Here’s the Key to Helping Your Kids Develop a Mature Faith

Posted on by

Diana, a mom in Columbus, Ohio, thought that she was doing everything right to raise her kids in the faith. They went to Mass regularly, prayed before meals, and sent them to the parish school.

But then her 12-year-old daughter made a comment that made her completely rethink her approach.

“Last week, my 12-year-old told me she thinks God is ‘more like a rule-maker than someone who loves us.’ And it knocked the wind out of me, because I realized she must have learned that from us,” Diana told Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak during a recent episode of the More2Life radio show that they co-host.

Her family had been so focused on practicing the faith as an act of obedience, she said, that they had not done as good a job helping their daughter actually experience God’s love.

A Critical Step for Developing Mature Faith

The Popcaks hear versions of Diana’s story regularly, and they are quick to affirm that the spiritual practices she described — Mass, Catholic education, family prayer — are genuinely good. But as Dr. Popcak pointed out, all the trappings of faith are nothing without love (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Lisa Popcak was able to relate to Diana’s concern. As a girl, she was riding home from school with a friend’s mother when a stunning sunset lit up the sky. Without preamble, the mom said from the front seat: “Oh Lord, thank you for blessing us so much with this beautiful sunset. You are such a wonderful artist. You love us so much to give us so much beauty in the world.”

“Nobody had ever acknowledged God as a giver, as somebody who loves us enough to give us beautiful sunsets,” Lisa said. “It cut right through me.”

That moment was a significant milestone in her faith life. And as Dr. Popcak pointed out, it is a critical step necessary for anyone to develop a durable, mature faith life. Instead of seeing God as “the great and powerful Oz behind the curtain,” kids need to encounter him as the one who, first and foremost, loves them in a personal way.

Diana understood this instinctively but didn’t know how to move forward. “I hear people talk about having a more personal relationship with God,” she said, “but that feels strange to me.”

How could she help her kids encounter the God of love?

How to Introduce Kids to the God Who Loves Them

The Popcaks’ answer to Diana’s question was straightforward: instead of talking about God, show kids how to talk to God…and how to notice his presence and influence in their everyday lives.

“We begin by just really bringing our family to God every day and saying, ‘Okay, Lord, teach us how to love each other the way you want us to love each other, not just with the broken human love that we’ve got, but really the love that comes from your heart,’” Dr. Popcak explained.

This can happen at the same time every day, possibly during dinner or family prayer time. After praying together in this way, talk about what “loving one another with God’s love” might mean for the coming day.

“Practically speaking, what would it mean for us to love each other with that thing that’s going on this afternoon with the family or that stressful thing that mom has to deal with or that test that you’ve got coming up?” Dr. Popcak continued.

At the end of the day, take stock of how the day went and thank God for the ways he helped you love one another throughout the day.

“And what you’re doing there is you’re building this sense that God cares about you and wants to help you build those relationships with each other and with him,” Dr. Popcak said. 

Over time, children begin to see that God isn’t watching to catch them doing something wrong; he’s present, generous, and paying attention.

Two Simple Practices to Try

While the Popcaks have written numerous books on how to raise faith-filled kids, they encouraged Diana to begin with two simple practices.

The first is what they call “noticing God’s gifts aloud” — the informal, spontaneous habit of thanking God for small blessings as they happen throughout the day. Lisa’s story about her friend’s mother spontaneously thanking God for the sunset is one example, but you don’t need to wait for something extraordinary: you can thank God for a morning filled with more laughter than tears, or for a chance encounter with friends, or getting through a doctor’s visit. These small acknowledgments, said aloud, teach the whole family to see God as an active presence in ordinary life rather than a distant judge keeping score.

The second practice is an end-of-day conversation called “thorns and roses.” At dinner or before bed, each family member names a rose — a blessing from the day, a moment where they saw God’s goodness — and a thorn, something they struggled with or worried about. The roses train the family’s attention toward gratitude. The thorns become an opportunity for a brief, natural family prayer: Lord, come into this. Help us to be here for each other. Help us to know your love even through the hard things.

Neither of these practices requires adding a single minute of formal prayer to an already-packed day. They ask only that God be part of the conversation that’s already happening.

Toward a Mature Faith

Diana was right to want more for her kids. Her family’s various faith practices are important. But research consistently shows that for kids to develop a mature faith that endures into adulthood, it is crucial that they experience how their Christian faith makes a positive difference in their daily lives.

In other words, they need to awaken to God working in their lives, helping them to navigate the difficult moments and helping them to become more fully alive.

For more help building a faith-filled home life, explore the resources and coaching at the CatholicHŌM app, where Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak and their team of pastoral counselors walk families through exactly this kind of growth. And for personalized one-on-one support, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

How to Help Your Kids Build a Joyful, Lifelong Prayer Life

Posted on by

If you want to raise kids who practice their faith as adults, teaching them how to pray has to be a priority. But how kids learn to pray makes a big difference, according to Lisa Popcak, co-founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and host of the Momfidence podcast.

Often, parents and other caregivers teach kids to memorize formal prayers (the “Our Father,” “Memorare,” and so on) and maybe encourage them to offer prayers of thanks and petition at bedtime. That’s a great beginning, Popcak says in a recent episode of the podcast. But if kids are going to develop a deeply rooted, vibrant prayer life that lasts and matures into adulthood, then we need to help them go deeper.

“It’s wonderful and powerful to have those formal prayers,” Popcak says. “However, we need to anchor those formal prayers that we’re trying to teach our children in relationship with the One to whom we are praying.”

After all, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, prayer is “the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit” (CCC 2565).

Without that foundation of relationship, Popcak cautions, you might unintentionally be teaching recitation rather than real prayer. “We want those prayers to be deeply felt in our children’s hearts,” she says. “We want those prayers to be something that they go back to throughout their lives, to go deeper with God, to get to know him better…particularly as they leave our home and we are no longer in charge of making sure they pray every single day.”

3 Baby Steps Toward a Richer Prayer Life for Your Kids

Helping your children build a personal relationship with God might feel like a huge undertaking, but it really doesn’t need to be, Popcak says. It starts, she suggests, with simply helping your children know, through your own habits, that God is always present and loves them dearly. Let them see that God wants to be part of all the moments, big and small. This isn’t about adding complicated rituals; it’s about noticing the opportunities for connection that are already there.

“We don’t have to hold it all in until bedtime prayer or until Mass,” Popcak points out. Instead, teach kids to connect with God in the moment, then “round up” those moments with a regular time for shared prayer later in the day.

Here are some simple “baby steps” toward that goal.

Voice Gratitude Together

When something good happens — maybe your child aced a test they were nervous about, or you simply enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon — take a second to thank God out loud. It can be as simple as, “Lord, we had so much fun running through the sprinkler this afternoon; thank you for this blessing!” Or: “Lord, we are so grateful that John did well on his geometry test today. Thanks for helping him work through those tough problems!”

When you model gratitude, you invite your children to recognize and appreciate blessings, too.

Praying Through Tough Times

 Life has its bumps and scrapes, both literal and figurative. When your toddler falls and gets hurt, it feels like the end of the world to them. Lisa suggests using that moment as an opportunity to make a God connection: cuddle them close and whisper a quick prayer: “Lord Jesus, please just help my baby feel better. Heal this boo-boo quickly….”

This simple act connects your child’s hurt with God’s comfort and provides a template for other tough times they will inevitably encounter later on in life: anxieties about school, relationship problems, disappointments, loss, and so on.

Moments Made for Praise

If prayer is, at heart, a living, dynamic relationship between your child and God, then it makes sense that it would go beyond petitions for help or words of thanks.

“Sometimes we can just take a moment and thank God for being God,” Popcak suggests. “‘Thank you, Lord, that you are God, that you love us, that you did all this for us.’ Just out of nowhere, because the feeling overcame you.”

Round Up the Day with Family Prayer

These baby steps are super simple, but powerful, too, because they help kids link their daily life experience to God right in the moment. Bringing God into the messy mix of everyday life helps kids develop a more active, dynamic relationship with the One who loves them.

Popcak also suggests finding at least one regular time each day for your family to connect with God together, creating a predictable anchor point for shared prayer and reflection. Make it work for your schedule: Maybe it’s nighttime prayer before everyone settles down for bed, or maybe it’s a brief moment of connection in the morning before the day’s rush begins, or it could be incorporating sharing and prayer around the dinner table.

“Whatever works as a routine for your family, it’s good to bring the whole family together” for prayer, she advises. If you have been taking time throughout the day to acknowledge God’s presence, this family prayer time is a great way to consolidate those prayers.

You can even wrap up with a formal prayer that you are all learning together.

Bringing Prayer to Life

So, relationship is what transforms prayer from rote words into a vibrant conversation. When formal prayers are learned within the context of a lived, daily connection with God — nurtured through these simple baby steps and shared routines — they take on a richness and meaning that grows with your child. Without that personal connection, prayer risks becoming just “talking at God instead of with God.”

A deeper, more meaningful prayer life for your family doesn’t require a grand plan. Just start small: notice the everyday moments, talk to God naturally, and invite your children into the conversation.

“It’s a lot easier than you think it is,” Popcak says. “Just give it a try and let God build the way for you.”

For more parenting tips from Lisa Popcak, check out the Momfidence podcast on the CatholicHOM app or any of your favorite podcast hosts, or check out Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids at CatholicCounselors.com. You can also get personalized parenting support from Lisa Popcak directly on CatholicHOM.