Reconnecting with God After Loss Shakes Your Faith

Posted on by

Terry had been married to his wife for fifty-two years when she passed away, leaving him feeling hollow, empty, and spiritually disconnected.

“I just don’t feel the presence of my faith,” he said during an episode of More to Life with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. Although he didn’t blame God for his loss, he struggled deeply with the silence and emptiness. “I feel dead inside,” he told the Popcaks.

Terry’s experience isn’t unique. In fact, the Popcaks say it is normal to feel dead and disconnected from God in the wake of profound loss.

“The natural human response to suffering and grief is just to dig a hole and lie down in it and to wish we would never come back up again,” Dr. Popcak said.

But the good news is that as much as we might feel abandoned by God, in reality, he accompanies us in our pain. Here are five tips for how to reconnect with God in the midst of profound grief.

1. Listen for Whispers of Hope

Intense grief changes the way we view the world, and even the way we interact with others—including God. The pain of loss can make it difficult to “tune in” to God’s presence the way we used to.

Often, though, we can still find God in the occasional “whispers of hope” that break through the fog of pain.

“If there’s any part of you that says there’s something more, and I should want that,” Dr. Popcak said. “If there’s any part of you that thinks there could be an end to the suffering in some good way, then that’s God speaking to you and walking with you through this.”

Look for those glimmers of hope and lean into them, the Popcaks advised.

2. Keep Praying and Practicing

One of the most important things you can do is to continue praying to God and practicing your faith, even when it feels like “eating sawdust,” as Dr. Popcak put it. Continuing your usual spiritual habits will keep you connected to God and the Church, allowing you to experience the grace that you need to get through this time.

Keep talking to God, too. Anytime you are struggling with faith, approach God honestly and authentically, sharing your doubts, frustrations, and heartache openly. God desires your genuine emotions and will meet you there, the Popcaks said.

Dr. Popcak offered Terry an example of what that looks like: “Say, ‘Lord, I’m in so much pain, I can’t feel anything but grief and loss and despair. But the fact that I know that there’s something more, the fact that I somehow got out of bed this morning, the fact that somehow I think that you’re still there, even if I can’t feel you—I thank you for that, and I love you. Please hold me close and guide me step by step through this.”

3. Seek Faithful Support

Even the greatest of the saints surrounded themselves with people who could lift them up, just like Mary went to Elizabeth. 

“God really wants for us to walk with a companion along the way,” Lisa Popcak said. “We need people to help us in our spiritual walk, to get some questions answered, to get extra prayer support when we feel too weak to pray, and we are unsure of ourselves.”

As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, God chose to save us not as individuals, but as the People of God. In his plan, each of us helps the others along the way—especially in times of darkness, suffering, and doubt.

4. Stay Connected to Your Loved One

“Grief is not the process of letting go,” Dr. Popcak told Terry. “It’s the process of finding ways to stay connected to the person that we’ve lost.”

As Catholics, we believe that death does not sever our relationship with our loved ones, even if it changes that relationship. As Lisa Popcak pointed out, our loved ones are part of the communion of saints, which means that they can intercede with God for us.

“She is alive in Christ,” Lisa told Terry. “Talk to her as you would when she was in your kitchen and walking around the house with you and doing things with you: ‘Honey, this is awful, and I’m not feeling close to God…. I need you to be praying for me. I need you to help me see God in things.’”

As you grieve, find other tangible ways to stay connected to your loved one. What did your loved one mean to you? What did she or he bring into your life? What blessings did they bring you? Name those and find ways to hold onto them.

Shaken Faith Invites Us to Deeper Faith

Experiencing shaken faith in the wake of profound loss is not a sign of spiritual weakness, but an invitation to a deeper, richer relationship with God—one big enough to encompass the “crosses” that come to us in life.

“Having struggles in your faith does not show weakness,” Lisa Popcak said. “It’s part of growth and development in our lives….

“When we struggle—when we’re scared, when we’re angry, when we’re experiencing doubt in any way: in God, in the Church, in who we are in that relationship, in his love for us—it’s something that even the greatest of saints have gone through, and yet come out the other side, because they held on to God as they walked that path of questioning.”

For additional support in navigating grief and reconnecting with your faith, you can always reach out to the team of professional pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.

How to Help Your Kids Build a Joyful, Lifelong Prayer Life

Posted on by

If you want to raise kids who practice their faith as adults, teaching them how to pray has to be a priority. But how kids learn to pray makes a big difference, according to Lisa Popcak, co-founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and host of the Momfidence podcast.

Often, parents and other caregivers teach kids to memorize formal prayers (the “Our Father,” “Memorare,” and so on) and maybe encourage them to offer prayers of thanks and petition at bedtime. That’s a great beginning, Popcak says in a recent episode of the podcast. But if kids are going to develop a deeply rooted, vibrant prayer life that lasts and matures into adulthood, then we need to help them go deeper.

“It’s wonderful and powerful to have those formal prayers,” Popcak says. “However, we need to anchor those formal prayers that we’re trying to teach our children in relationship with the One to whom we are praying.”

After all, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, prayer is “the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit” (CCC 2565).

Without that foundation of relationship, Popcak cautions, you might unintentionally be teaching recitation rather than real prayer. “We want those prayers to be deeply felt in our children’s hearts,” she says. “We want those prayers to be something that they go back to throughout their lives, to go deeper with God, to get to know him better…particularly as they leave our home and we are no longer in charge of making sure they pray every single day.”

3 Baby Steps Toward a Richer Prayer Life for Your Kids

Helping your children build a personal relationship with God might feel like a huge undertaking, but it really doesn’t need to be, Popcak says. It starts, she suggests, with simply helping your children know, through your own habits, that God is always present and loves them dearly. Let them see that God wants to be part of all the moments, big and small. This isn’t about adding complicated rituals; it’s about noticing the opportunities for connection that are already there.

“We don’t have to hold it all in until bedtime prayer or until Mass,” Popcak points out. Instead, teach kids to connect with God in the moment, then “round up” those moments with a regular time for shared prayer later in the day.

Here are some simple “baby steps” toward that goal.

Voice Gratitude Together

When something good happens — maybe your child aced a test they were nervous about, or you simply enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon — take a second to thank God out loud. It can be as simple as, “Lord, we had so much fun running through the sprinkler this afternoon; thank you for this blessing!” Or: “Lord, we are so grateful that John did well on his geometry test today. Thanks for helping him work through those tough problems!”

When you model gratitude, you invite your children to recognize and appreciate blessings, too.

Praying Through Tough Times

 Life has its bumps and scrapes, both literal and figurative. When your toddler falls and gets hurt, it feels like the end of the world to them. Lisa suggests using that moment as an opportunity to make a God connection: cuddle them close and whisper a quick prayer: “Lord Jesus, please just help my baby feel better. Heal this boo-boo quickly….”

This simple act connects your child’s hurt with God’s comfort and provides a template for other tough times they will inevitably encounter later on in life: anxieties about school, relationship problems, disappointments, loss, and so on.

Moments Made for Praise

If prayer is, at heart, a living, dynamic relationship between your child and God, then it makes sense that it would go beyond petitions for help or words of thanks.

“Sometimes we can just take a moment and thank God for being God,” Popcak suggests. “‘Thank you, Lord, that you are God, that you love us, that you did all this for us.’ Just out of nowhere, because the feeling overcame you.”

Round Up the Day with Family Prayer

These baby steps are super simple, but powerful, too, because they help kids link their daily life experience to God right in the moment. Bringing God into the messy mix of everyday life helps kids develop a more active, dynamic relationship with the One who loves them.

Popcak also suggests finding at least one regular time each day for your family to connect with God together, creating a predictable anchor point for shared prayer and reflection. Make it work for your schedule: Maybe it’s nighttime prayer before everyone settles down for bed, or maybe it’s a brief moment of connection in the morning before the day’s rush begins, or it could be incorporating sharing and prayer around the dinner table.

“Whatever works as a routine for your family, it’s good to bring the whole family together” for prayer, she advises. If you have been taking time throughout the day to acknowledge God’s presence, this family prayer time is a great way to consolidate those prayers.

You can even wrap up with a formal prayer that you are all learning together.

Bringing Prayer to Life

So, relationship is what transforms prayer from rote words into a vibrant conversation. When formal prayers are learned within the context of a lived, daily connection with God — nurtured through these simple baby steps and shared routines — they take on a richness and meaning that grows with your child. Without that personal connection, prayer risks becoming just “talking at God instead of with God.”

A deeper, more meaningful prayer life for your family doesn’t require a grand plan. Just start small: notice the everyday moments, talk to God naturally, and invite your children into the conversation.

“It’s a lot easier than you think it is,” Popcak says. “Just give it a try and let God build the way for you.”

For more parenting tips from Lisa Popcak, check out the Momfidence podcast on the CatholicHOM app or any of your favorite podcast hosts, or check out Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids at CatholicCounselors.com. You can also get personalized parenting support from Lisa Popcak directly on CatholicHOM.

Hope: It Might Not Mean What You Think It Does

Posted on by

by Dr. Greg Popcak – CatholicCounselors.com

“The Jubilee invites us to renew the gift of hope within us, to surrender our sufferings and our concerns to hope, to share it with those whom we meet along our journey and to entrust to hope the future of our lives and the destiny of the human family.”  -Pope Francis’ Easter Message, 2025

As I reflect on the final public words of Pope Francis, I’m struck by his encouragement to hope, and I wanted to take a moment to unpack what it means—especially when we’re dealing with a difficult situation in our marriage, family, or personal life.

Many Christians think that, “surrendering our sufferings and concerns to hope” means that the “Christian way” of dealing with problems is to try not to get upset about things while we hold on to some vague sense that it will probably all work out—somehow.

But that isn’t what hope asks at all. In his document, Saved in Hope (Spe Salvi) Pope Benedict asserted that hope is not a wishful feeling, but rather the conviction that God is working in us, with us, and through us to make something beautiful out of the ugliness we are currently experiencing.

To “surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope” means bringing our concerns to God every day and praying, “Show me how you want to work through me in this situation to display your power and majesty. Teach me how to cooperate with your plan to make something objectively beautiful and amazing out of the pain that I’m in and the struggle that I am facing.  I don’t really know how to even get through this on my own power, but I know that with you all things are possible.  Help me to see what you want to make of this, and show me what to do next.”

Do you see the difference?  God doesn’t want passive, wishful thinkers. God needs warriors who recognize that life is filled with painful experiences, but that He has given us the privilege and grace to make something amazing out of those experiences.

To surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope is not to sit on our hands and wistfully wait for God to do…something. It is to stare at the oncoming Egyptian horde and part the Red Sea. It is to march around the city of Jericho and tear down the walls. It is to embrace the cross and rise from the dead.

What are you suffering? What concerns do you have? What challenges are you facing that are wearing you down, burning you out, or making you want to just settle?

Bring those things to God today. Ask him to show you how he wants to work through you to demonstrate to everyone around you the power he has to make something beautiful, awe-inspiring, and fulfilling out of the hand the devil dealt you.

Then you will be living Pope Francis’ final words and seeing the promise those words point to.

How To Grow Closer to God This Lent

Posted on by

 

In my time as a pastoral counselor (and my lifetime of being Catholic) I’ve heard a lot of mixed feelings and views about Lent, and how to approach our Lenten practices. More often than not, however, I hear of a belief that Lent is a time where we simply give things up or “suffer“ enough that we somehow will heal our relationship with God and grow closer to Him. This stems from the idea that “if I was just holy enough I wouldn’t have the struggles that I do.” But more often than not, this approach leads to a feeling of fear, guilt, or anxiety, because it comes with the notion that we have to earn God’s love or that God has the intention of punishing us.

To reframe our view of Lent and what it’s meant to be, I think it’s important that we first define the difference between “suffering” and “redemptive suffering.” Suffering occurs when we undergo pain, distress, or hardship. That’s it, that’s where it ends. Redemptive suffering, however, occurs when we endure something difficult for the sake of a greater good, it is a suffering that leads to a greater healing, and works for the good of ourselves and others.

God never intends or desires for us to suffer for the sake of suffering. Jesus modeled this by enduring the greatest suffering for us to work for our good and to redeem us. Jesus’ suffering, while great, was redemptive. And he suffered in that great way so that we didn’t have to!

If we keep this perspective in mind, we can see that Lent is not simply about suffering, it’s about growing. Growing in our strengths and virtues, growing in becoming more of who God created us to be, growing in our relationships on earth, and growing in our relationship with God. This can mean giving something up, or it can mean working on something. Having difficult conversations we’ve been putting off; changing the way we talk to ourselves so that it aligns with who God created us to be rather than demeaning ourselves;  learning to set healthy boundaries with others, because allowing people to treat us badly doesn’t work for our good or theirs; and so much more. Lenten practices are about what good we are working towards, not just giving something up for the sake of suffering.

Another important reminder for us, is that when Jesus went through that tremendous redemptive suffering for us, he did not do so alone. He was not isolated and carrying his cross alone. He allowed Simon to help him carry his cross, others were there at the foot of the cross. He was not alone. And He does not want us to be alone in our suffering. He modeled to us many times the importance of asking for help. Asking God for help, asking for help from the people around us, or seeking help when it is not immediately around us. We are not alone, and often, it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. So this in and of itself could be a Lenten practice—growing in the ability to seek support and accept help when needed.

Whatever you choose to focus on this Lent, remember that God desires a relationship with you. He loves you. He does not want you to suffer for the sake of suffering, he wants you to grow closer to Him and He wants you to allow Him into your life so that He can be closer to you. Focus on growth this Lent, and remember that whatever you choose to do is intended to work for the good of yourself and others.

Making Couple Prayer Meaningful: A Simple Guide to Praying Together

Posted on by

Last time, we explored the power of couple prayer and how praying together can bring you closer not only to God but also to each other. But once you’ve made the decision to pray as a couple, you might find yourself wondering, Now what? How do we actually do this?

Dr. Greg Popcak, founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, reassures couples that there is no single “right” way to pray together. In Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak remind us that the goal of prayer isn’t just to check it off a to-do list—it’s to cultivate intimacy.

“All prayer is an act of intimacy,” he explains. “It should draw you closer both to God and the people you’re praying with.”

If you and your spouse are just beginning to pray together, or if you’re looking for ways to make your prayer time richer and more meaningful, the Popcaks offer a simple, structured framework: the PRAISE method.

The PRAISE Method: A Simple Framework for Couple Prayer

To help couples overcome nervousness and ensure a balanced, heartfelt prayer experience, Dr. Popcak suggests using the PRAISE acronym:

1. P – Praise and Thanksgiving

Start your prayer time by expressing gratitude.

“Take a little bit of time to thank God for the things that have happened in your day,” says Dr. Popcak. “Praise God for his love and who he is to you, just like you would with your spouse when you express gratitude for them.”

This can be as simple as thanking God for small blessings—a good conversation, a safe trip, or a moment of peace in a busy day.

2. R – Repentance

While this isn’t a substitute for Confession, it’s a chance to reflect on your actions and attitudes.

“Take a little bit of time to talk about those things that you wish you had done differently that day—things that are obvious to each other,” Dr. Popcak suggests.

Maybe one of you lost patience, spoke too harshly, or was too distracted to truly listen. This step is about seeking God’s grace to love each other better tomorrow.

3. A – Asking for Your Needs

Many of us are naturally good at this part of prayer. But if you hesitate to ask for what you think you need, keep in mind that God wants us to bring our concerns to him.

In this step, share your worries, hopes, and needs—whether they’re about work, health, finances, or relationships. Be honest with God and with each other. Keep an open heart, trusting that whether God meets your needs in the exact way you want, he always wants you to grow and flourish.

4. I – Interceding for Others

Prayer isn’t just about our own lives; it’s also an opportunity to lift up others. This is something we do at every Mass during the Prayer of the Faithful.

“Bringing the people we care about to God is an important way we can serve them and remember them in our relationship with him,” says Dr. Popcak.

Pray for your children, family members, friends, neighbors, people in the world facing hardship—even (and maybe especially) the difficult people in your life. This helps cultivate a heart of generosity and compassion.

5. S – Seeking God’s Will

Some of life’s biggest decisions—changing jobs, moving, parenting challenges—require ongoing discernment.

“Bigger questions don’t have easy, quick answers,” Dr. Popcak acknowledges. “But bringing them to God regularly allows him to fill your heart and mind with his wisdom and clarity.”

In this step, talk openly with one another and with God about important decisions. Ask him to guide your choices and help you discern his will.

6. E – Expressing the Desire to Keep the Conversation Going

Finally, prayer shouldn’t be something you do and then forget about until the next time. “Prayer is a conversation with God that should continue throughout your day,” says Dr. Popcak.

He encourages couples to close their prayer time with a simple statement of commitment: “Lord, thank you for this time together. Help us to hear your voice and love each other well until we meet again in prayer.”

Making Prayer Your Own

One of the best things about the PRAISE method is its flexibility.

“The nice thing about this format is that it’s infinitely adaptable,” Dr. Popcak tells couples. “It can take ten minutes or an hour. You can incorporate formal prayers like the Rosary before or after, or just use this method on its own.”

The key is to make prayer a natural, life-giving part of your relationship. Whether you follow the PRAISE method exactly or simply let it inspire your prayer time, the most important thing is to bring your whole heart into prayer—just as you bring your whole heart into your marriage.

As Dr. Popcak puts it: “If you can do that, that’s all that really matters, because that’s all God and your mate really want—for you to love them with your whole heart, mind, and strength. And that’s what couple prayer is about learning to do.”

If you’d like more guidance on making prayer a meaningful part of your marriage, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s book, Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, is a great place to begin. And if you need more personal help with your marriage, contact one of the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.

3 Practices for a Happier, Holier Holiday Season

Posted on by

The period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day is typically one of the more hectic and stressful times of the year, especially for families with children in the house. The irony is that the holidays we celebrate during this time of year—Thanksgiving, Advent, Christmas, the New Year—were originally established to help us connect more intimately with God and one another.

What’s the solution? Getting back to the root reason for these holidays is a good start, say Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak on their CatholicHŌM podcast. (You can find it exclusively in the Podcasts section of the CatholicHŌM app.)  They suggest reviewing (and possibly revising) your holiday plans before things get crazy with one goal in mind: protecting and nurturing your most important relationships.

Here are three areas to evaluate as you chart your way to a happier, holier holiday season.

1. Prioritize Connection Over Perfection

Sometimes, we enter the holiday season aiming for our very own “Hallmark movie moment,” focusing on decorating, baking, and finding that perfect gift. Unconsciously, we think that if our stagecraft is good enough, moments of emotional warmth and connection will follow.

But instead of aiming for movie-set decorating and gift-giving perfection, the Popcaks suggest putting your energy into strengthening family relationships and creating opportunities for meaningful moments.

“It all starts with being extra intentional about taking care of one another,” Greg Popcak says.

“God’s presence is manifested in that caretaking that you give to each other, that sacrificial love that your priestly mission of baptism reveals,” he says. “And so the more you ask, ‘How can we take better care of each other as a couple or as a family? What do we need from each other to really not just get through the holiday…but really to love each other through the holiday?’ That’s what Advent is calling us to as families.”

Research shows that families whose members routinely show extravagant affection and affirmation to one another, and who respond promptly and generously to one another’s needs, tend to have stronger, warmer relationships.

“You know, those things don’t come naturally, and it takes some effort and it takes some intention,” he says. “But even if we picked one of those things, either for the whole Advent season or every day…that would help us find ways to make a little bit more room for Christ and make our homes a little bit holier and a little bit more peaceful by Christmas.”

During the busyness of the holiday season, it’s especially important to protect your family’s time together. Doing that may require some planning, Lisa Popcak says. Don’t just squeeze family time into the gaps between a myriad of other obligations; schedule it on your calendar. Your time together doesn’t need to be elaborate; some of the most meaningful moments are often the simplest. Go on a drive around town to view holiday lights, for example, or schedule a nighttime sledding party and bonfire.

2. Clarify Your Priorities, Then Set Boundaries to Protect Them

When your children look back on this holiday season ten years from now, what do you want to stand out for them? What words or phrases do you hope they might use to describe this time? What are the values or experiences you want to stand out in their memory?

Asking those simple questions can help you clarify the values and priorities that guide your choices during the holiday season. Maybe you want to incorporate more faith-based activities; maybe it’s time to begin creating new holiday traditions for your family; or maybe you want to simplify expectations. Figure out your priorities as a couple first, then bring your children into the conversation to see what traditions or activities are most important to them. Knowing what matters most allows you to focus your energy where it counts.

Once you know your priorities, do what you need to do to make space for them. This might mean letting go of something you’ve just “always” done.

Take Advent traditions, for example. Advent traditions “were really created in the first place to build intimate connection between the family and God,” Greg Popcak points out. “And if those particular traditions are actually standing in opposition to your connection with each other and God…maybe it’s time for that tradition to either go or be approached in a different way.”

Annual activities with extended family might need to be approached differently, too. For example, let’s say one of your priorities is to spend time together with your own family on Christmas Day rather than traveling to visit your parents. You still want to see your parents, of course, and your parents want to see you and their grandchildren. But you can honor the “what” of this tradition while negotiating the “when” and “how,” Lisa Popcak says.

You don’t need to apologize or offer excuses to your parents or extended family, she says. Instead, affirm your desire to connect during the holidays and then look for alternative ways of doing that.

“You’re adults with your own children now, so you really don’t need anybody’s permission,” she says. “You just want to move the relationship (with extended family) to a place of connectedness in a way that works for you and your family.”

3. Practice Heartfelt, Honest Prayer

Finally, don’t lose sight of the fact that the purpose of the Advent and Christmas seasons is to help us draw closer to God. The Church offers us a lot of ways for doing this during Advent and Christmas, from the Jesse Tree to the Advent wreath, from the O Antiphons to manger blessings and Christmas novenas.

All of those prayer and devotional traditions are wonderful, the Popcaks say—as long as they really deepen your relationship with God.

“Formal prayers work when they are at the service of the heart, not standing in place of the heart,” Greg Popcak says. “We’ve got to start with the heart in family prayer.”

For example, let’s say that it’s been a hectic, stressful day, and by the end of it, everyone is irritable and crabby. Things have been said that, while not awful, definitely aren’t bringing people closer. Now, at the end of the day, you gather everyone around the Advent wreath to do a quick run-through of “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” because it’s just part of your nightly routine during Advent.

But reciting all the prayers and singing all the hymns without bringing your hearts to God defeats the whole point of those prayers and hymns. Instead, begin with a heartfelt prayer that brings to God what is going on in your family right here and now.

Lisa Popcak offers this example prayer: “You know, Lord, help us to be a better team. Help us to learn to listen to you and to take good care of each other through this stressful holiday time. Help us to learn how to make room in our home and our hearts for more of your love.”

Once you have turned your hearts to God, take the time you need to have a conversation as a family about how you might do better going forward. Then celebrate your Advent wreath service, a little more joyfully than you would have otherwise. Or, call it a day, because what is really important is making that connection to God and asking for him to bless your family with his love and help.

Remember, if the holiday crazies start getting your family down, get back to the root reason for the season by prioritizing warm and meaningful connections, doing what is necessary to make space for your priorities, and asking for God’s help through it all with heartfelt family prayer. If you can work on these three foundational practices, you will be on your way to a happier, holier holiday season.

This article is an abridged version of advice Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak offered on the CatholicHŌM Podcast, episodes 16, 18, and 43. It’s available exclusively on the CatholicHŌM app.