The Lies We Believe

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Dr. Gregory Popcak

We believe so many lies about ourselves. We believe we’re hopeless, that we can never change, that things will never change, that nothing we do matters, that we don’t deserve love or goodness or justice or dignity or a million other things. We are trapped by the lies we tell ourselves and the lies that others tell us.

Consolations V. Desolations

Jesus told us that the truth will set us free (c.f., Jn 8:32). St Ignatius of Loyola developed a system of discernment that could help us to determine the difference between movements of good spirits and movements of evil spirits. A million or more times a day, a thought will pop into our head. We have no idea where these thoughts come from but if we own them and take them in, they will affect our emotions and behavior. If we let them pass through our minds without claiming them, they leave us unaffected. In a sense, we could say that these thoughts are the result of good spirits and bad spirits whispering thoughts into our spiritual ear. We have free will, so they have no direct power over us, but if they can persuade us to accept their whisperings as true, those thoughts become part of who we are, how we feel, and how we act. It is our job to learn which of these whisperings we should attend to and which we should ignore. St. Ignatius called the thoughts and feelings that draw us closer to God and his will “consolations.” In spite of their name, consolations don’t always feel good, but they always cause to have clarity of the best and godliest way to respond to our circumstances. If we attend and act upon those consolations, we can discover God’s will for our lives and fulfill our destiny of becoming whole in this life and happy with God in the next.

Similarly, St. Ignatius called the thoughts and feelings that move us away from God and his will “desolations” because they tend to separate us from God and make us feel powerless, hopeless, and self-indulgent. The more we attend to these desolations, the more we pull away from God and become confused about who we are and how we are to live.

Cognitive Distortions

In addition to these spiritual helps, cognitive psychotherapy has identified 15 Cognitive Distortions. These distortions represent the lies we hear in our heads about who we are and how life works. The more we believe these lies, the more complicated, confusing, and unhealthy our life and relationships become.

I would argue that just as God is the author of all truth whether found in revelation or nature, we know that Satan is the Father of Lies. As such, whether the lies we hear in our heads are of a more spiritual or psychological nature, we can understand that all of these lies spring from Satan’s own heart. By uncovering those lies and exposing them for what they are we can begin to live in the truth. Here is a complete list of the 15 Cognitive Distortions that wreck our lives, ruin our relationships and steal our peace. Are you living in the truth that will set you free? Read through the list to see what lies are holding you back (Source: PsychCentral).

1. Filtering.

We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking).

In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure – there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

3. Overgeneralization.

In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

4. Jumping to Conclusions.

Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.

For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

5. Catastrophizing.

We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).

For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).

6. Personalization.

Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

7. Control Fallacies.

If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

8. Fallacy of Fairness.

We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us, “Life is always fair,” and people who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it.

9. Blaming.

We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way – only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Shoulds.

We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

11. Emotional Reasoning.

We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect the way things really are – “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

12. Fallacy of Change.

We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling.

We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.

For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”

14. Always Being Right.

We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy.

We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

Sometimes becoming aware of these lies is all a person needs to break free of their bonds, but sometimes we need more specific techniques and guidance. If you would like more help in overcoming the lies that hold you back, check out God Help Me, This Stress is Driving Me Crazy! Finding Balance through God’s Grace or contact your PaxCare Tele-coach to learn the skills you need to succeed.

Treating ADHD without Medication

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: PaxCare Staff

We want to say up front that we don’t personally believe that medication treatment for ADHD is completely useless or should be avoided altogether. We do think that people are being oversold on the effectiveness of ADHD meds, however. Ritalin, and its cousins are not a cure for ADHD. They only control the symptoms for a limited period of time. Likewise, in children, ADHD meds can stunt growth: “Adolescent boys with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are more likely to be shorter and slimmer than their same-age peers, according to a new study published in the Medical Journal of Australia today.” (Source: MedicalXpress) Most interestingly, research by SUNY Buffalo shows that even if they do initially bring on some improvement, ADHD meds stop working altogether within 3 years of beginning them. Read the entire article here.

So what’s a parent to do?

Fortunately, there are a ton of effective behavioral treatments for ADHD. Think of behavior therapy—and similar psychosocial interventions—as physical therapy for the brain. Psychotherapeutic exercises literally increase the connectivity, development, and healthy functioning of the brain, especially brain processes that control attention, awareness, focus, and impulse control—all skills lacking in persons with ADHD. In fact, cognitive-behavioral and psychosocial interventions for ADHD have consistently been shown to be more effective than medication for ADHD: “Cognitive and behavioral therapies that help young people reduce impulsivity and cultivate good study habits are costlier and take longer to administer, but may be more efficacious over time.” (Source: Scientific American) Ultimately, cognitive-behavioral and psychosocial approaches to treating ADHD actually heal the brain imbalances that make it difficult for ADHD sufferers to focus, follow-through, and control impulses.

Here is a great resource that lists many of the available treatment options for both children with ADHD and adults.

Other Alternatives

In addition to the above, mindfulness training (where the client learns how to calm and focus the brain through various exercises that improve concentration and focus) has been shown to be very effective for treating both adults and children with ADHD:

“The study by Grosswald et al. (2008) shows in 10, 11—14 year old children with ADHD reduced attention and total problems after transcendental meditation using a non-controlled pre-post design. Zylowska et al. (2007) report that mindfulness meditation training in 24 adults with ADHD resulted in improvements in self-reported ADHD symptoms and test performance on tasks measuring attention and cognitive inhibition.”

Likewise, neurofeedback, (a therapy that uses computer assisted exercises to teach the client to have conscious control of various brain skills like attention and focus) has a great deal of research showing it to be an effective treatment for ADHD:

“Neurofeedback trains children to become more aware of their physiological responses and how to gain control of the brain’s frontal lobe, which is the executive functioning center.”

Read the rest of the article here.

Take a look at the above links. You might be surprised to find resources that are more effective than meds and could actually cure the ADHD instead of merely controlling it for a time.

That They All may be One

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: PaxCare Staff

Everyone longs for connection. We all crave closeness but it can seem so elusive at times. In the face of the struggle to fulfill that desire to be in synch with others, we can often despair that it was ever meant to be.

We shouldn’t. The Theology of the Body reminds us that we were created to live in unity with God and others. And, of course, this idea is deeply rooted in scripture. Genesis (2:18) asserts that it was God’s intention from the very beginning that we would live in intimate communion with others. Jesus, himself, prayed for the unity we all crave in John 17:20-23 where he said,

“Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that you have sent me. And the glory which you gave me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one.”

The desire for unity that is written on the human heart points to this call to ultimate unity between God, us, and all of humankind.

A Taste of Heaven

All of us have experienced at least flashes of this unity in our lives. Every once in a while, God gives us a taste of that connection for which we were created and to which we are destined. Even if it is rare, most of us have had that experience of being in the presence of someone who, for some reason, in that moment, makes everything seem peaceful, makes connection seem easy and helps it all just “makes sense.” Whatever you call it, it is a universal longing of the human heart and our happiness depends on our ability to fulfill that longing.

Unity and Holiness

What does it take to cultivate this sense of unity with others? Most people would say, “time” or “quietness” and to some degree they’re right. A person needs both of these things to cultivate the qualities that contribute to their ability to be in synch with others. That said, it’s possible to have this sense with someone even when you don’t have a lot of time and are in a noisy crowd of thousands. For instance, people who experienced Pope John Paul II, or Mother Theresa, or even now, Pope Francis, will tell you that even if they only got a few seconds with one of these holy people, they were made to feel like they were the only ones who mattered in that moment. There was a transcendent connection—in the middle of the chaos of the crowd—where one felt “in synch” (in synchronicity) with the other. (Note: Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events as meaningfully related, where they are unlikely to be causally related. The subject sees it as a meaningful coincidence. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist, in the 1920s.) Source: Wikipedia.

Christian mystical theologians tell us that this ability to experience and create moments of unity is a sign of holiness. Since God is one, and gathers all things into himself so that all may be one, the closer we draw to God, the more we are able to experience unity and share that experience of oneness with another.

Cultivating Connection: Four Qualities

So we see that the ability to be in synch with others isn’t so much a product of our environment as much as it is a state of being, a mindspace if you will, in which it becomes possible to take down the barriers that separate us from each other and, in turn, create intimate connection. Psychologists who study these states of being as they naturally occur have identified 4 qualities that enable a person to cultivate that sense of connection with another. We all have the potential to exhibit these qualities and chances are we already exhibit them to some degree or another. The trick is to develop them to the degree that we can experience them consistently and simultaneously. The four qualities that lead to this sort of soulful connection between people are known by the acronym COAL; Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love. Let’s look at each of these qualities.

COAL Fuels Connection

Curiosity is defined, in this context, as the genuine and honest desire to know another person; their story, thoughts, feelings, and heart. This type of curiosity is driven by a sincere desire to understand the other person and appreciate the world through their eyes.

Openness is the willingness to leave my comfort zone for sake of connection with the other. We often resist opportunities to see the world through others because it can be disturbing to our own sense of reality. A healthy sense of openness allows us to leave our own worldview intact while we try on the worldview of another. The goal of openness is not so much agreement with the other as it is understanding of the other.

Acceptance is the willingness to hear the other person’s thoughts, feelings, ideas and life story without judgment. This is especially tricky for Christians because we believe, rightly, in absolute truth. It can be hard to feel that I can be accepting of another’s experience and still be committed to the proposition that there is a right way to live and a right path to walk. Often, curiosity and openness will lead me to encounter people who are very different from me and who’s own worldview clashes significantly, even violently, with mine. Acceptance of the other’s worldview does not necessarily mean agreement. It means that I am willing to understand that the other persons views represent a sincere and honest attempt on their part to meet their needs or fulfill their good intentions. The means by which they attempt to meet those needs or intentions may be deeply flawed, and I might think that it would be better if they changed, but in accepting them, I respect how they came to have the views they do and I respect the needs and intentions that drive those views. For Christians, this concept might be best expressed as the spiritual practice of charitable interpretation.

Loving represents a genuine commitment to working for the good of other. No matter how much I may disagree with someone or how different they may be from me, I actively demonstrate my commitment to doing what I can to making their life easier, more pleasant, more edifying, and healthier in whatever way I can.

The more we intentionally cultivate these four virtues in our life and relationships the more likely it is that we will have those flashes of connection, those moments of synchronicity and unity that satisfy the ache in our hearts for intimacy. The closer we come to fulfilling Jesus’ prayer that all might be one in Him.

Why Does Infant Carying Soothe Babies when Other Things Fail?

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Dr. Gregory Popcak

Every parent has had the experience of having to walk around carrying a crying baby to soothe him. We have a lot of different ways to soothe a crying baby, but when all else fails, carrying often does the trick. Why does carrying succeed when other strategies—including merely holding the baby—fail?

Studying the process of infant soothing is extremely important because inconsolable babies are more susceptible to abusive treatment by parents. Understanding the psychological or biological mechanisms that enables infants to be calmed is a significant public health concern. Because of this, researchers at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute decided to investigate whether there was a neurological basis for the effectiveness of infant carrying. They discovered some surprising things.

Carrying Triggers Newly Discovered Calming Reflex

It turns out that carrying an infant triggers a three-way mechanism in the brain that suppresses involuntary muscle movements & struggling while also dramatically reducing the infant’s heart rate. These changes happen almost immediately. In fact, this process is such an automatic response to being carried that it could almost be considered a previously undiscovered reflex. The study noted that merely holding a baby does not stimulate this reflex. Only carrying does.

Moreover, this relaxing response to being carried by one’s parent is not just found in humans, it is consistent across mammals—from mouse pups to lion cubs—indicating that this response is a deeply ingrained part of mammalian brain programming. Indeed, the study notes that the brain mechanisms responsible for this soothing reaction is controlled by the cerebellum (which is responsible for monitoring muscle control) and the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for relaxing the body).

So What? —The Practical & Spiritual Significance of Infant Carrying

Practically speaking, research like this gives further weight to the recommendation to practice “baby wearing“; that is, keeping a baby close to your body in a sling to maximize bodily contact between parent and infant. Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body suggests that as we prayerfully contemplate the meaning of the body, we can discover God’s intention for how we are to relate to one another. In light of his profound reflection, findings like this from the RIKEN Brain Science Institute are even more significant. Think about it. God actually created structures in the brain that require a specific kind of external stimulation in order to be activated! Even our brains are not entirely our own. The brain is truly a social organ that effectively reaches outside of us so that it find wholeness and health by plugging into the surrounding social network. Understanding this offers stunning new insights into why Genesis 2:18. Findings like this speak to both the deeply social nature of the human person and gives neurobiological credence to the otherwise merely philosophical assertion that we were created, primarily, to love and be loved.

When parents are willing to learn from the instruction manual God has given them in the form of their baby’s cues, both parents and baby can be happier and healthier.

For more information on how principles from interpersonal neurobiology and the theology of the body can make your parenting life easier and more effective, check out Parenting with Grace: A Catholic Parent Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids.

4 Tips To Make Parenting Easier

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Dr. Gregory Popcak

Parenting is tough work. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some ways to make your parenting life easier?

The Theology of the Body teaches that families are schools of love and virtue and that parents are the primary teachers of their children. Well, great teachers need state-of-the-art techniques and since parents are teaching the most important lessons of all—as Evangelium Vitae puts it, how to experience “all the values that enable us to live life as a gift”—we need the best techniques available.

There are many different techniques parents can choose from; verbal correction, time-outs, star charts, consequences and even—though I don’t recommend it myself—corporal punishment. But how do you know what will actually work? Here are four tips that can help you evaluate the power of your parenting techniques and help make your parenting life that much easier.

4 Things the Most Effective Parenting Techniques Share:

1. Technique can’t substitute for relationship. It is a truism in family psychology that “rules without rapport leads to rebellion.” Parenting techniques don’t work well in the absence of a good relationship with your kids. For instance; the effectiveness of the popular Time-Out technique is, at least in part, predicated on the idea that your kid doesn’t want to be away from you. If your relationship has deteriorated to the point that your child would rather be away from you than with you, Time-Out is a reward for bad behavior. In fact, paradoxically, the more you use it, the worse your kid’s behavior will get.

If you find that your traditional, go-to techniques aren’t working—or aren’t working as well—it might be time to back off the techniques and focus on filling up the relationship bank account with your child. Take some one-on-one time with your child that isn’t focused on correcting or lecturing. Go out to breakfast. Do a project your child needs your help with. Play a game your child is good at (maybe even better than you). You will find that when your relationship is in a better place, virtually any technique you use will be more effective.

2. Effective Techniques are Immediately Employable. In order to be effective, a technique has to be something you can do right now. If you can’t employ it immediately, it isn’t a technique, it’s a threat. Threats are very poor motivators. Saying to a child, “I’m going to take X away” (a threat) isn’t as effective as simply taking the thing away right then. For example; if you are talking to your child and he is ignoring you, don’t say, “I’m going to turn off the TV if you don’t start listening.” Save your breath. Just walk over and turn off the TV. Now you have his attention. You can decide whether to turn it back on or not when you’re done talking. The point is, a consequence that doesn’t happen right now is no consequence at all. Don’t waste time with threats. Instead, focus on techniques you can use immediately.

3. Effective Techniques are both Easily and Consistently Enforceable. There are lots of parenting techniques that are great ideas on paper but tend to fall apart in application. For example; star charts or “token economies” (where you give a child points or chips that they earn for good behavior and save up to use for certain prizes or privileges) are great ideas in theory, but they can be very hard to keep up with especially if you are trying to use them with multiple issues with multiple children. Techniques like these tend to work best if you use them with one child for one issue for a limited period of time. The best techniques are those that are easy to keep track of and consistently enforceable. Don’t waste time with techniques that require too much effort to maintain.

4. Effective Techniques Point to the Positive Opposite. Effective techniques don’t simply focus on stopping bad behavior they also teach the “positive opposite” (i.e., the desirable behavior that the parent wants to replace the negative behavior). Too many times, parents imagine that if they do a good enough job stopping the bad behavior, then good behavior will spontaneously erupt in its place. People tend not to work that way. If a kid is misbehaving it is either because he doesn’t know what to do instead, OR he doesn’t know how to do what he knows is right in this particular context or when he is overwhelmed by these particular feelings. To be effective, parents need to teach children what to do instead or how to succeed at doing the alternative behavior in this context.

What about Corporal Punishment?

This is where punishments like yelling or corporal punishment fail. They do stop bad behavior, but they don’t do anything to teach new skills. Some children will, eventually, figure out what to do on their own but many other children will just stop trying. This latter group of kids are the ones who ultimately become completely immune to consequences or punishment. A parent once said to me, “I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve taken away everything except air.” If you have a kid like this, chances are your approach to discipline has been much more heavily focused on stopping the bad without necessarily teaching what to do instead. Telling a kid what to do isn’t enough. For instance, as a child, I struggled in math class. I had plenty of teachers who told me what to do, but until I had someone walk through it with me, step-by-step, over and over, and taught me how to use the formula in lots of different contexts (even though it was the same formula) I just couldn’t get it. The same thing is true of some kids and behavior. Using techniques that don’t just stop bad behavior but also teach how to do the “positive opposite” step-by-step in many different contexts (even if its the same “formula”) is the best way to make sure that you aren’t wasting your parenting energy.

If you’re interested in learning over 20 different techniques that allow you to raise the behavioral bar while simultaneously making your parenting life easier, pick up a copy of Parenting with Grace: The Catholic Parents’ Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids.

Will Your Kids Stay Catholic?

Posted on March 28, 2014 by gpopcak

By: Dr. Gregory Popcak

Most parents hope that their adult children will remain in the faith in which they were raised. Lisa and I often hear, both on the radio and in our counseling practice, from parents who are profoundly upset that their adult children have left the Church.

Obviously, parents can never guarantee that children will follow in their footsteps with regard to their beliefs but there are things that can be done to stack the deck. When it comes to raising kids to stay Catholic, the research is pretty clear. Being religious yourself and having a religious home isn’t enough. Religious education is important, but the strength of the attachment between the parents and children appears to be the factor that decides whether your children stay faithful or not. That said, there are some interesting details in how the relationship between religious education and relationship plays out.

Religiousness and Relationship: Two Theories

There are two theories of how a child’s relationship with his parents affects religious belief. The “compensation hypothesis” asserts that insecurely attached children are more likely to be religious as adults because they are seeking to compensate for their lack of connection with a parent by connecting with a heavenly parental substitute.

The “correspondence hypothesis” states that the likelihood of a parent passing on their values to their children is dependent upon the strength of the relationship between the parents and the children. Logic here is that children who have a healthy relationship with their parents are less likely to challenge or reject the values they were raised with.

So which is true? Both are. Here’s how things tend to break down according to the research.

The Results: Religious, Not Religious, and “Spiritual but not Religious”

If a child is securely attached to non-religious parents there is a greater likelihood that child will not be religious as an adult.

If a child is insecurely attached to religious parents there is a greater likelihood that child will not be religious as an adult (there is also a fair number in this group who fall into the “spiritual but not religious category. Mostly because their attachment issues make them suspicious of what researchers call, “social religion” [i.e., organized religion]).

BUT…

If child is insecurely attached to non-religious parents there is a greater likelihood that child will grow up to be “spiritual but not religious.” (for the same reasons as above.)

Finally, children who are securely attached to highly religious parents are the most religiously attached of all groups as adults.

The Bottom Line

Now, granted, there are going to be individual variations on the above themes. Not everybody fits into neat categories. That said, the evidence is pretty clear that the best way to increase the likelihood that a child will retain the faith of his youth as an adult (even if that is “no faith”) is to both practice the faith intentionally in your home and make certain that you have a strong attachment with that child.

A Consideration for Evangelization:

One interesting question for me that comes out of the research is how to evangelize those who are “spiritual but not religious.” If the data is correct that many “spiritual but not religious people” really can’t be reached simply by hearing the message of the Gospel. They need to experience a relationship that heals the attachment wound first. All the best arguments in the world can’t substitute for an authentic relationship that leads another person to Christ.

The same is true, really, for religious adults who are in a frustrated relationship with irreligious adult children. If your kids aren’t impressed with the power of your arguments, the answer isn’t seeking better arguments. The answer has to be healing the damage in your relationship.

Read the research here.

OF COURSE…If you are a parent and less interested in the academic side of things and more interested in how to stack the deck in favor of YOUR kids being faithful Catholics as adults, please be sure to check out Parenting with Grace for tips on building a family around the principles of the Theology of the Body and Beyond the Birds and the Bees, a book not just about talking to your kids about sex, but rather about forming your kids’ moral conscience from birth to young adulthood.