Making Couple Prayer Meaningful: A Simple Guide to Praying Together

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Last time, we explored the power of couple prayer and how praying together can bring you closer not only to God but also to each other. But once you’ve made the decision to pray as a couple, you might find yourself wondering, Now what? How do we actually do this?

Dr. Greg Popcak, founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, reassures couples that there is no single “right” way to pray together. In Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak remind us that the goal of prayer isn’t just to check it off a to-do list—it’s to cultivate intimacy.

“All prayer is an act of intimacy,” he explains. “It should draw you closer both to God and the people you’re praying with.”

If you and your spouse are just beginning to pray together, or if you’re looking for ways to make your prayer time richer and more meaningful, the Popcaks offer a simple, structured framework: the PRAISE method.

The PRAISE Method: A Simple Framework for Couple Prayer

To help couples overcome nervousness and ensure a balanced, heartfelt prayer experience, Dr. Popcak suggests using the PRAISE acronym:

1. P – Praise and Thanksgiving

Start your prayer time by expressing gratitude.

“Take a little bit of time to thank God for the things that have happened in your day,” says Dr. Popcak. “Praise God for his love and who he is to you, just like you would with your spouse when you express gratitude for them.”

This can be as simple as thanking God for small blessings—a good conversation, a safe trip, or a moment of peace in a busy day.

2. R – Repentance

While this isn’t a substitute for Confession, it’s a chance to reflect on your actions and attitudes.

“Take a little bit of time to talk about those things that you wish you had done differently that day—things that are obvious to each other,” Dr. Popcak suggests.

Maybe one of you lost patience, spoke too harshly, or was too distracted to truly listen. This step is about seeking God’s grace to love each other better tomorrow.

3. A – Asking for Your Needs

Many of us are naturally good at this part of prayer. But if you hesitate to ask for what you think you need, keep in mind that God wants us to bring our concerns to him.

In this step, share your worries, hopes, and needs—whether they’re about work, health, finances, or relationships. Be honest with God and with each other. Keep an open heart, trusting that whether God meets your needs in the exact way you want, he always wants you to grow and flourish.

4. I – Interceding for Others

Prayer isn’t just about our own lives; it’s also an opportunity to lift up others. This is something we do at every Mass during the Prayer of the Faithful.

“Bringing the people we care about to God is an important way we can serve them and remember them in our relationship with him,” says Dr. Popcak.

Pray for your children, family members, friends, neighbors, people in the world facing hardship—even (and maybe especially) the difficult people in your life. This helps cultivate a heart of generosity and compassion.

5. S – Seeking God’s Will

Some of life’s biggest decisions—changing jobs, moving, parenting challenges—require ongoing discernment.

“Bigger questions don’t have easy, quick answers,” Dr. Popcak acknowledges. “But bringing them to God regularly allows him to fill your heart and mind with his wisdom and clarity.”

In this step, talk openly with one another and with God about important decisions. Ask him to guide your choices and help you discern his will.

6. E – Expressing the Desire to Keep the Conversation Going

Finally, prayer shouldn’t be something you do and then forget about until the next time. “Prayer is a conversation with God that should continue throughout your day,” says Dr. Popcak.

He encourages couples to close their prayer time with a simple statement of commitment: “Lord, thank you for this time together. Help us to hear your voice and love each other well until we meet again in prayer.”

Making Prayer Your Own

One of the best things about the PRAISE method is its flexibility.

“The nice thing about this format is that it’s infinitely adaptable,” Dr. Popcak tells couples. “It can take ten minutes or an hour. You can incorporate formal prayers like the Rosary before or after, or just use this method on its own.”

The key is to make prayer a natural, life-giving part of your relationship. Whether you follow the PRAISE method exactly or simply let it inspire your prayer time, the most important thing is to bring your whole heart into prayer—just as you bring your whole heart into your marriage.

As Dr. Popcak puts it: “If you can do that, that’s all that really matters, because that’s all God and your mate really want—for you to love them with your whole heart, mind, and strength. And that’s what couple prayer is about learning to do.”

If you’d like more guidance on making prayer a meaningful part of your marriage, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s book, Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, is a great place to begin. And if you need more personal help with your marriage, contact one of the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.

A Powerful Key to A Stronger, More Satisfying Marriage

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Couples who pray together, whether they are dating or married, enjoy a wide range of benefits: better communication, relationship satisfaction, and trust, according to a wide body of research.

So why do so few couples—perhaps only 4 percent—pray together?

Many couples say that the idea of praying together feels awkward—even intimidating, according to Dr. Greg Popcak, founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and co-author, with Lisa Popcak, of Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love.

But despite these common misgivings, Dr. Popcak has seen the transformative power of couple prayer in his practice. In fact, the Popcaks say couple prayer is one of the most powerful ways to build a strong, loving marriage.

Prayer Is Fundamentally Communal

Another objection that many Catholics raise about praying as a couple is the idea that prayer is meant to be private. But as Dr. Popcak points out, the Church teaches that all prayer—even prayer that you say individually—is, at bottom, the prayer of the whole Church.

“By definition, prayer is an activity that draws us into deeper intimacy with God and others,” Dr. Popcak says.

The Mass, the sacraments, and even Confession remind us that our faith is lived in community. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “Prayer is Christian insofar as it is communion with Christ and extends throughout the Church, which is his Body” (#2565).

When a couple prays together, they invite God to be at the center of their relationship. They open themselves to his grace, allowing him to shape their love and guide them through life’s challenges. If all prayer helps us forge stronger relationships with God and others, it makes sense that praying together as a couple would strengthen your marriage.

Four Tips for Praying with Your Spouse

If the idea of couple prayer makes you nervous, take heart. Praying together doesn’t have to be complicated or formal. In fact, the best prayers are those that come from the heart. Here are four simple steps to help you begin:

1. Relax—There’s No “Right” Way to Pray

Many couples hesitate to pray together because they fear doing it “wrong.” They imagine needing to kneel, use formal language, or follow a rigid structure. But prayer is simply a conversation with God.

“In John 15:15, Jesus calls us his friends,” Dr. Popcak reminds us. “There’s no more right way to pray than there is a right way to talk to a friend.”

Just as you and your spouse talk about your day, your joys, and your struggles, you can talk to God in the same way. Some days, your prayers might be simple and brief. Other times, you might pour out your worries or share your gratitude. All of it matters to God.

2. Make It a Habit

Prayer becomes easier the more you do it. The key is consistency. Try picking a specific time to pray together, such as:

  • Right before bed
  • After dinner
  • Once the kids are asleep

By establishing a routine, you’ll grow more comfortable with prayer and start to experience the profound power of praying as a couple.

3. Encourage One Another

Building a new habit takes time. If you miss a day—or even a week—don’t get discouraged. The important thing is to keep trying.

Avoid keeping score over who initiates prayer more often. Instead, focus on simply making it happen. Support and encourage each other along the way.

4. Respect Different Prayer Styles

Not everyone prays the same way, and that’s okay. One spouse might feel comfortable praying out loud, while the other prefers silent reflection. Some might enjoy reading Scripture, while others prefer spontaneous prayer.

Dr. Popcak advises couples to be patient and respectful: “Be careful not to criticize each other or laugh about the way your spouse prays. God welcomes all prayer, no matter how it’s expressed.”

When a couple prays together, they give God—the very source of love—the opportunity to teach them how he wants them to love one another. By making prayer a regular part of your relationship, you’ll open the door to deeper intimacy, greater unity, and a love that reflects God’s design.

Next time, we’ll look at a simple framework for guiding your prayer time together. In the meantime, if you want to learn more about couple prayer, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s book, Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, is a great resource to help you take the next step. You can find it at CatholicCounselors.com.

Prayer Power – A New Study Reveals The True Meaning Of “The family That Prays Together, Stays Together.”

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We’ve often heard the phrase “The family that prays together, stays together.” While this adage—originally coined by the Venerable Fr. Patrick Peyton—has rapidly grown in popularity, the Journal of Family Psychology recently conducted a study to evaluate the true effects of couple and family prayer.

The researchers conducted a national study evaluating 198 diverse families in a manner which viewed family prayer as a ritual within religious families. The results of this study demonstrated seven related themes between couple and family prayer and the connectedness of the individuals.

These themes indicated that couple/family prayer serves as a time of family interaction and togetherness, an opportunity for social support, and a means for passing religious practices among intergenerational family members. Moreover, as couple/family prayer included issues of concern for the individuals, couple/family prayer proved to help reduce relational tension between those praying together, and provided feelings of connectedness, bonding, and unity between the couple and/or family. Lastly, couples and families reported that when they felt disunity within their family, they found it more difficult to pray together.

When families experience this feeling of disunity and difficulty praying together, the results of this study suggested that couples and families increase their practice of rituals such as family meals. The participant results showed that “the place of prayer in family life was interwoven in the context of other naturally occurring rituals,” further stating that, “Perhaps, families may begin by considering family prayer as a family ritual that can become as naturally embedded in family life as are these other rituals. Instead of exclusively focusing on praying together, they may consider improving other family rituals and then extend the family’s ability to come together to naturally participate in family prayer.”

Overall, the results of this study demonstrated that couple and family prayer provided opportunities for togetherness, social support, interaction, and connectedness. As stated by the authors, couple and family prayer provides a ritual that is a “potentially unique pathway to family cohesion.”

For more on how to pray as a couple, check out Praying For (& With) Your Spouse: The Way To Deeper Love and tune in to More2Life—Monday through Friday, 10am E/9am C on EWTN, SiriusXM 130!

Spiritual Infidelity: A Crisis in Catholic Marriage

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Image via shutterstock. Used with permission

Image via shutterstock. Used with permission

New study says 83% of Catholic couples are committing ‘spiritual infidelity’.  Are YOU in a spiritual ‘open marriage’?

Over the last several weeks, infidelity has been a top story in the news after hackers released the records of 35 million users of a popular adultery website. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, approximately 20 percent of husbands and wives will commit sexual infidelity and another 20 percent will fall prey to an emotional affair, in which they develop strong, sustained romantic feelings for someone other than a spouse.

Spiritual infidelity

These are disturbing findings, but they pale in comparison to a recent report suggesting that up to 83 percent of Catholic married couples commit what I call “spiritual infidelity.” Infidelity is the betrayal of one’s marital vows. Sexual infidelity is the betrayal of a couple’s vow to be “true” to one another. But there is another implicit vow that Catholic couples make to one another that is broken with disturbing frequency.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1661-2) tells us that, in the Sacrament of Matrimony, couples promise to become partners in Christ’s plan for each other’s sanctification. In other words, in a Catholic marriage, a couple promises, at the altar, to do everything they can to help each other get to heaven. Presumably that requires couples to actively share their faith, to worship together, to challenge each other to grow in Christian virtue in their daily lives, and to pray together so they may sit at the feet of the Author of Love himself and learn how to love.

Unfortunately, a recent study sponsored by Holy Cross Family Ministries and conducted by Georgetown’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate found that only 17 percent of Catholic couples pray together. So what? In practical terms, if a Catholic couple is not actively sharing their faith, worshipping together and praying together, they are, in effect, committing spiritual infidelity by placing something other than God and the Faith at the center of their lives together.

A spiritual open marriage

In my extensive work with Catholic couples, I find that, sadly, Catholics take spiritual infidelity for granted. It is a tremendous scandal that the majority of Catholic spouses do not assume that they should be expected to pray with their spouse, or even to expect their spouse share their faith, or at least actively support it (as opposed to passively tolerating it). I hear all the time from husbands and wives who say, “I can’t force my spouse to go to church,” or “I can’t make my spouse pray.”

It isn’t about forcing anyone to do anything. It is, however, about presenting a persistent invitation to your mate to be faithful to the promises he or she made at the altar to share more deeply in your faith journey with the clear expectation that — if for no other reason than out of respect for you — your spouse will come to Mass with you at least weekly, share a meaningful prayer time with you daily and support your moral values always. Failing to do this is to consent to a spiritual open marriage where anything — money, careers, sports, hobbies or just sheer laziness — occupies the central place that faith has a right to enjoy in Christian marriage.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It is true that you cannot “make” anyone share your faith. But, by saying “I do” in a Catholic church and promising to live marriage as the Church defines it, your mate gave you the right to expect certain things…CONTINUE READING..