Popcaks to Discuss Paths to Healing with Diocese of Pittsburgh

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Lisa and I will serve as the keynote speakers for an event hosted by the Diocese of Pittsburgh intended to help clergy, catechists, parish ministers, and other church personnel minister more effectively to those whose faith has been shaken by the scandal of clerical abuse.  Our talk, titled, Dealing with Desecrations: Pathways of Healing for Spiritual Trauma, will explore healthy ways to respond to the spiritual wounds caused by the scandal in the church due to clerical abuse.

We’ll explore research describing the process of recovery from spiritual trauma and other “desecrations,” the term used by psychologists-of-religion to describe events that threaten a person’s faith or make it difficult for people to access spiritual resources in times of trial. We’ll also discuss how spiritual trauma can affect people at different stages of faith development (from childhood to adulthood) and make recommendations for how pastoral ministers can be sensitive to each person’s needs accordingly.

The event, titled, To Whom Shall We Go:How To Accompany Parents, Teens and Children in a Time of Crisis, will be held on October 3rd on the grounds of St Paul Seminary and be open to clergy, parish and diocesan ministers, teachers and catechists. In addition to our keynote, the event will include panel discussions and opportunities for Q&A with pastoral ministers, theologians and canon lawyers from the diocese.

We are humbled to have been asked to assist the Diocese through this difficult time.  Please join us in praying that this event will help to bring healing and grace to the people of Pittsburgh.

The Gift of Gratitude

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We often think that expressing gratitude is something we do for another person. However, new research shows that we actually get more out of showing gratitude than we might think.

A new study published by the journal of Psychological Science reveals that, although people typically believe that expressing gratitude—such as in the form of “Thank you” notes—will be perceived as “awkward,” both the giver and the receiver of the “Thank you” notes reported positive feelings after the exchange.

As this study tells us, people often feel awkward expressing their gratitude to others, but the Theology of the Body reminds us that God created us to be a gift to each other.  When you receive a gift, it is only appropriate to say, “Thank you.” Christians are called to love one another, and one of the most important ways we can love each other is by reminding each person in our lives how important, how treasured, and how special they are to us. Sometimes we can feel foolish telling other people how much they mean to us, but today, perhaps sharing our gratitude for one another can be one small way we can fulfill St. Paul’s admonision in 1 Cor 4:10 to be “fools for Christ.” Take a moment to find some small way to let the people God has brought into your life know how grateful you are to them. Tell your spouse, your kids, your family, friends, and co-workers how much you appreciate them, and don’t forget to say “thank you” even for the little things that others do for you. It’s a simple way you can be God’s blessing to others and remind others of what a blessing they are to you.

Here are three More2Life Hacks for increasing the gift of gratitude in your life:

Recognize the Gift–Don’t fall into the trap of assuming that you shouldn’t say “thank you” to someone who is “just doing their job” or “just doing what they are supposed to do.” There are lots of people who don’t do their jobs and fail to do what they should.  The fact is, it takes effort to try to do what’s right and fulfill our responsibilities to one another, and it’s an effort that deserves to be recognized.  In a world that sees people as objects and takes everyone for granted, we Christians have a special duty to remind each other, and the world, how important each and every person is in the eyes of God and how precious a gift it is when someone does something–anything–to make our lives a little easier or more pleasant. Be that person who recognizes the gifts others give you today. Acknowledge everything someone does for you today with a simple “thank you” and a smile.

Celebrate the People In Your Life–Is there someone you especially appreciate? Someone who makes a difference in your life just by being who they are? When was the last time you told them how important they are to you? Today, take a minute to actually hand write a short note to tell them how much they mean to you. You might thank them for something specific they did, or for how they make you feel, or just thank them for being in your life. Let them know what a gift they are to you and how you wouldn’t be the same without them. Then drop it in the mail or leave it someplace where they can be surprised to find it later on. It doesn’t take much effort, but you’d be surprised by how much of a difference this little effort can make.

Get Happy–Research shows that people who make an effort to practice simple gratitude habits can increase their happiness set point by up to 30%.  Your happiness set point is the natural level of happiness you experience in your everyday life and it is remarkably stable. Whether people are surprised by good things or frustrated by unpleasant events, they tend to return to their happiness set point fairly shortly thereafter. But simple acts of gratitude like keeping a gratitude journal, saying “thank you” to others, and finding simple ways to acknowledge how much the people in your life mean to you have been shown to significantly increase a person’s happiness set point, increasing their overall sense of wellbeing and joy.  It turns out, the best way to be a happier person is to remind yourself to express thanks for all the little blessings you’ve been given and all the people who bless your life everyday.

If you have questions or want to learn more, tune in to More2Life—Monday through Friday, 10am E/9am C on EWTN, SiriusXM 130. Or visit us at CatholicCounselors.com.

Finding Peace Amid The Storm

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Some days it can feel as though stress is coming at us from every direction. From family life, to work life, to the ongoing influx of news and social media, it can seem very difficult to find peace among the storm of stress. Thankfully, increasing the peace in our lives can be easier than we tend to think!

Here are three More2Life Hacks for increasing peace in your daily life:

Don’t Confuse Quiet & Peace–When things are going badly, we have a tendency to want to escape, to just ignore the problems and runaway. The temptation to do this is understandable, but it’s problematic because it assumes quiet and peace are the same thing. They’re not. Quiet is just the absence of conflict. That doesn’t SOUND like a bad thing, but if all we do is avoid conflict, eventually the problems pile up and cause even more stress, worry, and anxiety.  St Augustine said that peace is actually “the tranquility that results from right order.”  If we want peace, we have to work for it. We have to actively address the problems in our lives, address the conflicts, and make a plan for handling our responsibilities. Peace does not come from running away or pretending things are OK when they’re not. It comes from doing what’s necessary to make sure our relationships are genuinely loving and that we are being responsible for maintaining our corner of God’s kingdom.

Find Your Center–Peace is not just what happens when all our problems finally go away. That’s called “death.” But here’s the good news. You don’t have to wait for the end of your life to find peace, you can actually find it right now, even in the middle of the crazy. Peace doesn’t come from outside us. It comes from maintaining your center in the middle of the storm. How do you do that? You hold on to God. You reach out to the people who love you. And you work hard to remember what it means to be your best self in this moment. If you want to increase your peace when your stress temperature is starting to rise ask yourself three questions. 1) How can I know that God loves me right now and how can I draw closer to that love? 2) What do I need to do to remember that the people in my life love me and how can I draw closer to their love? 3) What would I need to do to love myself by acting more like my best self right now– even if I don’t feel like it? These questions will help you find your center and claim your peace even when Satan and the whole world seems to be aligned against you.

Practice Surprise-Proofing–We often lose peace because we underestimate our capacity to be surprised by the same goshdarn problems happening over and over again. We pretend that that thing that irritated us yesterday is gone for good, and then we’re SHOCKED!  Shocked I tell you, that that same problem had the audacity to show up again. Peaceful people practice surprise proofing. They make a note of the things that didn’t go according to plan. They assume that those things are going to happen again. They make a plan for how they are going to learn from their experience and handle it even better next time. And finally, they mentally rehearse their plan in the times before those problems are most likely to occur.  No, we can’t plan for everything. But we can learn from our experience and often, that’s enough. Being mindful in this way allows us to anticipate problems, see them as opportunities for growth, and then head them off at the pass instead of allowing the same problems to bushwhack us again and again, making us feel foolish and incompetent.

For more on how to increase your peace, check out God Help Me! This Stress Is Driving Me Crazy! and be sure to tune in to More2Life—weekdays, 10am E/9am C—on EWTN, SiriusXM channel 130!