Kim Davis is a Mess. So What?

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A lot of people are putting out a lot of spin trying to explain away, contextualize, minimize and otherwise  dismiss Pope Francis’ meeting with Kim Davis.  And guess what?  It is all irrelevant. In fact, it’s downright shameful.

It really doesn’t matter how the meeting came about or what was said between them. It also doesn’t matter that her life is a hot mess, or that she has done plenty of damage in her own life against the sanctity of marriage. The real point is that, when asked on the flight home, Pope Francis publicly affirmed civil disobedience as a “basic human right.”

A person doesn’t have to be perfect, or even decent, to have the right to exercise his or her basic human rights.  One doesn’t have to agree with Kim Davis to affirm her right to object to what she believes is an unjust law.  As I argued previously, regardless of what you think of her, Kim Davis has a basic human right to refuse to resign and, instead, engage in civil disobedience if she is being asked to do things she finds to be morally objectionable.

Furthermore, all Christians, and indeed, all persons of good will,  have a moral obligation to support her and anyone else who acts in accordance with their conscience, especially when that puts them in conflict with the law. That doesn’t mean that conscientious objectors can act consequence-free, but it does mean that they should be able to act without encountering the derision of others–especially people-of-faith.

Shame on anyone who would attempt to dismiss or minimize another person’s basic human rights because those rights were not to their political liking.  Without an inconvenient right to conscientious objection, true religious liberty does not exist in any meaningful way.  Religious people, of all people, ought to know better.

Franciscan University Alumni and Faculty Involved in Papal Visit

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A press release from my alma mater…

Franciscan University Students to See Pope in Philadelphia

Franciscan Alumni and Faculty Also Involved in Papal Visit

STEUBENVILLE, OH— More than 220 Franciscan University of Steubenville students along with three Franciscan TOR priests and several Franciscan TOR sisters will travel to Philadelphia for the September 27 open-air Mass celebrated by Pope Francis.

The four busloads of students will leave at midnight on Saturday, September 26, and arrive near dawn to the Benjamin Franklin Parkway, the site for Pope Francis’ final public event on his visit to the United States. Prior to the 4:00 p.m. Mass, the Franciscan contingent will join the expected 1-2 million people who will take in live music, speakers, and a Papal Procession, all viewable from more than 40 jumbotrons set up along the parkway.

Franciscan alumni participating in the celebration include musician Mark Griswold ’91, the founder and director of FireHill Worship, a praise and worship band based in Paoli, Pennsylvania, and Martin Doman ’96, director of Praise and Worship Music Ministry at Ave Maria University. Both will join seven other bands that will entertain the huge crowd leading up to the Mass on Sunday.

Three speakers leading breakout sessions at the World Meetings of Families taking place in Philadelphia the week before the papal visit have ties to Franciscan University. On Wednesday morning, September 23, Dr. Greg ’89 and Lisa ’89 Popcak, authors and co-hosts of Ave Maria Radio’s More2Life program, will speak on “See How They Love One Another: The Family and the Faith.” Dr. Scott Hahn, Franciscan University’s Father Michael Scanlan, TOR, Professor of Biblical Theology and the New Evangelization, will speak on Thursday, September 24, on “Back to the Garden of Eden: Unearthing God’s Covenant With Humankind.”

Kelly Schaffer, a senior philosophy and theology major from Whitehouse, Ohio, is one of the Franciscan students making the trip.

Schaffer says, “It will be so enriching to be able to hear the Holy Father speak to the United States specifically, and hopefully address some of the spiritual issues we as a country are facing today.”

During his visit to Philadelphia, the last leg of his six-day U.S. visit, Pope Francis will also give a speech on immigration in front of Independence Hall, attend the Festival of Families, visit the city’s largest prison, Curran-Fromhold, meet with seminarians at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary, and celebrate Mass at the Cathedral Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul.

For live streaming video and news updates on Pope Francis’ visit to North America, visit www.ewtn.com/papaltravels/america.

Our Lady of Sorrows–A Celebration of Resilience

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Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, the day we reflect on the “seven daggers” that pierced Our Lady’s heart.  Namely,

  1. The Prophecy of Simeon. (Luke 2:34–35) or the Circumcision of Christ
  2. The Flight into Egypt. (Matthew 2:13)
  3. The loss of the child Jesus in the Temple. (Luke 2:43–45)
  4. Mary meets Jesus on the way to Calvary.
  5. Jesus dies on the cross. (John 19:25)
  6. The piercing of the side of Jesus, and Mary’s receiving the body of Jesus in her arms. (Matthew 27:57–59)
  7. The body of Jesus is placed in the tomb. (John 19:40–42)

This day is really an opportunity to reflect on the Blessed Mother’s ability to persevere in the power of faith; to remain steadfast in the face of the challenges she encountered in her life.

Her faithfulness is an example to all of us when we face adversity.  Resilience is what psychologists refer to as the ability to bounce back from hard times and to persevere despite the challenges we face.  In addition to turning to God in prayer when we are struggling, here are 10 things you can do to cultivate resilience in your life.

1. Make connections. 
Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.

3. Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

4. Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

5. Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, and heightened appreciation for life.

7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

8. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

10. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.

The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.

To learn more about developing your capacity to bounce back in hard times, please check out God Help Me, This STRESS is Driving Me Crazy!  Finding Balance Through God’s Grace.

World Meeting of Families: So What? Who Cares? What’s In It for Me?

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The World Meeting of Families (WMOF) is an international event occurring every three years since it’s inauguration in 1994.  Convened by the Pontifical Council for the Family which was founded by St. John Paul II in 1984 to promote family well-being around the world, the World Meeting has been hosted by Rome in 1994, Rio de Janeiro in 1997,  Rome again in 2000, Manila in 2003, Valencia, Spain in 2006, Mexico City in 2009 and Milan in 2012.  The 2015 Philadelphia Congress will be the first time the WMOF will be hosted by the United States.

WMOF PHILLY

According to organizers, the Philadelphia Congress will be the best attended WMOF since its founding, with upwards of 20,000 registrants attending the weeklong event that begins Tuesday, September 22.

Although sponsored by the Catholic Church, WMOF is an ecumenical event dedicated to promoting the well-being of families everywhere.  It will be attended by Church leaders, family life ministers, psychologists and social service professionals, researchers, and families from around the world.

Family Issues

This 2015 WMOF occurs at a time when family life faces its most radical challenges, from efforts to redefine the very nature of what constitutes family life to the fact that even so-called traditional families largely have ceased to function as cohesive units in any meaningful way.  In the post-modern era, extra-curricular activities, school and work are largely expected to provide the socialization, education, formation and fellowship that family life was formerly expected to provide.  Families have been reduced to accessories.  We have them but we do not expect to have to work at them.

Pope Francis has been addressing this crisis in family life throughout his pontificate, telling parents that too many children have become “orphans within the family” because their parents are choosing to spend their time and energy elsewhere.  On several occasions, Pope Francis has challenged parents to simply “waste time” with their children, so that true intimacy can develop between parents and children and families and

WMOF Agenda

 The theme for the 2015 Congress is Love is Our Mission:  The Family “Fully Alive”   The theme draws from St Irenaeus’ famous quote that “The glory of God is man, fully alive” and points to the fact that family is the place that each human being is formed in both love and personhood.  Healthy families produce healthy people and a healthy society.  The meeting will give famlies and family professionals an opportunity to “waste time” with each other  so that they can more effectively encounter the culture and call attention to the importance of being intentional about family life so that it can become what it is; the foundation of a just, loving, healthy society.

Spiritual Autism & the Catholic-Evangelical Divide—AMENDED with APOLOGY

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Image via ShutterstockThe other day, in an attempt to address a problem I saw in the Church I attempted to 

AUTHOR NOTE:  In an attempt to address a serious problem I feel impacts the Church, I attempted to use autism as a metaphor.  I made a sincere effort to do so sensitively, based upon my understanding of the disorder. Since then, it has come to my attention that many people have been offended by my characterization of autism and my use of it in this context.  It was never my intention to offend any parent of a child with autism or any person with autism.  I have nothing but the deepest respect for the many people I know personally who live tremendously admirable lives in the face of the challenges autism spectrum can present.  Unfortunately, circumstances prevent me from simply removing this post (which I would have preferred to do to avoid unintentionally spreading any ignorance about autism), but I would like anyone who reads this to know that I am sincerely sorry for any offense I have given and that no disrespect was intended by my original article.  For those who would like the best information on how people with special needs can be welcomed in the Church and supported in their faith development I encourage readers to visit and support the National Catholic Partnership on Disability.  I thank you for your understanding.

 

 

The other day, fellow Catholic Patheosi, K. Albert Little posted a blog titled, Why the Catholic Church Must Become More Protestant.  The post builds on comments by Peter Kreeft suggesting that Evangelical Protestants, in particular, have mastered the arts of relationship-building, discipleship, and evangelization, and that we, as Catholics need to get better at those things not only to survive, but to fulfill our mission of bringing the world to Christ.

“Personal Relationship” Is It Catholic?

I absolutely 100% agree with Kreeft’s and Little’s points, but I have to say that it pains me that so many Catholics think of these activities as “Protestant.”  Back in July, Homiletic and Pastoral Review ran a, frankly, depressing article about how the concept of having a  “personal relationship with Jesus” was somehow,  un-Catholic.  While the author of the piece is correct that this phrase has taken on certain anti-clerical, anti-sacramental baggage for some people, it certainly doesn’t need to.  The idea of having a personal, intimate encounter and ongoing relationship with Jesus Christ is hardly un-Catholic.

The Intimate Catholic

For instance, the Eucharist invites us into a deeply personal encounter with Christ that facilitates not only a spiritual union with God, but a physical one, in which we literally become God’s very own flesh and blood.  Unpacking this personal, intimate relationship which, for Catholics, transcends mere spiritual friendship to the point of pursuing nuptial union with God, is the entire point of Catholic mystical theology!  The entire job of Catholic spiritual directors is facilitating a more intimate union with Christ.  Catholic saints regularly speak of the ecstasy they experience in the “unitive way”–that most intimate stage of the personal relationship God seeks with each of us.  These saints bear witness to the intimate future with God that is the spiritual destiny of ever sincere Christian.

Spiritual Autism?

I understand why, colloquially, it might make sense to suggest that Catholics need to become more Protestant because, in most people’s minds, relationship-building, discipleship, and evangelization seem “protestant-y.”  But this is profoundly mistaken.  In many ways, this divide is indicative of a kind of spiritual autism that has infected the Catholic Church.

I want to be clear that I am not using this phrase in a casual or pejorative way.  I mean it descriptively.  Generally speaking, people who are on the autism spectrum struggle with the idea of relationship.  Their brains tend to see people the same way they see objects. They aren’t good at picking up or even appreciating the need for emotions and emotional cues.  In fact, the emotional demands of relationships often feel intimidating. Because of this struggle with the relational dimension of their experience, they tend to become fixated on curious hobbies and obsess over minute details.  I see these dynamics in certain Catholics’ practice of their faith.  This “spiritual autism” tends to cause Catholics to see people as irrelevant.  Relationship (with God and others) feels like a painful distraction at best and even unnecessary or offensive. Such Catholics become fixated with doctrine and rituals as if they were the only things that really mattered,  and develop a curious fixation with the finer points of liturgical practice to the degree that it obscures the entire point of liturgy–filling up the senses to prepare the soul for an intimate encounter with the Divine!

Toward a Whole-Brain Spirituality

The cure for this spiritual autism that has infected common Catholic practice is not a reaction-formation that exclusively emphasizes emotion and relationship as the only “authentic” expression of spirituality but rather a whole-brain approach to the spiritual life that begins with an emotional relationship with God and others but is deepened and facilitated by ritual, rubrics, and rites.  Analogously speaking, the best expression of a lived Catholic spirituality is that of a healthy family life that is rooted in a deep sense of community, love, and warmth that is then facilitated by rituals like family meals, game nights, prayer times, family days and date nights.  Family rituals can become empty and contentious unless they are fueled by relationship, but in the same way, authentic intimate relationship is impossible, even in families that basically like each other, unless there are family rituals to provide structure to the family life and opportunities for connection around work, play, talk and prayer.

In a similar fashion, Catholics need to become more comfortable with the deeply relational dimensions of our faith. We need to stop seeing them as “protestant” or “other” and start understanding that relationship-building, discipleship, and evangelization AND ritual, rubric, and liturgy are just different parts of every Christian’s spiritual brain.  If you will, relationship-building, discipleship, and evangelization are more “right brain” expressions of spirituality while ritual, rubric, and liturgy are more left brain spiritual expressions.

The healthy, mature Christian will not run from opportunities to cultivate a whole-brain spirituality that enables us to take full advantage of both the relational and structural dimensions of our spiritual life.

 

 

World Meeting of Families Speakers Assert, “Family Life is an Activity, NOT an Accessory”

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“We need to rediscover the gift of family life; that family life is its own activity, not an accessory.  We can’t simply “have” a family but work on everything else in our lives. Instead, we need to prioritize regular, daily and weekly appointments to work, play, talk, and pray together as a family, and schedule every other outside commitment around those rituals of connection that represent the skeleton of family life.  We need to protect those rituals of connection as the sacred rites of the domestic church.  The family that does this is a revolutionary family that God can use to change the world.”

From Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s upcoming World Meeting of Families Talk, See How They Love One Another:  The Family and the Faith.   To learn more about how you can create a family that can celebrate life to the fullest and be an agent of graceful change in the world, check out Parenting with Grace: The Catholic Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids and our brand new title, Discovering God Together:  The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids.

Spiritual Infidelity: A Crisis in Catholic Marriage

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Image via shutterstock. Used with permission

Image via shutterstock. Used with permission

New study says 83% of Catholic couples are committing ‘spiritual infidelity’.  Are YOU in a spiritual ‘open marriage’?

Over the last several weeks, infidelity has been a top story in the news after hackers released the records of 35 million users of a popular adultery website. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, approximately 20 percent of husbands and wives will commit sexual infidelity and another 20 percent will fall prey to an emotional affair, in which they develop strong, sustained romantic feelings for someone other than a spouse.

Spiritual infidelity

These are disturbing findings, but they pale in comparison to a recent report suggesting that up to 83 percent of Catholic married couples commit what I call “spiritual infidelity.” Infidelity is the betrayal of one’s marital vows. Sexual infidelity is the betrayal of a couple’s vow to be “true” to one another. But there is another implicit vow that Catholic couples make to one another that is broken with disturbing frequency.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1661-2) tells us that, in the Sacrament of Matrimony, couples promise to become partners in Christ’s plan for each other’s sanctification. In other words, in a Catholic marriage, a couple promises, at the altar, to do everything they can to help each other get to heaven. Presumably that requires couples to actively share their faith, to worship together, to challenge each other to grow in Christian virtue in their daily lives, and to pray together so they may sit at the feet of the Author of Love himself and learn how to love.

Unfortunately, a recent study sponsored by Holy Cross Family Ministries and conducted by Georgetown’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate found that only 17 percent of Catholic couples pray together. So what? In practical terms, if a Catholic couple is not actively sharing their faith, worshipping together and praying together, they are, in effect, committing spiritual infidelity by placing something other than God and the Faith at the center of their lives together.

A spiritual open marriage

In my extensive work with Catholic couples, I find that, sadly, Catholics take spiritual infidelity for granted. It is a tremendous scandal that the majority of Catholic spouses do not assume that they should be expected to pray with their spouse, or even to expect their spouse share their faith, or at least actively support it (as opposed to passively tolerating it). I hear all the time from husbands and wives who say, “I can’t force my spouse to go to church,” or “I can’t make my spouse pray.”

It isn’t about forcing anyone to do anything. It is, however, about presenting a persistent invitation to your mate to be faithful to the promises he or she made at the altar to share more deeply in your faith journey with the clear expectation that — if for no other reason than out of respect for you — your spouse will come to Mass with you at least weekly, share a meaningful prayer time with you daily and support your moral values always. Failing to do this is to consent to a spiritual open marriage where anything — money, careers, sports, hobbies or just sheer laziness — occupies the central place that faith has a right to enjoy in Christian marriage.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It is true that you cannot “make” anyone share your faith. But, by saying “I do” in a Catholic church and promising to live marriage as the Church defines it, your mate gave you the right to expect certain things…CONTINUE READING..

 

“Christians Need Not Apply.” What Carly Fiorina Gets Wrong About Religious Liberty.

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Republican Presidential hopeful, Carly Fiorina, was asked what she thought of the Kentucky Clerk of Courts who refuses to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples in defiance of the law and a court order.  Here is what she said.

“First, I think that we must protect religious liberties with great passion and be willing to expend a lot of political capital to do so now because it’s clear religious liberty is under assault in many, many ways,” she said. “Having said that, when you are a government employee, I think you take on a different role. When you are a government employee as opposed to say, an employee of another kind of organization, then in essence, you are agreeing to act as an arm of the government.”

I appreciate the challenge of answering such a gotcha question on the fly, but to my mind, this answer is deeply, deeply flawed.  It essentially says, “Faithful, traditional, Christians need not apply for government office if they are unwilling to sacrifice their beliefs at the altar of what they believe are unjust laws.”  Fiorina’s first statement about “protecting religious liberty” is completely neutered by her second statement requiring anyone who disagreed with a law to resign.  Her answer is the literal definition of double-speak and it says a lot about her personal position on this issue.    If Ms. Fiorina–or any of the presidential hopefuls–wants to be a serious candidate, she is going to have to demonstrate considerably more awareness of the importance and role of the free exercise of religion in the marketplace.  Here is what I think she, or any other candidate who wants the religious vote, is going to need to say.

“What we see here is a person exercising her right to engage in civil disobedience. Civil disobedience, by its nature, makes civil society uncomfortable. It demands to be heard.  It insists that “I will NOT be ignored or discounted or disenfranchised.”  There are consequences to civil disobedience, sometimes even grave consequences, and this woman must be prepared to accept the consequences of her actions–like Thomas More– if her civil disobedience is to be anything but an affectation. But I respect her willingness to sacrifice herself in service of her beliefs–indeed, I respect EVERY citizens right to do the same– and I look forward to seeing how her conscience-driven actions advance the public dialog about how our country can practically apply the social changes that have been imposed upon us by judges who have claimed for themselves the right to legislate from the bench.”

Show me a candidate who has the guts and the wisdom to say this and I’ll show you a serious candidate who just might actually deserve to sit in the Oval Office.  Sadly, I haven’t seen one yet.