You share meals. You shuttle kids to activities. You say “good night” and “have a good day.” But when was the last time your family really talked—not just about logistics or the weather, but about your hearts, your hopes, and how God is working in your lives?
In the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life, talk rituals are intentional moments of conversation that help families grow closer emotionally and spiritually. But many parents find themselves asking how to even start.
Here’s how to begin building meaningful talk rituals in your home, even if your kids don’t naturally open up. The following advice is summarized from Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak’s HŌM Builder videos and Episode 82 of the CatholicHŌM podcast, “Let’s Talk,” all of which are available on the CatholicHŌM app.
Why Family Conversations Matter
Research shows that only 7% of Catholic families have meaningful conversations about faith. But faith isn’t the only thing we need to talk about. Relationships, teamwork, struggles, joys—these are the topics that knit us together.
When we create space for deeper conversations, we foster emotional connection, strengthen teamwork and mutual support, and create opportunities for faith-sharing and spiritual growth.
And there’s an added bonus: Research shows that kids who develop strong communication skills early in life tend to have healthier adult relationships, better mental and physical well-being, and more professional success. Besides helping kids acquire the skills needed for meaningful, emotionally rich conversations, family talk rituals help model for kids what good conversations look like in the light of Christian faith.
So, talk rituals are more than just “checking in.” They’re opportunities to discover one another, grow as a team, and keep your family rooted in love—God’s love and each other’s.
When to Have Talk Rituals
These conversations don’t just “happen.” You have to plan for them. That means setting aside regular times where meaningful connection can take place.
Here are some ideal opportunities:
- Family meals: Ask each person to share a high and low from their day. Where did they see God?
- Evening check-ins: After the chaos of homework and dinner, take 15 minutes to talk about how everyone’s doing and what’s coming up tomorrow.
- Weekly family meetings: Use this time to discuss family needs, upcoming events, or how you can better support one another. (See the Family Meeting Planner on the CatholicHŌM app for help on this one.)
- Car rides: Make it the expectation that devices are turned off during car rides so that family members can decompress and reconnect. (You can allow limited device use on longer trips, with parental permission.)
- One-on-one time: Individual chats help children (especially teens) open up without feeling on the spot. Sometimes, having a shared activity can help teens open up: cooking together, taking a walk, playing basketball, and so on.
Start with one simple practice and build from there. And here’s a tip to make those moments count: Keep a running list of topics you’d like to bring up. That way, when talk time rolls around, you’re not scrambling to think of what to say.
Start with What Your Kids Care About
If your child isn’t eager to talk, you’re not alone. Many parents worry their kids “just don’t like to talk.” But here’s a secret: most kids love to talk when the topic is something they care about—and they feel truly listened to.
Start by entering their world:
- Ask them to teach you about their favorite game, sport, or YouTuber.
- Even if it’s not your thing, listen with interest. Ask follow-up questions.
- Keep the conversation going over time—don’t make it a one-time “project.”
- Find an article or video related to their hobby and ask them to explain it to you.
These practices model good listening skills and establish rapport with your child, showing that you value them and their ideas. And that, in turn, lays the foundation for deeper conversation.
How Conversations Grow: The 7 Levels of Intimacy
Meaningful conversations don’t start at the deep end. Catholic author Matthew Kelly, in his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy, outlines seven levels of intimacy in relationships. In general, people grow through these levels one step at a time. Think about the level of your family conversations most of the time:
- Clichés & Pleasantries: “How are you?” “Fine.”
- Facts & Events: “I have math homework.” “We’re going to Grandma’s this weekend.”
- Opinions: Likes, dislikes, values, and what matters to each person.
- Hopes & Dreams: “I wish we could go to Hawaii.” “Someday I want to be an artist.”
- Feelings: “I felt left out today.” “I’m really excited for the sleepover!”
- Fears, Faults, and Failures: Moments of vulnerability and requests for help.
- Deepest Needs & Goals: Conversations about values, faith, purpose, and spirituality.
It’s tempting to jump straight to level seven—especially when you want to talk about faith or serious issues—but that often backfires, the Popcaks say. Instead, figure out where your family usually operates, and aim to grow just one level deeper. Keep building trust and comfort, and soon those deeper conversations will come naturally.
Establishing Talk Rituals Takes Time and Practice
Be patient with the process. It can take weeks—or even months—of consistently showing up, listening well, and building trust before your child feels ready to engage in deeper conversations. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally if a talk falls flat or your child seems disinterested. Just try again later, when the timing feels right.
When difficult topics arise—such as conflicts, disrespect, or emotional struggles—don’t focus on figuring out who is to blame or how the problem arose; people rarely agree on those facts. Besides, the most important thing is that you both agree that you want to resolve the problem and do better next time. Model a solution-focused approach: “How could we handle that better next time?” or “What could we do differently so we both feel heard?” This kind of problem-solving mindset helps children feel safe and empowered, rather than criticized.
Finally, make your expectations clear but welcoming. Let your family know when talk times will happen and what you hope to talk about, but keep the tone relaxed. The goal isn’t to “have the perfect conversation”—it’s to grow in connection, one step at a time.
Pick one talk ritual—maybe tonight’s dinner or tomorrow’s drive home—and start the habit of really talking. Your family doesn’t need to be perfect. They just need you, your love, and your willingness to connect.
If you need help along the way, remember that you can find more support on the CatholicHŌM app, where you’ll find community support and real-time coaching to help your family grow closer every day.