Is YOUR Marriage A Long Lent? Time for A Resurrection

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This is the first time Ash Wednesday and St. Valentine’s Day have fallen on the same day since 1945.  On this auspicious occasion, perhaps it’s time to give up the bitterness, anger, and petty grievances that prevent us from experiencing the loving marriage God wants for us.   My latest column for OSV Newsweekly.

The correspondence of Ash Wednesday and St. Valentine’s Day almost writes its own joke. Sadly, for some couples, getting ashes for Valentine’s Day is not only no laughing matter, it even seems like an all-too-appropriate sign of the state of their marriage.

It’s no coincidence that March is one of the two most popular months for divorce filings. (The other is August.) Struggling couples pray for the strength to make it through the holidays, and then, start meeting with attorneys through January and February. By the time they get their affairs in order, March is upon them and they are ready to file.

If you find yourself facing this possibility, I have a not-so-simple request that I would like you to take to prayer. Namely, this Lent, don’t give up on your marriage.  CONTINUED

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip-of-the Day for Tues 3/19: Celebrate St. Joseph’s Feast

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Today is the feast of St Joseph who, among other things, is the Patron of Workers.  Today celebrate his feast in your marriage by surprising your spouse and doing one of the jobs around the house you usually leave for your spouse.  Change that lightbulb.  Clean up the kitchen.  Bathe the baby.   Give the gift of service to your spouse by doing something you wouldn’t usually consider “your job.”  It’s a great way to both serve each other a little better and understand each other a little better too!

For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day–Get Marriage-Building Resources

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Couples who are marriage masters know that you can’t build a great marriage without great tools.  Today, think about the tools you might need to take you marriage to the next level.  Check out the the library or your local bookstore for a great new relationship book (you don’t even have to agree with everything the author says.  Its about starting a conversation!), reserve your spot on a Marriage Encounter Weekend, check out the cool resources at ForYourMarriage.org.  Do something today that helps you discover some new tools to help make your marriage everything God wants it to be!

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day, Wed 3/13: Remember Your Spouse!

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We are busy with so many things.  Too often, we lack what psychologists call,  “object permanence.”  We walk out the door and our loved ones “disappear.”  We forget our spouse and kids (and they forget us) until we see each other again later that evening, but sometimes we are still to distracted to really connect.  Today, remember your spouse while you are apart.  Do something thoughtful to reach across the chasm.    Pick up some flowers.  Write a little note.  Do that thoughtful task that would make your spouse’s day a little easier.  Give your mate a call to say, “I love you.”  Just because.  Remember your spouse and remind each other that you matter–even when you’re apart.

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day, Tuesday 3/12: Make a Decision to Love

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We’ve all heard that love is a decision.  Today put that notion into practice.  Imagine the day ahead and the time you will spend with your spouse.  Identify two things that you can do all on your own (i.e., don’t require your spouse’s cooperation or input) that would set the tone for a more loving day.  Will you give her the TV remote?  Make him a nicer-than-usual dinner? Do the dishes without being asked?  Wear that outfit he likes?  Be more patient with those mildly annoying habits?  How will you make a decision to love…today?

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Day to A Better Marriage, Monday 3/11: 4 Steps to Becoming a Mindful Spouse

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A good marriage is a mindful marriage.  Today, I’m encouraging you to do something small to cultivate a spirit of mindfulness  in your marriage.  Step one?  Read this Faith on the Couch post on what mindfulness is and how it can be a blessing to you life. 

Step Two:  Think about the way you react to your spouse.  Choose one of those less pleasant reactions and ask yourself how you would like to respond instead.  Assume that you would feel just as irritated, annoyed, or frustrated as ever, but you could choose to channel that negative emotion into a healthier, more compassionate response.  What would that response be.

Step Three:  Imagine yourself successfully doing this new thing.  Ask God for the grace to follow through.

Step Four:  Keep practicing.  Mastering your reactions takes time, but the effort will result in a better you and a better marriage.  Keep trying and refining your effort in prayer.

It’s ok to get irritated with your spouse sometimes, but being mindful about how we respond when we’re irritated can spell the difference between being a marriage master…or a marriage disaster.

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day: Thurs 3/7–Share a Laugh!

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Life can get a bit tiresome.  The busy-ness and responsibility can wear anyone out.  Today, fight back against the drudgery by making a plan to laugh together.  Watch a funny movie, go to a comedy club, challenge each other to find the funniest joke-of-the-day (for a bonus, the one with the funniest joke wins a backrub)!

Celebrate the virtue of joy.  Help each other laugh at the craziness of life and discover yet another way you are God’s gifts to one another.

 

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.  And Check out more great marriage-building ideas in For Better…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Wed 3/6: Be a Little Heroic

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Chances are, your spouse has asked you to do something for him or her that you’d rather not do.  I’m not referring to anything objectively immoral or personally demeaning, but rather,  those things that just “aren’t you.”  Perhaps your spouse has asked you to be more affectionate, or prayerful, or conversational, or sexual.  Perhaps your spouse has asked you to join in his or her hobby or another activity that is really important to him or her. In any case, it’s probably something you’ve said, “no” to or did once or twice, reluctantly.

It’s important to remember that God brought the two of you together because he knew that without your spouse, there are certain ways you’d never grow.  The needs your spouse expresses to you are an invitation to grow in ways God needs you to grow to become the person he needs you to be.  Today, think of one of those things your spouse has asked of you and either do it, cheerfully, or make plans to get the resources you need to be able to do it in the future (and let your spouse know that you’re doing it).

Accept the intimacy and personal growth that comes from embracing the change God wants to make in you through the gift of your mate.

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip–Fri 2/22: That Extra, Thoughtful Thing…

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 40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip– Fri 2/22:  That Extra, Thoughtful Thing–What is that thing your spouse really enjoys but you resist doing because it’s just not “your thing?”  Go ahead and do that thing today (or make a plan with your spouse, today, to do it soon).  A little generosity goes a long way toward making your marriage everything it could be.

 

——For the next 40 days, M2L will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.

40 Days to a Better Marriage–Thurs 2/21: Imagine Your Future Together

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40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip– Thurs 2/21: Hopes and Dreams– Today, carve out 20 minutes to talk about how you’d like your marriage to be a year from now.  What do you think are your greatest strengths as a couple?  How would you like to put those strengths toward becoming an even closer couple over the next year?  Take some time to imagine the future you’d like to create together.

——For the next 40 days, Dr. Greg Popcak and More2Life Radio will offer a tip-a-day for improving your marriage. For more help creating an exceptional marriage, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about Catholic tele-counseling services. 740-266-6461.