How to Help Your Kids Build a Joyful, Lifelong Prayer Life

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If you want to raise kids who practice their faith as adults, teaching them how to pray has to be a priority. But how kids learn to pray makes a big difference, according to Lisa Popcak, co-founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and host of the Momfidence podcast.

Often, parents and other caregivers teach kids to memorize formal prayers (the “Our Father,” “Memorare,” and so on) and maybe encourage them to offer prayers of thanks and petition at bedtime. That’s a great beginning, Popcak says in a recent episode of the podcast. But if kids are going to develop a deeply rooted, vibrant prayer life that lasts and matures into adulthood, then we need to help them go deeper.

“It’s wonderful and powerful to have those formal prayers,” Popcak says. “However, we need to anchor those formal prayers that we’re trying to teach our children in relationship with the One to whom we are praying.”

After all, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, prayer is “the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit” (CCC 2565).

Without that foundation of relationship, Popcak cautions, you might unintentionally be teaching recitation rather than real prayer. “We want those prayers to be deeply felt in our children’s hearts,” she says. “We want those prayers to be something that they go back to throughout their lives, to go deeper with God, to get to know him better…particularly as they leave our home and we are no longer in charge of making sure they pray every single day.”

3 Baby Steps Toward a Richer Prayer Life for Your Kids

Helping your children build a personal relationship with God might feel like a huge undertaking, but it really doesn’t need to be, Popcak says. It starts, she suggests, with simply helping your children know, through your own habits, that God is always present and loves them dearly. Let them see that God wants to be part of all the moments, big and small. This isn’t about adding complicated rituals; it’s about noticing the opportunities for connection that are already there.

“We don’t have to hold it all in until bedtime prayer or until Mass,” Popcak points out. Instead, teach kids to connect with God in the moment, then “round up” those moments with a regular time for shared prayer later in the day.

Here are some simple “baby steps” toward that goal.

Voice Gratitude Together

When something good happens — maybe your child aced a test they were nervous about, or you simply enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon — take a second to thank God out loud. It can be as simple as, “Lord, we had so much fun running through the sprinkler this afternoon; thank you for this blessing!” Or: “Lord, we are so grateful that John did well on his geometry test today. Thanks for helping him work through those tough problems!”

When you model gratitude, you invite your children to recognize and appreciate blessings, too.

Praying Through Tough Times

 Life has its bumps and scrapes, both literal and figurative. When your toddler falls and gets hurt, it feels like the end of the world to them. Lisa suggests using that moment as an opportunity to make a God connection: cuddle them close and whisper a quick prayer: “Lord Jesus, please just help my baby feel better. Heal this boo-boo quickly….”

This simple act connects your child’s hurt with God’s comfort and provides a template for other tough times they will inevitably encounter later on in life: anxieties about school, relationship problems, disappointments, loss, and so on.

Moments Made for Praise

If prayer is, at heart, a living, dynamic relationship between your child and God, then it makes sense that it would go beyond petitions for help or words of thanks.

“Sometimes we can just take a moment and thank God for being God,” Popcak suggests. “‘Thank you, Lord, that you are God, that you love us, that you did all this for us.’ Just out of nowhere, because the feeling overcame you.”

Round Up the Day with Family Prayer

These baby steps are super simple, but powerful, too, because they help kids link their daily life experience to God right in the moment. Bringing God into the messy mix of everyday life helps kids develop a more active, dynamic relationship with the One who loves them.

Popcak also suggests finding at least one regular time each day for your family to connect with God together, creating a predictable anchor point for shared prayer and reflection. Make it work for your schedule: Maybe it’s nighttime prayer before everyone settles down for bed, or maybe it’s a brief moment of connection in the morning before the day’s rush begins, or it could be incorporating sharing and prayer around the dinner table.

“Whatever works as a routine for your family, it’s good to bring the whole family together” for prayer, she advises. If you have been taking time throughout the day to acknowledge God’s presence, this family prayer time is a great way to consolidate those prayers.

You can even wrap up with a formal prayer that you are all learning together.

Bringing Prayer to Life

So, relationship is what transforms prayer from rote words into a vibrant conversation. When formal prayers are learned within the context of a lived, daily connection with God — nurtured through these simple baby steps and shared routines — they take on a richness and meaning that grows with your child. Without that personal connection, prayer risks becoming just “talking at God instead of with God.”

A deeper, more meaningful prayer life for your family doesn’t require a grand plan. Just start small: notice the everyday moments, talk to God naturally, and invite your children into the conversation.

“It’s a lot easier than you think it is,” Popcak says. “Just give it a try and let God build the way for you.”

For more parenting tips from Lisa Popcak, check out the Momfidence podcast on the CatholicHOM app or any of your favorite podcast hosts, or check out Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids at CatholicCounselors.com. You can also get personalized parenting support from Lisa Popcak directly on CatholicHOM.

How to Talk to Your Adult Kids When They Make Poor Choices

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Carol called into the More2Life radio show with a dilemma: Her 32-year-old daughter, Julia, had moved in with her boyfriend, Chuck.

“I want to be supportive of her, but I can’t endorse her choices,” Carol said. She felt trapped, she said, between her love for her daughter and her moral objections.

How can you show love and support for your adult child while staying true to your values? It’s a common dilemma for many parents of adult children. The answer lies in understanding the difference between support and endorsement, according to Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak, the authors of Having Meaningful (Sometimes Difficult) Conversations with Your Adult Sons & Daughters. 

Support vs. Endorsement: Understanding the Difference

The good news for Carol (and anyone in a similar dilemma) is that it is possible to support someone without endorsing or approving of their choices. As St. Augustine famously said, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.”

How is this possible? The key is supporting the legitimate need or good intention behind your child’s poor choice. Almost always, our adult children don’t believe they are making bad choices—they genuinely feel their actions are reasonable. As the Popcaks point out, all of us tend to rationalize our poor choices by focusing on the good we hope to realize by making them.

Once you identify the good your child is trying to achieve, that good can become the basis of your support. Instead of getting into an argument about the morality or wisdom of the choice (“Cohabitating is sinful/foolish”)—an argument that probably won’t end well—you can work together to find healthier, holier ways to meet your child’s intentions. Rather than being on opposing sides, you’re now on the same team.

Carol and Julia: A Case Study

Let’s see how these steps might play out in Carol’s situation with her daughter, Julia:

Focus on Intentions, Not Actions. Carol starts by asking Julia a compassionate, open-ended question: “Can you help me understand why living with Chuck feels like the best option for you?” This strategy keeps the conversation constructive by signaling Carol’s willingness to understand Julia’s perspective, rather than jumping to judgment. It helps Julia feel heard and opens the door to exploring her intentions more deeply. Julia explains that she and Chuck are saving money to eventually get married, and they want to build a stable foundation for their future.

 

Affirm Positive Goals. Carol acknowledges Julia’s good intentions. She might say, “I can see that financial stability and a strong foundation are important to you, and I want that for you too.” By affirming Julia’s goals, Carol builds trust and creates a space for a deeper conversation.

 

Gently Challenge Assumptions. Next, Carol gently challenges the way that Julia is attempting to reach her goal of financial security. She might say, “Have you ever considered that living together might be getting in the way of that goal? Have you thought about whether living together could complicate things financially?” This helps Julia consider potential risks without feeling judged or attacked.

 

Explore Better Alternatives. If Julia is open to the conversation so far, Carol might help her explore healthier ways of achieving her goal of financial stability. She might say, “Let’s talk about other ways you can work toward your goals while also honoring what we both believe is important.”

 

In all likelihood, the conversation won’t be quite so straightforward. For example, as Carol and Julia continue talking together, it might come out that Julia would like to be married, but she is afraid that if she pushes Chuck on the question, he might leave her, and then she would be alone. This is a new layer of intention behind Julia’s choice, and a new avenue for conversation.

Keeping the Conversation Going

It might be tempting to cut straight to the chase (“What you’re doing is wrong, and it’s going to end badly”). While that may be true, it is probably the least effective way to change your adult child’s mind. It could also result in your child shutting down, keeping you at a distance, or breaking off communication entirely.

That’s why the Popcaks recommend a more empathetic approach.

“Throughout all these conversations, Carol is not—at least directly—trying to talk Julia out of living with Chuck,” the Popcaks write. “She is accepting the fact that this is the way things are for now. But Carol is recognizing that Julia is cohabiting, not because she wants to live an immoral life or reject her parents’ values or defy God, but because she is scared. She doesn’t know how to meet her needs without making the choices she has made.”

A Path Forward

Parenting doesn’t stop when your children become adults—it simply changes. By distinguishing between support and endorsement, you can maintain strong, loving relationships with your adult children while staying true to your faith. This approach not only preserves your connection but also supports your adult child in their spiritual growth.

For more insights on navigating difficult conversations with your adult children, check out Having Meaningful (Sometimes Difficult) Conversations with Your Adult Sons & Daughters by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak. And if you need personalized guidance, visit CatholicCounselors.com to connect with a faith-based pastoral counselor.

But I don’t want to spoil them!–How to Have a Healthy and Positive Relationship With Your Child

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“I want to have a good relationship with my kids but I don’t want to spoil them!”

Does this statement feel familiar?

Attachment does not mean that you have to give your children everything they want, when they want it, and how they want it. It means listening to them, taking the time to understand why they want the things they want, and—if you can’t let them—brainstorming more godly and efficient ways that you could help them meet at least some of those needs in the here and now.

Alternatively, if you have to say no, as parents often must, it is always for a good and objective reason (for instance, your child’s safety or well-being) and not just because you don’t feel like it or because you reactively tend to say no to things out of stress and irritability.

In infancy and toddlerhood, fostering healthy attachment means responding promptly, generously, and consistently to cries. It means trusting the schedule God has built into your child for sleeping, feeding, and comforting and not making your child “cry it out” at night, or cry for long periods as a matter of habit during the day. Crying is never good for a child. It always means he needs help in regulating some system in his body (Sunderland, 2008). God gives parents the responsibility to attend to those cries promptly, just as he tells us He does in Psalm 34:4. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

As your child matures through childhood and adolescence, his needs become more complicated to meet. Parents should, as much as possible, use the “qualified-yes” technique in responding to these needs unless the request is for something that is truly contrary to the child’s well-being. For instance, if a child asked for something the parent couldn’t afford, the qualified-yes technique would have the parent say, “I can afford to contribute only X toward that, but let’s talk about ways you might be able to earn the difference if it is that important to you. Otherwise, this is what I can do. What do you think?” This would be as opposed to saying, for instance, “You want me to spend $250 on a pair of sneakers? Are you crazy?”

With the qualified-yes technique, the child learns that the parent is always someone to whom he can turn to get help in meeting his needs or making a plan by which those needs could be met. Because of this, even when the parent can’t supply what the child wants or needs, the child still feels attached because he has been heard and helped to come up with a plan. And, if the child decides that having that thing really isn’t worth the effort after all, it is he who makes that decision, and not the parent who makes himself an obstacle to achieving that need or want.

For more on how to use the qualified-yes technique as a way of fostering attachment through childhood and adolescence, check out our books Parenting Your Kids With Grace and Parenting Your Teens and Tweens With Grace!

 

Quick Links and Resources:

Parenting Your Kids With Grace

Parenting Your Teens and Tweens With Grace

Discovering God Together