The Les Mis Mass–My Parody of a Parody

Deacon Greg Kandra kindly alerted us to the Les Mis Mass that’s actually happening in the UK.

Unfortunately, I haven’t had the opportunity to review the libretto, but I’ve been participating in a discussion on FB about it and I decided to preserve, for all posterity, the lyrics that I, personally,  think SHOULD be included.  Submitted for your approval, a few of my original, suggested, additions.


Can you hear the parish sing? Singing the songs of angry men.
This is what happens when a parish strains for relevance and then…
When the beating of your heart/ Echoes the beating of the drums.
There is a fight that’s going to start when Communion comes!


PASTOR IN THE HOUSE–  (I grant that this one is a bit course, but so was the original, and in for a penny…)
Pastor in the House / Cassock swishing By
Dips in the collection plate as it. goes. by.
Everybody’s pal / Master at the Mic
(Never met an altar boy he didn’t like!)
If it were not for Pope Francis
He’d make Monsignor in a year
But now that dream’s in pieces
“JESUS! Wish my purple sash was here!”


And my personal favorite, written in response to a direct challenge from Googling God author, Mike Hayes.


I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When nuns were hip
And priests used puppets
I dreamed reforms would never die
I dreamed the Pope would be a Muppet

Then I was young and unafraid
The Sacred, once revered, was wasted
No Marty Haugen went unplayed!
And homilies were cut and pasted!

But new rubrics come at night
CDF–as soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame!

Aggiornamento–quite a ride!
ICEL was such a wonder
Took “one in being” in our stride
But then “consubstantial” came

And still I dream he’ll come to me
The Pope that will ordain both genders
Who gives “the Pill” to all for free!
And makes all liturgy a bender!

I had a dream my Church would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream…V-III