Surprise, Surprise! How to Handle the Unexpected with Grace

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Gina’s mother-in-law had never been kind to her or to her four teenagers during the eighteen years that Gina and her husband had been married. In fact, she’d been downright cold, critical, and antagonistic.

Now, she wanted to move in with the family.

Gina’s husband explained that his mother thought the arrangement would be a win-win: she would get the support she needed after her husband’s death, and the family would benefit from her financial contribution.

“I’m panicking and don’t know what to do,” Gina wrote in a note to the More2Life radio show hosted by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. Her husband had told her to “sit with it” until the weekend, when they would discuss it.

Most of us can identify with Gina’s panic. When life throws the unexpected at us, suddenly we’re flooded, reactive, grasping for solid ground. That can be true whether the surprise is painful (a medical diagnosis, a job loss, a relationship that ruptures without warning, a family member’s bad choices) or more positive (your son’s engagement, an unexpected pregnancy, a child accepted to a college halfway across the country).

Good or bad, the ball is now in our court, and we have to decide how we will respond.

Why Unexpected Change Hijacks Us

In that recent episode of More2Life, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak explored why sudden change is so hard to handle — and what Catholics can do about it.

The problem starts in the body. “Anytime something sudden and unexpected happens, we go into that headspace where we’re the antelope and we have to outrun the lion,” Lisa Popcak explained. “We get flooded with all these panic chemicals that are supposed to help us survive.”

In a genuine emergency, that flood of adrenaline is exactly what we need. But in human relationships, those chemicals can be more of a problem than a help. We get snarly and snappy with people in our family, or we make sudden, panic-driven decisions instead of prayerful, thought-out decisions.

“That’s part of the human experience,” Lisa continued. “But as Catholics, we have a host of resources. We can do things differently in ways that can help us and connect us to our best self, to God, and to the people who care about us.”

God Doesn’t Send Chaos, but Redeems It

The Popcaks explained that instead of responding to stressful surprises reactively, God calls us to respond with receptivity.

When we are reactive, we let those stress hormones and our internal “scripts” drive our response.

Receptivity, by contrast, involves an active openness to God’s grace and guidance, especially in difficult moments. You might feel panicked, but when you choose to be receptive, you pause that panic reaction long enough to ask God what he wants you to do next.

In order to be receptive to God in such a stressful moment, we need to trust that he has our back. The Popcaks offered Proverbs 19:21 as a touchstone for that trust: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

This verse is often associated with the popular sentiment that “everything happens for a reason,” implying that God is somehow the author of our troubles.

“Bad things especially don’t ‘happen for a reason,’” Dr. Popcak said. “Bad things happen because we live in an evil world, and evil is chaos.”

But that’s not the end of the story. “We need to remember that God is working to restore the perfect order he created at the beginning of time,” Dr. Popcak said. “What we’re going through isn’t meaningless. Even in the middle of difficult times, God wants to show us how to respond to what we’re going through in a way that helps us to become the people he created us to be, and to work for the good of those around us.”

Three Steps Toward Handling Surprises with Grace

So how, practically, do we move from panic to prayerful receptivity? The Popcaks offered these three steps.

1. Pause for prayer

First, try praying for God’s guidance: “Lord, how can we respond to this situation in a way that will glorify you, help me be my best self, and bring out the best in the people around me?”

Notice what this prayer does not ask for: the outcome we want, the vindication we feel we deserve, or a quick exit from the discomfort. It asks for grace to respond well—which shifts the center of gravity from our anxiety to God’s wisdom.

“That prayer is critical, and that should be at the tip of your tongue all the time while you’re going through something,” Dr. Popcak said, “because that’s how we extend our hand to God, so that he can take that hand and walk us through the challenge.”

2. Identify the goal God is placing on your heart

Once you’ve brought the situation to God, the next step is to listen for a direction — even an incomplete one.

“As we listen in prayer, we need to identify the goal that God is placing on our heart,” Dr. Popcak explained.

We may not immediately be sure what that goal looks like in our specific situation. Still, we need to stay attuned to the template God provides us in his plan of salvation.

3. Practice receptivity every day

Finally, while we wait for the bigger picture to become clear, Dr. Popcak says we need a third question to pray through daily: “Lord, how can I address the things that are in front of me today in a manner that leads to more meaningfulness, intimacy, and virtue?”

In this prayer, we ask God to show us one small step we can take towards the realization of his plan for us. We don’t need to have the full picture in place before acting in faith. We just need to let God lead us to take the next step.

From Panic to Peace

For Gina, moving from panic to prayerful receptivity might reveal options beyond the binary choice of saying “yes” or “no” to her desire to move in with the family.

Instead, Dr. Popcak suggested it might mean having an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with her mother-in-law, one that names the core concern (a sour relationship is unlikely to improve in closer quarters) in a charitable way. Rather than regarding that honesty as a rejection, it might actually open the door to other, more realistic possibilities for healing and re-building the relationship while taking care of everyone’s needs.

“This is about you making the decisions prayerfully and intentionally with your husband about what’s going to help you all be your best, including your mother-in-law,” he advised.

Whatever your own “unexpected surprise” looks like, responding with a heart that is receptive to God’s plan will lead you from panic to peace.

For a deeper dive into finding God’s purpose when life takes an unexpected turn, check out Dr. Popcak’s book, The Life God Wants You to Have: Discovering the Divine Plan When Human Plans Fail. And for more one-on-one support in handling life’s unexpected challenges with confidence and grace, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

Is Suffering Always the Holiest Choice? Not Necessarily.

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Here are a few fun facts, courtesy of marketing expert Rory Sutherland:

  • Even though Coke Zero and Diet Coke both offer zero calories, many people prefer Diet Coke. Why? Because it tastes slightly bitter rather than sweet, leading people to believe it is the true “diet” beverage.
  •  Household insecticides are often formulated to smell bad so consumers will perceive them as more effective.
  • Certain items (like wine) actually sell better at a higher price.

The weird psychological myth that leads people to believe that “the worst thing is actually the best thing” is all very good for marketers like Sutherland.

But when Catholics buy into this myth in their spiritual lives, the consequences can be disastrous, says pastoral counselor, Jacob Popcak.

The Suffering-Is-Always-Good Myth

Jacob Popcak, a pastoral counselor with CatholicCounselors.com, sees this pattern in some of his clients. Faced with some problem — a chronic medical condition, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling work — they believe that the faithful response is to patiently endure the situation rather than taking action to make a positive change. They see quietly enduring the problem as “carrying their cross,” whereas making a positive change — setting healthy boundaries, looking for another job, accepting medical help — feels selfish.

“That’s not mysticism, that’s masochism,” Jacob explained on a recent episode of More2Life with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak.

Yes, the cross is central to authentic Christian faith, and Catholics believe in the possibility of redemptive suffering. But here’s the key: Jesus didn’t suffer and die on the cross for the sake of suffering and death; he did it to achieve a much greater good.

“Suffering, as Aquinas tells us, for its own sake is not a good,” he said. It may be something we encounter on the path to greater virtue or deeper union with God — but it is never the destination.

Scripture supports this. Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13, among other passages, carry the same message from God: “I desire love, not sacrifice.” Not the absence of sacrifice, but a clear priority — love first, virtue first, the most genuinely good and meaningful choice first.

“It’s really important to not just assume that God is calling you to do the thing that would be the most painful or the most miserable,” Popcak says. Instead, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and ask yourself, “What course of action will bring me more intimacy with God and others? What is the most loving option?”

Of course, choosing the most loving option might indeed involve some kind of suffering. Giving up a higher paying job in order to have more time with your children, for example, is a real sacrifice. But it’s a sacrifice motivated by love, with a good outcome.

Three Questions to Ask Yourself

When you’re feeling depleted and stuck, Jacob Popcak suggests stepping back from the assumption that staying miserable is the holy option. Instead, ask yourself:

1. Is this suffering leading anywhere?

There’s a difference between the discomfort of genuine growth — standing up to a difficult person, having a hard conversation, making a necessary change — and simply enduring the same painful situation indefinitely. The first can be redemptive. The second may just be avoidance dressed up as virtue.

2. What would be the most loving choice?

Not the most painful, not the most self-denying — the most loving. For yourself, for the people around you, for the relationship or situation you’re trying to improve.

3. Am I turning toward God and others, or away from them?

Dr. Greg Popcak offered a helpful image: isolation under stress is like a phone battery draining in the cold. “Isolation doesn’t just leave us running low, it actively drains us,” he said. If your default response to stress is to white-knuckle it alone, that’s worth examining. We’re made for communion — with God and with the people he’s placed in our lives.

The Holiest Choice Always Leads Somewhere Good

None of this means avoiding real sacrifice when it’s called for; sometimes the loving choice is the harder one. But the starting point for discernment isn’t assuming that the hardest option is the holiest one. Instead, it’s always asking, “What will bring the most good — for me, the people I love, and in my relationship with God?”

If you’ve been white-knuckling a situation and calling it holiness, it may be worth a second look. For support in discerning the difference, reach out to Jacob Popcak or another pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

He Gets It: What the Passion and Resurrection Reveal About Your Pain, Your Life, and Your Relationships

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There is a question that sits quietly underneath so many of our struggles:

“Does anyone actually understand what this feels like?”

Not in theory, not from a distance, but really understand.

Because when you’re overwhelmed…
When your relationships feel heavy…
When you’re carrying stress, grief, loneliness, or exhaustion…

It can feel incredibly isolating.

Even when you’re surrounded by people.

 

Holy Week answers that question in a way nothing else can:

You are not alone in anything you experience.

Not one emotion.
Not one fear.
Not one moment of pain.

Because in the Passion, Jesus didn’t just suffer—
He entered into the full human experience.

He Knows What It Feels Like

If you’ve ever…

Felt anxious about what’s ahead → Jesus in the Garden
Asked “Is there another way?” → Jesus before His arrest
Felt abandoned or alone → “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Been misunderstood or falsely judged → His trial
Been betrayed by someone close to you → Judas, Peter
Felt rejected → The crowd choosing Barabbas
Experienced physical or emotional exhaustion → Carrying the cross
Felt exposed, vulnerable, or humiliated → The crucifixion

He’s been there.

Not symbolically.
Not metaphorically.

Personally.

This is what makes Christianity so unique in the realm of both faith and mental health:

We don’t follow a God who observes suffering.

We follow a God who entered into it.

 

So often, our pain intensifies when we feel alone in it.

Isolation doesn’t just happen physically—it happens internally.

It sounds like:

“No one gets this.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I just need to push through.”
“Other people have it worse.”

But Holy Week interrupts that narrative.

Because Jesus doesn’t minimize your experience.
He validates it by having lived it.

And at the same time—He doesn’t leave you in it.

He Is With You in It, Not Just Waiting on the Other Side

Sometimes we think of God as waiting for us at the finish line.

“Once I get through this… then I’ll be okay. Then God will show up.”

But the Passion tells a different story.

God meets us:

In the anxiety
In the conflict
In the grief
In the confusion
In the exhaustion

He is not just present in your healing.

He is present in your process.

And the Resurrection Means This Isn’t the End

If the Passion tells us, “He understands,”
the Resurrection tells us, “There is hope.”

Because no matter what you are facing:

A struggling relationship
A season of burnout
Old wounds that keep resurfacing
Patterns you’re trying to break

This is not where your story has to end.

The Resurrection doesn’t erase what happened.

It transforms what seemed final into something that can be redeemed.

 

When we begin to live from this truth—that we are understood, accompanied, and not alone—it changes how we show up with others.

We become:

Less reactive, because we’re not fighting our pain alone
More compassionate, because we recognize suffering in others
More grounded, because our identity isn’t dependent on others’ responses
More capable of real connection, because we’re not hiding

We stop asking others to fully carry what only God can hold.

And from that place, we can love more freely and more fully.

An Invitation for This Week

As you walk through Holy Week and into Easter, consider this:

Where in your life do you feel most alone right now?

Bring that place to Him.

Not the cleaned-up version.
Not the “I should be fine” version.

The real version.

Because He’s already been there.

And He’s not just saying,
“I understand.”

He’s saying,
“I’m here. Right here, in this with you.”

And I will walk with you—
through the cross,
through the silence,
and into new life.

What Alysa Liu Can Teach You About Not Letting the “Shoulds” Run the Show

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When Alysa Liu won gold at the Milan Olympics, she ended a 24-year U.S. “gold-medal drought” in women’s figure skating. That fact alone would have been enough to propel her to celebrity status.

But it isn’t so much her technical performance that has entranced ordinary fans and professional commentators alike; instead, people can’t stop talking about the attitude she carried onto the ice: loose, joyful, and unburdened by any expectations. Unlike other athletes at the Olympics who were undone by nerves, Liu’s relaxed, fun approach not only won gold, but fans’ hearts, too.

That performance caught the attention of pastoral counselor Rachael Isaac, who had been following the women’s figure skating competition. Liu, she says, shows what it looks like when a person works on getting out of their own way.

The “Shoulds” That Hold Us Back

“She doesn’t subscribe to the ‘shoulds,’” Rachael says, by which she means the self-talk that says, “you should do this, you shouldn’t do that.” Liu, for instance, was told during her early teens that she should practice every day, that she shouldn’t eat certain foods, and that she should value winning above all else.

The “shoulds” shape how we approach everyday opportunities, relationships, and decisions. They tell us we’re not ready, not qualified, not the kind of person who does this sort of thing. They keep us stuck.

From a psychological standpoint, Rachael explains, those “should” thoughts originate in the limbic system—the reactive, fear-driven part of the brain. Confidence, by contrast, draws on the prefrontal cortex—the part capable of solution-focused thinking: I have this strength that can help me figure this out as I go.

Nothing to Prove and Everything to Share

The Theology of the Body has something to say here, Rachael says. God has given each of us unique gifts, strengths, and talents—and we’re called to use them in our own specific way, not measure them against someone else’s.

“We’re all unique and unrepeatable people with our own gifts and strengths,” she says. Realizing the unique person God made us to be frees us from having to be like everyone else.

When our identity is grounded in God’s love for us, the uncertainty that might otherwise paralyze us evaporates. If God has equipped us with the gifts and strengths that we need and is always working with us, then we don’t have to have everything all figured out, nor do we need certainty about how things will turn out.

Liu’s ability to let go of outcomes — she famously said that it didn’t matter whether she medaled — enabled her to focus on simply sharing her gifts with the world, leading to her beautiful performance.

Rachael points to the motto she picked up from her dance instructor years ago: I have nothing to prove and everything to share. That phrase changed the entire dynamic of the class—and she sees it as exactly what Liu embodied on the ice in Milan.

Banish the “Shoulds” with These Three Steps

If you recognize the “should” trap in your own life, here are three practical steps to begin breaking free.

1. Write out your “shoulds”

The first move is awareness. Take a few minutes to identify and write down the “should” thoughts that most often run through your mind:

  •  I should be better at this.
  •  I should know where God is leading me before I act.
  •  Everyone else is panicking; shouldn’t I be anxious, too?
  •  Everyone expects me to take this promotion, so I should probably take it.

Getting them on paper creates some distance. You’re no longer just living inside those thoughts—you can look at them.

2. Label each one: helpful or hurtful?

Once you have your list, go through it and ask yourself honestly whether each thought is helping you move forward or holding you back. “If I recognize consciously that this ‘should,’ this thought that I’m having, is actually hurtful,” Rachael says, “it’s easier for our brain to disconnect from it a little bit instead of getting locked down on it.”

This isn’t about dismissing hard truths. It’s about noticing when a thought is driving you toward fear and rigidity rather than toward God and growth.

3. Write a counter thought—grounded in evidence

For each hurtful “should,” write a replacement thought that is both helpful and true. Not wishful thinking, but evidence-based: the actual gifts and strengths you bring to this situation.

“A lot of times those ‘shoulds’ aren’t evidence-based,” Rachael says. “They’re emotionally based.” A counter thought anchors you in reality—including the reality that God is present and working in you.

You can close this exercise with prayer: Lord, help me to see where you’re leading me. Help me to see and acknowledge the gifts and strengths you’ve given me. Help me to trust that you’re going to continue to empower me through those gifts and strengths, so that I can keep acting even when there’s uncertainty.

Getting Out of the Way

Alysa Liu didn’t suppress her nerves through sheer willpower; she had done enough inner work to stop letting the “shoulds” run the show—which freed her to be fully present, fully herself, and fully capable of doing what she’d trained to do.

The same is possible for the rest of us. When we stop measuring ourselves against a checklist of “shoulds” and start trusting the gifts God has actually given us, we stop holding ourselves back. We can act, move, and let God direct us from there.

For more personalized support in building this kind of God-grounded confidence, reach out to Rachael Isaac or another pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

Here’s How to Find the Confidence You Need to Move Ahead

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If you’ve ever taken a tumble down the stairs or slipped on a patch of ice, then you know the feeling: suddenly, you’re off balance, not in control—and you’re not quite sure how you’re going to land.

That same feeling, or something like it, can ambush us at other times in our lives, too. You open Instagram and see perfectly curated lives that make you wonder what you’re doing wrong. You brace for a tough meeting at work, feeling out of your depth. Or you walk into a gathering where everybody knows one another…except you.

Confidence. Just when we need it the most, it’s nowhere to be found.

So what can we do to find our footing again?

During a recent episode of their More2Life radio call-in show, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak offered surprising insights from St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

 

A Confidence Grounded in Humility

“The world says that confidence means puffing yourself up and pretending you’re unstoppable,” Dr. Greg said.

We’re not unstoppable, though, and while we can do some things on our own, it’s important to know and acknowledge our limits. When we fail to do that, our confidence is built on the shifting, unreliable sands of pride.

True confidence, though, is grounded in humility, Dr. Greg said: “It’s basically knowing, look, I can’t do this on my own, but I can accomplish all things when Christ is working in me and through me.”

Consider the woman who needs to set a boundary with a demanding friend but keeps putting off the conversation. Worldly confidence would tell her to psych herself up and power through.

Christian confidence starts in a completely different place: with the honest admission that she doesn’t know how this conversation will go, that she might mess it up, that she needs God’s help. That humility isn’t weakness, but the foundation for real confidence.

This is what Theology of the Body calls receptivity, Lisa Popcak said—the ability to listen to God in stressful or challenging moments so we’re not just relying on our own strength, instincts, or fears to guide us. Instead, we pause and ask: What is God asking of me in this specific situation? What grace is he offering me right now to handle it well?

“Confidence grows when we stay open to what God is asking of us and the grace he is giving us to do it well,” she said.

When you approach a difficult conversation or challenging decision this way, the goal shifts. It’s not just about getting through it; it’s about becoming more of who God made you to be in the process.

Three Steps to Cultivate Christian Confidence

1.     Start with prayer.

When you feel like you’re in over your head, pause to pray. Dr. Greg suggests this simple prayer: “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing. Please teach me.” Those two sentences are about adopting an attitude of humility and receptivity, and they can form the basis for your own prayer.

2.    Ask for grace to respond well

“Ask for the grace to respond in a way that glorifies God, works for the good of everyone involved, and helps us to be our best selves,” Lisa Popcak advised.

This helps us to pivot from merely enduring the situation to embracing it as an opportunity for spiritual growth. Notice, too, how this prayer shifts the center of control from ourselves to God. Instead of praying, “Help me control this situation,” now we’re praying, “Help me respond with your wisdom and love.” That small change opens us to grace that works in ways control never could.

3.     Act in trust, not certainty

“We take that next step, not necessarily knowing how it’s going to work,” Dr. Greg explained, “but trusting that God has equipped us and will continue to give us what we need as we need it.”

The woman who’s been avoiding setting a boundary with her demanding friend doesn’t need to know exactly how her friend will respond. She just needs to take the next faithful step: making the phone call, saying the truth with kindness, trusting that God will provide the words and handle the outcome.

“Confidence isn’t bravado,” Dr. Greg said. “It’s the quiet, steady trust that Christ is walking with us every step of the way.”

A Prayer for True Confidence

When we shift from worldly confidence to Christian confidence, something liberating happens: The pressure to have all the answers lifts, and instead, we find ourselves able to act faithfully even when we’re afraid, to trust that God is working in us and through us.

Here’s a prayer for confidence that the Popcaks shared on their radio show. This is just an example of one way to pray for more confidence; let the Holy Spirit lead you to make your own prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, we come into your presence and we acknowledge, Lord, that we don’t know how to do anything. And so we ask you to teach us how to respond to all the challenges that we face, to show us step by step how to respond in ways that glorify you, that help us be our best selves, and that lovingly challenge the people around us to be their best selves too. Help us to know step by step how to walk through the problems and challenges and complications in our life with a sense of hope and confidence in you, knowing that with each step we take as we face these problems and challenges, we’re growing closer to you. We’re growing stronger in our ability to trust in you and we’re recognizing that our confidence rests in you. We ask all this through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

For more help cultivating confidence to handle the challenges in your life, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

Feeling Overwhelmed? Try These Three Simple Steps

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As the holidays approach, are you feeling a little Grinchy? It’s not that you don’t appreciate Advent or celebrating the Nativity; it’s just the stress of holiday expectations layered on top of your normal work and home responsibilities. Anyone would feel overwhelmed, really.

Whether you feel overwhelmed by the holidays or “overwhelmed” is just your default state most weekdays, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak have a practical three-step plan for coping.

The ‘It’s All on Me’ Trap

When our stress level rises in sync with our to-do list, our natural tendency is to become overly task focused, the Popcaks said. We convince ourselves that we have to power through on our own and that we won’t feel better until every task is complete.

But that’s a trap.

“When I start feeling overwhelmed, I just want to plow through: ‘I’m going to do this all by myself,’” Dr. Popcak said on a recent episode of the CatholicHŌM Podcast. “And it doesn’t always work as well as it sounds like it should.”

When we try to brute-force our way through stress, we become anxious, snappish, and distant. As Lisa Popcak noted, we push people away, telling ourselves we’re not “allowed” to have connection until after everything is done.

This leaves us feeling more like “human doings” instead of “human beings”—miserable and disconnected from the people we care about. As St. John Paul II pointed out during his catechesis on the Theology of the Body, human beings are first and foremost called to be in relationship with God and one another. We are more than just machines whose only purpose is to “get things done.”

The solution isn’t to work harder; it is to reorient how we work.

Three Steps to Move from Overwhelmed to “Perfectly Whelmed”

To move from a state of frantic overwhelm to being “perfectly whelmed,” (as Dr. Popcak put it), we need a plan that prioritizes relationship over efficiency. Here are three steps the Popcaks recommend.

1.    Stop and Connect with God

The first step is to stop powering through on your own. Reach out for help, beginning with the God who loves you.

For example, you might pray, “Okay, Lord, I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m feeling stressed, I got a million things to do. Help me to approach this the way you want me to.”

The focus here matters—it’s about being your best self through the tasks, not just getting them done. You are giving yourself permission to let God lead you through the chaos, rather than tearing through it and hoping God cleans up the mess later.

In a family setting, Lisa Popcak recommends praying out loud with your family during transitional moments, especially as you’re headed into a hectic agenda. Before you even get out of the car to wrestle with that double stroller, stop and pray: “Lord, there’s a lot going on right now. Please help us be our best selves.”

Besides being genuinely helpful in the moment, this habit teaches kids to lean into prayer rather than anxiety. 

2. Focus on Connection Over Task

When we are stressed, we tend to view our family members as obstacles to our goals, the Popcaks said. The antidote is to ask yourself, “How can I do these tasks while staying connected to the people that I love?”

Let’s say you take on a home repair project like replacing a kitchen faucet. The YouTube DIY videos all say it should take half an hour, but one thing leads to another, and two hours later you’re at the end of your rope. Before long, you are growling, sighing, and snapping at any family member who dares poke their head in the kitchen.

But instead of following your natural inclination to push people away, try pulling your people closer. As Dr. Popcak suggested, you might take thirty seconds to say, “You know, what I could really use right now is a hug!” Just holding your family for a moment allows you to breathe in love and let the stress go. And if you are feeling especially stressed out, you might go even further, asking family members to not only give you a long hug, but also to say a prayer over you.

It only takes a minute, but the benefits can be huge, providing a much-needed reset and releasing hormones that help with stress reduction. As an added bonus, you’ll be able to tackle your stressful situation refreshed and with a new perspective that might help on a practical level.

3. Make a Plan to Get Through This Together

Finally, the Popcaks point out that we often fail because we don’t communicate our expectations to our family members or colleagues before the stress hits. To avoid this, you need to have an intentional conversation about how you are going to get through the situation together.

For example, let’s say that tomorrow is going to be a super busy and hectic day. You might sit down with your family and say something like, “Hey, it looks like tomorrow’s going to be kind of a stressful day. What are some things that we can do to stay connected and take care of each other while we do this?”

The holidays are a perfect example. We know they’re coming, and we know they’ll be busy. Instead of charging into December with vague anxiety, sit down with your family or the people you live with and make a plan. What matters most this season? What can we let go? How will we take care of each other when things get hectic?

This step is all about remembering that the people in our lives—whether family, roommates, colleagues, or friends—matter more than crossing items off our lists.

Stronger and Closer for Working Together

So there you have it: instead of trying to go it alone, bring God into the room. Lean on the love and support of your people, and be intentional about communicating expectations and making a plan.

The goal isn’t just surviving stress, Dr. Popcak said—it’s coming through it “stronger and closer for having gone through this together.” 

For an even more in-depth look at handling stress in your life, check out Dr. Greg Popcak’s book, God Help Me! This Stress is Driving Me Crazy! And if you need one-on one support in handling stress, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com