40 Day to A Better Marriage, Monday 3/11: 4 Steps to Becoming a Mindful Spouse

Posted on March 11, 2013 by GREG

A good marriage is a mindful marriage. Today, I’m encouraging you to do something small to cultivate a spirit of mindfulness in your marriage. Step one? Read this Faith on the Couch post on what mindfulness is and how it can be a blessing to you life.

Step Two: Think about the way you react to your spouse. Choose one of those less pleasant reactions and ask yourself how you would like to respond instead. Assume that you would feel just as irritated, annoyed, or frustrated as ever, but you could choose to channel that negative emotion into a healthier, more compassionate response. What would that response be.

Step Three: Imagine yourself successfully doing this new thing. Ask God for the grace to follow through.

Step Four: Keep practicing. Mastering your reactions takes time, but the effort will result in a better you and a better marriage. Keep trying and refining your effort in prayer.

It’s ok to get irritated with your spouse sometimes, but being mindful about how we respond when we’re irritated can spell the difference between being a marriage master…or a marriage disaster.

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461. And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER! A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day, Wed. 3/8–Cultivate a Spirit of Understanding

Posted on March 8, 2013 by GREG

Couples need to make a million decisions every day. Most decisions can be made fairly easily, but some decisions require more thought and reflection, especially when husbands and wives don’t see eye-to-eye. In those times, it can be easy to try to push through the disagreement, to force a conclusion before you really understand where each other is coming from. But decisions made this way rarely work. When one spouse feels shut down, it tends to cultivate resentment at best or causes that spouse to undermine the solution at worst, creating a spirit of mutual hostility and distrust.

Today, cultivate a spirit of understanding. Go out of your way to communicate that your spouse is more important than your agenda. Before you push your plan or try to press for a decision, take the time to ask questions that help you really understand where your spouse is coming from. Don’t criticize what they say. Don’t try to talk them out of it. Ask questions to help you truly understand what your mate wants and why. Then, and only then, can you ask your mate to help you think of ways you could address their concerns while considering yours as well. Chances are, your generosity and commitment to understanding will be rewarded in kind.

Here’s a great reflection by theologian, Romano Guardini, on the virtue of understanding

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day: Thurs 3/7–Share a Laugh!

Posted on March 7, 2013 by GREG

Life can get a bit tiresome. The busy-ness and responsibility can wear anyone out. Today, fight back against the drudgery by making a plan to laugh together. Watch a funny movie, go to a comedy club, challenge each other to find the funniest joke-of-the-day (for a bonus, the one with the funniest joke wins a backrub)!

Celebrate the virtue of joy. Help each other laugh at the craziness of life and discover yet another way you are God’s gifts to one another.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Wed 3/6: Be a Little Heroic

Posted on March 6, 2013 by GREG

Chances are, your spouse has asked you to do something for him or her that you’d rather not do. I’m not referring to anything objectively immoral or personally demeaning, but rather, those things that just “aren’t you.” Perhaps your spouse has asked you to be more affectionate, or prayerful, or conversational, or sexual. Perhaps your spouse has asked you to join in his or her hobby or another activity that is really important to him or her. In any case, it’s probably something you’ve said, “no” to or did once or twice, reluctantly.

It’s important to remember that God brought the two of you together because he knew that without your spouse, there are certain ways you’d never grow. The needs your spouse expresses to you are an invitation to grow in ways God needs you to grow to become the person he needs you to be. Today, think of one of those things your spouse has asked of you and either do it, cheerfully, or make plans to get the resources you need to be able to do it in the future (and let your spouse know that you’re doing it).

Accept the intimacy and personal growth that comes from embracing the change God wants to make in you through the gift of your mate.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip: Tues 3/5–Make Plans to Share a New Experience

Posted on March 5, 2013 by GREG

Studies on marital satisfaction show that couples feel closer when they make a habit of periodically sharing new experiences. You don’t have to go on a ’round the world vacation. Trying a new restaurant, taking a class, doing a home-improvement project, and other experiences like it all count. When a couple shares a new experience, they learn something about life and each other and they feel better about each other because of it. Today, think of a new thing you’ve wanted to do or try and suggest doing it together with your spouse!

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day–Monday, 3/4: Celebrate Your Victories.

Posted on March 4, 2013 by GREG

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day–Monday, 3/4: Celebrate your Victories. Marriage can be a wild ride. As I type this, my upstairs toilet is leaking through the light fixture in my entry way ceiling! Plumbers, tile guys, and electricians are scratching their heads. It would be easy for any couple to start snapping at each other in light of the tension, frustration and expense. Fortunately, through God’s abundant grace, Lisa and I are both working hard to do what we can to support each other through what is turning out to be a…challenging day.

How do you get through stressful times with your love securely intact? You intentionally call to mind, discuss, and remind each other of all the other things you have already overcome as a couple. Maybe you even laugh a little as you remember the list of crazy things that you’ve faced, beaten, and grown through already.

Chances are you’ve weathered at least a few storms in your time together. Today, recall those times. Remember the successes you’ve shared and the lessons you’ve learned Share those stories of all the dragons you’ve slayed together and celebrate how much you’ve overcome with God’s grace. Pull each other a little closer and acknowledge how you’ve been there for each other through it all. Promise to be there for each other tomorrow no matter what.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Fri 3/1: Share Your Love Story

Posted on March 1, 2013 by GREG

Our stories make us who we are. They tell us where we’ve been and give us direction for where we need to go. They call us back to where we come from.

Today, take some time to recall the story of how you fell in love with your spouse. You might share your story with your kids over dinner. Or you might steal a romantic moment or two with your spouse where you have a chance to reflect on what each of you remembers as the best things about falling in love with each other. Remember your story. Share it. Then write the next chapter.

40 Days to a Better Marriage–Wed 2/27: Celebrate Your Spouse.

Posted on February 27, 2013 by GREG

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Wed 2/27: Celebrate Your Spouse. Sometimes we need to let our spouse know what we think is special about them. Write down 5-10 things that make you glad that you’re married to your spouse. Share those things with your husband or wife later today.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Tues 2/26: Manage Your Transitions

Posted on February 26, 2013 by GREG

Managing transitions are an important way to prevent stress from negatively affecting relationships. Without good transitions, it’s too easy to let work and family stress spill over into the marriage. While husbands and wives should be willing to help each other process their stress, that’s different from taking out your stress on each other. Today, think about the transitions in your day (e.g., coming home from work, picking up the kids from school, coming and going from running errands, etc). How will you keep the stress of those activities from spilling over on your spouse? What could you do to take down your emotional temperature just enough to be pleasant, attentive, and affectionate when you see your spouse–at least until you could deal with any issues you need to discuss later, once you’ve had a chance to reconnect a bit?

40 Days to A Better Marriage Tip–Monday 2/25 Prioritize Your Marriage TODAY!

Posted on February 25, 2013 by GREG

Is a good marriage a value or an ideal for you? (h/t Retrouvaille‘s Frank and Julie LaBoda)

A VALUE is something we recognize as good and worthwhile and we choose to have it in our life now by sacrificing other things. An IDEAL is something we recognize as good and worthwhile and we want it in our life sometime in the future, but we’re not willing to sacrifice for it right now.

Just a few minutes of self reflection will reveal how your time each day is spent. Will you be surprised to find out that watching TV or spending time on the computer are VALUES, yet time (any time…much less meaningful time) spent with your spouse is just an IDEAL?

Today, decide to value your marriage. Intentionally cancel some TV or computer time. Reschedule a non-essential appointment. Knock off early from work. Sacrifice something to get more time with your spouse today!