4 Reasons People Avoid Praying About Tough Problems (and How to Pray Anyway)

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It seems like it should be pretty simple. If you’re Christian and you’re dealing with a problem, you ought to take it to God in prayer, right?

Right. And yet…so often, we don’t. It’s a pattern that the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com encounter again and again.

And on a recent episode of the More2Life radio show with Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak, a caller named Colleen shared her own experience with this hesitation around prayer.

In confession, Colleen shared that she was hesitating to pray “because it hurts too much.” The priest advised her to push through that hesitation and pray anyway.

She took his advice, realizing that when she does, on the other side she inevitably experiences the “healing, hopeful, calming, release of my worry and my hurt.”

“I know I’m not alone” in shying away from taking her problems to God, she told the Popcaks.

She’s not, and the Popcaks used her call to talk about four common reasons that people avoid bringing their problems to God in prayer—and how to overcome those blocks.

Four Reasons People Avoid Prayer

1. You’re avoiding what you need to face

The most common reason is simple enough: we don’t want to think about the hard thing, so we don’t want to pray about it, either. If something is painful, revisiting it feels like making the pain worse.

“It’s all I’m thinking about, and if I have to actually bring it into words, I’m afraid it’s going to hurt even more,” Dr. Popcak explained.

But doing what Colleen’s priest advised (pray anyway!) is the way to go.

“It really is best to push through,” he continued, “because (when) we give God those particular problems, he gives us the grace to deal with them and think through them, and that’s a healthy thing to do, rather than running away and avoiding stuff.”

Staying away from prayer keeps the problem in the dark, where it tends to grow. Bringing it to God exposes it to the one who can actually heal it.

2. You’re performing piety instead of being honest

Many Christians grew up with the sense that prayer has to be reverent, composed, and properly packaged—“very polite,” as Lisa put it, and certainly not sharing any negative feelings you might be having.

She grew up in a family that took that approach to prayer.

“I grew up with a mother who was very, like, you have to talk to God a certain way, because he might get mad at you,” she said.

But when she met Greg, she saw how he prayed with total honesty through grief and struggle. “I was terrified when you were honest with God,” she recalled. “But what I saw is you never got hit by the lightning bolt. You actually got closer and closer to God when you were honest with him.”

Formal prayer is great, the Popcaks say, but it is meant to support, not replace, an open, honest relationship with God. When we pray in a way that guards our true feelings, that prayer experience can “hurt” because we’re not really connecting with God.

“God really wants an honest relationship with us,” Dr. Popcak said. “He would rather us yell at him and call him names and beat on his chest and scream and holler and talk about how much we hate him than not talk to him or just be polite.”

3. You keep asking God to take it away instead of asking what to do with it

God doesn’t always remove suffering; he often walks us through it, and those are different things.

As a little kid with terrible math anxiety, Greg wanted his parents to “just do the problems” for him. But no matter how much he cried and fussed, his parents never did. Instead, they sat with him, helped him calm down, and walked him through the steps.

“A lot of times, that’s what God wants to do with us,” he said. “He wants to walk with us so that he can show us how to be competent, how to not be afraid of things anymore, how he’s given us gifts to use.”

You can certainly ask God to take away your problem; after all, Jesus did that. But you should also pray that, if he doesn’t take the problem away, God will help you through it: “Show me how to respond to this in a way that will help me be my best self, in a way that will challenge the people around me to be their best self too, and glorify you.”

4. You know what God is asking, but you don’t want to do it

This is the one Dr. Popcak names from personal experience, offered with some humor. When prayer feels stuck and the other three reasons don’t quite fit, this is often the answer.

“I know in my heart of hearts what God’s actually asking me to do,” he said, “and I don’t want to do it because it’s scary, or because it’s painful, or because it makes me feel vulnerable. So then I get mad at God for asking me to do that thing.”

The solution is straightforward if not easy. “When I get over my big bad self and I do the thing, it gets better.” Prayer isn’t stuck because God is silent; it’s stuck because we already know the answer.

Trust the Great Teacher

If you find that you’re hesitating to bring your problems to God, think about whether one of these four common reasons might be at the root of the problem. Reframe the way you approach prayer, and as Colleen’s priest suggested, push through your hesitation.

“Really, what you’re doing is saying, I am going to trust in you, God, I’m going to trust that you love me enough to hear all my thoughts, all my feelings to be there for me, even when I’m angry at you,” Lisa said. “What you’re doing is inviting the Holy Spirit into all of it, so that you can deepen your relationship with God and you can find ways to find solutions.”

She continued: “We’re literally asking this great teacher to teach us how to be our best selves. We’re not saying, I’ll go back to God once I’ve become my best self. We’re actually going to him because he knows exactly where he wants to take us.”

For more help navigating personal and relationship problems with God’s help, connect with the resources and pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com. And for help introducing your children to open, honest, everyday prayer, check out How Our Family Prays Each Day.

Here’s How to Find the Confidence You Need to Move Ahead

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If you’ve ever taken a tumble down the stairs or slipped on a patch of ice, then you know the feeling: suddenly, you’re off balance, not in control—and you’re not quite sure how you’re going to land.

That same feeling, or something like it, can ambush us at other times in our lives, too. You open Instagram and see perfectly curated lives that make you wonder what you’re doing wrong. You brace for a tough meeting at work, feeling out of your depth. Or you walk into a gathering where everybody knows one another…except you.

Confidence. Just when we need it the most, it’s nowhere to be found.

So what can we do to find our footing again?

During a recent episode of their More2Life radio call-in show, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak offered surprising insights from St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

 

A Confidence Grounded in Humility

“The world says that confidence means puffing yourself up and pretending you’re unstoppable,” Dr. Greg said.

We’re not unstoppable, though, and while we can do some things on our own, it’s important to know and acknowledge our limits. When we fail to do that, our confidence is built on the shifting, unreliable sands of pride.

True confidence, though, is grounded in humility, Dr. Greg said: “It’s basically knowing, look, I can’t do this on my own, but I can accomplish all things when Christ is working in me and through me.”

Consider the woman who needs to set a boundary with a demanding friend but keeps putting off the conversation. Worldly confidence would tell her to psych herself up and power through.

Christian confidence starts in a completely different place: with the honest admission that she doesn’t know how this conversation will go, that she might mess it up, that she needs God’s help. That humility isn’t weakness, but the foundation for real confidence.

This is what Theology of the Body calls receptivity, Lisa Popcak said—the ability to listen to God in stressful or challenging moments so we’re not just relying on our own strength, instincts, or fears to guide us. Instead, we pause and ask: What is God asking of me in this specific situation? What grace is he offering me right now to handle it well?

“Confidence grows when we stay open to what God is asking of us and the grace he is giving us to do it well,” she said.

When you approach a difficult conversation or challenging decision this way, the goal shifts. It’s not just about getting through it; it’s about becoming more of who God made you to be in the process.

Three Steps to Cultivate Christian Confidence

1.     Start with prayer.

When you feel like you’re in over your head, pause to pray. Dr. Greg suggests this simple prayer: “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing. Please teach me.” Those two sentences are about adopting an attitude of humility and receptivity, and they can form the basis for your own prayer.

2.    Ask for grace to respond well

“Ask for the grace to respond in a way that glorifies God, works for the good of everyone involved, and helps us to be our best selves,” Lisa Popcak advised.

This helps us to pivot from merely enduring the situation to embracing it as an opportunity for spiritual growth. Notice, too, how this prayer shifts the center of control from ourselves to God. Instead of praying, “Help me control this situation,” now we’re praying, “Help me respond with your wisdom and love.” That small change opens us to grace that works in ways control never could.

3.     Act in trust, not certainty

“We take that next step, not necessarily knowing how it’s going to work,” Dr. Greg explained, “but trusting that God has equipped us and will continue to give us what we need as we need it.”

The woman who’s been avoiding setting a boundary with her demanding friend doesn’t need to know exactly how her friend will respond. She just needs to take the next faithful step: making the phone call, saying the truth with kindness, trusting that God will provide the words and handle the outcome.

“Confidence isn’t bravado,” Dr. Greg said. “It’s the quiet, steady trust that Christ is walking with us every step of the way.”

A Prayer for True Confidence

When we shift from worldly confidence to Christian confidence, something liberating happens: The pressure to have all the answers lifts, and instead, we find ourselves able to act faithfully even when we’re afraid, to trust that God is working in us and through us.

Here’s a prayer for confidence that the Popcaks shared on their radio show. This is just an example of one way to pray for more confidence; let the Holy Spirit lead you to make your own prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, we come into your presence and we acknowledge, Lord, that we don’t know how to do anything. And so we ask you to teach us how to respond to all the challenges that we face, to show us step by step how to respond in ways that glorify you, that help us be our best selves, and that lovingly challenge the people around us to be their best selves too. Help us to know step by step how to walk through the problems and challenges and complications in our life with a sense of hope and confidence in you, knowing that with each step we take as we face these problems and challenges, we’re growing closer to you. We’re growing stronger in our ability to trust in you and we’re recognizing that our confidence rests in you. We ask all this through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

For more help cultivating confidence to handle the challenges in your life, reach out to a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.

How to Help Your Kids Build a Joyful, Lifelong Prayer Life

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If you want to raise kids who practice their faith as adults, teaching them how to pray has to be a priority. But how kids learn to pray makes a big difference, according to Lisa Popcak, co-founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and host of the Momfidence podcast.

Often, parents and other caregivers teach kids to memorize formal prayers (the “Our Father,” “Memorare,” and so on) and maybe encourage them to offer prayers of thanks and petition at bedtime. That’s a great beginning, Popcak says in a recent episode of the podcast. But if kids are going to develop a deeply rooted, vibrant prayer life that lasts and matures into adulthood, then we need to help them go deeper.

“It’s wonderful and powerful to have those formal prayers,” Popcak says. “However, we need to anchor those formal prayers that we’re trying to teach our children in relationship with the One to whom we are praying.”

After all, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, prayer is “the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit” (CCC 2565).

Without that foundation of relationship, Popcak cautions, you might unintentionally be teaching recitation rather than real prayer. “We want those prayers to be deeply felt in our children’s hearts,” she says. “We want those prayers to be something that they go back to throughout their lives, to go deeper with God, to get to know him better…particularly as they leave our home and we are no longer in charge of making sure they pray every single day.”

3 Baby Steps Toward a Richer Prayer Life for Your Kids

Helping your children build a personal relationship with God might feel like a huge undertaking, but it really doesn’t need to be, Popcak says. It starts, she suggests, with simply helping your children know, through your own habits, that God is always present and loves them dearly. Let them see that God wants to be part of all the moments, big and small. This isn’t about adding complicated rituals; it’s about noticing the opportunities for connection that are already there.

“We don’t have to hold it all in until bedtime prayer or until Mass,” Popcak points out. Instead, teach kids to connect with God in the moment, then “round up” those moments with a regular time for shared prayer later in the day.

Here are some simple “baby steps” toward that goal.

Voice Gratitude Together

When something good happens — maybe your child aced a test they were nervous about, or you simply enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon — take a second to thank God out loud. It can be as simple as, “Lord, we had so much fun running through the sprinkler this afternoon; thank you for this blessing!” Or: “Lord, we are so grateful that John did well on his geometry test today. Thanks for helping him work through those tough problems!”

When you model gratitude, you invite your children to recognize and appreciate blessings, too.

Praying Through Tough Times

 Life has its bumps and scrapes, both literal and figurative. When your toddler falls and gets hurt, it feels like the end of the world to them. Lisa suggests using that moment as an opportunity to make a God connection: cuddle them close and whisper a quick prayer: “Lord Jesus, please just help my baby feel better. Heal this boo-boo quickly….”

This simple act connects your child’s hurt with God’s comfort and provides a template for other tough times they will inevitably encounter later on in life: anxieties about school, relationship problems, disappointments, loss, and so on.

Moments Made for Praise

If prayer is, at heart, a living, dynamic relationship between your child and God, then it makes sense that it would go beyond petitions for help or words of thanks.

“Sometimes we can just take a moment and thank God for being God,” Popcak suggests. “‘Thank you, Lord, that you are God, that you love us, that you did all this for us.’ Just out of nowhere, because the feeling overcame you.”

Round Up the Day with Family Prayer

These baby steps are super simple, but powerful, too, because they help kids link their daily life experience to God right in the moment. Bringing God into the messy mix of everyday life helps kids develop a more active, dynamic relationship with the One who loves them.

Popcak also suggests finding at least one regular time each day for your family to connect with God together, creating a predictable anchor point for shared prayer and reflection. Make it work for your schedule: Maybe it’s nighttime prayer before everyone settles down for bed, or maybe it’s a brief moment of connection in the morning before the day’s rush begins, or it could be incorporating sharing and prayer around the dinner table.

“Whatever works as a routine for your family, it’s good to bring the whole family together” for prayer, she advises. If you have been taking time throughout the day to acknowledge God’s presence, this family prayer time is a great way to consolidate those prayers.

You can even wrap up with a formal prayer that you are all learning together.

Bringing Prayer to Life

So, relationship is what transforms prayer from rote words into a vibrant conversation. When formal prayers are learned within the context of a lived, daily connection with God — nurtured through these simple baby steps and shared routines — they take on a richness and meaning that grows with your child. Without that personal connection, prayer risks becoming just “talking at God instead of with God.”

A deeper, more meaningful prayer life for your family doesn’t require a grand plan. Just start small: notice the everyday moments, talk to God naturally, and invite your children into the conversation.

“It’s a lot easier than you think it is,” Popcak says. “Just give it a try and let God build the way for you.”

For more parenting tips from Lisa Popcak, check out the Momfidence podcast on the CatholicHOM app or any of your favorite podcast hosts, or check out Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids at CatholicCounselors.com. You can also get personalized parenting support from Lisa Popcak directly on CatholicHOM.

Hope: It Might Not Mean What You Think It Does

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by Dr. Greg Popcak – CatholicCounselors.com

“The Jubilee invites us to renew the gift of hope within us, to surrender our sufferings and our concerns to hope, to share it with those whom we meet along our journey and to entrust to hope the future of our lives and the destiny of the human family.”  -Pope Francis’ Easter Message, 2025

As I reflect on the final public words of Pope Francis, I’m struck by his encouragement to hope, and I wanted to take a moment to unpack what it means—especially when we’re dealing with a difficult situation in our marriage, family, or personal life.

Many Christians think that, “surrendering our sufferings and concerns to hope” means that the “Christian way” of dealing with problems is to try not to get upset about things while we hold on to some vague sense that it will probably all work out—somehow.

But that isn’t what hope asks at all. In his document, Saved in Hope (Spe Salvi) Pope Benedict asserted that hope is not a wishful feeling, but rather the conviction that God is working in us, with us, and through us to make something beautiful out of the ugliness we are currently experiencing.

To “surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope” means bringing our concerns to God every day and praying, “Show me how you want to work through me in this situation to display your power and majesty. Teach me how to cooperate with your plan to make something objectively beautiful and amazing out of the pain that I’m in and the struggle that I am facing.  I don’t really know how to even get through this on my own power, but I know that with you all things are possible.  Help me to see what you want to make of this, and show me what to do next.”

Do you see the difference?  God doesn’t want passive, wishful thinkers. God needs warriors who recognize that life is filled with painful experiences, but that He has given us the privilege and grace to make something amazing out of those experiences.

To surrender our sufferings and concerns to hope is not to sit on our hands and wistfully wait for God to do…something. It is to stare at the oncoming Egyptian horde and part the Red Sea. It is to march around the city of Jericho and tear down the walls. It is to embrace the cross and rise from the dead.

What are you suffering? What concerns do you have? What challenges are you facing that are wearing you down, burning you out, or making you want to just settle?

Bring those things to God today. Ask him to show you how he wants to work through you to demonstrate to everyone around you the power he has to make something beautiful, awe-inspiring, and fulfilling out of the hand the devil dealt you.

Then you will be living Pope Francis’ final words and seeing the promise those words point to.

How To Grow Closer to God This Lent

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In my time as a pastoral counselor (and my lifetime of being Catholic) I’ve heard a lot of mixed feelings and views about Lent, and how to approach our Lenten practices. More often than not, however, I hear of a belief that Lent is a time where we simply give things up or “suffer“ enough that we somehow will heal our relationship with God and grow closer to Him. This stems from the idea that “if I was just holy enough I wouldn’t have the struggles that I do.” But more often than not, this approach leads to a feeling of fear, guilt, or anxiety, because it comes with the notion that we have to earn God’s love or that God has the intention of punishing us.

To reframe our view of Lent and what it’s meant to be, I think it’s important that we first define the difference between “suffering” and “redemptive suffering.” Suffering occurs when we undergo pain, distress, or hardship. That’s it, that’s where it ends. Redemptive suffering, however, occurs when we endure something difficult for the sake of a greater good, it is a suffering that leads to a greater healing, and works for the good of ourselves and others.

God never intends or desires for us to suffer for the sake of suffering. Jesus modeled this by enduring the greatest suffering for us to work for our good and to redeem us. Jesus’ suffering, while great, was redemptive. And he suffered in that great way so that we didn’t have to!

If we keep this perspective in mind, we can see that Lent is not simply about suffering, it’s about growing. Growing in our strengths and virtues, growing in becoming more of who God created us to be, growing in our relationships on earth, and growing in our relationship with God. This can mean giving something up, or it can mean working on something. Having difficult conversations we’ve been putting off; changing the way we talk to ourselves so that it aligns with who God created us to be rather than demeaning ourselves;  learning to set healthy boundaries with others, because allowing people to treat us badly doesn’t work for our good or theirs; and so much more. Lenten practices are about what good we are working towards, not just giving something up for the sake of suffering.

Another important reminder for us, is that when Jesus went through that tremendous redemptive suffering for us, he did not do so alone. He was not isolated and carrying his cross alone. He allowed Simon to help him carry his cross, others were there at the foot of the cross. He was not alone. And He does not want us to be alone in our suffering. He modeled to us many times the importance of asking for help. Asking God for help, asking for help from the people around us, or seeking help when it is not immediately around us. We are not alone, and often, it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. So this in and of itself could be a Lenten practice—growing in the ability to seek support and accept help when needed.

Whatever you choose to focus on this Lent, remember that God desires a relationship with you. He loves you. He does not want you to suffer for the sake of suffering, he wants you to grow closer to Him and He wants you to allow Him into your life so that He can be closer to you. Focus on growth this Lent, and remember that whatever you choose to do is intended to work for the good of yourself and others.

Making Couple Prayer Meaningful: A Simple Guide to Praying Together

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Last time, we explored the power of couple prayer and how praying together can bring you closer not only to God but also to each other. But once you’ve made the decision to pray as a couple, you might find yourself wondering, Now what? How do we actually do this?

Dr. Greg Popcak, founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, reassures couples that there is no single “right” way to pray together. In Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak remind us that the goal of prayer isn’t just to check it off a to-do list—it’s to cultivate intimacy.

“All prayer is an act of intimacy,” he explains. “It should draw you closer both to God and the people you’re praying with.”

If you and your spouse are just beginning to pray together, or if you’re looking for ways to make your prayer time richer and more meaningful, the Popcaks offer a simple, structured framework: the PRAISE method.

The PRAISE Method: A Simple Framework for Couple Prayer

To help couples overcome nervousness and ensure a balanced, heartfelt prayer experience, Dr. Popcak suggests using the PRAISE acronym:

1. P – Praise and Thanksgiving

Start your prayer time by expressing gratitude.

“Take a little bit of time to thank God for the things that have happened in your day,” says Dr. Popcak. “Praise God for his love and who he is to you, just like you would with your spouse when you express gratitude for them.”

This can be as simple as thanking God for small blessings—a good conversation, a safe trip, or a moment of peace in a busy day.

2. R – Repentance

While this isn’t a substitute for Confession, it’s a chance to reflect on your actions and attitudes.

“Take a little bit of time to talk about those things that you wish you had done differently that day—things that are obvious to each other,” Dr. Popcak suggests.

Maybe one of you lost patience, spoke too harshly, or was too distracted to truly listen. This step is about seeking God’s grace to love each other better tomorrow.

3. A – Asking for Your Needs

Many of us are naturally good at this part of prayer. But if you hesitate to ask for what you think you need, keep in mind that God wants us to bring our concerns to him.

In this step, share your worries, hopes, and needs—whether they’re about work, health, finances, or relationships. Be honest with God and with each other. Keep an open heart, trusting that whether God meets your needs in the exact way you want, he always wants you to grow and flourish.

4. I – Interceding for Others

Prayer isn’t just about our own lives; it’s also an opportunity to lift up others. This is something we do at every Mass during the Prayer of the Faithful.

“Bringing the people we care about to God is an important way we can serve them and remember them in our relationship with him,” says Dr. Popcak.

Pray for your children, family members, friends, neighbors, people in the world facing hardship—even (and maybe especially) the difficult people in your life. This helps cultivate a heart of generosity and compassion.

5. S – Seeking God’s Will

Some of life’s biggest decisions—changing jobs, moving, parenting challenges—require ongoing discernment.

“Bigger questions don’t have easy, quick answers,” Dr. Popcak acknowledges. “But bringing them to God regularly allows him to fill your heart and mind with his wisdom and clarity.”

In this step, talk openly with one another and with God about important decisions. Ask him to guide your choices and help you discern his will.

6. E – Expressing the Desire to Keep the Conversation Going

Finally, prayer shouldn’t be something you do and then forget about until the next time. “Prayer is a conversation with God that should continue throughout your day,” says Dr. Popcak.

He encourages couples to close their prayer time with a simple statement of commitment: “Lord, thank you for this time together. Help us to hear your voice and love each other well until we meet again in prayer.”

Making Prayer Your Own

One of the best things about the PRAISE method is its flexibility.

“The nice thing about this format is that it’s infinitely adaptable,” Dr. Popcak tells couples. “It can take ten minutes or an hour. You can incorporate formal prayers like the Rosary before or after, or just use this method on its own.”

The key is to make prayer a natural, life-giving part of your relationship. Whether you follow the PRAISE method exactly or simply let it inspire your prayer time, the most important thing is to bring your whole heart into prayer—just as you bring your whole heart into your marriage.

As Dr. Popcak puts it: “If you can do that, that’s all that really matters, because that’s all God and your mate really want—for you to love them with your whole heart, mind, and strength. And that’s what couple prayer is about learning to do.”

If you’d like more guidance on making prayer a meaningful part of your marriage, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s book, Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, is a great place to begin. And if you need more personal help with your marriage, contact one of the pastoral counselors at CatholicCounselors.com.