and with that, I bid you a fond, holiday farewell until next year. No, this article is for the rest of you (you know who you are), who right about now are thinking that going to the local ice rink and lying down in front of the Zamboni machine may be preferable to putting up with one more Christmas of mom making “helpful” comments about your weight, dad getting more than his share of nog in the egg, your corporate attorney sister (aka “Little Miss Perfect”) telling you how she is glad that you are happy in your “little life,” your brother-in-law (the one that hit you up for $2,000 last Christmas for the Ostrich farm) asking you for money, or for that matter, Great Uncle Harold, who never tires of telling your twelve-year-old son the latest dirty jokes.

What can you do when going home for the holidays feels just a little too much like starring in your own, personal horror story, the kind where the hero/heroine (that would be you) barely escapes with his or her life, but not before suffering unspeakable, holiday-inspired trauma from the great beyond? How can you survive, or even (dare I hope?) enjoy your holiday in spite of the old wounds and present slights? Let the following five tips be your holiday survival guide.

1. Don’t Try to Solve the Unsolvable.

“Every year its the same thing.” Marylin complained to me in session, “My parents never see how awful my sister is to me. She is so petty and hurtful. I’ve tried to talk directly with her about it, but she always tells me I’m just too sensitive. When I ask my folks to give me some support, they just tell me they wish I could be more like her. They have always treated her better than me as long as I can remember. What can I do to make them see how much they’ve hurt me?”

There is a prayer that asks God to give us the courage to change what can be changed, the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference. Now might be a good time to dust that prayer off. Generally speaking, when someone is acting in an offensive way toward you, the direct approach is the best approach. But if that person has been treating you the same obnoxious way since you were five, chances are you are not going to solve the problem this year, or any year for that matter, regardless of how direct or indirect you are about it. And the sooner you accept this hard fact, the happier you are going to be.

When it comes to longstanding problems with family members you only have two healthy choices available to you. If the ongoing offense is too terrible an affront to either your personal dignity (e.g., abusive language or physical violence) or to your sense of moral well-being (e.g., open and unrestrained hostility toward your faith and beliefs), then your best bet may be to simply skip the family shindig this year and concentrate on starting your own traditions. On the other hand, if the ongoing offense is not quite so serious, I would recommend that you do your best to grin and bear it. Remind yourself that you are a grown-up, and that while these people are an important part of your past, they can only play the part in your present and future that you see fit to allow. True, you may feel like a three-year-old in their presence, but the fact is, you are in charge now. If you can remember this, you will be able to find the maturity to practice the spiritual work of mercy known as “bearing wrongs patiently” and perhaps even find some wisdom in the age-old Catholic practice of “offering it up.”

2. You Don’t Have to Save Your Family from Themselves.

I recently read a case study of a man who was dreading going home for the holidays because of his mother’s excessive drinking. His therapist asked him to imagine getting the following note in his mailbox. “Dear Charles, I wanted you to know that for the rest of her life, your mother is going to be an alcoholic and remain completely oblivious to anyone’s efforts to help her. Love, God.”

Charles reported that even though the therapist’s words shocked him at first, he realized that barring some major miracle–a miracle that was beyond his ability to produce–his mother was indeed going to have a problem for the rest of her life. While this saddened him, he also realized that for the first time he could go home with some peace, because it wasn’t his job to save her.

People often tell me that they dread going home again because they feel it is their job to save their family, to be the witness that lead them all to Christ, or at least witnesses that stop the family from killing each other. If this is you, I want you to repeat after me, “I am not the family Messiah. I am not the family Messiah, I am not….”

Yes, when you are around your family you must conduct yourself in a manner that makes you proud of your own behavior, but stop trying to play the prophet or putting yourself, your mate, or your kids on display so that the rest of the family will see your light and follow you to Midnight Mass. That is simply more pressure than anyone can stand, and it will make everyone around you (especially your mate and children) despise you. No one likes a self-righteous prig, even at Christmas. The best way to be a light is not by being perfect, but by being peaceful. Do whatever it takes to maintain your calm and take excellent care of your own mate’s and children’s emotional well-being. Leave your family to their own devices. If you can manage this, maybe, just maybe, someone in the family will one day come to you and ask, “What’s your secret for staying so calm in the middle of all this insanity?” But before this can happen (perhaps a hundred years from now) you will have to practice becoming a credible witness to your family by being a peaceful, sane person whose faith–as St Francis de Sales says faith must be–is attractive.

3. Don’t Play the Game.

Certain people like to play a party game therapists call, “Let’s you and him fight.” That’s where somebody puts two people with violently divergent opinions in the same room, raises a hot topic, and then stands back at a safe distance to watch the fireworks.

There are political, religious, and personal versions of this game. Your job is to avoid this game at all costs, because there are no winners, only losers. If you play, you will end up looking like one of the reject guests for a holiday episode of Jerry Springer. Remind yourself that these arguments are really not going to convince anyone about anything and that, in fact, you are being set up, merely for the amusement of another person(s). Resist the temptation to fight.  Instead, if you know you are going to a place where you openly disagree with everything that is being said, focus all your energies on making polite conversation, or alternatively, heading to the buffet table and stuffing your mouth full of the driest cookies you can find so that you couldn’t say something inflammatory even if you wanted to.

Of course this does not mean that you cannot answer sincere questions asked by the more honest members of your family. Just remember that people asking sincere questions about spiritual, emotional, or political issues do not often do so with a smirk on their face and twenty other people looking on. If the situation is the latter, you are being set up.

4. Know When to Say When

Know when to call it a night (or morning, or early afternoon) and make sure you have a nice safe hotel to run to when things start getting to you. There is nothing wrong with beating a hasty retreat when you feel that you can’t take it anymore. Find an excuse to bug out whenever you need a break (something like, “I’m sorry, I suddenly began experiencing stabbing pains through my entire body” usually does the trick.) You can always come back later, after you have cooled down. And if anyone is offended by you keeping a separate domicile, just tell them you were trying to inflict yourself on them as little as possible. They probably won’t admit it to your face, but chances are, they will be as relieved as you are.

5. Pray.

This is the most obvious, but also the most important. But if you pray, please ask God to give you the grace to be a sane credible witness, BEFORE you pray for the conversion and sanity of the rest of your family. Remember, as St, Francis said, it is much more important to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved, to consol than to be consoled. The paradox is, the more you practice these virtues, the more respect you will be afforded by those around you. Pray that God would change you first.

These five tips probably won’t be the source of any great holiday miracle, but they just may stop you from impaling yourself on a sprig of holly at the thought of seeing “those people” for yet another holiday.

And sometimes, that is miracle enough.

 

For more information on handling those delicate situations in your extended family, check out God Help Me, These People Are Driving Me Nuts!  Making Peace with Difficult People.

The Good Samaritan:  Not Just a Good Neighbor

A guest post by Pastoral Solutions Clinical Counselor, Dave McClow, M.Div., LMFT, LCSW.

Image via Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Image via Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Providence is a powerful force—it’s God’s invisible hand guiding our lives.  I experience Providence in different ways.  Most frequently it happens on the phone with my clients when a story or metaphor comes to mind that I don’t normally use, and it hits home in a way I could not have possibly planned.  It happens in used-book stores (one of my vices).   I will find a book or an author on a topic I have just discovered and want to explore.  Or in this instance, I found in my library, from three different sources, something new on the parable of the Good Samaritan.  Fr. Michael Gaitley’s 33 Days to Merciful Love, Bishop Robert Barron’s sermon, and Pope Benedict’s Jesus of Nazareth all interpreted this parable as a beautiful metaphor for God’s mercy.  So I got the message, and an article was inspired!

In my pastoral counseling practice, I have many perfectionists.  They are always working hard to do all the right things, yet are never quite sure what the right things are, thus finding themselves in an unsolvable dilemma.  They work to be loved and feel they are only as good as their last performance.  When they contact me, they are exhausted and suffering in their relationships, including their relationship with God.  But our behavior can’t make God love us any more than he already does.  We don’t work for love, we work from it (1 Jn 4:19).  They have reversed what our faith teaches and bought into a heresy called Jansenism.

Whenever I would hear the Good Samaritan parable, I would focus on what I was supposed to do, missing the very rich message of God’s mercy.  But with this new interpretation, the Holy Spirit has been bringing some clients to tears and all to a deeper appreciation of his love and mercy.

The Parable and Interpretation

A man was walking from Jerusalem to Jericho.  The first surprise from the early Church fathers is, this is man’s journey from the “heavenly city” to “sin city”—he is walking away from God.  He is beaten, stripped, robbed, and left half-dead—this is original sin.  The priest and Levite, both schooled in the law and the prophets, pass by and are of little help to man in original sin.

Then along comes an outcast, a half-breed, a Samaritan.  He simply responds to the wounded man without being asked.  But this Samaritan is not just a good neighbor—he is Jesus!  As a good father, Jesus is always drawn to the woundedness of his children, even the woundedness of sin: “where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more” (Rom.5:20).  St. Therese’s little way makes a similar point.  Her doing little things with great love is only half of the story.   The other half is to live as spiritual children; we must stay little—we must acknowledge our faults, hurts, wounds, and sins to God—to open the floodgates of love and mercy towards us.  St. Faustina puts an exclamation point on this.  Regarding hardened sinners, she says, “These souls have a right of priority to My compassionate Heart, they have first access to My mercy”! (Diary, 1541)  In his merciful love, Jesus pours wine—the blood of Christ!—on the wound.  He puts all the love in the universe into that wine and pours it into our woundedness for healing.  Pause and reflect on that: all the love of the universe penetrating your wounds.  Then comes the oil, tying in four more sacraments: Baptism, Confirmation, Anointing of the Sick, and Holy Orders.

Jesus carries us to the inn.  Imagine you are in the arms of Jesus, being carried, half-dead in sin—some of your own making, some done to you—to a place of help.  You can rest in his arms.  In another surprise, the inn is the Church, the hospital for sinners.  The inn keeper might be a priest, family member, or friend who helps you through a dark time in your life.

Psychologically we desperately need another to initiate loving us, and we need to be loved despite our faults and sins so we can feel loved and secure.  Thankfully, our Papa obliges us on both counts!  He initiates, and our sin does not have the power to stop him from loving us.  He can’t stop being who he is—love!  His love, in both forms, is clear in this parable, as well as in the story of our Abba’s pursuit of Adam and Eve after the fall and in Jesus’ pursuit of us, taking on our humanity.  He is a good father!  When my perfectionistic clients experience this, they work less for love and more from love.

The Ultimate Challenge

Up until recently, I had always and only heard this parable as a challenge to be a good neighbor, and I’ve always had a hard time living up to it!  Now we have the rest of the story:  the Good Samaritan is Jesus!  He always pursues us, even when we don’t ask for it—even in our sins.  We must receive the Good Samaritan’s love and mercy first, or we have nothing to give away (1 Jn 4:19).   And then our response to this love is repentance—going beyond the mind we have now/giving up the lies we believe about God or ourselves—and then going to confession.  This is followed by The Ultimate Challenge: to be that good neighbor or the inn keeper in a world where everyone is wounded by something!  Be like Jesus—be a good spiritual father in a dark and lonely world!

Pope Francis Asserts the Power of Lay Catholics

Image via Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Image via Shutterstock. Used with permission.

Pope Francis recently raised eyebrows in his comments affirming the constant teaching of the Church that it is not possible to ordain women to the priesthood.  According to reports,

As he has done in the past, the pope responded that the question was settled in 1994 by St. John Paul II, who taught that because Jesus chose only men as his apostles, the ordination of women in the Catholic Church is not possible.  He was asked, “Really? Never?” And he responded, “If one carefully reads the declaration of St. John Paul, it goes in that direction, yes.”

Of course, many people read this as yet another instance of the Church’s retrograde attitude toward women.  I read it in terms of the Church’s commitment to an empowered laity.

Did you know that one could easily argue that the Church already asserts that every baptized, confirmed and communed Catholic has as much (if not more) spiritual authority as the average Protestant minister?  Every. Single. One.  Men AND women. I am, of course, referring to the doctrine known as the Common Priesthood of the Laity. Here is the catechism….

1546 Christ, high priest and unique mediator, has made of the Church “a kingdom, priests for his God and Father.”20 The whole community of believers is, as such, priestly. The faithful exercise their baptismal priesthood through their participation, each according to his own vocation, in Christ’s mission as priest, prophet, and king. Through the sacraments of Baptism and Confirmation the faithful are “consecrated to be . . . a holy priesthood.”21

Of course, the ministerial priesthood (i.e., ordained Catholic priests) is absolutely at the heart of of the Church because only a priest can consecrate the Eucharist and administer the sacraments.  But both the ministerial and the common priesthood of the laity represent two critically important dimensions of the One Priesthood of Christ. What distinguishes them is that the ministerial priesthood depends upon apostolic succession–a specific and additional gift handed down from Christ, through the original Apostles, to the Church’s ministers today–while the common priesthood depends solely upon the gifts of baptism, confirmation, and communion.   Some non-Catholic denominations also have a legitimate claim to apostolic succession but not most.

The Three Powers of the Common Priesthood.

The common priesthood isn’t a “lesser priesthood.”  Understood properly, it is a tremendously powerful ministry.  First,  while the ministerial priesthood may consecrate the Eucharist, the common priesthood of the laity is charged with consecrating the world to Christ.  Second, it means that the laity are called to the same heights of sanctity and holiness that the ordained and religious are called to.  Finally, it means that every lay Catholic–including every Catholic lay woman–is commanded and empowered to offer their lives as a sacrifice for the good of the Church (the “priestly mission”), proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ in all they do (the “prophetic mission”) and to serve the world in ways that remind others of the dignity that Christ has communicated to every human person (the “royal mission”).  How is this any less significant a role in the Church than the role any Protestant minister plays in his or her church community or the world?

Most Protestant ministers are simply baptized Christians (and often not confirmed and certainly not communed in the sense Catholics understand communion as an encounter with the Real Presence of Christ) who through study and prayer devote themselves to serving the Kingdom of God.  When people say, “Why don’t Catholics allow women to be ministers like Protestants do?”  This is basically what they are referring to.  People mistakenly assume an equivalence between Protestant ministers and Catholic priests, but this analogy is false.

A False Analogy

Protestant ministers are, from a Catholic perspective, simply lay Christians on fire for Christ and dedicated to serving the Body of Christ.  That’s a tremendous thing, but it just happens to be what every single Catholic lay person is called to be–man and woman. PLUS Catholics receive the graces of the sacraments of initiation (baptism, confirmation, and communion) while the vast majority of Protestant ministers do not.  In this sense, one could argue that the average Catholic layperson has been gifted an even larger share in the priesthood of Christ because Catholics, unlike Protestant (including Protestant ministers) do not deny themselves the gifts of Confirmation (through which we participate in the Life of the Spirit) and Communion (through which we participate intimately in the life of Christ).

Not Triumphalism

I understand that there will be some who view this post as hopelessly triumphalistic.  I want to be clear.  I am not looking down my nose at Protestants or Protestant ministers.  Many–even most–of these men and women are truly inspirational people and profound witnesses to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am simply stating a fact that most people overlook.  Catholics already do have an office that exhibits the spiritual grace and authority that every Protestant minister has if not more so (because of  the sacraments Catholics receive), and that office is called “The Common Priesthood.”  That is, the lay vocation.

Changing the Conversation

To my way of thinking, Pope Francis’ comments affirming the male, ministerial priesthood, represents a powerful opportunity for Catholics to change the conversation and focus on the real, shocking truth, power, and dignity of the common priesthood.

Q: “Why don’t Catholics allow women priests?”

A:  “We do!  In fact, every Catholic lay person who has been baptized, confirmed and communed has at least the same spiritual authority and call as any Protestant minister if not more so.”

That would be a shocking response.  Just imagine the headlines if Pope Francis, or your local bishop, or you answered this way.  It would raise eyebrows for sure.  It would finally present a new and exciting discussion and offer the world something they never heard about.  It would give the Church a chance to lead the conversation, as it should be doing, instead of always seeming to follow awkwardly behind whatever conversation the world is having.

Read More

This is, incidentally the very conversation St John Paul the Great tried to start in 1988 when he wrote On the Vocation and Mission of the LaityIf you think what I’ve written is shocking or surprising in any way, go read that amazing piece of writing.  It will blow your mind.

The Catholic laity has a powerful and legitimate claim to Christ’s priesthood that easily matches and ever surpasses the claim the average Protestant minister has.  And that isn’t a slam against Protestants, that’s a call to the Catholic laity to wake up and become what they are; prophet, royal, priestly witnesses to the gospel who are dedicated to consecrating the world to Christ in everything they do.

Pastoral Solutions Institute Seeks New Catholic Counselor to Join Team

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The Pastoral Solutions Institute is pleased to announce that we are expanding and seeking a new Catholic therapist to join our team of professional Catholic counselors.  If you are interested, please read the following carefully.

About the Institute

Founded by Dr. Greg Popcak in 1999, the Pastoral Solutions Institute is a Catholic behavioral tele-health practice providing over 10,000 hours/year of ongoing pastoral psychotherapy services by telephone to Catholic couples, families and individuals worldwide.

The Pastoral Solutions Institute is internationally recognized as a leader in the effective integration of the Catholic faith and spirituality in clinical practice. In addition to providing counseling services, the Institute provides ongoing training and formation for therapists wanting to practice in a Catholic-integrated context and spearheads educational and outreach initiatives intended to empower lay Catholics to productively live the Church’s vision of life and love.

About the Position

The Pastoral Solutions Institute has an immediate FULL-TIME opening (due to our high level of commitment to ongoing training/formation of our staff we are NOT accepting part time applications) for a new therapist to join our team of telephone-based pastoral counselors.  After a comprehensive, initial training period, the new clinician would work from home but serve as part of our integrated team of professional counselors and spiritual directors.  In addition to carrying a full case load, the clinician would be expected to participate in weekly staffings/trainings and other activities that support professional development and the mission of the Institute.

Qualifications

The applicant MUST…
-Have at least a masters degree in a mental health related discipline (counseling, clinical soc.wrk, marriage and family therapy, etc)
-Be licensed to practice INDEPENDENTLY in his or her state of residence.
-PLEASE NOTE:  Applicants who do not hold a current, valid state license for independent practice WILL NOT be considered.
-Be a faithful, practicing Catholic in good standing in the Church and agree with the Magisterial teachings of the Church especially as related to marriage and family issues, including sexuality and natural family planning.

The Following Additional Qualifications are a PLUS but not specifically required
-A degree in Catholic theology (BA, MA, M.Div) from an accredited Catholic college or university.
-Formal training (or advanced independent study) in the Theology of the Body
-Formal training (0r advanced, independent study) in attachment theory (relating to both children and adult pair bonding)
-Familiarity with Dr. Greg Popcak’s books in general and marriage and family life in particular.

The Application

Interested parties should please send the following to GPopcak@CatholicCounselors.com
1. Current CV
2. Brief 300-500 word reflection on your faith development including a brief reflection on how the Church’s teaching on marriage, family and sexuality impacts your life and relationships.
3. List of 3 references that could speak to both your professional and faith development (e.g, professional 
colleague, supervisor, pastor)  You DO NOT need to include reference letters.  ONLY names of references and contact information.

APPLICATION DEADLINE

Please submit all requested application information by Friday, October 21, 2016.

We look forward to receiving your application!

 

 

 

More2Life Radio Coming to EWTN Radio Network & SIRIUS/XM Channel 130 @ 10amE/9amC

Photo Credit: More2Life Radio. Used with Permission

Photo Credit: More2Life Radio. Used with Permission

EWTN Radio announced today that they will begin airing More2Life with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak each weekday at a new time, 10am Eastern/9am Central, beginning August 15th, 2016.  More2Life is a call-in advice program integrating insights from counseling psychology and St John Paul the Great’s Theology of the Body (TOB).   Mike Jones, Vice-President of Ave Maria Radio, the producers of More2Life, said that they were excited to be bringing More2Life to EWTN’s almost 400 affiliated stations across the US as well as the EWTN Channel 130 on Sirius Satellite Radio.

Airing weekdays on about 50 stations affiliated with Ave Maria Radio since 2001, More2Life is dedicated to helping people live the  Catholic difference in their marriage, family, and personal lives and overcome the obstacles we face to becoming the whole, healed, godly, and grace-filled people we are all meant to be.

More2Life offers a faithful take on current events and the latest insights from counseling psychology, viewing the world through the lens of the Theology of the Body—that dynamic teaching of St. John Paul the Great that has been called “a theological time bomb,” with the potential to revolutionize how the world thinks about faith, life, and love in the third millennium.

In addition to sharing helpful tips and responding to listeners’ calls about challenging marriage, family, and personal problems, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak are joined by a rotating list of dynamic TOB guest experts including…

Bishop Jeffrey Monforton, Bishop of Steubenville and former rector of Sacred Heart Seminary.

Dr. Andy Lichtenwalner & Bethany Meola Exec. Dir. and Asst. Dir. (respectively) of the USCCB Secretariat for Marriage, Family, Laity and Youth.

Fr. John Riccardo, popular speaker, pastor, and host of Christ is the Answer

Dr. John & Claire Grabowski, members of the Pontifical Council for the Family

Dr. Joseph White, family psychologist & national catechetical consultant for OSV Publications.

Damon Owens, former Exec. Dir. of the TOB Institute and Founder of JoyToBe Ministries.

Bill Donaghy, head of curriculum development for the TOB Institute

Emily Stimpson, author of These Beautiful Bones:  An Everyday Theology of the Body

Rachel Watkins, developer of the Little Flowers Girls Club and mom of 11.

In addition to hosting More2Life Radio, Dr Greg and Lisa Popcak are the authors of more than 20 books that apply timeless Catholic wisdom and cutting-edge psychological insights to the challenges of marriage, family, and everyday life.  Together, they are the founders of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, an internationally-recognized Catholic tele-counseling practice providing over 12,000 hours of counseling services each year to Catholics around the world. They were featured speakers at the 2015 World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia and are winners of the Couple to Couple League International’s Fr. Richard M. Hogan Award for their work promoting the Catholic vision of marriage and sexuality.

Dr. Greg Popcak is a Fellow of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and the Chair of the Marriage and Family Studies  program at Holy Apostles College and Seminary. He also holds teaching positions on the psychology and graduate theology faculties at Franciscan University of Steubenville.

Lisa Popcak is a Certified Family Life Coach, a Lactation Consultant, and professional educator with specializations in learning styles and early childhood development, adoption, and attachment.

They have been married 27 years and are the parents of three children.   They are popular guests on many Catholic radio and television programs and their work has been featured in the LA Times, Washington Post, Ladies Home Journal, NPR, USA Radio Network, FoxNews, and many other outlets.