Suicidal Fruit: What Happens When the Mental Health Profession Fails Post Abortive Women.

The #AmericanPsychologicalAssociation asserts that there is no causal link between abortion and depression (which is ridiculous anyway, because virtually no social science research can ever assert causation. But that’s a different TED Talk). And a recent talk in Ireland by Dr. Lucy Johnstone of the British Psychological Society actually recommended abortion as a treatment for the trauma of unwanted pregnancy. (Because the British have always had the best interests of the Irish people in mind….) 

Sadly, 21 yo Jade Rees had a very different experience. After a tough breakup, she decided to terminate her pregnancy at 4months. Her suicide note explained that her decision to celebrate her right to choose women’s health care left her “upset and distressed.” She detailed how the abortion exacerbated her long struggle with depression and an eating d/o. Grieving and alone, she hung herself while listening to Ed Sheeran’s song “Small Bump.”  She leaves behind a 2yo she felt that she was unworthy to raise.

If the psychological establishment respected science and basic compassion instead of ideology, someone might have suggested to Ms. Rees that some people truly do regret their abortions and that abortion can, for some, make difficult circumstances even more painful to bear. Unfortunately, because the only message that women like Ms. Rees hear is that they have only cause for celebration, or at least relief, after their abortion, women who experience emotional pain following termination are made to feel crazy. Women like Ms. Rees end up being gaslighted by the very clinicians who should be there to hold her hand through her pain.

Shame on my colleagues for their cowardice and capitulation to the abortion industry. You feckless sycophants. How many women have to die before you wake up?

As a pro-life mental health professional, this issue is especially close to my heart. I ask you to please keep all women who are experiencing the pain of abortion in your prayers, every day. And, while you’re at it, please say a special prayer for Ms. Rees. That she might find, in God’s arms, the affirmation, mercy, and healing that my profession could not bear to extend to her in this life.

If you or someone you love is experiencing the pain of post-abortion regret, please visit Project Rachel.There is no judgment. Only love and a path to healing.

How To Pray Together as A Family

When you’re praying as a family, is it better to use the formal prayers of the church–like the rosary, traditional Grace-at-Meals, or a chaplet—or more conversational prayer?

We say, “Why not both?”  It isn’t that one type of prayer is better than another type.  It’s that they serve different purposes in our spiritual lives.

In our family, we like to think of formal prayers as the, “family prayers of the Church.”  They connect us with the saints and angels and all the other members of our Church past and present! Praying the rosary with our kids, or the divine mercy chaplet, or an Our Father, or even traditional “grace-at-meals,” is like going to visit God alongside all our spiritual aunts and uncles and cousins. It’s like inviting the whole church to pray with us, so we’re never really alone.

But sometimes–just like it’s good to get more personal time with the people you love–it’s good to talk to God using words that are uniquely our own.  Conversational prayer allows us to talk to God about our day, to thank him for specific blessings, ask him for special help, and discern his unique and unrepeatable plan for your life.  

Helping our kids become fluent in both conversational and formal prayer allows them to experience their faith as something that is both personal TO them and bigger THAN them. 

To help your kids have a more meaningful experience with all the different kinds of prayer the church has to offer, check out Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids

To Cohabitate, or Not to Cohabitate. That is The Question

Celebrity couples live together, regular couples live together, if everyone’s cohabiting, that means there has to be some benefit to it, right? Not so fast…

A new study published by the Institute for Family Studies found that cohabitation is rapidly becoming more popular than marriage, even “shotgun cohabitations” are statically more common than “shotgun marriages.” However, research released by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and The Wheatley Institution at Brigham Young University has reveled that married couples report three key differences in the quality of their relationships than couples who are cohabiting. 

According to the results of this research, the first statistically significant difference in these relationships revels that married couples are more likely to report relationship satisfaction than couples who are cohabiting. After controlling for factors such as age, education, and relationship duration, it was found that 54% of married women report higher levels of satisfaction while married men report 49% relationship satisfaction. When compared to their counterparts of cohabiting women and men, these individuals reported 40% and 35% satisfaction rates, respectively. 

Next it was found that married couples report greater levels of commitment in their relationship than couples who are cohabiting. As the top three reasons for couples to cohabit include convenience, financial benefits, and “to test a relationship,” it should be no surprise that 46% of married couples report higher levels of commitment in their relationship, compared to approximately only 30% of cohabiting couples. 

Finally, research has found that married couples are more likely to report relationship stability than cohabiting couples. When respondents were asked how likely they were to say that their relationship would continue, 54% of married adults reported relationship stability and continuation, while only 28% of cohabiting adults reported stability and a future for their relationship—this includes cohabiting relationships that include children. 

This and further research reveals that cohabitation fundamentally changes the way that couples view marriage. Couples who cohabitate naturally develop the mindset of, “What if it doesn’t work out?” This thought pattern that a cohabiting couple can simply move out and move on with someone else distresses these three important factors of relationship satisfaction, commitment, and stability that are essential to a successful and thriving marriage. 

When discussing these results, the Institute for Family Studies reports, “despite prevailing myths about cohabitation being similar to marriage, when it comes to the relationship quality measures that count—like commitment, satisfaction, and stability—research continues to show that marriage is still the best choice for a strong and stable union.”

For information on how to have a successful and thriving marriage, check out Just Married: The Catholic Guide to Surviving and Thriving in the First Five years of Marriage, and find more resources by visiting us at CatholicCounselors.com!