Couples who pray together, whether they are dating or married, enjoy a wide range of benefits: better communication, relationship satisfaction, and trust, according to a wide body of research.
So why do so few couples—perhaps only 4 percent—pray together?
Many couples say that the idea of praying together feels awkward—even intimidating, according to Dr. Greg Popcak, founder of the Pastoral Solutions Institute and co-author, with Lisa Popcak, of Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love.
But despite these common misgivings, Dr. Popcak has seen the transformative power of couple prayer in his practice. In fact, the Popcaks say couple prayer is one of the most powerful ways to build a strong, loving marriage.
Prayer Is Fundamentally Communal
Another objection that many Catholics raise about praying as a couple is the idea that prayer is meant to be private. But as Dr. Popcak points out, the Church teaches that all prayer—even prayer that you say individually—is, at bottom, the prayer of the whole Church.
“By definition, prayer is an activity that draws us into deeper intimacy with God and others,” Dr. Popcak says.
The Mass, the sacraments, and even Confession remind us that our faith is lived in community. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “Prayer is Christian insofar as it is communion with Christ and extends throughout the Church, which is his Body” (#2565).
When a couple prays together, they invite God to be at the center of their relationship. They open themselves to his grace, allowing him to shape their love and guide them through life’s challenges. If all prayer helps us forge stronger relationships with God and others, it makes sense that praying together as a couple would strengthen your marriage.
Four Tips for Praying with Your Spouse
If the idea of couple prayer makes you nervous, take heart. Praying together doesn’t have to be complicated or formal. In fact, the best prayers are those that come from the heart. Here are four simple steps to help you begin:
1. Relax—There’s No “Right” Way to Pray
Many couples hesitate to pray together because they fear doing it “wrong.” They imagine needing to kneel, use formal language, or follow a rigid structure. But prayer is simply a conversation with God.
“In John 15:15, Jesus calls us his friends,” Dr. Popcak reminds us. “There’s no more right way to pray than there is a right way to talk to a friend.”
Just as you and your spouse talk about your day, your joys, and your struggles, you can talk to God in the same way. Some days, your prayers might be simple and brief. Other times, you might pour out your worries or share your gratitude. All of it matters to God.
2. Make It a Habit
Prayer becomes easier the more you do it. The key is consistency. Try picking a specific time to pray together, such as:
- Right before bed
- After dinner
- Once the kids are asleep
By establishing a routine, you’ll grow more comfortable with prayer and start to experience the profound power of praying as a couple.
3. Encourage One Another
Building a new habit takes time. If you miss a day—or even a week—don’t get discouraged. The important thing is to keep trying.
Avoid keeping score over who initiates prayer more often. Instead, focus on simply making it happen. Support and encourage each other along the way.
4. Respect Different Prayer Styles
Not everyone prays the same way, and that’s okay. One spouse might feel comfortable praying out loud, while the other prefers silent reflection. Some might enjoy reading Scripture, while others prefer spontaneous prayer.
Dr. Popcak advises couples to be patient and respectful: “Be careful not to criticize each other or laugh about the way your spouse prays. God welcomes all prayer, no matter how it’s expressed.”
When a couple prays together, they give God—the very source of love—the opportunity to teach them how he wants them to love one another. By making prayer a regular part of your relationship, you’ll open the door to deeper intimacy, greater unity, and a love that reflects God’s design.
Next time, we’ll look at a simple framework for guiding your prayer time together. In the meantime, if you want to learn more about couple prayer, Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s book, Praying for and with Your Spouse: The Way to Deeper Love, is a great resource to help you take the next step. You can find it at CatholicCounselors.com.