The Four Components of Wisdom

I think most of us would like to be wise, or at least hope to become wise one day.  But I wonder how many of us could articulate what wisdom really looks like.  I suspect most of us know wisdom when we see it, but how many of us would be able to articulate the skills or abilities make up wisdom?

Wisdom: 4 Keys to Getting Unstuck

Today on More2Life Radio, we discussed “getting unstuck.”  When we encounter situations that leave us not knowing what to do and we feel trapped or stuck, it is wisdom that helps us find the way out.  In preparing for the show, I came across a study that identified 4 skills that the researchers considered indicative of “wise reasoning.”  I thought they represented as good an operational definition of wisdom as I’ve ever encountered.  The more you cultivate the following abilities in your life and relationships, the more likely it is you will be able to find creative solutions to even the thorniest problems.  Take a look!

1.  The Ability to Recognize the Limits of our own Knowledge.

If we are willing to genuinely acknowledge what we don’t know, then we know when its time to seek new skills, resources, or counsel.

2. The Ability to Seek Compromise

Compromise has a bad reputation.  Most people tend to think of it as settling on the solution that is equally dissatisfying to everyone.  That’s a bad compromise.  A good compromise assesses what everyone’s needs are and then tries to brainstorm solutions that take those needs into account.  That takes some creativity and patience, but the wise reasoner recognizes that anything less just won’t hold over time.  Unless everyone is satisfied with a solution, it is no solution at all.

3.  The Ability to Consider the Perspective of Others

When we become stressed, we get tunnel-vision.  Wise reasoners  intentionally force themselves to consider the perspectives of others by asking questions like, “What would this person think?”  and “How would I advise someone else who was dealing with this problem?”

4.  The Ability to Recognize All the Possible Ways a Scenario Could Unfold

Too often, we become married to our ideal solution and we think that every other possible outcome can’t help but disappoint.   The wise reasoner is willing to both look at all the possible ways a situation could play out and ask themselves how they might make the best out of each of those possible outcomes.  This ability to see how multiple outcomes could be worked to one’s advantage helps generate a sense that “all shall be well” and makes it safe to consider solutions that might, at first, seem less than ideal.

Let Wisdom Watch Over You

Proverbs 4:6 says, “Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you.  Love her, and she will watch over you.”  While there are many factors that can contribute to the achievement of wisdom, consciously cultivating these 4 abilities can set you on the path to becoming the sort of wise-reasoner who is able to find ways to get unstuck from even the stickiest situations.

 

The Difference Between Reasons and Accountability

A friend of mine posted this reflection to her Facebook page.  I thought it offered some valuable insights and I wanted to share it with you.  She writes…

I think I finally understand the relationship between reasons and accountability. There may be a very good and legitimate reason for something, but that doesn’t erase my accountability.

For example, I told someone I would complete a project by tomorrow. I’m not going to finish by then. The reason is that my son came home unexpectedly for Mother’s Day and I chose to spend the time with him instead of working. That was a legitimate and even good reason to miss the deadline.

However, that didn’t remove my accountability, so I had to create a consequence that effected me and benefit the person I let down. I may have a good reason for my actions and that reason may remove any guilt or potential anger from others, but it doesn’t remove my accountability.

This is both tough to accept and empowering. I am always accountable as long as I have the physical and mental capacity to fulfill the commitment. If it becomes totally impossible, then I still have to accept the accountability and consequences.

Orthorexia–When “Eating Right” Goes Wrong

I read a fascinating article at Christianity Today about an interesting twist on problem eating. 

…I’m equally concerned when I see how easily the devotion to ‘healthy’ and ‘righteous’ eating can take a pernicious turn and become legalistic, judgmental, isolating and even crippling. Not long ago, I met a woman who was deeply concerned about her granddaughter. “She doesn’t eat anything any more! It’s not that she wants to be thin, she just thinks so many different things are unhealthy. She doesn’t eat grains. She doesn’t eat anything that comes from an animal. She tries to eat only things that are raw. She wouldn’t even eat this,” she said, gesturing to the home-cooked meal we were sharing.

The grandmother was putting her finger on a key aspect of food and eating as well as one of the dangers of dietary legalism: food is communal and community-forming, and restricted diets of all sorts tend to isolate and damage people. Dr. Stephen Bratman explores this dynamic. The author of Health Food Junkie, he coined the term “orthorexia nervosa” (from the Greek ortho, “correct,'” and orexis, “appetite”) in 1997. In an essay, Bratman talks about his time as a cook in a commune. Some members were vegans, some vegetarians, some macrobiotic eaters, some who wouldn’t eat anything from the onion family of vegetables and some who were raw foodists. All could marshal “experts” to support their dietary doctrines. And it was really, really hard for them to eat together.

Orthorexia isn’t an official disorder but I think the points in the article are well-taken.  While eating healthy is an important part of well-being and self-discipline, Christians have always considered being too “fussy” or rule-bound about food to be a manifestation of gluttony.    Food should feed the body, soul, and community and any approach to eating that offends these dimensions of eating becomes disordered no matter how “healthy” the approach to eating is.

Overcoming Bitterness: 5 Steps for Healing the Hurt that Won’t Go Away

Photo by Raychan on Unsplash

No one wants to be bitter.  It sneaks up on us.  Bitterness is unforgiveness fermented.    The more we hold onto past hurts the more we become drunk on our pain and the experience can rob us of the joy we can find in anything.
Bitterness occurs when we feel someone has taken something from us that we are powerless to get back.  We hold on to the hurt in an attempt to remind ourselves and others of the injustice we’ve experienced in the hopes that someone will save us and restore what we’ve lost.  Unfortunately, bitterness only makes our sense of the injustice grow.  It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice.  In fact, it causes the wound to become infected with anger.

Bitterness:  Wrath’s Little Sister

Bitterness is wrath’s little sister.  Where anger can be just and moral if it propels us to seek solutions for the wrongs we have experienced or witness, wrath is a deadly sin because it becomes anger that feeds on itself and adds to wreckage caused by the original wound.  Bitterness does this too, but instead of burning down the house with everything we value still inside, bitterness is quieter, slowly poisoning our life until we lose it one joy at a time.

Here are some things you can do to begin to overcome bitterness.

1.  Forgive

Forgiveness does not mean pretending everything is “OK.”  It doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt either.  According to St. Augustine, forgiveness is simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge; that is, our desire to hurt someone for having hurt us.   Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves that enables us to stop picking at the scab and start making a plan for healing.

2. Make a plan

Forgiveness allows you to free up the energy you need to begin healing the wound. If the person who hurt you is willing to work with you, begin mapping out exactly what changes or effort you would need to see from that person to let you know that it is safe to reconcile.  If you are on your own, focus your energy on making a plan for how will you strive to regain as much of what was lost/taken from you as possible.  The more you strive to find alternative ways to recoup your losses, the less bitter you will feel even if the hurt persists.   It can be tempting to give into feelings that “there’s nothing I can do”   but resist the temptation.  In fact, if you feel this way and can’t think of solutions, talk to a professional to check your math before deciding that you just need to grieve your loss.  If, after consultation, you find that there really is nothing you can do to reclaim what was lost or taken from you, focus your energy on developing new goals that will help you reconstruct a compelling future.  The book, The Life God Wants You to Have:  Discovering the Divine Plan When Human Plans Fail can be a tremendous help for figuring out what God is calling you to work toward in the next chapter of your life.

 

3.  Stop Dwelling and Retelling

When we are hurt, we have a tendency to turn the painful events over and over in our head or tell anyone who will listen about our pain–even over and over again.  It is fine to talk to people we think can help us heal the hurt, facilitate reconciliation or help us rebuild our lives, but other than that, we should do what we can to stop dwelling on the story of our injury ourselves and stop speaking of it so freely to others.  When we are tempted to “dwell or retell” the best course of action is to refocus on what we can do–TODAY–to take at least some small step toward refining or actualizing the plan we’ve developed in Step 2.  The more you are focused on solutions, the less you will experience the sense of powerlessness that comes from ruminating on the hurt.

4.  Seek Grace

It can be next to impossible to heal some wounds without God’s grace.  Bitterness causes us to shun God’s grace in favor of obsessing over the wound.  If you are holding on to bitterness I encourage you to take it to confession.  Please don’t be insulted by the suggestion.  I know that you are the victim and you have a right to your pain.  Still, holding on to anything except God’s love, mercy and healing grace separates from God and the life he wants us to have. Confession can open your heart to receive the healing that God wants to give you.   It can help you surrender the pain and powerlessness and begin to discover new options.  Stop hoarding your hurt.  Make your desire for healing official by taking your tendency to dwell in the powerlessness to the confessional and seek the grace to leave it there.

5.  Seek Professional Help

If the bitterness won’t let go even after you’ve tried all of the above, it’s time to seek professional help.  Working with a professional can help you see possibilities that your pain has blinded you to and give you new tools to heal the wounds that are holding you back.   If you have a faithful professional in your area that you have worked with before, it may be time to reconnect.  If not, I would invite you to contact me through the Pastoral Solutions Institute to learn more about our telephone counseling practice.  Healing is possible with the right resources.

Hebrews 12:5 says, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”  You don’t have to be bitter or consumed by feelings of powerlessness and sadness.  Take action today to cooperate with the grace God is giving you to break free of the bonds of bitterness.  You can discover that with God’s help, there is so much more to life than pain.

 

COMING TUES on More2Life Radio: Coping with Frustration

Coming Tuesday: Coping with Frustration–Everyone gets frustrated from time to time, but while it’s common enough, it stops us from enjoy life as the gift that it is.  We’ll look at those things that cause us frustration and how to deal more gracefully with frustrating situations and people.

Plus, Dr. Joseph White of SharingCatholicFaith.com will share ways parents can tame their kids’ homework frustrations as the school year starts!

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions about

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

WIN A FREE BOOK in our SUMMER BOOK GIVEAWAY!  DRAWING FRIDAY! (Details below).

Q of the D:  (Answer one or both to win!)

1.  What situations in the course of your week tend to frustrate you the most?

2.  How does frustration affect your mood and behavior?

*Win a free book!  Every day you respond to the question of the day your name will be entered in a radio drawing to win a free book from the Popcak Catholic Living Library (over 10 titles in all)!  Again, each day that you respond you will get another chance at winning a free book in the drawing held at the end of each week on More2Life Radio.

This week’s featured title is:  FOR BETTER…FOREVER!  A Catholic Guide To Lifelong Marriage.

For Better…FOREVER!  explores what it takes to create and celebrate a great Catholic marriage from the newlywed years to late-in-life.  The Catholic vision of marriage is unpacked amidst tons of practical, empirically-tested advice about communication, problem-solving, negotiating the challenges of different marital stages, sexuality, and a whole lot more.  The is THE book no Catholic married couple should be without.  A great resource for you and a great gift for  Anniversaries and Newlyweds too!

Winners will be announced on air and contacted by FB message following the drawing this Friday 8/23

 

 

 

COMING TUES on MORE2LIFE RADIO: Get A Hold of Yourself!

Coming Tues on More2Life:  Get A Hold of Yourself!  We all have times when we react rather than responding to emotionally-charged situations.  We’ll look at what it takes to tame the reactions that tend to run away with you and how to cultivate greater peace and creativity.

PLUS, SharingCatholicFaith.com Family Psychologist and Master Catechist, Dr. Joseph White joins us to talk about:  Teaching Teens to Make Good Choices

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions about responding rather than reacting when emotions run hot.

WIN A FREE BOOK in our SUMMER BOOK GIVEAWAY! (Details below).

Q of the D:  (Two-fer.  Answer one or both to win!) 

1.  Give an example of a situation that tends to provoke you to react rather than respond?

2.  People have different reactions.  Some get angry, some quiet and withdrawn, some filled with nervous energy.  When you get upset, how do you react?

*Win a free book!  Every day you respond to the question of the day your name will be entered in a radio drawing to win a free book from the Popcak Catholic Living Library (over 10 titles in all)!  Again, each day that you respond you will get another chance at winning a free book in the drawing held every Friday on More2Life Radio.

 

This week’s featured title is:  God Help Me, This Stress is Driving Me Crazy!  Finding Balance through God’s Grace –explores how to regain the emotional balance that stress, worry, and anxiety try to steal from you.  You’ll discover strategies for getting your life in order, putting first things first,  and mastering the emotions that threaten your inner-peace.

Winners will be announced on air and contacted by FB message following the drawing this Friday, 6/28.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

Coming Monday on More2Life Radio: FORGIVING YOURSELF (Plus, Win a Free Book! Details below…)

Coming Monday on More2Life:  Forgiving Yourself–The Theology of the Body sets a high bar for our lives.  Most days, we are going to fail to reach that standard no matter how hard we try.  When that happens, we need to be willing to forgive ourselves and find the courage to try again. Today on More2Life, we’ll look at what being forgiving of ourselves really means and what it takes to make it happen.

 

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions.

Answer our Monday Q of the D:  

–We all have a tendency to pick on ourselves for something.  When do you tend to be hardest on yourself?

*Win a free book!  Every day you respond to the question of the day your name will be entered in a radio drawing to win a free book from the Popcak Catholic Living Library (over 10 titles in all)!  Again, each day that you respond you will get another chance at winning a free book in the drawing held every Friday on More2Life Radio.

This week’s featured title is:  How to Find True Love.    How to find true love is a book about finding God’s love hidden in the little moments of everyday life.  Each chapter is a short reflection on another surprising way we can experience more love in our lives and, ultimately, experience how much God, himself, truly loves us.

Winners will be announced on air and contacted by FB message following the drawing this Friday, 6/21.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

What Can the Theology of the Body Teach Us about Managing Stress?

“I’m so busy!”  “There isn’t enough time!”  Seemingly universal laments.  Life is filled with opportunities to be stressed and to become even more stressed all the time.

In short bursts (of a few minutes or so) stress can be useful.  Stress, when it functions according to its purpose, calls our mind and body to be attentive and responsive to the challenges in front of us.  Ideally, stress ramps us up so that we can make a plan to handle those situations and then the stress should go away.   We are not meant to live in a perpetual state of stress (which might come as a surprise to most people).  Once stress motivates us to make a plan, it should decrease.

All Stressed Up and Nowhere to Go…

The problem is that, in the face of stress,  we often don’t actually stop to make a plan.  We become hyper-focused on the stressful event and live in a state of reaction rather than receptivity.    Looking at stress through the lens of the Theology of the Body,  we see that stress stops us from being receptive to God and to others.  The Theology of the Body reminds us that a healthy life (i.e., a life dedicated to seeking connection with God and others and open to his unfolding plan) is a receptive life; that is, a life in which we are open to the movement of the Holy Spirit in the moment and responsive to both the needs of others and the love they have to share with us.

This is Your Brain on Stress…

Brain research shows that, under prolonged stress, the mind becomes rigid, closed, rejecting, and task/thing-focused.  When I allow myself to remain in a state of prolonged stress, I become stuck in old patterns and closed to new possibilities.  I reject help and new ideas as useless before I have really taken the time to consider them.  Further, I focus all my energy either on simply pushing through the problem or looking for things that will make me feel better in the short term without considering the bigger picture.    This stressed-out posture is the antithesis of a receptive mind and spirit which–again, according to brain research–is always curious, open, accepting, and loving (COAL).  Curiosity allows us to seek new solutions, to be open to asking the questions that enable us to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to us in the moment.  Openness allows us to consider possibilities we hadn’t entertained before.  Acceptance refers to the willingness to suspend our judgment of new options and possibilities before we have gathered all the information we need to chart a healthy course of action.  Loving refers to our willingness to put the well-being of people (ourselves included) before the accomplishment of tasks or the acquisition of things.

 

Stress:  The Antidote

Again, from both the perspective of the Theology of the Body and brain science, the antidote to stress is connection.  The Theology of the Body reminds us of Genesis’ assertion that, “it is not good for man to be alone.”  Brain science bears this out.  When the mind becomes dis-regulated by stress (i.e., our emotions override our intellect instead of the intellect and emotions working in partnership) the quality of our connection to God and others tends to determine the degree of resilience (“bounce-back-ability”) we will display.   Taking time to maintain a strong connection with God and the people we love and who love us even when we’re under stress helps the mind see our problems through others eyes, reminds us that help is readily available, and calls our attention to the most important things.  Likewise, intimate connection with God and others fills our body with “calm-down chemicals” like oxytocin that help us to be at peace in the presence of stress.

Taking “Time In”

So-called, “time-in” practices, such as meditative prayer (e.g., rosary, adoration, etc.), rituals of connection (e.g., regularly scheduled and anticipated times to play, talk, work, and play with loved ones), self-care (e.g., good nutrition and physical activity), and leisure (e.g., hobbies and creative endeavors) have all been shown by brain research to help a person develop a more receptive mindset in the presence of stressful events.  These practices highlight the power of the Theology of the Body’s insights that we were both created and destined for intimate connection with God and others and that the more we pursue these connections, the more we “become what we are.”  That is, persons who function best when we are both working to create communities of love and pursuing intimate connection with the God who created us, sustains us, and leads us on the path to wholeness.

For more strategies for dealing gracefully with the stress in your life, check out God Help Me, This Stress is Driving Me Crazy!   Finding Balance Through God’s Grace.   or contact me at the Pastoral Solutions Institute to discover how you can work with a faithful, Catholic counselor through our tele-counseling practice.

 

Coming Tues on More2Life Radio–The Compassion Challenge (Plus, Win a Free Book! Details below.)

Coming Tuesday on More2Life:  The  Compassion Challenge— We are all called to be compassionate, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.  We’re too easily frustrated by others bad habits, foolish choices, and annoying traits.  Often, it’s even hard to be compassionate with ourselves.  Today on M2L, we’ll look at what compassion is, what it isn’t, and how to cultivate for yourself and others.

WIN A FREE BOOK!  SPECIAL OFFER! (Details below).

Tuesday Q of the D:  (Two-Fer!  Answer one both to win!)

 1.  What are the annoying things other people do (i.e., bad habits, foolish choices, annoying traits) that make it hard for you to be as compassionate as you think you should?

 2.  When is it hardest for you to be compassionate toward yourself?

Call in at 877-573-7825 from Noon-1 Eastern (11-Noon Central) with your questions about the times it’s hard for you to be as compassionate as you think you should.

Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? YOU CAN STILL HEAR US!
~ Listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!),
~ Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net
~ or catch our archived shows via the M2L Podcast (also at avemariaradio.net)

*Win a free book!  Every day you respond to the question of the day your name will be entered in a radio drawing to win a free book from the Popcak Catholic Living Library (over 10 titles in all)!  Again, each day that you respond you will get another chance at winning a free book in the drawing held every Friday on More2Life Radio.

This is a great way to get that title you haven’t read yet, or get a book for a friend who really needs it!  Enter every day to win.  This week’s featured title is:  The Marriage Made for Heaven Marriage Builder Kit (1 Leaders Guide and 5 Workbooks.  Use them to improve your own marriage or start a marriage building group with your friends or in your parish!)

Winners will be announced on air and contacted by FB message following the drawing on Friday 6/14.