Let’s Talk: How to Start Family Conversations That Matter

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You share meals. You shuttle kids to activities. You say “good night” and “have a good day.” But when was the last time your family really talked—not just about logistics or the weather, but about your hearts, your hopes, and how God is working in your lives?

In the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, talk rituals are intentional moments of conversation that help families grow closer emotionally and spiritually. But many parents find themselves asking how to even start.

Here’s how to begin building meaningful talk rituals in your home, even if your kids don’t naturally open up. The following advice is summarized from Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s HŌM Builder videos and Episode 82 of the CatholicHŌM podcast, “Let’s Talk,” all of which are available on the CatholicHŌM app.

Why Family Conversations Matter

Research shows that only 7% of Catholic families have meaningful conversations about faith. But faith isn’t the only thing we need to talk about. Relationships, teamwork, struggles, joys—these are the topics that knit us together.

When we create space for deeper conversations, we foster emotional connection, strengthen teamwork and mutual support, and create opportunities for faith-sharing and spiritual growth.

And there’s an added bonus: Research shows that kids who develop strong communication skills early in life tend to have healthier adult relationships, better mental and physical well-being, and more professional success. Besides helping kids acquire the skills needed for meaningful, emotionally rich conversations, family talk rituals help model for kids what good conversations look like in the light of Christian faith.

So, talk rituals are more than just “checking in.” They’re opportunities to discover one another, grow as a team, and keep your family rooted in love—God’s love and each other’s.

When to Have Talk Rituals

These conversations don’t just “happen.” You have to plan for them. That means setting aside regular times where meaningful connection can take place.

Here are some ideal opportunities:

  • Family meals: Ask each person to share a high and low from their day. Where did they see God?
  • Evening check-ins: After the chaos of homework and dinner, take 15 minutes to talk about how everyone’s doing and what’s coming up tomorrow.
  • Weekly family meetings: Use this time to discuss family needs, upcoming events, or how you can better support one another. (See the Family Meeting Planner on the CatholicHŌM app for help on this one.)
  • Car rides: Make it the expectation that devices are turned off during car rides so that family members can decompress and reconnect. (You can allow limited device use on longer trips, with parental permission.)
  • One-on-one time: Individual chats help children (especially teens) open up without feeling on the spot. Sometimes, having a shared activity can help teens open up: cooking together, taking a walk, playing basketball, and so on.

Start with one simple practice and build from there. And here’s a tip to make those moments count: Keep a running list of topics you’d like to bring up. That way, when talk time rolls around, you’re not scrambling to think of what to say.

Start with What Your Kids Care About

If your child isn’t eager to talk, you’re not alone. Many parents worry their kids “just don’t like to talk.” But here’s a secret: most kids love to talk when the topic is something they care about—and they feel truly listened to.

Start by entering their world:

  • Ask them to teach you about their favorite game, sport, or YouTuber.
  • Even if it’s not your thing, listen with interest. Ask follow-up questions.
  • Keep the conversation going over time—don’t make it a one-time “project.”
  • Find an article or video related to their hobby and ask them to explain it to you.

These practices model good listening skills and establish rapport with your child, showing that you value them and their ideas. And that, in turn, lays the foundation for deeper conversation.

How Conversations Grow: The 7 Levels of Intimacy

Meaningful conversations don’t start at the deep end. Catholic author Matthew Kelly, in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy, outlines seven levels of intimacy in relationships. In general, people grow through these levels one step at a time. Think about the level of your family conversations most of the time:

  1. Clichés & Pleasantries: “How are you?” “Fine.”
  2. Facts & Events: “I have math homework.” “We’re going to Grandma’s this weekend.”
  3. Opinions: Likes, dislikes, values, and what matters to each person.
  4. Hopes & Dreams: “I wish we could go to Hawaii.” “Someday I want to be an artist.”
  5. Feelings: “I felt left out today.” “I’m really excited for the sleepover!”
  6. Fears, Faults, and Failures: Moments of vulnerability and requests for help.
  7. Deepest Needs & Goals: Conversations about values, faith, purpose, and spirituality.

It’s tempting to jump straight to level seven—especially when you want to talk about faith or serious issues—but that often backfires, the Popcaks say. Instead, figure out where your family usually operates, and aim to grow just one level deeper. Keep building trust and comfort, and soon those deeper conversations will come naturally.

Establishing Talk Rituals Takes Time and Practice

Be patient with the process. It can take weeks—or even months—of consistently showing up, listening well, and building trust before your child feels ready to engage in deeper conversations. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally if a talk falls flat or your child seems disinterested. Just try again later, when the timing feels right.

When difficult topics arise—such as conflicts, disrespect, or emotional struggles—don’t focus on figuring out who is to blame or how the problem arose; people rarely agree on those facts. Besides, the most important thing is that you both agree that you want to resolve the problem and do better next time. Model a solution-focused approach: “How could we handle that better next time?” or “What could we do differently so we both feel heard?” This kind of problem-solving mindset helps children feel safe and empowered, rather than criticized.

Finally, make your expectations clear but welcoming. Let your family know when talk times will happen and what you hope to talk about, but keep the tone relaxed. The goal isn’t to “have the perfect conversation”—it’s to grow in connection, one step at a time.

Pick one talk ritual—maybe tonight’s dinner or tomorrow’s drive home—and start the habit of really talking. Your family doesn’t need to be perfect. They just need you, your love, and your willingness to connect.

If you need help along the way, remember that you can find more support on the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support and real-time coaching to help your family grow closer every day.

Let’s Talk: How to Start Family Conversations That Matter

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You share meals. You shuttle kids to activities. You say “good night” and “have a good day.” But when was the last time your family really talked—not just about logistics or the weather, but about your hearts, your hopes, and how God is working in your lives?

In the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, talk rituals are intentional moments of conversation that help families grow closer emotionally and spiritually. But many parents find themselves asking how to even start.

Here’s how to begin building meaningful talk rituals in your home, even if your kids don’t naturally open up. The following advice is summarized from Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s HŌM Builder videos and Episode 82 of the CatholicHŌM podcast, “Let’s Talk,” all of which are available on the CatholicHŌM app.

Why Family Conversations Matter

Research shows that only 7% of Catholic families have meaningful conversations about faith. But faith isn’t the only thing we need to talk about. Relationships, teamwork, struggles, joys—these are the topics that knit us together.

When we create space for deeper conversations, we foster emotional connection, strengthen teamwork and mutual support, and create opportunities for faith-sharing and spiritual growth.

And there’s an added bonus: Research shows that kids who develop strong communication skills early in life tend to have healthier adult relationships, better mental and physical well-being, and more professional success. Besides helping kids acquire the skills needed for meaningful, emotionally rich conversations, family talk rituals help model for kids what good conversations look like in the light of Christian faith.

So, talk rituals are more than just “checking in.” They’re opportunities to discover one another, grow as a team, and keep your family rooted in love—God’s love and each other’s.

When to Have Talk Rituals

These conversations don’t just “happen.” You have to plan for them. That means setting aside regular times where meaningful connection can take place.

Here are some ideal opportunities:

  • Family meals: Ask each person to share a high and low from their day. Where did they see God?
  • Evening check-ins: After the chaos of homework and dinner, take 15 minutes to talk about how everyone’s doing and what’s coming up tomorrow.
  • Weekly family meetings: Use this time to discuss family needs, upcoming events, or how you can better support one another. (See the Family Meeting Planner on the CatholicHŌM app for help on this one.)
  • Car rides: Make it the expectation that devices are turned off during car rides so that family members can decompress and reconnect. (You can allow limited device use on longer trips, with parental permission.)
  • One-on-one time: Individual chats help children (especially teens) open up without feeling on the spot. Sometimes, having a shared activity can help teens open up: cooking together, taking a walk, playing basketball, and so on.

Start with one simple practice and build from there. And here’s a tip to make those moments count: Keep a running list of topics you’d like to bring up. That way, when talk time rolls around, you’re not scrambling to think of what to say.

Start with What Your Kids Care About

If your child isn’t eager to talk, you’re not alone. Many parents worry their kids “just don’t like to talk.” But here’s a secret: most kids love to talk when the topic is something they care about—and they feel truly listened to.

Start by entering their world:

  • Ask them to teach you about their favorite game, sport, or YouTuber.
  • Even if it’s not your thing, listen with interest. Ask follow-up questions.
  • Keep the conversation going over time—don’t make it a one-time “project.”
  • Find an article or video related to their hobby and ask them to explain it to you.

These practices model good listening skills and establish rapport with your child, showing that you value them and their ideas. And that, in turn, lays the foundation for deeper conversation.

How Conversations Grow: The 7 Levels of Intimacy

Meaningful conversations don’t start at the deep end. Catholic author Matthew Kelly, in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy, outlines seven levels of intimacy in relationships. In general, people grow through these levels one step at a time. Think about the level of your family conversations most of the time:

  1. Clichés & Pleasantries: “How are you?” “Fine.”
  2. Facts & Events: “I have math homework.” “We’re going to Grandma’s this weekend.”
  3. Opinions: Likes, dislikes, values, and what matters to each person.
  4. Hopes & Dreams: “I wish we could go to Hawaii.” “Someday I want to be an artist.”
  5. Feelings: “I felt left out today.” “I’m really excited for the sleepover!”
  6. Fears, Faults, and Failures: Moments of vulnerability and requests for help.
  7. Deepest Needs & Goals: Conversations about values, faith, purpose, and spirituality.

It’s tempting to jump straight to level seven—especially when you want to talk about faith or serious issues—but that often backfires, the Popcaks say. Instead, figure out where your family usually operates, and aim to grow just one level deeper. Keep building trust and comfort, and soon those deeper conversations will come naturally.

Establishing Talk Rituals Takes Time and Practice

Be patient with the process. It can take weeks—or even months—of consistently showing up, listening well, and building trust before your child feels ready to engage in deeper conversations. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally if a talk falls flat or your child seems disinterested. Just try again later, when the timing feels right.

When difficult topics arise—such as conflicts, disrespect, or emotional struggles—don’t focus on figuring out who is to blame or how the problem arose; people rarely agree on those facts. Besides, the most important thing is that you both agree that you want to resolve the problem and do better next time. Model a solution-focused approach: “How could we handle that better next time?” or “What could we do differently so we both feel heard?” This kind of problem-solving mindset helps children feel safe and empowered, rather than criticized.

Finally, make your expectations clear but welcoming. Let your family know when talk times will happen and what you hope to talk about, but keep the tone relaxed. The goal isn’t to “have the perfect conversation”—it’s to grow in connection, one step at a time.

Pick one talk ritual—maybe tonight’s dinner or tomorrow’s drive home—and start the habit of really talking. Your family doesn’t need to be perfect. They just need you, your love, and your willingness to connect.

If you need help along the way, remember that you can find more support on the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support and real-time coaching to help your family grow closer every day.

How to Talk to Your Adult Kids When They Make Poor Choices

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Carol called into the More2Life radio show with a dilemma: Her 32-year-old daughter, Julia, had moved in with her boyfriend, Chuck.

“I want to be supportive of her, but I can’t endorse her choices,” Carol said. She felt trapped, she said, between her love for her daughter and her moral objections.

How can you show love and support for your adult child while staying true to your values? It’s a common dilemma for many parents of adult children. The answer lies in understanding the difference between support and endorsement, according to Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak, the authors of Having Meaningful (Sometimes Difficult) Conversations with Your Adult Sons & Daughters. 

Support vs. Endorsement: Understanding the Difference

The good news for Carol (and anyone in a similar dilemma) is that it is possible to support someone without endorsing or approving of their choices. As St. Augustine famously said, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.”

How is this possible? The key is supporting the legitimate need or good intention behind your child’s poor choice. Almost always, our adult children don’t believe they are making bad choices—they genuinely feel their actions are reasonable. As the Popcaks point out, all of us tend to rationalize our poor choices by focusing on the good we hope to realize by making them.

Once you identify the good your child is trying to achieve, that good can become the basis of your support. Instead of getting into an argument about the morality or wisdom of the choice (“Cohabitating is sinful/foolish”)—an argument that probably won’t end well—you can work together to find healthier, holier ways to meet your child’s intentions. Rather than being on opposing sides, you’re now on the same team.

Carol and Julia: A Case Study

Let’s see how these steps might play out in Carol’s situation with her daughter, Julia:

Focus on Intentions, Not Actions. Carol starts by asking Julia a compassionate, open-ended question: “Can you help me understand why living with Chuck feels like the best option for you?” This strategy keeps the conversation constructive by signaling Carol’s willingness to understand Julia’s perspective, rather than jumping to judgment. It helps Julia feel heard and opens the door to exploring her intentions more deeply. Julia explains that she and Chuck are saving money to eventually get married, and they want to build a stable foundation for their future.

 

Affirm Positive Goals. Carol acknowledges Julia’s good intentions. She might say, “I can see that financial stability and a strong foundation are important to you, and I want that for you too.” By affirming Julia’s goals, Carol builds trust and creates a space for a deeper conversation.

 

Gently Challenge Assumptions. Next, Carol gently challenges the way that Julia is attempting to reach her goal of financial security. She might say, “Have you ever considered that living together might be getting in the way of that goal? Have you thought about whether living together could complicate things financially?” This helps Julia consider potential risks without feeling judged or attacked.

 

Explore Better Alternatives. If Julia is open to the conversation so far, Carol might help her explore healthier ways of achieving her goal of financial stability. She might say, “Let’s talk about other ways you can work toward your goals while also honoring what we both believe is important.”

 

In all likelihood, the conversation won’t be quite so straightforward. For example, as Carol and Julia continue talking together, it might come out that Julia would like to be married, but she is afraid that if she pushes Chuck on the question, he might leave her, and then she would be alone. This is a new layer of intention behind Julia’s choice, and a new avenue for conversation.

Keeping the Conversation Going

It might be tempting to cut straight to the chase (“What you’re doing is wrong, and it’s going to end badly”). While that may be true, it is probably the least effective way to change your adult child’s mind. It could also result in your child shutting down, keeping you at a distance, or breaking off communication entirely.

That’s why the Popcaks recommend a more empathetic approach.

“Throughout all these conversations, Carol is not—at least directly—trying to talk Julia out of living with Chuck,” the Popcaks write. “She is accepting the fact that this is the way things are for now. But Carol is recognizing that Julia is cohabiting, not because she wants to live an immoral life or reject her parents’ values or defy God, but because she is scared. She doesn’t know how to meet her needs without making the choices she has made.”

A Path Forward

Parenting doesn’t stop when your children become adults—it simply changes. By distinguishing between support and endorsement, you can maintain strong, loving relationships with your adult children while staying true to your faith. This approach not only preserves your connection but also supports your adult child in their spiritual growth.

For more insights on navigating difficult conversations with your adult children, check out Having Meaningful (Sometimes Difficult) Conversations with Your Adult Sons & Daughters by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. And if you need personalized guidance, visit CatholicCounselors.com to connect with a faith-based pastoral counselor.