Advent is a time for preparation, and with preparation, the need for change is inevitable. Sometimes these changes are bigger, sometimes these changes are smaller, but all of the changes help us to become more of the people—more of the family—that God created us to be.
Because of this, Advent is a great time to check in with our family and home lives to evaluate how we’re doing, and what we might need to do to grow closer to each other and to God.
Here are a few simple ways to do just that:
Check in with the Architect--It’s important, everyday, to sit down with your spouse and kids and ask God, the architect of your domestic church, what He wants you to be focusing on as a family. When you first wake up, before you do anything else, get everyone together briefly to pray a morning offering for your household. Say something like, “Lord, we give you our family. Help us both to be the people you want us to be for each other. Help us to look for little ways to love each other better, to serve each other better, and to understand each other better, so that we can fill each other’s hearts with your love and be better witnesses to your love in the world. AMEN” Use your own words, but keep it simple and personal. Having the home-life God wants you to have begins with asking him–everyday–what little “home improvement projects” he would like you to take on today. God has a plan for your family. Discover that plan by meeting with God each morning to ask him how you can cooperate with it.
Keep Up with the Little Projects–Some people say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” But that often translates into “Stuff everything down until I can’t take it anymore and eventually blow up.” It’s a good idea to not make proverbial mountains out of molehills, but refusing to sweat the small stuff doesn’t mean “don’t talk about anything.” Happy, godly households are created by kindly and patiently addressing all the little missteps, miscommunications, and missed opportunities while they’re still little! How can you do that effectively? Don’t fight. Don’t criticize. Just say, “Hey, when you did thus and such, it was a little frustrating. How do you think we could handle that better?” You can use this pattern for anything. Briefly describe the problem and how it made you feel, ask for their ideas on how to handle it better, then move on. Keeping up with the little projects allows you to do a little home improvement every day instead of waiting to start construction until the ceiling caves in.
Small Things Make a Big Difference–The healthiest, and happiest families make a point of consciously looking for little ways to make each other’s day easier or more pleasant. They are actively on the lookout for that chore they can help with or that thoughtful thing they can do that would lighten other family member’s load. But this doesn’t happen naturally. Everyday, model this by asking your kids what they might need from you to have a more pleasant day, but don’t stop there! Teach your children to ask you what they can do for you. At dinnertime, make a point of regularly asking, “What did someone in the family do for you that you especially appreciated today?” Then invite the kids to talk about the little things they might be struggling with at school or home and discuss how you can pull together as a team to support each other through these challenges. Take Pope Francis’ advice to families to heart and make a habit of being intentional about cultivating the kindness and caretaking that will make your house a truly grace-filled home.