COMING MON 3/18 on MORE2LIFE: The Challenge of Forgiveness

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COMING MONDAY ON MORE2LIFE:  THE CHALLENGE OF FORGIVENESS– Yesterday’s Gospel reminded us that he without sin should case the first stone.  Today we reflect on the call to mercy and the challenge of forgiveness.  We’ll look at what forgiveness is and isn’t, what it requires of us, and what we can legitimately require of the people we’re trying to reconcile with.

Don’t forget to answer Monday’s M2L Facebook Question of the Day  (Two-fer:  Answer one or both)    1.  What common offenses in your life do you find the hardest to forgive and why?   2. When is it hard for you to ask forgiveness from another

—Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C). Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!

Sexual Abuse and the Church: Complicated Recovery

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The last decade has uncovered the seriousness of abuse in the Church.  The Church has done a great deal to make certain that young men and women are safe but the road for the victims of institutional abuse can be long and hard.

New research shows that institutional abuse (abuse that occurs in the context of a school, church, universities, scouts, etc) can lead to an even more complicated recovery than other forms of sexual trauma.

Researchers are now learning that recovery from sexual trauma is more challenging when an individual has been betrayed by a perpetrator within a conceptually secure setting.

In a study of 345 female university students, University of Oregon researchers found that 233 of them had experienced at least one unwanted sexual experience in their lifetime, and 46 percent of those victims also experienced betrayal by the institution where incidents occurred.

In the final analysis, researchers found, those who experienced institutional betrayal suffered the most in four post-trauma measurement categories, including anxiety and dissociation.  READ MORE

Please join me in praying for the victims of ecclesial sexual abuse.  That they may find healing and wholeness in Him who is the source of the peace beyond all understanding.

Why Am I Catholic?

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The Poobah’s at Patheos descended today from on high to invite the lowly serfs laboring in the digital fields of their various channels to write, in 200 words or less, why we are whatever faith we are.  Here’s my contribution of 198 words (but who’s counting?)

So, why are you Catholic?  Share your thoughts

WHY I AM CATHOLIC

If religion represents the human quest to draw closer to God, I want nothing less than a religion that makes the boldest, most audacious claims about the kind of relationship that’s possible to achieve.  The general Christian belief in a God who wants a personal relationship with us is certainly revolutionary.  No other faith comes close.  But shockingly, Catholics believe that asking Jesus Christ to be our “personal Lord and Savior” doesn’t go nearly far enough.

More than a spiritual communion, Catholics believe God desires to be physically united with us too.  We are not just spirits.  We are ensouled bodies and God wants every part of us for himself (Rom 14:8).  Because of the Eucharist, the true Body and Blood of Christ (Jn 6:55), I am one with His Flesh and His Blood courses through my veins.  I am not just spiritually part of God’s family, I am his real kin, his own “flesh and blood.”   Having received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in the most personal way possible, I am made a son of God, not metaphorically.  Literally (CCC #460, 1391).

Relationship with God doesn’t get any closer than that.  That’s why I’m Catholic.

 

40 Days to a Better Marriage Tip of the Day–Get Marriage-Building Resources

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Couples who are marriage masters know that you can’t build a great marriage without great tools.  Today, think about the tools you might need to take you marriage to the next level.  Check out the the library or your local bookstore for a great new relationship book (you don’t even have to agree with everything the author says.  Its about starting a conversation!), reserve your spot on a Marriage Encounter Weekend, check out the cool resources at ForYourMarriage.org.  Do something today that helps you discover some new tools to help make your marriage everything God wants it to be!

Manning Up Through NFP

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Here’s a sneak peak at an article I have in the upcoming edition of Family Foundations magazine.  What?  You don’t subscribe?  Well, there’s a simple fix to that problem!

Regardless,  check it out.

Manning Up Through NFP. 

Dr. Greg Popcak

 

We hear a lot about the benefits of NFP and there are many.  But it’s also true that NFP requires a great deal of sacrifice and struggle that is neither fun nor easy.  Worth it? Sure.  Fun?  Not really.

That said, I think that NFP helps a man become more manly.  I’ve seen this in my own life and in the lives of the men I’ve supported through the struggle to make NFP the blessing it is supposed to be in their marriage.  When I say that NFP helps a man become more manly, I mean that, as Catholics, we believe that manliness is tied up with a man’s ability to work for the good of others and especially to work for his wife’s good.  Inevitably, that means putting her dignity above your own needs and wants.  Incidentally, that’s not the same thing as giving up on your needs and wants as some men do.  That’s not a man, that’s a martyr. The difference is this.

The Martyr says, “Honey, can we be together tonight?”

She says, “We’re still in phase two.”

He says (mostly to himself),  “Fine.  We can’t be together tonight.  Fine.  Just one more thing getting in the way.  FINE.  I’ll just let it go.”  We tell ourselves we’re making some huge sacrifice for the good of our spouse, but then we pout about it for the rest of the night as if to say, “See what a pain in the butt taking care of you is?  See how sacrificial I’m being?”

Nice, right?

In contrast to the martyr, here’s what a man does.  First, he doesn’t have to make his wife the sexual gatekeeper because he’s already taken the responsibility of either recording temps himself or has at least read the chart for himself and knows what it means.  Second, if they can’t be together, he realizes that its actually hard on her too and tries to be empathetic and sensitive about that.  Third, he makes as much of a gift of himself as he can.   He helps her with the kids.  He looks for ways to be emotionally present.       He seeks out ways to show her that she is important to him.  He initiates affection that’s not designed to “sneak” her into sex, but just about being loving together.  He is respectfully playful.  Fourth, when it does get too hard for him to bear his frustration alone, he’s honest about it in a non-blaming way. He invites his wife to share how she’s dealing with her frustration so that maybe they can support each other. They respectfully talk and pray through it together. Finally, he takes care of her and plans for when they can be intimate again.  He lets her know how desirable she is without pressuring her or trying to guilt her. He just loves her.  He desires her, but he doesn’t prey on her.

While all that seems like a tall order, channeling frustration in these directions is exactly what Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was referring to when he wrote, “True, eros tends to rise “in ecstasy” towards the Divine, to lead us beyond ourselves; yet for this very reason it calls for a path of ascent, renunciation, purification.”  When a man can channel the sexual longing he feels in a direction that creates connection between him and his wife, the pain of the longing decreases and is replaced by a purer desire that leads to transformation; the transformation that takes us from needy, hormonally driven adolescent to man of God.

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Dr. Greg Popcak, the author of Holy Sex!, directs the Pastoral Solutions Institute which provides Catholic tele-counseling services to couples, families, and individuals.  Contact him at 740-266-6461 or CatholicCounselors.com

Parenting Style at Adolescence Predicts Child’s Ability to Have a Happy Marriage at Adulthood

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The Church teaches parents’ are the child’s primary educators.  Moms and Dads, you can’t overestimate the importance of your role in raising children who are capable of having healthy, holy, happy marriage and family lives.

A new study really highlights the importance of giving teens a strong family life.  Here are some of the findings…

  1. Individuals who themselves expressed greater levels of positive engagement in their families as adolescents displayed and received more positive engagement in their marriages, independent of overall family engagement.
  2. Individuals from families that expressed greater levels of positive engagement displayed more positive engagement and less hostility toward their spouses 20 years later; they also reported better relationship quality and less negative behavior.
  3. Individuals from families that expressed greater levels of positive engagement had spouses who displayed more positive engagement and reported more relationship quality; these spouses also displayed less hostility and reported less negative behavior.

 

Coming Thurs on More2Life Radio: Managing Change Gracefully

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Habemus Papam!  With the election of a new Pope we all have change on our minds.  Today on M2L, we’ll look at 4 steps for managing change gracefully (using the acronym GROW).  If you’re going through a change in your life, wondering whether it’s time to make a change, or struggling to deal with a change that’s been thrust on you, call in from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C) at 877-573-7825

Don’t forget to answer our M2L FB Questions of the Day:  (Two-Fer!  Answer one or both…) 1. Think of a time you experienced a significant change.  What was the toughest part of managing that change in your life?   2. What advice would you give for making change less painful?

—Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C).  Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you?    Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net,  listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!

Pope Francis: The Psychology of a Name

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Studies on the significance of names tell us that the name we are called by can has a powerful impact both on the way we see ourselves and the way others see us.  One of the reasons the Church encourages Catholic parents to choose a saint’s name for their children is that, as Christians, our identities ought to be completely devoted to the pursuit of heaven–the ultimate prize–from the first day of our birth.

There  is power in a name.  It announces us, and in many cases, it may come to define us.

The ever-entertaining and insightful, Rocco Palmo offers this brilliant off-the-cuff analysis of the significance of our new Holy Father’s name.

By choosing the name of the founder of his community’s traditional rivals (ed. note:  The Franciscans), the 266th Roman pontiff – the first from the American continent, home to more than half of the 1.2 billion-member church – has signaled three things: his desire to be a force of unity in a polarized fold, a heart for the poor, and his intent to “repair God’s house, which has fallen into ruin”… that is, to rebuild the church. 

POPE FRANCIS ELECTED

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Pope Francis

Former Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentia Becomes Pope Francis

Long Live The Pope
A Hymn for the Pope

(Click for Musical Accompaniment)

Long live the Pope!
His praises sound Again and yet again:
His rule is over space and time:
His throne the heart of men:
All hail! The Shepherd Pope of Rome,
The theme of loving song:
Let all the earth his glory sing
And heav’n the strain prolong.

Beleaguered by
By the foes of earth,
Beset by hosts of hell,
He guards the loyal flock of Christ,
A watchful sentinel:
And yet, amid the din and strife,
The clash of mace and sword,
He bears alone the Shepherd Staff,
The champion of the Lord.

Then raise the chant,
With heart and voice,
In Church & school & home: “Long live the Shepherd of the Flock!
Long live the Pope of Rome!”
Almighty Father bless his work,
Protect him in his ways, Receive his prayer, fulfill his hopes,
And grant him length of days!

 

Catholics and Mental Illness: Are we doing enough? The Conversation Continues…

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St. Dymphna, Patroness of Mental Health, Pray for Us.

Research tends to show that Christians–especially pastors– struggle to know how to support those struggling with depression, anxiety and other mental health problems.  Catholics tend to fare a little better than evangelicals in this regard (because we tend to be less suspicious of psychotherapy), but it tends to be a mixed bag.

As part of Faith on the Couch’s ongoing look into how well we, as Catholics, support those who are struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems, I wanted to share some of the comments that I have received so far.  What is your experience?  Do you or a loved one struggle with mental or emotional challenges?  Please share your story as a way to encourage others both to draw support from our Catholic faith and to do a better job as Catholics of supporting those who struggle.

Joanne  shares:  “that taking medicine shows a lack of trust in God to heal me.”

I’ve had lifelong problems with depression and anxiety. The impression I often get is that religious people believe that if one has anxiety, one simply doesn’t have enough faith. After all, we’re not supposed to have anxiety about anything, but simply faith in God. As far as I’m concerned, however, the two (anxiety and faith in God) are not mutually exclusive. Depression and anxiety are organic disorders of the brain; unless God sees fit to grant us a faith healing, we will continue to have D+A, regardless of how deep our faith is. The misinformation among religious people vis-a-vis mental illness has been a real source of discouragement for me. A few years ago, I discontinued my subscription to a very well known Catholic publication because I found their reporting on mental illness to be almost dangerously ignorant. Just for everyone’s information, I’m a nurse and my impression is NOT that doctors “dole out” anti-depressants in a cavalier manner. In fact, I wish more people were on ADs and anti anxiety medications and in therapy – we’d probably have alot fewer people with substance abuse and obesity issues. Ironically, MDs prescribe countless blood pressure and diabetes meds – doctors probably actually could prescribe fewer of these if people took better care of themselves, but for some reason, religious people never seem to have any complaints about these meds being prescribed.

Everyone should pray. We should pray to praise God and to thank Him and to show trust in him. And I believe that spirituality has beneficial effects on mental and probably even physical health. However, one cannot pray one’s self out of mental illness anymore than one can pray one’s self out of Parkinsons, arthritis, pancreatitis, or gout.

—Janice writes…

I am a Catholic with AD/HD. I also work in special education in the public schools. From my perspective I think most Americans have a suspicious attitude towards mental illness. However, in the culture at large there may be more pockets of those who are compassionate and open towards those diagnosed with a disorder. I think that lay Catholics in general mistrust psychology and view it as a way for people to avoid responsibility for my actions.

The most supportive people in my life, in terms of disclosing the fact that I have AD/HD, have been non-Catholics. That is my experience. I really haven’t come across any Catholic that hasn’t been made uncomfortable when I mention that I have AD/HD. In all honesty, I try to tell people about the fact that I have AD/HD in order to avoid misunderstandings and to let them know that I am working on myself and taking responsibility but they often see it as the opposite. I had one Catholic friend who tried to tell me that I didn’t have AD/HD despite the fact that I struggled with social anxiety, depression and underachievement for years. I have stopped talking about it in general but it feels very isolating to not be able to share something that is a really big part of my life right now. I was actually excited to find out because it explained so much, help me reach greater acceptance and move beyond self-loathing. But in the end America has a love affair with accountability and I don’t share my insights with AD/HD unless they are not Catholic and they have some openness towards understanding to mental illness.

What is your story?  If you or a loved one struggles with mental/emotional challenges, how has your Catholic faith or faith community been a help or hindrance to you?   Share your comments here, or email me privately at gpopcak@catholiccounselors.com

—————Looking for faithful answers to life challenging emotional and relational problems?  Contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Pastoral Tele-Counseling Practice today at 740-266-6461 to make an appointment with a faithful, professional, Catholic therapist.