Can You Be Mindful And Still Feel Angry?

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Mindfulness is a powerful technique for helping individuals develop a healthier relationship with their emotions.  Unfortunately, many individuals have fallen under the misunderstanding that practicing mindfulness means they will be completely at peace at all times. Then, when this doesn’t occur, they become more upset or believe that mindfulness doesn’t work.

To combat this, we must first understand what mindfulness really is. Mindfulness is, essentially,  the ability to experience your emotions fully without feeling controlled by those emotions. Mindfulness allows you to observe your emotions without “feeling like those emotions are so unbearable that you have to engage in dysregulated behavior (substance use, overeating, self-injury, etc) to ‘turn them off.’”

In other words, mindfulness does not cause us to “stop feeling” and always be in a state of peace. If this were the case, mindfulness would in some ways be detrimental since emotions are there to help us function. For example, “Anger helps us stand up for ourselves and motivates us to fight against injustice.” Instead, mindfulness, particularly when practice with a mental-health professional, “can help anger and other emotions feel more tolerable and easier to manage so you are less likely to feel controlled by your emotions.”

For more information on how to experience your emotions through mindfulness check out Calming The Emotional Storm 

Coming Thurs on More2Life Radio: The Grapes of Wrath

Thurs on More2Life–The Grapes of Wrath: In light of the recent firing of a Rutgers coach for abusive behavior toward his players, we’re reflecting on anger. We’ll look at those times anger goes too far and how to respond more effectively both to your own anger and the angry outbursts of others. Call in from Noon-1pm Eastern (11-Noon C) at 877-573-7825 and we’ll explore more effective ways to deal with anger, and the angry people in your life.

Don’t forget to answer the More2Life FB Q of the D: 1. What situations are most likely to provoke you to anger? 2. How do you tend to respond when other people start yelling at you?
Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C). Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!

Newsflash: Yelling isn’t Communicating.

I talk to a lot of people who have a hard time with their temper but excuse it by saying that they are just being honest about their feelings.

I think it’s important to remember that your emotions are God’s gift to you, and not the people around you. When you are angry about something, that’s the Holy Spirit’s way of prompting you to look at a  potential  injustice.  Having been prompted, your job is to pray about whether the injustice is something in your environment, or if it has something more to do with your unreasonable expectations about how life should work as opposed to how life does work.  Either way, there is a problem to be solved and prayer will help clarify both the nature of the problem and the direction you should take.

Having prayed about your feelings, the next step is to prayerfully reflect on a respectful course of action.  If the course of action requires addressing a problem with someone, the rule of thumb is, “Lead with solutions, NOT emotions.”   For example:

A.  Leading with Emotions looks like this:  “I can’t believe you’re such a selfish jerk!  I have to do everything around here!”

B.  Leading with solutions look like this:  “I’m really overwhelmed.  I need us to sit down and come up with a plan for getting things together for our company this weekend.”

Now, there are a host of irrational thoughts that stop a person from doing B instead of A–but they’re all irrational.  If you tend to do A more than B, you’ve let Satan get in your head and he’s going to tempt you to actions that will drive the people you love away from you.

The second challenge (beyond the variety of irrational thoughts) people offer to this advice is, “Well, that’s just the way guys think about problems, not women.”  No.  That’s the way rational men and women think about problems.  Look, both men and women are equally capable of tantrumming and both men and women are equally capable of being reasonable, proactive, and effective.  If you find that you can’t consistently pull this off, don’t hide behind your gender.  Get the skills you need to be a more effective man or woman of God.   God wants to use you mightily, but he can’t do that if you love your emotions more than you love him or the people he’s placed in your life to love and serve.

Here’s another article on why shouting isn’t communicating.

For help getting a better handle on the emotions that are ruling your life, contact the Pastoral Solutions Institute to make a tele-counseling appointment with a faithful, professional, Catholic counselor today.  740-266-6461.

Coming Tues on More2Life Radio: When Feelings Attack!

Coming Tues on M2L: When Feelings Attack!– Our emotions are a natural part of us and therefore a gift from the Lord, but when our feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, and frustration run away with us (as they often do) emotions easily become the gift we’d like to return.  Today on M2L, we’ll talk about developing a healthy attitude toward our emotions and what it takes to control your feelings instead of letting them control you.

Don’t forget to answer our M2L Facebook Q of the D:  (A Two-fer:  Answer one or both)  1. When are your feelings most likely to get the best of you? 2. What feelings are the hardest to deal with in others (and why)?

Listen to More2Life live weekdays from Noon-1pm E (11am-Noon C). Can’t get M2L on a Catholic radio station near you? Tune in live online at www.avemariaradio.net, listen via our FREE AveMariaRadio IPhone or Android App (Check your app store!), or catch the M2L Podcast!