Here’s How to Find the Confidence You Need to Move Ahead

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If you’ve ever taken a tumble down the stairs or slipped on a patch of ice, then you know the feeling: suddenly, you’re off balance, not in control—and you’re not quite sure how you’re going to land.

That same feeling, or something like it, can ambush us at other times in our lives, too. You open Instagram and see perfectly curated lives that make you wonder what you’re doing wrong. You brace for a tough meeting at work, feeling out of your depth. Or you walk into a gathering where everybody knows one another…except you.

Confidence. Just when we need it the most, it’s nowhere to be found.

So what can we do to find our footing again?

During a recent episode of their More2Life radio call-in show, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak offered surprising insights from St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

 

A Confidence Grounded in Humility

“The world says that confidence means puffing yourself up and pretending you’re unstoppable,” Dr. Greg said.

We’re not unstoppable, though, and while we can do some things on our own, it’s important to know and acknowledge our limits. When we fail to do that, our confidence is built on the shifting, unreliable sands of pride.

True confidence, though, is grounded in humility, Dr. Greg said: “It’s basically knowing, look, I can’t do this on my own, but I can accomplish all things when Christ is working in me and through me.”

Consider the woman who needs to set a boundary with a demanding friend but keeps putting off the conversation. Worldly confidence would tell her to psych herself up and power through.

Christian confidence starts in a completely different place: with the honest admission that she doesn’t know how this conversation will go, that she might mess it up, that she needs God’s help. That humility isn’t weakness, but the foundation for real confidence.

This is what Theology of the Body calls receptivity, Lisa Popcak said—the ability to listen to God in stressful or challenging moments so we’re not just relying on our own strength, instincts, or fears to guide us. Instead, we pause and ask: What is God asking of me in this specific situation? What grace is he offering me right now to handle it well?

“Confidence grows when we stay open to what God is asking of us and the grace he is giving us to do it well,” she said.

When you approach a difficult conversation or challenging decision this way, the goal shifts. It’s not just about getting through it; it’s about becoming more of who God made you to be in the process.

Three Steps to Cultivate Christian Confidence

1.     Start with prayer.

When you feel like you’re in over your head, pause to pray. Dr. Greg suggests this simple prayer: “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing. Please teach me.” Those two sentences are about adopting an attitude of humility and receptivity, and they can form the basis for your own prayer.

2.    Ask for grace to respond well

“Ask for the grace to respond in a way that glorifies God, works for the good of everyone involved, and helps us to be our best selves,” Lisa Popcak advised.

This helps us to pivot from merely enduring the situation to embracing it as an opportunity for spiritual growth. Notice, too, how this prayer shifts the center of control from ourselves to God. Instead of praying, “Help me control this situation,” now we’re praying, “Help me respond with your wisdom and love.” That small change opens us to grace that works in ways control never could.

3.     Act in trust, not certainty

“We take that next step, not necessarily knowing how it’s going to work,” Dr. Greg explained, “but trusting that God has equipped us and will continue to give us what we need as we need it.”

The woman who’s been avoiding setting a boundary with her demanding friend doesn’t need to know exactly how her friend will respond. She just needs to take the next faithful step: making the phone call, saying the truth with kindness, trusting that God will provide the words and handle the outcome.

“Confidence isn’t bravado,” Dr. Greg said. “It’s the quiet, steady trust that Christ is walking with us every step of the way.”

A Prayer for True Confidence

When we shift from worldly confidence to Christian confidence, something liberating happens: The pressure to have all the answers lifts, and instead, we find ourselves able to act faithfully even when we’re afraid, to trust that God is working in us and through us.

Here’s a prayer for confidence that the Popcaks shared on their radio show. This is just an example of one way to pray for more confidence; let the Holy Spirit lead you to make your own prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, we come into your presence and we acknowledge, Lord, that we don’t know how to do anything. And so we ask you to teach us how to respond to all the challenges that we face, to show us step by step how to respond in ways that glorify you, that help us be our best selves, and that lovingly challenge the people around us to be their best selves too. Help us to know step by step how to walk through the problems and challenges and complications in our life with a sense of hope and confidence in you, knowing that with each step we take as we face these problems and challenges, we’re growing closer to you. We’re growing stronger in our ability to trust in you and we’re recognizing that our confidence rests in you. We ask all this through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

For more help cultivating confidence to handle the challenges in your life, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

Assertive Isn’t Selfish: A Catholic Guide to Healthy Love

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By Dr. Gregory Popcak

The Theology of the Body reminds us that Christian love is not meant to be one-sided. While we are certainly called to be generous, sacrificial, and attentive to the needs of others, we are not called to ignore or suppress our own needs. In fact, St. John Paul II taught that the key to healthy, holy Christian relationships is “mutual self-giving.” Love flourishes when everyone involved is committed to giving what they can for the good of the other—and to receiving that love in return.

One of the biggest misunderstandings Christians struggle with is the idea that acknowledging our needs—much less asserting them–is somehow contrary to living an authentic Christian life. But TOB teaches us something very different. God is the author of our needs. A need is not just something required to survive; it is anything necessary for us to flourish as the persons God created us to be. Emotional connection, respect, rest, affection, support, and meaning are not luxuries—they are part of God’s design for human life.

When our legitimate needs are met, we thrive. And when we thrive, God is glorified in our flourishing. This means it is not only appropriate but healthy to expect that the people who say they love us will be responsive to our needs, just as we strive to be responsive to theirs. Mutual responsiveness is not selfishness; it is the very structure of love.
This is where the distinction between assertiveness and selfishness becomes essential. A selfish person is focused exclusively on themselves. They want what they want, how they want it, and when they want it, with little concern for how that affects others. Christian assertiveness looks very different. A responsible, assertive Christian is clear and honest about what they need, but also remains flexible and respectful about how and when that need is met. The goal is not control; it is communion.

TOB reminds us that we were created for intimate communion with God and with one another. Intimacy cannot exist where needs are hidden, denied, or dismissed. True closeness grows when we are able to say, “This is what I need,” and when the other person can respond with generosity and care. Likewise, love deepens when we are willing to hear the needs of others without becoming defensive or dismissive.

Of course, expressing needs does not guarantee they will always be met perfectly or immediately. But consistently silencing ourselves out of fear, guilt, or a mistaken sense of holiness leads to resentment, burnout, and emotional distance. That kind of self-erasure does not reflect Christ. Jesus gave Himself completely—but He also rested, withdrew to pray, asked for support, and allowed others to minister to Him. Mutual self-gift always includes mutual care.

Healthy Christian relationships are not about keeping score or demanding perfection. They are about a shared commitment to help one another become more fully alive. When we learn to express our needs clearly and charitably, listen to the needs of others with compassion, and work together to find solutions that respect everyone involved, we begin to experience the kind of love God intended from the beginning.

In that kind of relationship, no one disappears. Everyone is seen. Everyone is invited to give—and to receive. And in that mutual self-giving, the love of God becomes visible in the world.

If you would like support it making this change in your life or relationships, reach out for personal support from our pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.