Hope: It Might Not Mean What You Think It Does

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by Dr. Greg Popcak – CatholicCounselors.com

“The Jubilee invites us to renew the gift of hope within us, to surrender our sufferings and our concerns to hope, to share it with those whom we meet along our journey and to entrust to hope the future of our lives and the destiny of the human family.”  -Pope Francis’ Easter Message, 2025

As I reflect on the final public words of Pope Francis, I’m struck by his encouragement to hope, and I wanted to take a moment to unpack what it means—especially when we’re dealing with a difficult situation in our marriage, family, or personal life.

Many Christians think that, “surrendering our sufferings and concerns to hope” means that the “Christian way” of dealing with problems is to try not to get upset about things while we hold on to some vague sense that it will probably all work out—somehow.

But that isn’t what hope asks at all. In his document, Saved in Hope (Spe Salvi) Pope Benedict asserted that hope is not a wishful feeling, but rather the conviction that God is working in us, with us, and through us to make something beautiful out of the ugliness we are currently experiencing.

To “surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope” means bringing our concerns to God every day and praying, “Show me how you want to work through me in this situation to display your power and majesty. Teach me how to cooperate with your plan to make something objectively beautiful and amazing out of the pain that I’m in and the struggle that I am facing.  I don’t really know how to even get through this on my own power, but I know that with you all things are possible.  Help me to see what you want to make of this, and show me what to do next.”

Do you see the difference?  God doesn’t want passive, wishful thinkers. God needs warriors who recognize that life is filled with painful experiences, but that He has given us the privilege and grace to make something amazing out of those experiences.

To surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope is not to sit on our hands and wistfully wait for God to do…something. It is to stare at the oncoming Egyptian horde and part the Red Sea. It is to march around the city of Jericho and tear down the walls. It is to embrace the cross and rise from the dead.

What are you suffering? What concerns do you have? What challenges are you facing that are wearing you down, burning you out, or making you want to just settle?

Bring those things to God today. Ask him to show you how he wants to work through you to demonstrate to everyone around you the power he has to make something beautiful, awe-inspiring, and fulfilling out of the hand the devil dealt you.

Then you will be living Pope Francis’ final words and seeing the promise those words point to.

Vigano, Pope Francis, McCarrick and the Glamour of Evil

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Many Catholics will be familiar with the question, “Do you reject the glamour of evil?”  It was part of the older form of the renewal of baptismal promises.  The “glamour of evil” is a curious expression that I think speaks to the reaction many Catholics are having in the face of the ongoing clerical scandals in the Church.

Wilde Times

I think most people interpret that phrase, “the glamour of evil” to mean that evil can seem superficially attractive.  If we let it, it has the power to draw us in, even when we know its wrong.  As Oscar Wilde famously put it, “I can resist everything…except temptation.”  But I think there is another dimension to that phrase that this scandal is revealing.

More and more, I am seeing otherwise good, faithful people unable to focus on anything but the latest horrifying tidbit to come across their social media feeds, no matter how unsubstantiated it may be.   I see other good and faithful people who can’t resist goading each other, either because each new vile story is just more proof that  “Pope Francis has failed” or just another example of the “vast right-wing conspiracy that’s plotting to get Pope Francis.”

Cardinal Popper

It seems to me that despite whatever good intentions we may have, we are all running the risk of being unintentionally seduced by glamour of the evil that is pouring out of the church. We have inadvertently become obsessed with it,  like some people can’t get enough of those “Dr. Popper” pimple videos on YouTube, or how you just can’t bring yourself to look away from that horrific accident where blood and transmission fluid are smeared across the highway.  A melange of death and gore.

Look Away…Look Away….

Evil is glamorous, not only in the sense that it can be hard to resist being drawn into it, but also in the sense that it can be hard to look away from it.  If you aren’t careful, it’s tremendously easy to stare at it, and stare at it, and stare at it, until you can’t see anything else.  Until everything good, and godly, and righteous, and beautiful has been drained from view, and all that is left is outrage, and anger, and indignation, and disgust.

Pollyanna Need Not Apply

I don’t mean to imply that we should adopt some Pollyanna perspective that simply pretends everything is just fine while the Cathedral burns to the ground.  I’ve read the PA Grand Jury Report.  I’ve read Vigano’s testimony.  As both a pastoral counselor who works with abuse victims  and someone in Catholic media, I can’t afford to not know what’s going on. I am as unfortunately well-informed as anyone can be about all the latest appalling news.

Moreover, I don’t think we can afford to not be well-informed.  As I have written before, this is going to have to be a lay-led reform, and we can’t lead the reform if we aren’t well-informed.

Even so, we all have to remember to do whatever we can to intentionally and consciously drag ourselves out of the cesspool at least several times a day to remember that God is good.  That there is still beauty in the world.  That the Holy Spirit is alive and well. That there are real, hurting people who need to see that someone…anyone in the Church is still capable of love, compassion, and goodness.  And that nothing good comes from swimming in a sewer and throwing sh*t at each other all day long.

RSVP Satan

Whatever “kind” of Catholic you are (left, right, middle, upside-down), whoever’s ox you would like to see gored, maybe we would all do well to pause a few times a day.  Step away from social media.  Hug your kids.  Give thanks to God for something. Help someone who is hurting.  Just…be kind to someone–for God’s sake.  Literally.

Satan is throwing a huge party, and yes, we need to stay on top of it so that maybe, just maybe, we can stop it from turning into a riot that burns down the entire block (or, y’know, theocratic city-state).  But the one thing I can guarantee is that you are not doing anyone any good by sending in your RSVP to Hatefest 2018 and diving into the mosh pit.

Please. I know it isn’t as much fun as raking muck.  I know that it’s hard to resist when everyone, including the highest officials in the church, are acting like competitors in some coke-fueled mud-wrestling tournament.  But please.  Do yourself a favor.  Do the world a favor.  Do the actual victims a favor. And do whatever you can to resist the glamour of evil. Look away.  A little bit. Just enough to remember St Paul’s words. “Brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil 4:8).

Yes. Be aware. Be informed. By all means, be motivated to act. But at all costs, in big and small ways, please, be a force for good.  Because even if you don’t join in,  there is plenty of evil to go around right now. And unfortunately, I promise it will all still be there when you get back from your break.

The Pope, The APA, and “Born That Way.” What Science Really Says About Homosexuality

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As you have most likely read, recent news outlets quote clerical sexual abuse survivor, Juan Carlos Cruz, saying that Pope Francis told him that his homosexuality “does not matter.”  In Juan Carlos’ words, the Holy Father told him,  “You know Juan Carlos, that does not matter. God made you like this. God loves you like this. The Pope loves you like this and you should love yourself and not worry about what people say.”

What’s Said In the Vatican, Stays in the Vatican

It is hard to know, of course, what Pope Francis did or did not say.  The reports quote Juan Carlos’ recognition of events, not the Pope’s actual words, and no good pastor would ever publicly reveal what was said during pastoral or spiritual direction even if the directee were to make his or her version of those events public.  Such comments are the domain of what the church calls, “the internal forum” and, as such, enjoy an even more serious level of confidentiality than doctor-patient priviledge.

That said, the Holy Father’s reported comments give the faithful another opportunity to address the idea that “science has proven” that LGBT people are “born that way.”

What Science Has To Say

Here is how the American Psychological Association responds to the question, “What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation?” which is posted on their FAQ page titled, “Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality.”

There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation.

So What?

For any Catholic, especially the Pope, to imply or directly state that homosexuality is somehow ordained by God would be both theologically incorrect from a Catholic point of view (see below),  and, even more importantly, scientifically incorrect, since the prevailing, professional view is that we simply don’t know what the origins of homosexuality are.  In light of this, I do find it difficult to imagine that the Pope would have said exactly what Mr. Cruz claims.

Not Lying

Incidentally, I am not accusing Mr. Cruz of lying.  As a counselor, I know that what I say to a client in a session is often repeated to a spouse, child, or other person in a manner that has absolutely no resemblance to what I actually said or meant to say.  The client isn’t lying.  They are simply using their own words to communicate what they honestly thought I meant, or the feeling that I conveyed to them, even if it is not exactly what I said.

I would not be surprised to learn that the Holy Father told Mr. Cruz that God loved him deeply, or that Mr. Cruz’s homosexuality should never be seen as an obstacle to the movement of God’s grace and healing in his life, or that Mr. Cruz deserves the love and support of the Church regardless of his sexual identity, or that God has profound compassion for the struggle Mr Cruz has faced.  All of these things would be thoughtful and authentic pastoral responses to someone in Mr. Cruz’s situation.

Good Pastors Serve The Truth

But a good pastor has an obligation to the truth, as does any Christian.  No client or spiritual directee is ever served well by platitudes, half-truths, or useful fictions, even if they are offered with the best of intentions.  Lying, or misrepresenting the facts, even for a good cause, is still lying.

Even if people were inclined to believe that the Holy Father could arbitrarily change doctrine, even the Pope can’t change science.  The simple fact is, even those scientists who have dedicated their lives to studying LGBT issues, and who would have no objection to asserting that homosexuality was genetic (and, in fact, could be thought to be in favor of such an assertion) can’t bring themselves to make the claim that LGBT persons are “made” to be LGBT from birth.

What YOU Need to Know.

Whatever the Holy Father did or didn’t say to Mr. Cruz, the most important thing for Catholics to know and share with their friends about the Church’s pastoral response to LGBT issues is that neither we nor scientists know why people have the sexual orientation that they do, but that regardless of their orientation, all people are loved by God, invited to share in his life of grace, called to repentance and communion, and deserving of the love and respect of their fellow human beings.

Dr. Greg Popcak is a pastoral counselor, an associate professor of pastoral studies, and the author of Holy Sex!

*NOTE: The following is the what the Catechism teaches about Homosexuality.

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of gravedepravity,140 tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.”141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. They do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they areChristians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

 

“Popes Say the Darndest Things” (Zika Edition)–Clarity for Confused Catholics

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Are you confused, frustrated by, or for that matter, gloating about Pope Francis’ recent comments on contraceptive use and the Zika virus–especially in light of the Vatican Press Office’s confirmation that Pope Francis was not only speaking about using Natural Family Planning but also, potentially, hormonal contraceptives and condoms, to prevent the possibility of children born with Zika-related miroencephaly?   Be at peace.  Let’s all please take a collective breath and consider the following in which Dr. Janet Smith, world-renowned expert on Catholic sexual ethics and professor of moral theology at Sacred Heart Seminary in Detroit, offers some sensitive, sensible guidance regarding the context in which these comments need to be understood.

The following is a sample, but I ask you to please take the time to read the whole article which appears at Catholic World Report.

In it, Dr. Smith writes…

It is time to review some basic principles that bear upon the question of the morality of contraception.

Meaning of contraception: Thing and act

First, let us note that the word “contraception” is used to describe both a thing and an act. Only the act permits of moral analysis. There are many “things” called contraception, such as the many forms of the pill, the condom, the IUD, and the patch. Contraception as an act permitting of moral analysis is the act of doing something before, during, or after an act of spousal intercourse to prevent the act from achieving the end of procreation.

The Church teaches that acts of contraception are always against the plan of God for human sexuality, since God intended that each and every act of spousal intercourse express both the intention to make a complete, unitive gift of one’s self to one’s spouse and the willingness to be a parent with one’s spouse. These meanings of the spousal act are, as Humanae Vitae stated, inseparable.

Moreover, many forms of contraception work not by preventing ovulation or preventing conception but by either destroying an embryonic human being or rendering the uterus an inhospitable place for an embryonic human being. These “contraceptives” are not truly contraceptives. They cause the death of a new human being and are rightly called abortifacients. Both contraception and abortion are absolute evils, with abortion being a much more serious evil.

Therapeutic use of hormones

It often causes confusion that the Church permits the use of the hormones that are in the contraceptive pill to treat certain physical conditions. For instance, a woman who has ovarian cysts or who suffers from endometriosis may find that taking the hormones that are present in the contraceptive pill relieve her from some of the pain that results from such conditions. Women who use those hormones with the intent of reducing pain and not with the intent of rendering their sexual acts infertile are not engaging in acts of contraception. In the terminology of the principle of double effect, they are using hormones in pursuit of the good effect of reducing pain and, as a secondary effect, they are tolerating the infertility caused by the hormones they are taking.

Nuns in the Congo

It also confuses many that the officials of the Church many decades ago permitted nuns in the Congo who were in danger of being raped to take hormones that prevent ovulation (which is what the “pill” does). In this case the hormones would be taken with the intent of avoiding a pregnancy, but not a pregnancy that would be the result of a spousal act of sexual intercourse. They would not be altering the purpose of a spousal act of sexual intercourse. Rather, they would be defending themselves against the possible consequences of an act of rape. Keep in mind that it is justifiable for a woman to inflict great physical harm, even death, on a man threatening rape. Her act of killing the rapist is not justified as a “lesser evil” because killing is not a lesser evil than enduring rape. Rather, her act is an act of just and moral self-defense.  

Thus, for a woman to do something to prevent a rapist’s sperm from uniting with her ovum is a part of justifiable self-defense. Her act has nothing to do with violating God’s plan for sexuality. She is not choosing to use contraception to prevent a spousal act of sexual intercourse from achieving its natural end. She is not refusing to make a complete gift of herself to her spouse.  She is fending off a rapist and all his physicality. Clearly, her use of ovulation-suppressing hormones is not an act of contraception. (A good source for information about the history/reasoning concerning the nuns in the Congo is Fr. Edward Bayer’s Rape Within Marriage (1985), pp. 82-3)

Principle of choosing the lesser evil

The principle of choosing the lesser evil (PCLE) is often misunderstood. It does not apply to doing a lesser moral evil to avoid a greater moral evil. That is, for instance, one cannot directly kill one innocent human being to save the lives of several other innocent human beings. One cannot cheat one’s customers for money to give to the poor.

We must remember that the word “evil” does not refer only to moral evil. The word “evil” refers to any imperfection of any kind, for instance, to any physical imperfection. Blindness, for instance, or lameness are physical “evils.”

The PCLE applies to the common sense choices to do or undergo some non-moral evil for the sake of some greater good. One can destroy property to save life, such as breaking down a door to save a child trapped behind the door and in danger. It is not a moral evil to destroy the property. Yes “evil” is done—the door is broken and can’t be used—but the evil is a physical evil, not a moral one. Rather, it is morally good to break down the door.

The PCLE does not justify a woman using contraception to prevent a pregnancy because she fears the child may suffer some harm during the pregnancy. Here a woman is choosing to do something immoral to prevent harm. This choice violates the fundamental principle that we must never do moral evil to achieve good. She would be intending to thwart the purpose and meaning of the sexual act in order to protect any child conceived from harm, but she is doing harm—to the marital act and her marital relationship—by using contraception to prevent a pregnancy.

There are all sorts of “harm” that spouses may wish to attempt to avoid by using contraception. In fact, one suspects that there is always some harm spouses are trying to avoid by using contraception—harms such as financial stress, inconvenience, threats to the mother’s health, sexual frustration, etc. The Church has never taught that if the harms are serious enough, it is permissible to use contraception, for that would be choosing to do moral evil to avoid harm.

To suggest that some “emergency” or “special situation” would permit a person in conscience to use contraception does not align with Catholic moral theology. For spouses to use contraception is always wrong. How can any emergency or special situation justify what is always wrong? It is an improper use of conscience to use it to discern that it is moral to do what is intrinsically wrong in special situations.  CONTINUE READING

———–

I would add to Janet’s thoughtful comments that even the Pope cannot change Church teaching.  We are all–Pope and layperson alike–merely servants of the repository of truth given to us by Christ and affirmed by 2000 years of prayer, discernment, spirit-filled discussion, and grace.  In this recent news story, the Holy Father made some off-the-cuff comments about a very serious medical and pastoral situation. These comments must be considered carefully in light of his teaching authority as the Bishop of Rome (as Pope Francis often prefers to refer to himself). But ultimately, even papal opinion stands or falls by its ability to reflect the continuity of our Tradition. If you would like an accessible, helpful guide for really understanding and living the truth about the Catholic teaching regarding sex and love, I’d invite you to check out Holy Sex!  The Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving.  And of course, I’ll offer more thoughts as this story develops.

Kim Davis is a Mess. So What?

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A lot of people are putting out a lot of spin trying to explain away, contextualize, minimize and otherwise  dismiss Pope Francis’ meeting with Kim Davis.  And guess what?  It is all irrelevant. In fact, it’s downright shameful.

It really doesn’t matter how the meeting came about or what was said between them. It also doesn’t matter that her life is a hot mess, or that she has done plenty of damage in her own life against the sanctity of marriage. The real point is that, when asked on the flight home, Pope Francis publicly affirmed civil disobedience as a “basic human right.”

A person doesn’t have to be perfect, or even decent, to have the right to exercise his or her basic human rights.  One doesn’t have to agree with Kim Davis to affirm her right to object to what she believes is an unjust law.  As I argued previously, regardless of what you think of her, Kim Davis has a basic human right to refuse to resign and, instead, engage in civil disobedience if she is being asked to do things she finds to be morally objectionable.

Furthermore, all Christians, and indeed, all persons of good will,  have a moral obligation to support her and anyone else who acts in accordance with their conscience, especially when that puts them in conflict with the law. That doesn’t mean that conscientious objectors can act consequence-free, but it does mean that they should be able to act without encountering the derision of others–especially people-of-faith.

Shame on anyone who would attempt to dismiss or minimize another person’s basic human rights because those rights were not to their political liking.  Without an inconvenient right to conscientious objection, true religious liberty does not exist in any meaningful way.  Religious people, of all people, ought to know better.

Pope Francis on Marriage, “Marital Wounds Hurt Children.”

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Pope Francis made some powerful observations about the importance of working to create strong marriages.

“Dear Brothers and Sisters: We know well that every family on occasion suffers moments when one family member offends another. Through our words, actions, or omissions, instead of expressing love for our spouse or children, we can sometimes diminish or demean that love. Hiding these hurts only deepens such wounds, leading to anger and friction between loved ones. If these wounds are particularly deep, they can even lead a spouse to search for understanding elsewhere, to the detriment of the family, especially children. Being one flesh, any wounds that spouses suffer are shared by their children, born of their flesh. When we remember how Jesus warned adults not to scandalize little ones (cf. Mt 18:6), we better understand the vital responsibility to maintain and protect the bond of marriage which is the foundation of the human family. We thank God that although these wounds may lead some to separation, even then many men and women remain true to their conjugal bond, sustained by faith and by love for their children. For those who enter into so-called irregular situations, we must reflect on how best to help and accompany them in their lives. Let us ask the Lord for a strong faith to see with his eyes the reality of family life, and for a deep love to approach all families with his merciful heart.”

Good Marriage: The Heart of the New Evangelization

What a wonderful reminder Pope Francis gives us of the importance of working on our marriage and family lives.  Christians often feel selfish about working on their marriage.  It feels self-serving or too insular.  But the truth is marriage is an extremely part of God’s plan for saving the world!  Marriage and family life gives the world a witness of God’s love in the flesh.  For the modern person, words are a poor means of evangelization.  People have heard it all.  “I love you”, “I’ll always be here”, “You can count on me” are promises that are too easy to make and easier, still, to break in the modern world.  One of the reasons Pope St. John Paul the Great emphasized marriage and family life in both his Theology of the Body and the New Evangelization is that solid, passionate, loving, joyful marriages and families are the best way to show the world that Catholicism has something true, good and beautiful to offer the world.  When we work on our marriages and strengthen our families, far from being self-indulgent or inward-looking, we are giving God the tools by which he can show the world an icon of his transformative love.

In additional to our Catholic Tele-Counseling Practice for couples, families and individuals, here are some of the resources The Pastoral Solutions Institute offers to help couples live out the kind of joyful, passionate, grace-filled marriages that God wants for each of his children.

For Better…FOREVER! The Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage—  Examines marriage from Honeymoon to Happily Ever After and offers couples of every age skills they can use to live For Better…FOREVER!

The Exceptional Seven Percent:  Nine Secrets of the World’s Happiest Couples— Discover the nine traits that distinguish the happiest couples of all, the 7% of first-and-forever marriages that report uncommon satisfaction and stability.

Just Married:  The Catholic Guide to Surviving and Thriving in the First 5 Years of Marriage–God wants your marriage to be the Greatest Love Story Ever Told!  Discover how to build the kind of foundation for your marriage that will continue to nourish your relationship for years to come!

When Divorce is NOT and Option: How to Heal Your Marriage and Nurture Lasting Love— Research reveals 8 habits that separates marriage masters from marriage disasters.  Discover how to transform your relationship–even if you’re the only one working on it!

Holy Sex!  The Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving— Explore the secrets of celebrating a more passionate, sensual, soulful marital sexuality.  Discover practical steps for resolving differences and experience even more joyful, marital intimacy!