Do you ever feel like you’re just scuttling through life, always on the lookout for ways to protect yourself from disappointment, criticism, disaster, or failure?
We humans have an innate desire to feel safe, says Jacob Flores-Popcak, a pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com. We want to feel physically safe, of course, but we also crave a sense that, whatever life throws at us emotionally, physically, or spiritually, we’ll be able to meet—and survive—the challenge.
This desire is natural and good, but sometimes people try to secure that sense of “existential safety,” as Flores-Popcak puts it, in ways that backfire. To help clients understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy ways of coping, he asks them an amusing question: Are you living more like a hermit crab or a sea turtle?
Let’s take a closer look at what he means by that—and why it matters.
The Hermit Crab Mentality
Hermit crabs are small creatures with soft, vulnerable abdomens that protect themselves by living in discarded sea snail shells. As they grow, they must find progressively larger shells, meaning that they’re constantly on the lookout for a more suitable shell their entire lives.
Many people approach life in a similar way, Flores-Popcak says.
“We scuttle along the beach of life, searching for a shell to protect us from threats,” he says. This “shell” is a strategy or ritual that can take many different forms: obsessive behaviors, scrupulous rule-following, or withdrawing from society, for instance.
But even if we find a “shell” that calms our fear for a while, we eventually “outgrow” it and need an even bigger, more complicated behavior or habit to restore that feeling of control.
“For example, a socially anxious person might at first avoid some large gatherings to feel safe,” Flores-Popcak explains. “But over time, as the anxiety worsens, the person may widen the scope of social situations they avoid. Eventually, they may feel it is better to avoid social contact altogether.”
Similarly, someone with obsessive-compulsive tendencies might begin with small rituals, like checking the stove once before leaving the house.
“Soon,” Flores-Popcak says, “that ritual might take hours, because as the anxiety grows, the need for bigger and bigger ‘shells’ keeps growing too.”
The problem isn’t the desire for safety itself—it’s the belief that safety is something external, something we need to find or control outside of ourselves. This mindset leaves us perpetually anxious and reactive, searching for the next thing to make us feel secure.
The Freedom of the Sea Turtle
The alternative, Flores-Popcak says, is to understand that God did not make us to be hermit crabs, scuttling along the beach of life in constant search for a big enough shell.
Instead, we need to understand that God made us to be like sea turtles. Unlike the hermit crab, whose shell is external, the sea turtle’s shell is part of its body.
“Sea turtles aren’t compelled to run around in a panic, constantly looking for an adequate shell.” Flores-Popcak continues. “They sense threats, of course, but aren’t controlled by them. They can take risks. They move slowly and assuredly, knowing they’re already protected. Most importantly, their sense of safety grows with them. Likewise, our sense of safety is meant to be an integral part of who we are, not something we have to find outside ourselves. An internal grounding that leaves us open to meaningful relationships and experiences.”
Living like a sea turtle means embracing the truth that your safety comes from within. For Christians, this safety is rooted in the knowledge that God’s love and grace are always with us.
“Christ’s passion, death, and resurrection consecrated us to himself,” Popcak-Flores says. “Our safety isn’t found in external rituals or achievements—it’s found in him, dwelling within us.”
Moving Toward Emotional Safety
If you find yourself stuck in the hermit crab mentality, take heart: change is possible. The first step is to pause and ask yourself a simple question: What would I do if I already knew I was safe?
Flores-Popcak elaborates: “What would it look like for me to approach this if I already knew I was safe? How would I approach this thing I’m about to do differently if doing that thing wasn’t what made me safe, but instead I was already safe—and that safety rested within me?”
The first time you try it, you might feel uneasy because your old way feels so ingrained, he says. “That first step is always going to be the hardest, because you will be taking a risk—a gamble, as it were—on the possibility that you’re safe. You won’t believe it until after you’ve already done it.”
But, he continues, “even if you don’t fully believe it yet, imagining what it would look like to act from a place of safety – what you’d allow yourself to do if you already felt that safe feeling – can give you a vision for a different way of life.”
Start with something small, he says. “You don’t have to dive headfirst into something that feels terrifying. Take one tiny step. For instance, if you’re socially anxious, maybe you text a friend instead of avoiding contact altogether. If you’re struggling with obsessive-compulsive behaviors, try waiting a few minutes before allowing yourself to act on a ritual.”
Over time, these small risks can build confidence and reinforce the truth that your safety isn’t dependent on external circumstances.
“When you act from a place of safety, even in small ways, you start to internalize the truth that God has made you whole and capable,” Flores-Popcak says.
For those who struggle to feel this safety, seeking support can make all the difference. If you’re ready to move from anxiety and control to confidence and freedom, consider reaching out to a Catholic pastoral counselor at CatholicCounselors.com.
