Rindy had prayed a nine-day novena to St. Thérèse. She had prayed the rosary nightly. She had asked God, plainly and repeatedly, to help her decide whether to go back to her job after her maternity leave or stay at home with her children.
Despite all that prayer, she was still unclear about what to do when she called into the More2Life radio show on the EWTN radio network.
“I’m not getting that text message (from God),” she told hosts Dr. Greg Popcak and Lisa Popcak. “I’m not getting that clear answer.”
Like Rindy, many people want to do the right thing, the thing God is calling them to do, but as much as they ask for clear direction, they are still left wondering which road to take.
While the Popcaks were not able to point Rindy in one direction or another, they did share some advice that could help her, and others in her position, move forward with a big decision more confidently.
Don’t Wait for Angels and a Light from Heaven
Most of us feel it would be great if God were super clear about what direction we ought to take, Lisa Popcak acknowledged. “We just want to hear the angels singing, and God’s light shining upon (the correct) decision,” she said.
But as the spiritual master St. Ignatius of Loyola pointed out, God doesn’t tend to send us angels (or text messages) unless there is no other way for us to discern his will. Yes, St. Paul got blinded by a light from heaven, but he was utterly convinced that he was serving God by persecuting the early Church. It took a dramatic intervention to point him in the right direction.
In most cases, though, God “tends to incline our hearts toward (the right path) as we sit and reflect on (our options),” Dr. Popcak said. As generations of holy men and women have learned, God wants his people to grow closer to him, and that requires the work of discernment.
But this can lead to another question: How do we know that it is God who is inclining our hearts in one direction or another? What if we’re just following our own selfish desires?
A Compass for Discernment
Drawing on St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, the Popcaks offer a simple way to interrogate the inclinations of our heart. Ask: “Is this inner prompting pointing me toward meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue?”
If it is, then there is a good chance that prompting is from the Holy Spirit. If, on the other hand, it points you toward powerlessness, isolation, or self-pity and self-indulgence, then it likely does not come from God.
Why test any inner prompting against these three criteria? Meaningfulness is what lets you use your gifts to bless someone else. Intimacy is all about building deeper, healthier relationships. And virtue helps you become the person God made you to be. Together, these three conditions act like a compass, pointing you toward the abundant, fulfilling life God wants you to have.
“The next time you’re standing at a fork in the road asking, ‘Which way, Lord?’” Dr. Popcak said, “stop hunting for the secret answer. Check your compass: Ask which road makes you more of a gift, brings you closer to the people in your life and gives you healthier relationships with and enables you to become the stronger, healthier, more virtuous person God’s calling you to be.”
Three Ways to Put the Compass to Work
Besides this three-question compass, the Popcaks offer some additional advice for people discerning big decisions.
- Give God all the options, not just two. “Instead of just saying to God, ‘Okay, Lord, do you want me to do this or that,’ say, ‘Okay, Lord, help me to see all the possibilities,’” Dr. Popcak suggested. Rindy, for instance, had more than two possibilities (staying home or going to work full time) open to her. Be open to all the possibilities, and let God point out ones you might not have considered.
- Ask, ‘Is it possible,’ not ‘Is it perfect?’ As she was explaining her thinking to the Popcaks, Rindy offered a long list of considerations: How will we handle tight finances without the extra income? How will being home all day affect my mental health? These are valid considerations, but it’s important to distinguish which of them are serious enough to take an option off the table entirely, and which are logistical questions that can be figured out later. The truth is, whatever path you take is going to have its challenges (and its joys)—that’s just life. And it’s also true that, whatever path you take, God will be right there with you, helping you to manage those challenges.
- Bring the questions back to prayer more than once. The three-question compass is not a one-and-done silver bullet. Rather, plan on sitting with the questions across several days of prayer. Collect facts about each of your choices, too; in Rindy’s case, this might mean talking to her employer and her spouse, and taking a close look at the family finances. Both strategies will help you to have more certainty about the direction you should take.
Don’t Wait for Absolute Certainty
Once you have tested your options against the three “compass questions” over several days, don’t wait for 100% certainty—because it’s not likely to show up. Instead, trust that as long as you have been discerning in good faith, God will have your back.
Dr. Popcak said he will often entrust his decision to God with a prayer: “Okay, Lord, based on the fact that this is possible, and it seems to lead to greater meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue, this is what I’m going to do. But if that’s not what you want me to do, please hit me upside the head and let me know.”
As long as you’re generally moving toward meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue, a wrong turn isn’t fatal; God will help you adjust your course along the way.
If you’re wrestling with a decision and could use help applying this discernment framework to your own life, the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com are ready to walk with you. Dr. Popcak’s book, The Life God Wants You to Have: Discovering the Divine Plan When Human Plans Fail, goes deeper into this exact process for anyone facing a fork in the road.